Cate nodded. "Lachlan and Maeve believe it as well or they would not have sent me." Cate studied the statuesque woman with her aquiline nose and clear blue eyes. She was the embodiment of all Cate ever wanted to be.
"You understand they are using the future to alter the present. They are attempting something only the G.o.ddesses should do."
Cate inhaled slowly, breathed out, and then shook her head. "If the G.o.ddesses can allow men like Julius Caesar and Suetonius Paulinus to run our people through and violently tear our heritage from our breast, then surely they can give us a chance to save ourselves from certain destruction. Or are they as cruel as the Jewish G.o.d, who torments his people in order to test their faith?"
Blodwin grinned. It was not a loving or warm grin, but one of appreciation. "Well-spoken from such a thing of tender years, but insulting the G.o.ddesses will not gain you favor."
"Then it is good that I am not searching for favor. I help. It is what I do. It is my purpose here in this time. Oftimes, to be helpful one must get help. I shall go where help is offered. If you have none, then I am wasting my time; and time, I am afraid, is not an ally."
Cate started to rise, but Blodwin held out a hand to stop her. "You are as they say, but you do not realize the danger of tampering with time."
"I am always in danger, Blodwin. By my very existence on this planet, I live with death every day. I am trying to save a way of life far older than any the Greeks or Romans can even conceive of. The rules of reality, of time, must be twisted to save that which the Romans are bent on destroying. If you cannot or will not aid me in my quest, then I must go elsewhere. But to ask me to fear something I live with daily is a silly request indeed."
Blodwin bristled at this, her erect posture signaling her disapproval.
126 *127.
"The danger you seek to avoid is not directed at you."
Cate shook her head. "Not directly, no. I could live through the Roman onslaught, but I wish to do so with Maeve at my side. I"ll stop at nothing to make sure she is."
Blodwin sighed. "Your anam cara you carry within you is tangible.
It is so strong, you and your Maeve have managed to find each other throughout many, many incarnations. I find it admirable and will not turn you away empty-handed, but you must be aware that time is unforgiving. What you are doing is a dangerous thing for more than just your people."
"I am aware."
"Are you aware that it could destroy your mind? One cannot manipulate their place in time without knowing the extent of the repercussions for doing so. Are you equally aware of those?"
Cate raised an eyebrow. "What do I know not?"
Blodwin reached down and tossed a stick into the flame. "Others before you have attempted to pa.s.s from this time to another, many for reasons far better than yours. Many never returned, even more went mad. One"s soul is often not strong enough to accept so much new and incredible information, so it closes down completely." Blodwin tossed another stick into the greedy fire. "Be certain of the risks you are willing to take, Cate, and why you are taking them. There is another being across time who deserves that you truly consider the harm you might do her."
Cate sat down. She had never thought about how this was touching Jessie"s life. How unfair it was to drag this poor young girl into a time she could not possibly understand.
"I see you had not considered the person who shares your soul."
Cate shook her head. "I had not. I a.s.sumed she did not mind since she let me in."
"Are you making a.s.sumptions about her letting you in? How much do you know about this one so far in a future you could never imagine?
Do you know if she is strong? Is she strong enough, wise enough, sane enough to handle what it means to have your memories brought to life within her? You"ve made some very large a.s.sumptions, Cate, without *
128 *129.
ever considering the incredible alteration of her life and what it means to be a quester."
Cate sighed, suddenly very weary. "I hadn"t-"
Blodwin eyed her warily. "Perhaps you ought to think more about her as well. Your memories in her life could alter her world forever.
You could be entering the mind of someone wholly unprepared for the incredible task you seek to fulfill. Is it fair to do so without telling her all that is involved? Regardless of your intentions, Cate, she ought to know the risks. You can only pursue this course with integrity, or you will find yourself facing a mountain of failure."
Nodding, Cate swallowed hard. She had been so selfish. "She deserves as much, yes."
"Good. As for stopping Paulinus," Blodwin went on, "do you really believe you can stop an entire Roman legion?"
Cate shook her head. "You are a.s.suming that stopping him is my intention."
"Is it not?"
Cate shook her head again. "No, it is not. We are sure that Suetonius Paulinus makes his mark in history somehow. We want to know if we are the ones who pay the price for his fame, and if so, can we save lives and prevent him from completely destroying our way of life? We could kill him, of course, but that would accomplish little. The Romans feel the Druids are a threat to their ability to take over all of Britannia. One evil will be replaced by another; so killing the man might only put us in even greater jeopardy. Our goal is to save lives and our heritage. We wish to preserve our way with as little bloodshed as possible."
"With Paulinus"s head on a pike, if it comes to that?"
Cate shrugged. "If it comes to that, but that would only be a temporary solution to the larger issue. The Romans want Britain. They will destroy anyone trying to prevent them from having it."
Blodwin picked up a third twig and snapped it in two. Handing Cate half, Blodwin kept the other. "You are attempting to leap ahead into the person who lives in a time when no one even knows or cares about the recent past, let alone the past of their very own souls. She lives in a time when the one G.o.d has taken over many parts of the *
128 *129.
world, making so many people believe there is but one path for the soul to travel. To reach through to a person with such indoctrination, you must be completely vulnerable to her. You must allow her the opportunity to see you from within yourself. In short, you must pull her deep within you so she can know, in the deepest corners of her heart, why she is needed and what the risks are in answering your call.
Perhaps only then will you succeed in your quest."
Cate nodded. "And the risks to her? Are they the same as they are for me?"
Blodwin stared into the heart of the fire. "There are those who attempted such as you are attempting, but they did not return. Oft, they became locked, as it were, in the mind and body of the one they sought out. Other times, they became lost in the eternal void of time.
Still others simply died because their bodies did not know how to exist without the soul. There are many ways the seam of time can fold up on you, destroying any chance for return. Should that happen to you, your body in this time will be spiritless, and eventually, it will die. And yes, the same risks are involved for Jessie."
Cate inhaled deeply. "Can I keep that from happening?"
Blodwin looked at Cate for a long time before answering. "I cannot say. Just know that it has happened, and it can and will happen again." Blodwin rose and pulled her robe tightly around her. "Being vulnerable, Cate, is the only way to truly understand another being.
Open your mind and heart up to her completely, and if she recognizes what she sees, if she knows the truth about what she might be stepping into, then there is a chance you could accomplish your goal."
"And if not?"
Blodwin replaced her hood. "Then anything may happen. Go now.
If you return to the portal and do what I have told you to do, you might save the lives you risk so much for. I wish you well."
As Cate rose, Blodwin stopped suddenly and turned around.
"Cate?"
"Yes?"
"Be not so careless when next you speak of the G.o.ddesses. It is you who serve them, and not they who serve you."
130 *131.
As Blodwin disappeared into a fog, Cate sighed. If the G.o.ddesses cared, then she would be served well. If they did not, and allowed the Romans to succeed, then Cate doubted the G.o.ddesses would ever be heard from again.
When Jessie returned home, she found Rick and Reena waiting again for her in the parlor. They did not look pleased.
"What now?" Jessie sighed, sitting across from them on the new sofa they"d purchased a couple of days ago.
"We"ve had a visit from one of Daniel"s new friends" parents. They were very upset, and we can"t blame them."
"About what?"
Rick leaned forward, knees on his elbows. "They said you threatened to beat up their son."
Jessie leaned forward in the mirror image of her father. "Did they tell you why?"
"Of course they did." Rick leaned back as if punched. "How could you? He"s just a kid, Jess. Doesn"t that mean anything to you?"
"Doesn"t Daniel mean anything to you? That Chris is a troublemaker.
I just told him-"
"We know what you told him, Jessie," Reena added. "And now, you"ve reached a new low. Just when we thought you were sincere about starting fresh, you pull this."
Jessie sat up. "What, exactly, did they say?"
"They said you threatened to beat Chris up if he didn"t get you some dope."
"That"s a lie!" Jessie was on her feet instantly. "Ask Daniel! That little chickens.h.i.t has been pressuring Daniel to try dope and to find my stash so he could skim some and sell it. Ask Daniel. He"ll tell you the truth. Daniel!" She called.
Reena shook her head sadly. "Your Aunt Sally came to take him to the coast for a couple of days. We-we just can"t put him through this again."
Jessie shook her head angrily. "There is no this! I"m telling the truth!
130 *131.
That Chris kid-"
Rick held up his hand. "Save it and sit down. Your mother and I are tired of being lied to and manipulated by you, but this, this is just about the worst thing you"ve ever done. Do you have any idea the harm that you could do in a community like this one?"
"Dad, just listen-"
"Sit down!" Rick inhaled deeply and lowered his voice. "I think that"s where your mother and I have been making our mistakes with you. We"ve been listening more than parenting. Well, it"s time to parent, and you"re not going to like what that means."
Jessie hated psychobabble, but parent psychobabble was the worst.
"What more can you do to me? You"ve moved me to the boondocks, where the only kid who could possibly understand me has already been judged by you. You"re working me and Daniel to the bone every d.a.m.n day. What more do you want? What does parenting mean this time?"
Rick and Reena stared at each other before Rick slowly turned back to Jessie. "It means fulfilling the rest of the court order from California.
You have an appointment with a psychiatrist this afternoon."
Jessie sat down slowly on the couch feeling like she"d been kicked in the stomach. "I thought all that court-ordered c.r.a.p was over."
Reena shook her head. "It could have been, but after this . . . well . . . we had hoped you might like it here and learn to get along. But it"s obvious that two weeks was not long enough. We think-"
"I can"t believe this! You"re hanging this over my head like a guillotine!"
"We think it"s best, Jess, and no matter how mature you believe yourself to be, we"re the adults here, and we"re making the right decision."
Jessie"s heart banged in her chest. "I don"t want to see a shrink. I don"t need to!"
"Honey, you"ve made it clear you don"t like it here, and you won"t talk to us about it, so maybe you"ll talk to someone else."
Jessie felt dizzy. This was not at all what she had expected when she came home. "Look, this kid-"
"Jess, you need to let that go. Your actions around that little boy are *
132 *133.
symptomatic of your deeper problems."
"Symp-to-ma-tic?" Jessie slowly shook her head. "You reading Freud or something? Symptomatic of what? Drug use?"
"What we"re dealing with now is your anger about moving, and how it"s causing you to act out. And if threatening a little boy isn"t acting out, we don"t know what is."
"Wait. Have you even met Chris?"
"No. And we don"t need to."
"Honey, you don"t even deny threatening him. Don"t you see?"
"What I see is that you"re taking the word of a little a.s.shole over your own daughter."
She wanted to scream. She wanted to run down the stairs screaming like a madwoman and pulling her hair out. "Look-"
Jessie"s words died on her tongue. Suddenly, she realized that everything Del and Ceara had said to her earlier was true. No words could change her parents" opinion about who she was. Their perception was borne of her earlier deceit, her earlier facades and insincerities.
Nothing she could say would magically make them trust her. Her mistakes were all they could see. And even though she knew that little jerk Chris was lying, her past made that impossible to prove. Suspicious of everything she was and everything she did, they no longer trusted her around the one thing she loved most in the world: Daniel.
If she hadn"t wanted to cry so badly, she would have laughed. In trying to protect Daniel, she had driven him away, and returned her parents" well-fed paranoia to its proper place. Could her life get any more ironic?