"But we could not see that, and in turn accused her of lightness and coquetry, of playing off one against the other, and thought bitterly of much that was kindly, true, and well meant.
"As may be supposed, each feelings bore bitter fruit. John Ross accused me of treachery, and sowing dissension, ending by desiring, with threats, that I should go to the Lees no more; while I, just as angry, declared that unless forbidden by Jenny, I should go there as frequently as I desired.
"We came to blows. It was during dinner hour, and the wheel was stopped; we had been talking by the dam side, and at last, when in his anger he had struck me, I had furiously returned the blow; then more pa.s.sed, and after a sharp struggle, I shook myself free, when, unable to save himself, John Ross fell heavily into the deep water, and plunged out of sight for a few moments. But there was no danger, for as he came up he was within reach, and he seized my outstretched hand, and I helped him out, my anger gone, and ready to laugh at him, as he stood there pale and dripping.
""I shan"t forget this," he said, shaking his fist in my face.
""Pooh! nonsense, man!" I exclaimed, catching the threatening hand in both mine. "Let bygones be bygones, and make friends." But s.n.a.t.c.hing his hand away, he dashed in amongst the trees, and in a few moments was out of sight.
"I did not go up to the Lees that night, but the next evening upon walking up after work-hours, I found John Ross there; and that on all sides I was received with a studied coldness. The old people were quite gruff, and their daughter only replied quietly to my questions. I soon found that my presence acted as a restraint upon the party, and with a reproachful look at Jenny I rose to go.
"I did not see the tears that rose to Jenny"s eyes as I left; for I was meeting the triumphant looks of John Ross, and trying to smother down the bitterness that rose in my breast.
""He must have been poisoning them against me," I muttered, as I took my solitary way towards the town. "I wonder what he has said!" then I began to think of how I had come between him and his happiness, and accused myself of selfishness, and at last reached my lodgings determined to fight down my disappointment, and to try to forget it in work.
"I fought hard, and it would be beyond words to tell the misery of my solitary heart as I kept steadfastly from the Lees, working early and late to drive away my thoughts, and too much taken up with my own affairs to observe the strange, sullen way in which I was treated by the other men in the wheel. I did notice John Ross"s scowls; but knowing their cause, I did not pay much heed to them, telling myself that I was serving him to the best of my ability, and that if he knew all I suffered, he would only be too glad to offer me the hand of good fellowship.
""He"ll find it out for himself some day," I said, with a sigh, and went on with my work.
"Of course you know what I mean by the wheel-bands, doctor? You know that to every grindstone there are endless leathern straps, to connect them with the main shafts set in motion by the water-wheel; and by means of these connections each man"s stone is made to revolve. As a matter of course, if these bands were removed, a man"s grindstone would be motionless, and work impossible; and though such acts were common enough in some wheels, nothing of the kind had taken place on our stream, so that I was perfectly astounded one morning upon going to work to find that my bands had been cut.
"I took it to be meant as a joke, so, though much annoyed, I merely set to, and looking as good-humoured as possible, repaired my bands after a rough fashion, so that, saving one or two breaks down, I managed to get a pretty good day"s work done.
"There was plenty of bantering going on, not of a pleasant, jovial kind, but of a sneering, harsh nature, and I went home that night disheartened and put out. I did not give John Ross the credit of the trick, as being too small; and I began to hope, too, that he saw me in my right light.
But there was another stab for me that night, for pa.s.sing along one of the streets whom should I meet but John himself, walking by the side of Jenny Lee and her mother.
"Jenny gazed hard at me, for I moved to her as I pa.s.sed; but it seemed to me that she only looked on my salute with contempt, and I pa.s.sed on feeling more bitter than ever.
"The next morning on going to work my bands were gone, and the only reply to my inquiries was a hoa.r.s.e kind of laughter mingled with jeers.
I could see now plainly enough that, probably incited by John Ross, the men intended to make my life so unpleasant at the wheel that I should be glad to seek for work elsewhere.
""Don"t want no such independent men here," shouted somebody, and several other remarks were made of a like nature.
""I can give way when I"m in the wrong, John Ross," I muttered to myself; "but if you"re at the bottom of this, I intend to show you that mine is consistency of behaviour and not cowardice." So, quietly leaving the wheel, I took no heed of the laughter and jeers of the men, but went back to the town, bought new bands, and, to the surprise of those who had thought me driven away, went on with my work as though nothing had happened.
""I should take them bands home t"-night, lad," said one, jeeringly.
""Ay, they wean"t be safe here," said another.
"But I let them banter away, though I took care that my new bands should not be stolen, rolling them up and carrying them away with me every night when I left off work.
"This only served to increase the animosity of the men, and sneers and sullen looks were hurled at me from morn till night, till at times I began to ask myself whether it would not be wiser to seek elsewhere for work. But I always came to one conclusion--that I was in the right, and that it would be miserable cowardice on my part to give up.
"So I kept on suffering in silence every insult and annoyance, such as, to their disgrace be it said, some working men are only too ready to heap upon any fellow-toiler who has had the misfortune to make himself obnoxious.
"And so matters went on till one morning, when, pa.s.sing a number of lowering faces, I made my way to my seat, slipped on my bands, and then, not noticing that the others were lingering about against door and window, took up the first of the knife-blades I had to grind, and applied it to the stone. There was the sharp "chirring" noise, the sparks darted away from beneath the blade, and then there was a sharp blinding flash, a dull report, and I felt myself dashed back, scorched, half stunned, and helpless, but still sensible enough to know that some cowardly hand had placed a quant.i.ty of gunpowder where the sparks from my stone would fly--a cruel unmanly trick that was not new in those days--and as I lay there and groaned, I believe it was as much from agony of mind as of body; for it seemed so mean, so despicable, that it was hard to believe that men living in a Christian country could be guilty of such an act.
"But there were some there who did not sympathise with the outrage; and three or four lifted me up, and would have taken me to the infirmary, but I begged them to bear me to my lodgings, and then fetch a doctor, and they brought you.
""I"d tell "ee, lad, who put in the poother," said one of them, whispering in my ear, "but I darn"t."
""I don"t want to know, Jack Burkin," I groaned, as I lay there in the dark, "I"d rather not hear;" and as I spoke, my heart seemed to tell me who was my enemy.
""I wish the poor girl might have chosen a better husband," I said to myself that night, as I lay there sleepless from pain, when you had done what you could for me, and I lay waiting for the day. Not that I could see it, for all was blank to me now; and as I thought, I pictured myself as I felt I should be in the future--a tall, stout man, with vacant eyes and a seamed and scarred face: for I knew that I was fearfully scorched, and that hair, eyebrows, and lashes were burned off, and my face terribly disfigured.
"It was a bitter time that, but though the pain was still most keen, I laughed at it after the first four-and-twenty hours, glorying in and blessing the day that had laid me helpless there; and I"ll tell you the reason why.
"John Ross had overshot the mark, while I had been blinder than I was at the present time, when a happy light darted into my understanding, and I learnt that I was not to be the solitary man I had expected.
"I was lying in pain and bitterness on the afternoon after the accident, all in darkness. You remember you had been to dress my blackened face and hands once more, but you did not give me much comfort when I asked you about my sight.
""Remember" I said, "I told you to be hopeful, for I was in great doubt."
""And what was I to do when blind?" I asked myself. Certainly, I had saved up a little money, but I knew that would not last long, and that it would be sunken by the doctor"s bill.
""Pity I did not go into the infirmary," I groaned, and then I felt ready to eat my words, for a sweet little sad voice, that made my heart leap, said, "May I come in?"
"I could not have answered to have saved my life, but only groan and try to turn away my face, lest she should see it--my blackened and scarred face, disfigured with cotton-wool and dressing, my head with every sc.r.a.p of hair scorched off--and, had I been able, I should have tried to hide it with my hands, but they too, with my arms, were burned and bandaged, and I could only slightly turn my head and groan, as I thought of my past manly looks, and trembled to be seen by the bright-faced girl who had first made my heart to beat more swiftly.
""May I come in?" was repeated again, but still I could not answer; and then there was the light sound of a step crossing the chamber floor, a rustle by the bedside, and I heard some one go down upon her knees, and felt two little gentle hands laid upon one of my arms, and a sweet little voice sobbing, "Oh, Harry! oh, Harry! that it should come to this!"
"Speak? I could not speak; and as to pain, I believe, with the exultation then in my heart, I could have borne the keenest pangs that ever fell to the lot of man.
"She did not love John Ross, then, and never had, or she would not have come to me thus to lay bare the secret of her pure young heart. Had I been well and strong, and had the sense to have followed up the opportunity once given, she would have been quiet and retiring; but now, in this perilous time--for I learnt after that I was in danger, and that this was known--Jenny had come to my bedside, like some ministering angel, to tend and comfort me.
"I could speak at last though, even if it was but in a whisper; and in those long hours, as she sat by my bed, all reserve was cast aside; and, speaking as one who only looked upon things as they might have been, I told her how I loved her, and how I had kept away, believing that she would be happier with John Ross.
"I learnt now of his pettiness, of the way in which he had defamed me; but let that pa.s.s. I could forgive him all since I learned that he had never gained entrance to the little heart beating by my side. I learned, too, of Jenny"s suspicions, aroused by a purchase she had seen the young man make, at a shop in the town, one day when she was not perceived; but I would not have the thought harboured, for I bore him no malice then. And at last I groaned again, and the weak tears forced themselves into my poor smarting eyes as the thought would come of what might have been, and of how I must not indulge in such ideas now, binding the fresh young girl by my side to a scarred and blinded man. I knew that I must be hideous to look upon, but in my ignorance I knew not the heart placed by G.o.d in a true woman"s breast, and I could only groan again as I felt a little soft cheek laid to mine, cruelly burned as it was, and the tender sympathising voice ask me if I was in much pain.
""Only of the heart, Jenny," I whispered, "as I think of what I might have been."
"And then her sobbing question, as she asked me not to think it unmaidenly and bold of her to come to me, and to talk as she had done.
"What could I say, but ask G.o.d"s blessing upon her head as her little light step crossed the floor? And then the brightness seemed to have gone, and all was once more dark.
"Day after day she was at my side, to read to me gentle words of hope and resignation; and when, more than once, I spoke of my altered looks, my scarred face and sightless eyes, telling her how it cut me to the heart to say it, but that all this must end, for I should not be acting as a man if I bound her to such a wreck, spoiling her fair young life, did she not tell me she could love me better than if I had been as I was before, begging me not to send her away, lest I should break her heart?
"And it was almost in happiness that day that I lay there, very weak and helpless. You remember when I had been delirious, and very nigh unto death. The light still burned, but the oil was low and the flame danced and flickered so that at any moment it might expire. In the days of my strength I had looked upon death with horror, trembling almost at the name; but now, quite sensible as I lay there, as I thought, waiting for its coming, it was with a strange calm feeling of resignation. There was no dread; I only felt happy and at ease, for those pure little lips at my side had hour after hour offered up prayers in my behalf to where prayers are heard, and with the sincere hope of forgiveness for what I had done amiss, I lay waiting till my eyes should close in the last long sleep. I was sorry, and yet glad, for I felt that it would be cruel to poor Jenny to get well; and though I knew her true heart and her love for me, what was there in the future for her if she took to her heart a husband who was blind and maimed?
"And then the flame grew stronger, ceasing to flicker, and burning with a faint but steady flame--a flame that brightened day by day, and hope would come back, whispered as it was in my too willing ears.
"Then, too, there came a day when there was, as it were, a pale dawn before my eyes--a dawn which took months before it fully broke into day; when after a good long look at my altered face, I took the stick I had not yet been able to lay aside, and one bright afternoon in early spring made my way up to the Lees, to find the old folks out, but Jenny at home.
"And we talked long and earnestly that day, for I had made up my mind to be a man. I knew that I should always be plain, almost to distortion, and I told myself that it was my duty to offer once more to set her free.
"Jenny had been weeping silently for some time, when, turning to me, she said, gently. "Don"t think me irreverent, Harry, but do you remember how G.o.d chose David to be king over his people?"
"I nodded, for my heart seemed swelled unto bursting, and I could not speak.