The redness of her cheek grew deeper, and her confusion increased to a painful extent, as, taking my hand in hers, she said in a low, soft voice--
"I have been very, very foolish; but you will promise me never to remember--at least never to act upon--the----"
The words became fainter and fainter as she spoke, and at last died away inaudibly; and suddenly there shot across my mind the pa.s.sage in O"Grady"s letter. The doubt once suggested, gained strength at every moment: she loved De Vere. I will not attempt to convey the conflicting storm of pa.s.sion this thought stirred up within me.
I turned towards her. Her head was thrown gently back, and her deep-blue l.u.s.trous eyes were fixed on me as if waiting my reply. A tear rolled heavily along her cheek; it was the first I ever saw her shed. Pressing her hand to my lips, I muttered the words, "Trust me, Julia," and left the room. "Sir George wishes to see you, sir, in his own room," said a servant, as I stood stunned and overcome by the discovery I had made of my cousin"s affection. I had no time given me for further reflection as I followed the man to my father"s room.
"Sit down, Jack," said my father, as he turned the key in the door. "I wish to talk to you alone here. I have been with the duke this morning; a little explanation has satisfied him that your conduct was perfectly irreproachable in Ireland. He writes by this post to the viceroy to make the whole thing clear, and indeed he offered to reinstate you at once--which I refused, however. Now to something graver still, my boy, and which I wish I could spare you; but it cannot be."
As he spoke these words he leaned his head in both his hands, and was silent. A confused, imperfect sense of some impending bad news almost stupefied me, and I waited without speaking. When my father lifted up his head his face was pale and care-worn, and an expression such as long illness leaves had usurped the strong and manly character of his countenance.
"Come, my boy, I must not keep you longer in suspense. Fortune has dealt hardly with me since we parted. Jack, I am a beggar!"
A convulsive gulp and a rattling sound in the throat followed the words, and for a second or two his fixed looks and purple colour made me fear a fit was approaching. But in a few minutes he recovered his calmness, and proceeded, still with a broken and tremulous voice, to relate the circ.u.mstances of his altered fortune.
It appeared that many British officers of high rank had involved themselves deeply in a loan to the Spanish Government, under the faith of speedy repayment. The varying chances of the Peninsular struggle had given this loan all the character of a gambling speculation, the skill in which consisted in the antic.i.p.ation of the result of the war we were then engaged in. My father"s sanguine hopes of ultimate success induced him to enter deeply into the speculation, from which, having once engaged, there was no retreat. Thousand after thousand followed, to secure the sum already advanced; and at last, hard pressed by the increasing demands for money, and confident that the first turn of fortune would lead to repayment, he had made use of the greater part of my cousin Julia"s fortune, whose guardian he was, and in whose hands this trust-money had been left My cousin would come of age in about four months, at which time she would be eighteen; and then, if the money were not forthcoming, the consequences were utter ruin, with the terrific blow of blasted character and reputation.
There was a sum of ten thousand pounds settled on me by my grandfather, which I at once offered to place at his disposal.
"Alas, my poor fellow! I have advanced already upwards of thirty thousand of Julia"s fortune! No, no, Jack, I have thought much over the matter; there is but one way of escaping from this difficulty. By disposing of these bonds at considerable loss, I shall be enabled to pay Julia"s money. This will leave us little better than above actual want; still, it must be done. I shall solicit a command abroad; they"ll not refuse me, I know. Lady Charlotte must retire to Bath, or some quiet place, which in my absence will appear less remarkable. Strict economy and time will do much. And as to yourself, I know that having once learned what you have to look to I shall have no cause of complaint on your score; the duke has promised to take care of you. And now my heart is lighter than it has been for some months past."
Before my father had ceased speaking the shock of his news had gradually subsided with me, and I was fully intent on the details by which he hoped to escape his embarra.s.sments. My mother was my first thought. Lady Charlotte, I knew, could never encounter her changed condition; she was certain to sink under the very shock of it. My father, however, supposed that she need not be told its full extent; that, by management, the circ.u.mstances should be gradually made known to her; and he hoped, too, that her interest in her husband and son, both absent from her, would withdraw her thoughts in great measure from the routine of fashionable life, and fix them in a channel more homely and domestic.
"Besides," added he, with more animation of voice, "they may offer me some military appointment in the colonies, where she could accompany me; and this will prevent an exposure. And, after all, Jack, there is nothing else for it." As he said this he fixed his eyes on me, as though rather asking than answering the question.
Not knowing what to reply, I was silent.
"You were fond of Julia, as a boy," said he carelessly.
The blood rushed to my cheek, as I answered, "Yes, sir; but--but----"
"But you have outgrown that?" added he, with a smile.
"Not so much, sir, as that she has forgotten me. In fact, I believe we are excellent cousins."
"And it is not now, my dear boy, I would endeavour to make you more to each other. What is not a union of inclination shall never be one of sordid interest. Besides, Jack, why should we not take the field together? The very thought of it makes me feel young enough!"
I saw his lip quiver as he spoke; and unable to bear more, I wrung his hand warmly, and hurried away.
CHAPTER XLIX. THE HORSE GUARDS
I will not say that my reverse of fortune did not depress me; indeed, the first blow fell heavily; but that once past, a number of opposing motives rallied my courage and nerved my heart. My father, I knew, relied on me in this crisis to support his own strength. I had learned to care less for extravagant habits and expensive tastes, by living among those who accorded them little sympathy and less respect. Besides, if my changed career excluded me from the race of fashion, it opened the brilliant path of a soldier"s life before me; and now every hour seemed an age, until I should find myself among the gallant fellows who were winning their laurels in the battlefields of the Peninsula.
According to the duke"s appointment of the preceding evening I found myself, at ten o"clock punctually, awaiting my turn to be introduced, in the ante-chamber of the Horse Guards. The room was crowded with officers in full dress. Some old white-haired generals of division had been coming daily for years past to solicit commands, their fitness for which lay only in their own doting imaginations; some, broken by sickness and crippled with wounds, were seeking colonial appointments they never could live to reach; hale and stout men in the prime of life were there also, entreating exchanges which should accommodate their wives and daughters, who preferred Bath or Cheltenham to the banks of the Tagus or the snows of Canada. Among these, however, were many fine soldierlike fellows, whose only request was to be sent where hard knocks were going, careless of the climate and regardless of the cause. Another cla.s.s were thinly sprinkled around--young officers of the staff, many of them delicate, effeminate-looking figures, herding scrupulously together, and never condescending, by word or look, to acknowledge their brethren about them. In this knot De Vere was conspicuous by the loud tone of his voice and the continued t.i.tter of his unmeaning laugh. I have already mentioned the consummate ease with which he could apparently forget all unpleasant recollections, and accost the man whom he should have blushed to meet. Now he exhibited this power in perfection; saluting me across the room with a familiar motion of his hand, he called out--
"Ah, Hinton, you here, too? Sick of Ireland; I knew it would come to that. Looking for something near town?"
A cold negative, and a colder bow, was my only answer.
Nothing abashed by this--indeed, to all seeming, quite indifferent to it he continued--
"Bad style of thing, Dublin; couldn"t stand those con-founded talkers, with their old jokes from circuit. _You_ were horribly bored, too; I saw it."
"I beg, my lord," said I, in a tone of seriousness, the best exchange I could a.s.sume for the deep annoyance I felt--"I beg that you will not include me in your opinions respecting Ireland; I opine we differ materially in our impressions on that country, and perhaps not without reason too. These latter words I spoke with marked emphasis, and fixing my eyes steadily on him.
"Very possibly," lisped he, as coolly as before. "I left it without regret; you apparently ought to be there still! Ha, ha, ha! he has it there, I think."
The blood mounted to my face and temples as I heard these words, and stepping close up beside him, I said slowly and distinctly--
"I thought, sir, that one lesson might have taught you with whom these liberties were practicable."
As I said thus much the door opened, and his grace the Duke of York appeared. Abashed at having so far forgotten where I was, I stood motionless and crimson for shame. Lord Dudley, on the contrary, bowed reverently to his Royal Highness, without the slightest evidence of discomposure or irritation, his easy smile curling his lip.
The duke turned from one to the other of us without speaking, his dark eyes piercing, as it were, into our very hearts. "Lord Dudley de Vere,"
said he at length, "I have signed your appointment. Mr. Hinton, I am sorry to find that the voice I have heard more than once within the last five minutes, in an angry tone, was yours. Take care, sir, that this forgetfulness does not grow upon you. The colonel of the Twenty-seventh is not the person to overlook it, I promise you."
"If your Royal Highness----"
"I must entreat you to spare me any explanations. You are gazetted to the Twenty-seventh. I hope you will hold yourself in readiness for immediate embarkation. Where"s the detachment, Sir Howard?"
"At Chatham, your Royal Highness," replied an old officer behind the duke"s shoulder. At the same moment his grace pa.s.sed through the room, conversing as he went with different persons about him.
As I turned away, I met Lord Dudley"s eyes. They were riveted on me with an expression of triumphant malice I had never seen in them before, and I hurried homeward with a heart crushed and wounded.
I have but one reason for the mention of this trivial incident. It is to show how often the studied courtesy, the well-practised deception, that the fashion of the world teaches, will prevail over the heartfelt, honest indignation which deep feeling evinces; and what a vast superiority the very affectation of temper confers, in the judgment of others who stand by the game of life and care nothing for the players at either side. Let no one suspect me of lauding the mockery of virtue in what I say here. I would merely impress on the young man who can feel for the deep sorrow and abas.e.m.e.nt I suffered the importance of the attainment of that self-command, of that restraint over any outbreak of pa.s.sion, when the very semblance of it insures respect and admiration.
It is very difficult to witness with indifference the preference of those we have once loved for some other person; still more so, when that other chances to be one we dislike. The breach of affection seems then tinctured with a kind of betrayal; we call to mind how once we swayed the temper and ruled the thoughts of her who now has thrown off her allegiance; we feel, perhaps for the first time too, how forgotten are all our lessons, how dead is all our wonted influence; we remember when the least word, the slightest action, bent beneath our will; when our smile was happiness and our very sadness a reproof; and now we see ourselves unminded and neglected, and no more liberty to advise, no more power to control, than the merest stranger of the pa.s.sing hour. What a wound to our self-love!
That my cousin Julia loved De Vere, O"Grady"s suspicions had already warned me; the little I had seen of her since my return strengthened the impression, while his confident manner and a.s.sured tone confirmed my worst fears. In my heart I knew how utterly unworthy he was of such a girl; but then, if he had already won her affections, my knowledge came too late. Besides, the changed circ.u.mstances of my own fortune, which must soon become known, would render my interference suspicious, and consequently of no value; and, after all, if I determined on such a course, what allegation could I bring against him which he could not explain away as the mere levity of the young officer a.s.sociating among those he looked down upon and despised?
Such were some of my reflections as I slowly returned homewards from the Horse Guards. As I arrived, a travelling-carriage stood at the door; boxes, imperials, and cap-cases littered the hall and steps; servants were hurrying back and forward, and Mademoiselle Clemence, my mother"s maid, with a poodle under one arm and a macaw"s cage in the other, was adding to the confusion by directions in a composite language that would have astonished Babel itself.
"What means all this?" said I. "Is Lady Charlotte leaving town?"
"Miladi va partir----"
"Her ladyship"s going to Hastings, sir," said the butler, interrupting.
"Dr. T-----has been here this morning and recommends an immediate change of air for her ladyship."
"Is Sir George in the house?"
"No, sir, he"s just gone out with the doctor."
Ah, thought I, this then is a concerted measure to induce my mother to leave town. "Is Lady Julia at home?"