"And would you, now? And will you really think of ould Ireland when you "re away? Hurroo! by the mortial, there"s no place like it for fun, divilment, and divarsion. But, musha, musha! I"m forgettin", and it"s gettin" dark. May I go with you to the packet?"
"To be sure, my poor boy; and I believe we have not many minutes to spare."
I despatched Joe for a car while I threw a last look around my room. Sad things, these last looks, whether bestowed on the living or the dead, the lifelike or the inanimate! There is a feeling that resembles death in the last glance we are ever to bestow on a loved object. The girl you have treasured in your secret heart, as she pa.s.ses by on her wedding-day, it may be happy and blissful, lifts up her laughing eyes, the symbol of her own light heart, and leaves in that look darkness and desolation to you for ever. The boy your father-spirit has clung to, like the very light of your existence, waves his hand from the quarterdeck, as the gigantic ship bends over to the breeze; the wind is playing through the locks your hand so oftentimes has smoothed; the tears have dimmed his eyes, for, mark t he moves his fingers over them--and this is a last look. My sorrow had no touch of these. My eye ranged over the humble furniture of my little chamber, while memories of the past came crowding on me--hopes that I had lived to see blighted, daydreams dissipated, heartfelt wishes thwarted and scattered. I stood thus for some minutes, when Joe again joined me.
Poor fellow! his wayward and capricious flights, now grave, now gay, were but the mockery of that sympathy my heart required. Still did he heal the sadness of the moment. We need the voice, the look, the accent of affection when we are leaving the spot where we have once been happy.
It will not do to part from the objects that have made our home, without the connecting link of human friendship. The hearth, the roof-tree, the mountain, and the rivulet are not so eloquent as the once syllabled "Good-bye," come it from ever so humble a voice.
[Ill.u.s.tration: 3-055]
The bustle and excitement of the scene beside the packet seemed to afford Joe the most lively gratification; and, like the genius of confusion, he was to be seen flitting from place to place, a.s.sisting one, impeding another, while s.n.a.t.c.hes of his wild songs broke from him every moment. I had but time to press his hand, when he was hurried ash.o.r.e amongst the crowd; and the instant after the vessel sheered off from the pier, and got under way. The poor boy stood upon a block of granite, waving his cap over his head. He tried a faint cheer, but it was scarcely audible; another, it too failed. He looked wildly around him on the strange, unknown faces, as if a scene of desolation had fallen on him, burst into a torrent of tears, and fled wildly from the spot. And thus I took my leave of Ireland.
At this period of my narrative I owe it to my reader--I owe it to myself--to apologise for the mention of incidents, places, and people that have no other bearing on my story than in the impression they made upon me while yet young. When I arrived in Ireland I knew scarcely anything of the world. My opportunities had shown me life only through the coloured gloss of certain fashionable prejudices; but of the real character, motives, and habitual modes of acting and thinking of others, still more of myself, I was in total ignorance. The rapidly succeeding incidents of Irish life--their interest, variety, and novelty--all attracted and excited me; and without ever stopping to reflect upon causes, I found myself becoming acquainted with facts. That the changeful pictures of existence so profusely scattered through the land should have made their impression upon me is natural enough; and because I have found it easier and pleasanter to tell my reader the machinery of this change in me than to embody that change itself, is the reason why I have presented before him tableaux of life under so many different circ.u.mstances, and when, frequently, they had no direct relation to the current of my own fate and the story of my own fortunes. It is enough of myself to say, that, though scarcely older in time, I had grown so in thought and feeling. If I felt, on the one hand, how little my high connections and the position in fashionable life which my family occupied availed me, I learned, on the other, to know that friends, and stanch ones, could be made at once, on the emergency of a moment, without the imposing ceremony of introduction and the diplomatic interchange of visits. And now to my story.
CHAPTER XLVII. LONDON
It was late when I arrived in London and drove up to my father"s house.
The circ.u.mstances under which I had left Ireland weighed more heavily on me as I drew near home, and as I reflected over the questions I should be asked and the explanations I should be expected to afford; and I half dreaded lest my father should disapprove of my conduct before I had an opportunity of showing him how little I had been to blame throughout.
The noise and din of the carriages, the oaths and exclamations of the coachmen, and the uproar of the streets turned my attention from these thoughts, and I asked what was the meaning of the crowd.
"A great ball, sir, at Lady Charlotte Hinton"s."
This was a surprise, and not of the pleasantest. I had wished that my first meeting with my father at least should have been alone and in quietness, where I could fairly have told him every important event of my late life, and explained wherefore I so ardently desired immediate employment on active service and a total change in that career which weighed so heavily on my spirits. The carriage drew up at the instant, and I found myself once more at home.
What a feeling does that simple word convey to his ears who knows the real blessing of a home--that shelter from the world, its jealousies and its envies, its turmoils and its disappointments; where, like some landlocked bay, the still, calm waters sleep in silence, while the storm and hurricane are roaring without; where glad faces and bright looks abound; where each happiness is reflected back from every heart and ten times multiplied, and every sorrow comes softened by consolation and words of comfort! And how little like this is the abode of the great leader of fashion; how many of the fairest gifts of humanity are turned back by the glare of a hundred wax-lights, and the glitter of gilded lackeys; and how few of the charities of life find entrance where the splendour and luxury of voluptuous habits have stifled natural feeling, and made even sympathy unfashionable!
It was not without difficulty I could persuade the servants, who were all strangers to me, that the travel-stained, dusty individual before them was the son of the celebrated and fashionable Lady Charlotte Hinton, and at length reach my room to dress.
It was near midnight. The rooms were filled as I entered the drawing-room. For a few moments I could not help feeling strongly the full influence of the splendid scene before me. The undoubted evidences of rank and wealth that meet the eye on every side in London life are very striking. The splendour of the women"s dress, their own beauty, a certain air of haughty bearing peculiarly English, a kind of conscious superiority to the rest of the world mark them; and in their easy, unembarra.s.sed, steady glance you read the proud spirit of Albion"s "haughty dames." This alone was very different from the laughing spirit of Erin"s daughters, their _espiegle_ looks and smiling lips. The men, too, were so dissimilar--their reserved and stately carriage, their low voices, and deferential but composed manner contrasting strongly with Irish volubility, quickness, and gesticulation. I stood unnoticed and alone for some time, quietly observant of the scene before me; and as I heard name after name announced, many of them the greatest and the highest in the land, there was no semblance of excitement as they entered, no looks of admiring wonder as they pa.s.sed on and mingled with the crowd. This showed me I was in a mighty city, where the chief spirits that ruled the age moved daily before the public eye; and again I thought of Dublin, where some third-rate notoriety would have been hailed with almost acclamation, and lionised to the "top of his bent."
I could remember but few of those around, and even they had either forgotten me altogether, or, having no recollection of my absence, saluted me with the easy nonchalance of one who is seen every evening of his life.
"How are you, Hinton?" said one, with something more of warmth than the rest. "I have not met you for some weeks past."
"No," said I, smiling. "I have been nearly a year from home."
"Ah, indeed! In Spain?"
"No, in Ireland."
"In Ireland? How odd!"
"Who has been in Ireland?" said a low, plaintive voice. Turning round as she spoke, my lady-mother stood before me. "I should like to hear something---- But, dear me, this must be John!" and she held out her jewelled hand towards me.
"My dear mother, I am so happy to see you look so very well----"
"No, no, my dear," said she, sighing, "don"t speak of that. When did you arrive? I beg your Royal Highness"s pardon, I hope you have not forgotten your protege, my son."
I bowed reverently as a large, full, handsome man, with bald head and a most commanding expression, drew himself up before me.
"No, madam, I have not forgotten him, I a.s.sure you!" was the reply, as he returned my salute with marked coldness, and pa.s.sed on.
Before Lady Charlotte could express her surprise at such an unlooked-for mark of displeasure, my father, who had just heard of my arrival, came up.
"Jack, my dear fellow, I am glad to see you. How large you have grown, boy, and how brown!"
The warm welcome of his manly voice, the affectionate grasp of his strong hand, rallied me at once, and I cared little for the looks of king or kaiser at that moment. He drew his arm within mine, and led me through the rooms to a small boudoir, where a party at cards were the only occupants.
"Here we shall be tolerably alone for a little while, at least," said he; "and now, my lad, tell me everything about you.*
In less than half an hour I ran over the princ.i.p.al events of my life in Ireland, omitting only those in which Miss Bellew bore a part. On this account my rupture with Lord de Vere was only imperfectly alluded to; and I could perceive that my father"s brow became contracted, and his look a.s.sumed a severer expression at this part of my narrative.
"You have not been very explicit, Jack, about this business; and this it is which I am really uneasy about. I have never known you do a mean or a shabby thing; I will never suspect you of one. So, now, let me clearly understand the ground of this quarrel."
There was a tone of command in his voice as he said this which decided me at once, and without further hesitation I resolved on laying everything before him. Still, I knew not how to begin; the mention of Louisa"s name alone staggered me, and for a second or two I stammered and looked confused.
Unlike his wonted manner, my father looked impatient, almost angry. At last, when seeing that my agitation only increased upon me, and that my difficulty grew each moment greater, he looked me sternly in the face, and with a voice full of meaning, said--
"Tell me everything! I cannot bear to doubt you. Was this a play transaction?"
"A play transaction! No, sir, nothing like it."
"Was there not a bet--some disputed wager---mixed up in it?"
"Yes, there was a wager, sir; but----"
Before I could conclude, my father pressed his hand against his eyes, and a faint sigh broke from him.
"But hear me out, sir. The wager was none of mine." In a few moments I ran over the whole circ.u.mstances of De Vere"s bet, his conduct to Miss Bellew, and my own subsequent proceedings; but when I came to the mention of O"Grady"s name, he stopped me suddenly, and said--
"Major O"Grady, however, did not approve of your conduct in the affair."
"O"Grady! He was my friend all through it!"
My father remained silent for a few minutes, and then in a low voice added--
"There has been misrepresentation here."
The words were not well spoken when Lord Dudley de Vere, with my cousin Lady Julia on his arm, came up. The easy nonchalance of his manner, the tone of quiet indifference he a.s.sumed, were well known to me; but I was in nowise prepared for the look of insufferable, patronising impertinence he had now put on.
My cousin, more beautiful far than ever I had seen her, took off my attention from him, however, and I turned with a feeling of half pride, half wonder, to pay my respects to her. Dressed in the most perfect taste of the fashion, her handsome features wore the a.s.sured and tranquil expression which conscious beauty gives. And here let no inexperienced observer rashly condemn the placid loveliness of the queen of beauty, the sanctioned belle of fashionable life. It is, indeed, very different from the artless loveliness of innocent girlhood; but its claim is not less incontestable. The features, like the faculties, can be cultivated; and when no unnatural effort suggests the expression, who shall say that the mind habitually exercised in society of the highest and most gifted circle will not impart a more elevated character to the look than when the un.o.btrusive career of everyday life flows on calm and unruffled, steeping the soul in a dreary monotony, and calling for no effort save of the commonest kind.
Julia"s was indeed splendid beauty. The l.u.s.trous brilliancy of her dark-blue eyes was shaded by long, black lashes; the contour of her cheeks was perfect; her full short lips were slightly, so slightly curled, you knew not if it were no more smile than sarcasm; the low tones of her voice were rich and musical, and her carriage and demeanour possessed all the graceful elegance which is only met with in the society of great cities. Her manner was most frank and cordial; she held out her hand to me at once, and looked really glad to see me. After a few brief words of recognition, she turned towards De Vere--
"I shall ask you to excuse me, my lord, this set. It is so long since I have seen my cousin."