Lady Davidstow"s great grey eyes grew dim.
"Ah, my dear, if you were Martin"s mother and Archie"s mother you would know," she said. "If you had seen your eldest son die of consumption and your second son threatened with it, you would understand how natural it was not to tell Archie yet of the brother he had never consciously seen.
Jack agreed with me, too. I have long been prepared for Archie asking questions, which certainly I would answer truthfully, and let the knowledge come to him quietly by degrees. I may have done wrong; I don"t know. But I think I did right. I couldn"t begin saying to Archie, "You had a brother, but he died." More would have come out; that he died of consumption; that for fear of that Archie lives so much in the open air."
"But, my dear, how will Archie begin to know unless you tell him?"
"Oh, in many ways. There is Martin"s picture, for instance, in my room.
Archie may ask who it is. Or, when he hears Martin"s name mentioned, he will ask some time who Martin was. Indeed, I have often thought it odd that he hasn"t. Only the other day Jack was talking to me about it, suggesting that it was time that Archie knew. Indeed, he rather urged me to tell him. And now, all of a sudden, we find Archie writing in Martin"s handwriting, and signing with Martin"s name."
"Shall you tell Lord Davidstow?" asked Miss Bampton.
"No, I certainly shall not. Jack hates all that approaches the neighbourhood of anything that might be called occult or spiritualistic.
He says "Pshaw," as you know, if even hypnotism is mentioned. I did tell him about Archie"s intuition in that guessing game, and, as you again know, he asked you not to play it any more, though at the same time he insisted that it was a mere guess on Archie"s part."
Cathie was silent a moment.
"And those scribbles of Archie"s?" she asked. "Do they not make it more difficult for you to tell him about Martin now? A sensitive boy like that might get it into his head that his dead brother was writing to him."
"Certainly I don"t want Archie to think that," said his mother. "No, I shall put off telling him now."
"And if he asks?" said Miss Bampton.
"I have an idea that he won"t ask."
She got up and moved about the room for a moment in silence.
"My dear, all children have got a secret life of their own," she said, "and, oh, how their mothers want to be admitted! But every young thing has a walled-up place in his heart, to which he admits n.o.body, and, if you ask to be admitted, not only is the door shut, but locked. We all had our secret places, and I make a guess that this bit of paper--by the way, mind you put it back in the school-room where Archie left it--lives in Archie"s secret place. How I long to get in, the darling! But all I can do is to wait outside, and take what he gives me. Archie doesn"t tell me everything, why should he? He didn"t tell me what it was that made him put the burning coals out of the fire on to my hearthrug."
"Probably he didn"t know."
"Something inside him knew, or else he wouldn"t have done it. All we do is accountable for by what is inside us. Impulses come from within."
"But they are suggested by what is without," said Miss Bampton.
"Yes; that"s the box on which the match is struck, but the fire is in the match. All you can do for a child, even your own child, is to suggest, and hope he"ll take your suggestions."
Miss Bampton got up.
"It"s late; I must go," she said. "But I want to ask you one thing. Do you believe in the possibility of Martin"s having made a communication to Archie?"
"Yes; I think I do. That"s why this affair has upset me so. The idea is so strange and new, that I"m frightened about it, though why I should be so I can"t tell. With my whole heart I believe that my darling is living somewhere in an existence as individual as ever, and even more vivid, because the weakness and the illness and the weariness are past. So why should I be frightened at the thought that he could communicate with Archie? Ah, my dear, if only he would communicate with me! Or with Jack!
Poor Jack, how he would scout the idea! How shocked he would be! I suppose that"s part of my secret garden which I keep from Jack!"
She held her friend a moment after kissing her.
"Jack never really got over Martin"s death," she said. "He couldn"t bring himself into line with it. It was then that it became a settled habit with him to try to forget... Just lately he has been very bad.
There, good-night, my dear; I can"t talk about it."
The whole incident affected Archie far less than it affected either his mother or his governess, and next day when he found his scribbled paper lying where he had left it the day before, it excited no further curiosity in his mind. He put the thought of it away on his shelf of secret things which had nothing to do with his ordinary normal life. In certain moods, which, after all only lasted for a moment or two, the things that shelf contained became far more real to him than any other of his experiences; but for weeks and months at a time its contents remained out of his reach, and if he shared them, as his mother had said, with n.o.body else, he had no share in them himself except at these odd, queer moments. So when, next day, he came across this curious sentence again, caught by him, as by some process of wireless telegraphy, he felt but little interest in it, though he sat for a couple of minutes with his pen held idly in his hand, just to see if anything else happened. But there was no sensation that ever so faintly resembled the twitching and yearning of his hand to write he knew not what, and he crumpled the paper up, and put it into the fire. Somewhere below the threshold of his conscious self lay the perceptions that were concerned with it, those perceptions that guessed what Miss Bampton had thought of, that somehow swam up to the surface, as he used to lie in bed of a morning, and sink into the depths that lay below the green-tinted ceiling of his room; and, while they lay dormant, it was as if they never existed.
But now for some weeks there had been no light whatever on his ceiling, and morning after morning he awoke with no sense of exhilaration at all in the coming of another day, but with a drowsy depression lying thick upon him, as he heard the rustle of the endless rain in the shrubs outside, and languidly went through those exercises that used to invigorate him but now only tired him. All through the month the damp chilly weather persisted, and day after day the same lowering heavens obscured the sun; never in this bright Suss.e.x upland had there been so continuous a succession of rain-streaked hours. The wonder of seeing the lake slowly rising till it engulfed the lower end of the lawn, and made an island of the summer-house failed to stir him, and there was no magic in the unique experience of punting across the lawn to it. Then, one morning early in December, the deluge was stayed, once more the sun slid up a cloudless sky, and the whole nature of the world was changed.
Archie had again been indoors for a couple of days, with a return of the cold that really was responsible for the burning of his mother"s hearthrug, and once more the ecstasy of living possessed him. As consolation for his imprisonment, he and Jeannie were both given a holiday, and, breakfast over, they scampered out, and once more saw their shadows racing in front of them. The game was to tread on somebody else"s shadow. Blessington"s shadow did not count because anybody could tread on that; but it required real agility to tread on Jeannie"s, for it had the nippiest way of dodging before your foot could really descend on it. So they ran in circles round Blessington, and Marco, the collie, ran in circles round them; and though it counted two to tread on Marco"s shadow (you must not hold Marco and then stamp on his shadow), no one had got nearer than a doubtful claim to have trod on his tail.
Quite suddenly Archie stopped; he had an odd, warm sensation in his mouth that required investigation. Two days ago Jeannie"s nose had bled, which Archie thought rather grand. There had been rather a fuss about it: she was laid down on the floor, and Miss Bampton put the door-key down her back, and eventually some ice was brought, and it was all quite important. But now it was not his nose that was bleeding, but his mouth.
"Oh, I say, I"m bleeding in my mouth," he said. "That"s just as good as Jeannie"s nose."
Even while he spoke he felt rather giddy, and instantly Blessington"s arm was round him.
"Eh, my dear," she said. "That"ll never do. You lean against me, and we"ll go home very quietly. You mustn"t chase any more shadders this morning."
As a matter of fact, Archie did not want to. He felt a rather enjoyable lightness in his head, but he felt weak also, and disinclined to run.
"Oh, here it is again," he said, and once more, now with a sensation of choking, he coughed up blood.
He saw Blessington"s tender, anxious face above him, exactly as it had appeared in the earliest of all his memories, and, as then, felt absolutely comfortable in the thought that she was there. Her arm was close round his neck now, and with her other hand she made a sign to Jeannie.
"Run straight back home, dear," she said, "and tell your mamma to come out here at once, and bring William. Master Archie and I are going to sit down quietly till she comes."
Archie rather enjoyed all this. He was completely in Blessington"s hands, and utterly content to be so. Then Blessington did a very odd thing.
"Well, I"m so hot with seeing you and Miss Jeannie running about," she said, "that I"m going to sit down, and wait for a bit. And you"ll wait with me, dear, won"t you? There! Put your head on my knee and lie down.
I know you"re hot with running about."
As by a conjuring trick, Archie knew that Blessington"s cloak with its collar of rabbit"s fur was tucked round him. It was rather odd to be lying with his head on Blessington"s knee out of doors in the winter, but he had no desire to question the propriety of all this, for it fitted in so well with his main desire, which was to stop still. A couple of minutes ago he had been running about at top-speed; now he had no wish except to do as he was told, to put himself into responsible hands. It was all rather dreamlike; his mother and William were coming here soon, but that seemed quite natural. And it was still rather grand to bleed at the mouth. Then came a gentle singing in his ears, a pleasant sense of complete indolence, that never quite pa.s.sed into unconsciousness, and presently it was just as natural to find himself in William"s arms. Out of a half-opened eye he saw William was in livery, for the blue and white stripes of his low waistcoat were close to him, and his cheek rested on William"s shirt-front. And then he saw that there was a bright red stain there which certainly was not part of William"s ordinary livery.
"Oh, William, I"ve messed you," he said. "I am sorry."
"That"s all right, Master Archie," said William. "It wasn"t a new shirt this morning."
Some dim reminiscence about something William had told him concerning beer-money and washing came into his head. William had beer-money or washing; he could not remember which.
"I shall pay for it anyhow," he said.
Still feeling rather dizzy, he had the impression of his own room with Blessington and his mother near him. Apparently he had been laid on the floor, for his bed looked tall beside him. Then he was not on the floor any more, but in his bed, and whether it was at once or later, he never knew, but presently there was in the room the stranger who once had made him play the pointless game of saying "ninety-nine!" Here he was again with a plug against Archie"s chest, and two other plugs in his own ears.
Archie remembered him quite distinctly: he was a doctor who didn"t give any medicine.
"Shall I say "ninety-nine"?" he asked.
"No, just think "ninety-nine," and don"t talk. If you think "ninety-nine" it will do just as well."
Archie had no desire to do anything beyond what he was told to do. He thought "ninety-nine," and the stranger smiled very kindly at him.
"That"s capital," he said. "Now just go on thinking "ninety-nine"..."
and whether he floated out of the window, or vanished like the Cheshire cat, or walked away in the ordinary manner, Archie was quite unaware.