Chapter 48
Yuan Ye truly had said the wrong thing. Fang Shaoyi hadn’t given him the chance to finish his sentence and had stopped him just in time. Though Fang Shaoyi had asked question after question following this, asking him what he would rather do and what the unfinished part of his sentence was supposed to do, he didn’t actually want to hear him finish speaking. Each question was a reminder and a warning.
Each time the other repeated the question, Yuan Ye would realize even more that he had made another mistake and almost said the wrong thing. The subsequent apologies, admissions of wrongdoing, and pleas for reconciliation had all been from the bottom of his heart.
But even though Fang Shaoyi was usually easy to get along with – almost as if he didn’t have a temper at all – when he really became angry, Yuan Ye couldn’t handle his anger. Fang Shaoyi’s face had turned ice cold because of the unfinished half of Yuan Ye’s sentence. His expression was no longer gentle. He even refused to speak to Yuan Ye.
That day, the last two things Fang Shaoyi said to Yuan Ye were: “Is it always so easy for you to say these types of things? We’ve been divorced for two years already, but have you still not learned how to cherish things yet?”
Each word seemed like a knife puncturing Yuan Ye’s heart. Each puncture resulted in a hole that wept blood.
However, he had already said what he said. He couldn’t take his words back. Yuan Ye could only repeat, voice hoa.r.s.e, “……I made a mistake, ge.”
Fang Shaoyi didn’t speak to him again. He gazed deeply at Yuan Ye; that gaze was like a sword directly stabbing into Yuan Ye’s soul. Fang Shaoyi left such a gaze and then left. He didn’t even look back. He was truly angry.
In all these years, Fang Shaoyi had only become truly angry a few times. He rarely got genuinely angry at Yuan Ye. That was his personality – he was always forgiving towards those around him. Yuan Ye basically couldn’t cross the line that would make Fang Shaoyi furious. But each time that Fang Shaoyi had actually become angry, Yuan Ye suffered greatly.
After,《Wind Wanderer》started promotions. Fang Shaoyi needed to coordinate with the director to visit other cities. No matter which film crew he was in, Fang Shaoyi was always very cooperative in this regard, unless he honestly couldn’t free up his schedule. Besides, these details had been written into the contract at the very beginning. He would attend all the necessary promotions. Thus, Fang Shaoyi often wasn’t home during the period of time after their argument. He needed to fly all over the country with the director.
Yuan Ye couldn’t physically meet up with him, but Fang Shaoyi would answer his calls. However, it was easy to tell that his tone of voice was different from before.
Who had found Ji Xiaotao annoying back in the day? Who had oftentimes ignored him? Now, Ji Xiaotao finally had a chance to prove his worth. Yuan Ye took the initiative to send him a message: Tao ah.
Ji Xiaotao: Huh?
Yuan Ye asked: Where are you guys right now?
Ji Xiaotao replied fairly quickly: In Guangzhou.
Yuan Ye scratched his head and asked again: When are you coming back?
Ji Xiaotao said: Don’t know yet. We’re going to Nanjing the day after tomorrow.
Yuan Ye also scratched his nose. He continued to ask: Then your ge……is still angry at me?
Ji Xiaotao snuck a peek at Fang Shaoyi over his phone. They were in the car now, and Fang Shaoyi’s eyes were closed. He didn’t know if the other had fallen asleep yet or not. Ji Xiaotao replied to Yuan Ye: I can’t tell either, Ye ge, but my ge truly has been in a pretty bad mood these past few days. How did you p.i.s.s him off? Things shouldn’t be that bad……
It was inconvenient to share the reason with him. Yuan Ye squatted on his own couch and thought a bit before sending Fang Shaoyi a message: Yi ge?
Fang Shaoyi didn’t respond. Yuan Ye asked again: Are you still angry?
There was silence after these two messages. n.o.body replied.
These past few days, the amount of times Fang Shaoyi had responded to his messages were few and far in between. He was lucky if the other replied once every three messages. And when he did reply, he wouldn’t say much; his tone would be cold. However, Yuan Ye didn’t feel angry at all. He had caused this himself. No matter what, he needed to suffer the consequences.
Their originally fine relationship suddenly froze over once more, and only because of half a sentence Yuan Ye had said. This seemed a bit comical.
But was there anything that could be absolutely coincidental? In actuality, they were going to have this argument sooner or later. The true state of their relationship, under this half a year of peace and calm, wasn’t so peaceful and calm at all. The two of them knew this in their hearts.
Otherwise, how come n.o.body had mentioned remarriage yet?
Fang Shaoyi was flying all over the country, so Yuan Ye couldn’t see him. He had a lot of personal business to attend to as well. He sent in a draft for Feng Leizi’s script about the mute character. Later on, he would possibly have to edit this draft at least four or five times more. Or, this draft would be completely eliminated after the second edit and they wouldn’t be able to keep working together. Yuan Ye’s teacher also kept urging him to hold a guest lecture at his alma mater. He had also invited several other mildly successful authors. Yuan Ye definitely needed to attend.
The two of them were both busy with their own matters. Their previous argument also hadn’t been completely cleared up. Thus, right now, their relationship was somewhat awkward, almost as if they had suddenly become extremely distanced again. It was as if they had returned to a few months ago.
As such, their relationship for this past half a year seemed like a layer of foam: fragile and illusory. If even only one side loosened the string pulled taut between the two of them, the fake peace between them would become a broken illusion.
But there were still some things different from before.
Though Yuan Ye had said the wrong thing, he didn’t actually want to break up. The emphasis of that sentence had been in the first half. The second half had only been a way of stressing the gravity of the situation. Fang Shaoyi really cared about that sentence. After it, his expression had become chilly. Yuan Ye deserved all this – he knew that he had made a mistake. It was his own fault for making Fang Shaoyi so angry.
Last year, when their relationship had been the most awkward and Yuan Ye hadn’t taken that step forward yet, they had both been testing each other. But ever since Yuan Ye had decided to restart this relationship, he hadn’t ever considered giving up. It was enough to lose certain things and certain people once. He had also told Fang Shaoyi this before.
Thus, this time, Yuan Ye maintained a good mentality. If you’re angry, I’ll placate you. If there’s a conflict, we’ll resolve it. If we can’t clear things up, then let’s try again slowly. However, he wouldn’t think about separating again. He also wouldn’t give up.
In private, Fang Shaoyi needed to call Director Xin “Uncle.” When there weren’t outsiders around, they spoke about private matters.
Director Xin asked him, “What’s up? I heard that you’ve been keeping your schedule free this entire time. Haven’t accepted any new film offers?”
Fang Shaoyi didn’t say no. He nodded and said, “Un, I want to sort myself out a bit.”
Director Xin glanced at him. “I heard from Wei Hua that you didn’t even accept the invitation to act in his movie. What do you mean by that? You want to change career paths? Become a behind-the-scenes worker?”
“I haven’t put too much thought into it yet,” Fang Shaoyi said. “I’ll think about it later.”
Actually, Fang Shaoyi wasn’t planning on becoming a behind-the-scenes worker prior to reaching forty. He had different plans for his different stages of life. His pa.s.sion for movies needed to be expressed through performance first and foremost. After becoming a behind-the-scenes worker, this method of expression would be completely different from now. Though there actually wasn’t any conflict with being both an actor and behind-the-scenes worker, there would be more responsibilities in a single period of time. For Fang Shaoyi, though, he still wanted his performance to be more pure in his youth. If he had to shoulder other pressures, he wouldn’t be able to entirely submerge himself in his character.
Also, at the end of the day, was there really so much of a difference between working behind-the-scenes and in front of the camera?
“There’s no rush……” Director Xin nodded. He lowly said, “There’s a disaster film I want to make next year. Are you coming?”
Fang Shaoyi burst into laughter. He shook his head and said, “Uncle, I haven’t thought so far into the future yet. You don’t need to specially create a character for me or something. I’m not even sure what condition I’ll be in next year.”
Director Xin waved his hand and laughed too. “Nevermind. I was just asking. Actually, I want your dad to come act in it.”
“Then you’ll have to ask him later. It might be a bit difficult,” Fang Shaoyi said while smiling. “He’s working on his own movie now, so might not have time next year.”
Director Xin exhaled loudly and replied, “The friendship saved up from our youth has completely disappeared. The old thing doesn’t feel a sense of brotherly duty at all!”
Fang Shaoyi couldn’t criticize his dad with the other. He didn’t respond. A few moments later, he mentioned, “Uncle, if you have a suitable character, can you consider Jian Xu?”
Director Xin c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. “Your friend? I’ve watched him act before. He debuted through TV dramas, so his acting is more or less a bit impetuous. His emotions aren’t internalized.”
“Un, he’s been filming dramas for a long time,” Fang Shaoyi admitted. “But he has good acting skills. After some adjustment, he’ll be able to find the correct rhythm.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it later,” Director Xin responded.
Fang Shaoyi nodded. He didn’t say anything else on the topic. The two of them started chatting about something else.
《Wind Wanderer》was released on National Day. There wasn’t too much compet.i.tion during this year’s National Day break, only an American sci-fi blockbuster and a few other Chinese films. Their movie originally hadn’t been expecting any record-breaking ticket sales anyways. The film’s subject matter and its ending meant that it was destined to not have high ticket sales. But this was Director Xin and Fang Shaoyi’s movie after all. In addition to the fact that they had promoted it as a sentimental wuxia film, the audience’s expectations were pretty high. On the premier day, the movie reached approximately sixty million in ticket sales. Not bad.
Yuan Ye went to watch it on the release date. At midnight, he headed to watch the premier alone. The movie was two hours long. Yuan Ye watched every scene.
This was the first time Director Xin was trying this theme. The plot wasn’t particularly good or bad, but the cinematography and use of colors were truly beautiful. The fight scenes were also very praise-worthy: the moves were designed to be smooth and beautiful. The effects of several scenes caused the audience to feel both stunned and astounded. There was nothing negative to be said about Fang Shaoyi’s acting. In the second half of the movie, one of his eyes was blind. He could only rely on one eye to express his emotions, but this didn’t impact his performance at all. The young swordsman was n.o.ble and free. The middle-aged swordsman was broken and scarred. In the last scene, the tip of a sword rested against his throat as he stated, both sadly and while laughing, “I’m guarding that which I have relied on for half my life.”
After watching the entire movie, one’s mood became much more depressed. Perhaps because the movie ended as a tragedy.
Even after Yuan Ye exited the movie theater and started on his way home, his heart was still trembling. From start to finish, the movie had a glum atmosphere. n.o.body could maintain a relaxed state after watching it, probably. But Yuan Ye’s emotions weren’t solely due to the film. It was likely that they were mostly due to Fang Shaoyi. In the movie, he had closely observed each gaze and action performed by Fang Shaoyi. He hadn’t missed a single one.
These past few years, it was rare for there to be a movie that Fang Shaoyi acted in but Yuan Ye hadn’t partic.i.p.ated in too. This movie was one of the few. From the script to the filming process, Yuan Ye had no clue about what had gone on. Aside from the day that Yuan Ye had arrived early on set to film for the variety show and stayed overnight, he hadn’t come into contact with this movie at all.
Thinking back, there were some regrets. Thus, Yuan Ye was extra diligent while watching the movie. He wanted to see the Fang Shaoyi of that year through the one on the screen.
Yuan Ye called Fang Shaoyi as soon as he got home. At first, no one answered. Yuan Ye called again after getting out of the shower. This time, someone answered.
Fang Shaoyi’s voice still sounded very cold through the phone. Yuan Ye asked him, “Yi ge, where are you?”
“Home.” Fang Shaoyi only spared him one word.
“You’re back?” Yuan Ye was a bit surprised, because Ji Xiaotao had said that they wouldn’t get back until two days later.
Fang Shaoyi made a noise of acknowledgment. After, he didn’t say anything else.
Yuan Ye told him, “I just went to watch the movie. It’s really good.”
Fang Shaoyi still didn’t say anything.
Yuan Ye tentatively asked, “Can I come over? Can I come find you?”
“No,” Fang Shaoyi lightly said. “Don’t fool around.”
Yuan Ye sighed. He laughed and said, “What can I do for you to forgive me…… How much longer are you going to be mad?”
“Until you remember.” Fang Shaoyi’s tone remained the same: no emotional changes. However, Yuan Ye could still tell that he was actually displeased. Fang Shaoyi said, “Each time you say it, I’m going to make you feel it. I’m going to make sure you learn. Can everything be spoken so carelessly?”
Yuan Ye had originally thought that he was quite calm, but his heart still twinged in pain following Fang Shaoyi’s sharp words. He sincerely stated, “I really know I was wrong.”
Fang Shaoyi wouldn’t speak, so Yuan Ye did all the talking. He leaned against the headboard and slowly told Fang Shaoyi, “Just now, I went to watch your movie. It was really good. I like all of your characters. Actually, I think I could only give the movie itself a 6 out of 10, but because you acted in it, your acting raised the score to 8 or 9 out of 10. Maybe even 10 out of 10.”
“Movies made you, but you can make movies too.” Yuan Ye smiled faintly. Even the corners of his eyes were filled with pride. “You were born to make movies.”
Fang Shaoyi knew what he was about to say. He quietly waited for the other to finish before asking, “So?”
Yuan Ye gently sighed. He lowly said, “So how could I let you give up on film just for me?”
Fang Shaoyi’s voice had more or less softened. Even if Yuan Ye hadn’t said these things, he would’ve understood them too. But Yuan Ye had still said them. This definitely made him feel more forgiving. Fang Shaoyi said, “I didn’t say I was going to give up. Even if I really did give up one day, that would only be for myself.”
These words sounded a bit sharp, but Yuan Ye didn’t believe him at all.
Fang Shaoyi’s tone had already become slightly less severe. Yuan Ye obviously needed to seize this opportunity. He softened his att.i.tude again. Everything he said was from the bottom of his heart. “There truly are a few problems between us, but since we already made a mistake back then, I never planned to make that same mistake again. I only said the wrong thing. My mouth was faster than my brain. Ge, don’t take it too seriously.”
“I already feel very lucky to be able to pursue you again and get together with you again. Last year, I didn’t know if you were still willing to reconcile with me. Prior to going on the variety show, I really was only thinking about being with you again. Even if it was fake, even if it was only an act for everyone else, I could still enjoy myself once more.”
Here, Yuan Ye chuckled. He continued, “I’m so embarra.s.sing.”
Fang Shaoyi waited for him to finish speaking. After, he fell silent for a moment.
The atmosphere suddenly became a bit awkward. In order to ease the tension, Yuan Ye wanted to say something. Just as he was about to, Fang Shaoyi finally spoke up.
“While we were on set last year, you told me that you only learned how painful loss was after losing certain things.” Fang Shaoyi asked him, “Do you still remember?”
“Yes, of course I remember,” Yuan Ye said. “You’re my bones.”
Fang Shaoyi’s voice was low and deep. He slowly stated, “You only felt the pain after losing those things, but when you said that you were ready to give up……I had already felt the pain.”
Yuan Ye forcefully closed his eyes, then rested his cheek against his knees. His eyes and nose quickly soured; all his organs trembled in pain too.