"And if you had not," replied he, "I "d not have forgiven you till the day of my death. Next to a legacy, a good laugh is the best thing I know; indeed, sometimes it is better, for you can"t be choused out of it by your lawyer."
"Laughing is a very excellent practice, no doubt, but I looked for some advice-----"
"Advice! to be sure, my boy; and so you shall have it. Only give me a good training canter of a hearty laugh, and you "ll see what running I" ll make, when it comes to sound discretion afterwards. The fun of a man"s temperament is like the froth on your champagne; while it gives a zest to the liquor of life by its lightness and its sparkle, it neither detracts from the flavour nor the strength of the beverage. At the same time, when I begin to froth up, don"t expect me to sober down before twenty-four hours. So take your hat, come along into town, and thank your stars that you have been able to delight the heart of a man who"s trying to get a bill discounted. Now hear me, Jack," said he, as we descended the stairs; "if you expect me to conduct myself with becoming gravity and decorum, you had better avoid any mention of the Rooneys for the rest of the day. And now to business!"
As we proceeded down Dame Street my friend scientifically explained to me the various modes there were of obtaining money on loan.
"I don"t speak," said he, "of those cases where a man has landed security, or property of one kind or other, or even expectations, because all these are easy--the mere rule of three in financial arithmetic What I mean are the decimal fractions of a man"s difficulties, when, with as many writs against him as would make a carpet for his bedroom, he can still go out with an empty pocket in the morning and come back with it furnished at night. And now to begin. The maxims of the sporting world are singularly applicable to the practice before us. You"re told that before you enter a preserve your first duty is to see that your gun is properly loaded--all the better if it be a double-barrelled one. Now, look here"--as he spoke he drew from his sabretache five bills for one hundred pounds each; "you see I am similarly prepared. The game may get up at any moment, and not find me at half-c.o.c.k; and although I only go out for a single bird--that is, but one hundred, yet, if by good-luck I flush a covey, you see I am ready for them all. The doctrine of chances shows us that five to one is better than an even bet; so, by scattering these five bills in different directions, the odds are exactly so many in my favour that I raise a hundred somewhere." "And now," said I, "where does the game lie?"
"I"m coming to that, Jack. Your rich preserves are all about the neighbourhood of Clare Street, Park Street, Merrion Street, and that direction. With them, alas! I have nothing to do. My broad acres have long since taken wings to themselves; and I fear a mortgage upon Mount O"Grady, as it at present exists, would be a poor remedy for an empty pocket. The rich money-lenders despise poor devils like me; they love not contingencies; and, as Macbeth says, "They have no speculation in their eyes." For them, my dear Jack, you must have messuages and tenements, and outhouses, townlands, and turbaries; corn, cattle, and cottages; pigs, potatoes, and peasantry. They love to let their eyes range over a rich and swelling scene of woodland and prairie; for they are the landscape-gardeners of usury--they are the Hobbimas and Berghems of the law.
"Others again, of smaller range and humbler practice, there are, to whom, upon occasion, you a.s.sign your grandfather"s plate and the pictures of your grand-aunts for certain monied conveniences you stand in need of. These are a kind of Brobdingnag p.a.w.nbrokers, who have fine houses, the furniture of which is everlastingly changing, each creditor sending his representative, like a minister to a foreign court; with them, also, I have nothing to do. The family have had so little to eat for the last two generations that they trouble themselves but slightly on the score of silver dishes; and as to pictures, I possess but one in the world--a portrait of my father in his wig and robes. This, independent of other reasons, I couldn"t part with, as it is one of the only means I possess of controlling Corny when his temper becomes more than usually untractable. Upon these occasions, I hang up the "jidge"
over the chimney-piece, and the talisman has never failed yet.
"Now, Jack, my const.i.tuency live about fleet Street, and those small, obscure, dingy-looking pa.s.sages that branch from it on either side. Here live a cla.s.s of men who, having begun life as our servants or valets, are in perfect possession of all our habits of life, our wants, and our necessities. Having ama.s.sed enough by retail robbery of us while in our service, to establish some petty tavern, or some low livery-stable, they end by cheating us wholesale, for the loan of our own money, at their rate of interest. Well aware that, however deferred, we must pay eventually, they are satisfied--good, easy souls!--to renew and renew bills, whose current percentage varies from five-and-twenty to forty.
And even, notwithstanding all this, Jack, they are difficult devils to deal with, any appearance of being hard up, any show of being out-at-elbows, rendering a negotiation as difficult as the a.s.surance of a condemned ship for a China voyage. No, my boy; though your house be besieged by duns, though in every pa.s.senger you see a bailiff, and never nap after dinner without dreaming of the Marshalsea, yet still, the very moment you cross the precincts of their dwelling, you must put your care where your cash ought to be--in your pocket. You must wear the easy smile of a happy conscience, and talk of your want of a few hundreds as though it were a question of a pinch of snuff, or a gla.s.s of brandy-and-water, while you agree to the exorbitant demands they exact, with the careless indifference of one to whom money is no object, rather than with the despair of a wretch who looks for no benefit in life save in the act for insolvent debtors. This you "ll say is a great bore, and so I once thought too; now, however, I have got somewhat used to it, and sometimes don"t actually dislike the fun. Why, man, I have been at it for three months at a time. I remember when I never blew my nose without pulling out a writ along with my pocket-handkerchief, and I never was in better spirits in all my life. But here we are. This is Bill f.a.gan"s, a well-known drysalter; you"ll have to wait for me in the front parlour for a moment while I negotiate with Billy."
Elbowing our way through a squalid and miserable-looking throng of people that filled the narrow hall of a house in fleet Street, we forced on till we reached an inner door in which a sliding panel permitted those within to communicate with others on the outside. Tapping at this with his cane, O"Grady called out something which I could not catch, the panel at once flew back, a red carbuncled face appeared at the opening, the owner of which, with a grin of very peculiar signification, exclaimed--" Ah, it"s yourself, Captain? Walk in, sir." With these words the door was opened, and we were admitted into the inner hall. This was also crowded, but with a different cla.s.s from what I had seen without.
These were apparently men in business, shopkeepers and traders, who, reduced by some momentary pressure, to effect a loan, were content to prop up their tottering credit by sapping the very core of their prosperity. Unlike the others, on whom habitual poverty and daily misery had stamped its heavy impress, and whose faces too, inured to suffering, betrayed no shame at being seen--these, on the contrary, looked downward or aside; seemed impatient, fretful, and peevish, and indicated in a hundred ways how unused they were to exigencies of this nature, muttering to themselves in angry mood at being detained, and feigning a resolution to depart at every moment. O"Grady, after a conference of a few moments with the rubicund Cerberus I have mentioned, beckoned to me to follow him. We proceeded accordingly up a narrow creaking stair, into a kind of front drawing-room, in which about a dozen persons were seated, or listlessly lounging in every imaginable att.i.tude--some on chairs, some on the window-sills, some on the tables, and one even on the mantel-piece, with his legs gracefully dangling in front of the fire. Perfectly distinct from the other two cla.s.ses I have mentioned, these were all young men whose dress, look, and bearing bespoke them of rank and condition. Chatting away gaily, laughing, joking, and telling good stories, they seemed but little to care for the circ.u.mstances which brought them there; and, while they quizzed one another about their various debts and difficulties, seemed to think want of money as about the very best joke a gentleman could laugh at. By all of these O"Grady was welcomed with a burst of applause, as they eagerly pressed forward to shake hands with him.
"I say, O"Grady," cried one, "we muster strong this morning. I hope f.a.gan"s bank will stand the run on it. What "s your figure?"
"Oh, a couple of hundred," said Phil carelessly; "I have got rather a heavy book on the steeplechase."
"So I hear," said another; "and they say Ulick Burke won"t ride for you. He knows no one can sit the horse but himself; and Maher, the story goes, has given him a hundred and fifty to leave you in the lurch!"
"How good!" said Phil, smiling; for although this intelligence came upon him thus suddenly, he never evinced the slightest surprise nor the most trifling irritation.
"You"ll pay forfeit, of course, Phil," said the gentleman on the chimney.
"I fancy not."
"Then will you take two fifties to one, against your horse?"
"Will you give it?" was the cool reply. "Yes."
"And I--and I also," said different voices round the room.
"Agreed, gentlemen, with all of you. So, if you please, we "ll book this. Jack, have you got a pencil?"
[Ill.u.s.tration: 202]
As I drew forth my pocket-book I could not help whispering to O"Grady that there seemed something like a coalition among his opponents. Before I could conclude, the red face appeared at the door. O"Grady hastily muttered, "Wait for me here," and left the room.
During his absence I had abundant time to study those about me. Indeed, a perfect sameness in their characters as in their pursuits rendered it an easy process; for as with unguarded frankness they spoke of their several difficulties, their stories presented one uniform feature-reckless expenditure and wasteful extravagance, with limited means and enc.u.mbered fortunes. They had pa.s.sed through every phase of borrowing, every mode of raising money, and were now reduced to the last rung of the ladder of expediency, to become the prey of the usurer, who meted out to them a few more months of extravagance at the cost of many a future year of sorrow and repining.
I was beginning to grow impatient as the door gently opened, and I saw my friend, as he emerged from the back drawing-room. Without losing a moment"s time I joined him. We descended the stairs together, and walked out into the street.
"Are you fond of pickled herrings, Jack?" said O"Grady, as he took my arm.
"Pickled herrings! Why, what do you mean?"
"Probably," resumed he, in the same dry tone of voice, "you prefer ash bark, or asafetida?"
"Why, I can"t say."
"Ah, my boy, you "re difficult to please, then. What do you say to whale oil and Welsh wigs?"
"Confound me if I understand you!"
"Nothing more easy after all, for of each of these commodities I "m now a possessor to the amount of some two hundred and twenty pounds. You look surprised, but such is the nature of our transactions here; and for my bill of five hundred, payable in six months, I have become a general merchant to the extent I"ve told you, not to mention paying eighty more for a certain gig and horse, popularly known in this city as the discount dennet. This," continued he with a sigh, "is about the tenth time I"ve been the owner of that vile conveyance; for you must know whenever f.a.gan advances a good round sum he always insists upon something of this kind forming part of it, and thus, according to the figure of your loan, you may drive from his door in anything, from a wheel-barrow to a stage-coach. As for the discount dennet, it is as well known as the black-cart that conveys the prisoners to Newgate, and the reputation of him who travels in either is pretty much on a par. From the crank of the rusty springs, to the limping amble of the malicious old black beast in the shafts, the whole thing has a look of beggary about it. Every jingle of the ragged harness seems to whisper in your ear, "Fifty per cent."; and drive which way you will, it is impossible to get free of the notion that you"re not trotting along the road to ruin. To have been seen in it once is as though you had figured in the pillory, and the very fact of its being in your possession is a blow of a battering-ram to your credit for ever!"
[Ill.u.s.tration: 205]
"But why venture into it? If you must have it, let it be like the pickled herrings and the paving-stones--so much of pure loss."
"The fact is, Jack, it is generally pa.s.sed off on a young hand, the first time he raises money. He knows little of the town, less of its secret practices, and not until he has furnished a hearty laugh to all his acquaintances does he discover the blunder he has committed.
Besides, sometimes you"re hard up for something to carry you about.
I remember once keeping it an entire winter, and as I painted Lat.i.tat a good piebald, and had his legs whitewashed every morning, few recognised him, except such as had paid for their acquaintance. After this account, probably, you"ll not like to drive with me; but as I am going to Loughrea for the races, I "ve determined to take the dennet down, and try if I can"t find a purchaser among the country gentlemen. And now let"s think of dinner. What do you say to a cutlet at the club, and perhaps we shall strike out something there to finish our evening?"
CHAPTER XVII. AN EVENING IN TOWN
We dined at the club-house, and sat chatting over our wine till near ten o"clock. The events of the morning were our princ.i.p.al topics; for although I longed myself to turn the conversation to the Rooneys, I was deterred from doing so by the fear of another outbreak of O"Grady"s mirth. Meanwhile the time rolled on, and rapidly too, for my companion, with an earnestness of manner and a force of expression I little knew he possessed, detailed to me many anecdotes of his own early career. From these I could glean that while O"Grady suffered himself to be borne along the current of dissipation and excess, yet in his heart he hated the life he led, and, when a moment of reflection came, felt sorrow for the past, and but little hope for the future.
"Yes, Jack," said he, on concluding a narrative of continual family misfortune, "there would seem a destiny in things; and if we look about us in the world we cannot fail to see that families, like individuals, have their budding spring of youth and hope, their manhood of pride and power, and their old age of feebleness and decay. As for myself, I am about the last branch of an old tree, and all my endeavour has been, to seem green and cheerful to the last. My debts have hung about my neck all through life; the extravagances of my early years have sat like a millstone upon me; and I who began the world with a heart brimful of hope, and a soul bounding with ambition, have lingered on my path like a truant schoolboy. And here I am, at the age of three-and-thirty, without having realised a single promise of my boyhood, the poorest of all imaginable things--a gentleman without fortune, a soldier without service, a man of energy without hope."
"But why, Phil," said I, "how comes it that you never went out to the Peninsula?"
"Alas, my boy! from year to year I have gone on expecting my gazette to a regiment on service. Too poor to purchase, too proud to solicit, I have waited in anxious expectancy from some of those with whom, high as was their station, I"ve lived on terms of intimacy and friendship, that notice they extended to others less known than I was; but somehow the temperament that would seem to const.i.tute my happiness, has proved my bane, and those qualities which have made me a boon companion, have left me a beggar. Handed over from one viceroy to another, like a state trumpeter or a b.u.t.t of sherry, I have been left to linger out my best years a kind of court-jester; my only reward being, the hour of merriment over, that they who laughed with, should laugh at me."
There was a tone of almost ferocity in the way he spoke these words; while the trembling lip, the flashing eye, and the swollen veins of his temple betrayed that the very bitterest of all human emotions--self-scorn--was racking his heart within him.
For some time we were both silent. Had I even known what to say at such a moment, there was that comfortless expression about his face, that look of riveted despair, which would have rendered any effort on my part to console him a vain and presumptuous folly.
"But come, Jack," said he, filling his gla.s.s and pushing over the decanter to me, "I have learned to put little faith in patrons; and although the information has been long in acquiring, still it has come at last, and I am determined to profit by it. I am now endeavouring to raise a little money to pay off the most pressing of my creditors, and have made an application to the Horse Guards to be appointed to any regiment on service, wherever it may be. If both these succeed, and it is necessary both should, then, Jack, I "ll try a new path, and even though it lead to nothing, yet, at least, it will be a more manly one to follow. And if I am to linger on to that period of life when to look back is nearly all that"s left us--why, then, the retrospect will be less dashed with shame than with such a career as this is. Meanwhile, my boy, the decanter is with you, so fill your gla.s.s; I "ll join you presently."
As he spoke, O"Grady sprang up and walked to the other end of the room, where a party of some half-dozen persons were engaged in putting on greatcoats, and b.u.t.toning up previous to departure. In an instant I could hear his voice high above the rest--that cheerful ringing tone that seemed the very tocsin of a happy heart--while at some observation he made, the whole party around him were convulsed with laughter. In the midst of all this he drew one of them aside, and conversing eagerly with him for a few seconds, pointed to me as he spoke.
"Thank you, my lord, thank you," said he, as he turned away. "I"ll be answerable for my friend. Now, Hinton," whispered he, as he leaned his hand upon my shoulder and bent over me, "we "re in luck to-night, at all events, for I have just got permission to bring you with me where I am to spend the evening. It"s no small favour if you knew but all; so finish your wine, for my friends there are moving already."
All my endeavours to ascertain where we were going, or to whose house, were in vain; the only thing I could learn was, that my admission was a prodigious favour--while to satisfy my scruples about dress he informed me that no change of costume was necessary.
"I perceive," said O"Grady, as he drew the curtain and looked out into the street, "the night is fine and starlight; so what say you if we walk? I must tell you, however, our place of rendezvous is somewhat distant."
Agreeing to the proposition with pleasure, I took his arm, and we sallied forth together. Our way led at first through a most crowded and frequented part of the capital We traversed Dame Street, pa.s.sed by the Castle, and ascended a steep street beyond it; after this we took a turning to the left, and entered a part of the city, to me at least, utterly unknown. For about half an hour we continued to wander on, now to the right, now to the left, the streets becoming gradually narrower, less frequented, and less lighted; the shops were all closed, and few persons stirred in the remote thoroughfares.