"Probably not," the nurse said. Then, noticing the cuts on her knee, "She didn"t...do anything else, did she?"
He means "did she touch me down there?"
"No, well, I mean, she sort of scratched me up...all over."
The nurse nodded, as if considering all of it. "Sometimes, she does some inappropriate touching."
"I"m sure that"s not what it was."
He shrugged. "Business as usual," he said. "You probably just upset her a little, and that"s enough for her to go full throttle. Ever since her son"s death."
"Her husband," Julie corrected. "Her ex. My husband."
"Oh. I"m sorry," the nurse said. "I"m sorry to hear that. I can"t believe I got it wrong. Well, it really gets her going, sometimes. Probably you just reminded her of some bad stuff. And she never really sleeps much. She wanders sometimes, at night. Just wanders, and thinks someone"s following her. She thinks someone is trying to kill her."
When Julie looked up at the doorway, the social worker stood there with a slight frown to her face.
"I"m afraid I have to ask that you not make these kinds of visits," Gigi Kaufman said. "Whatever you said in there upset her tremendously."
Chapter Thirteen.
1.
That night, Amanda Hutchinson awoke from a deep sleep that had been completely dreamless. She found that the restraints on her wrists had been loosened, and she easily slipped out of first one, and then another. Then, she sat up, working on the restraints on her ankles.
Her room, dark except for the patch of light from the hall, her door just half-shut, had been cleaned up, and overturned chairs had been righted. She listened for orderlies or nurses in the hall, but there were none.
She got out of bed and went to the window, looking out on the moon glow across the lawn and trees.
And then, she heard the voice in her head. A voice she had managed to block-that the warm fuzzies had blocked-and that she had thought would leave her alone.
But it was that woman. Julie. Coming to her. Pushing at her. Making her remember things that were best forgotten.
2.
After she"d written the note, she went into the small bathroom and took off her clothes. She turned on the shower, making sure it was as hot as she could get it. She got under the water, and let it burst against her scalp, trying to wash memory from her, clean the past out.
Instead, his face came back to her, inside her mind, opening her up for other memories, breaking down doors she had let the warm fuzzies seal up.
She slammed her head against the tile of the shower stall.
Again.
And again.
Until she felt the blood dripping down along her face, down her shoulders and b.r.e.a.s.t.s, into the drain at her feet.
She kept it up as long as she could, bashing her head into the tile, trying to lock every door she had before someone tried to pry her open.
When she heard one of the night nurses calling out, trying to open the bathroom door, but she had jammed it so it couldn"t open, Amanda Hutchinson drew her bloodied head back and slammed it as hard as she could against the tile.
The last things she heard were a sharp crack, and the cry of the nurse as the bathroom door flew open.
Amanda sank down in the shower stall, resting her head on the cool floor by the drain. Her vision weakened, and the throbbing in her head went from burning pain to a frozen numbness.
She felt her consciousness fading. She tried as hard as she could to open one last hidden door within her mind, and let go of the flesh.
Chapter Fourteen.
1.
"You went to see who?" who?" Mel nearly shrieked. "Take off the sister hat and put on the friend hat," Mel nearly shrieked. "Take off the sister hat and put on the friend hat,"
Julie said.
"I"m wearing the smart hat. What in G.o.d"s name were you doing there?"
They were driving around looking at real estate listings in Forest Lake, because Mel was still thinking of buying a place nearer Julie-"but not so close that I see you every day," Mel had said.
"Look at that one." Julie pointed to a small house at the edge of a hillside. "Look, it must have a view of the lake in back. Write down the realtor"s number."
"Why the h.e.l.l did you go down there? What good would it do?"
"Quit yelling at me."
"I am not yelling."
"I didn"t think it would turn out like it did. I thought maybe...I don"t know. I thought maybe she"d know something I didn"t."
"She"s insane, Julie. He divorced her because she tried to kill her own son. Isn"t that enough for you?"
2.
She dreamed that night of Amanda Hutchinson, stunningly beautiful, dressed in one of Hut"s business suits. Julie lay on a bare mattress on the floor of some auditorium. She had the sense that people were watching her. She struggled, but her hands-though not tied down-wouldn"t move. Nor would her legs.
Julie became aware of her nakedness only when Amanda bent down and touched her foot. Amanda licked the edge of her foot and took a toe in her mouth.
Then, on all fours, Amanda climbed on top of her, bringing her face within an inch of Julie"s.
"Does he touch you like this?" she asked, her tongue flicking out and lapping at Julie"s lips. "Like he"s more alive than he"s ever been?"
In the dream, Amanda Hutchinson"s hair was no longer black, but bright red. Julie noticed that there was a chair, above her, hanging suspended from the sky as if by a wire that went all the way up to heaven.
Julie felt a hand on her belly, fingers moving down toward the thatch of pubic hair.
Amanda Hutchinson"s face became Matt"s face, but with the same long red hair.
He had carvings all over his skin.
But it wasn"t Matt. It was Hut. Hut with tattoos all over his body. Holding her arms down at her side while his enormous p.e.n.i.s pounded her. And she felt herself opening in that s.p.a.ce, between her legs, opening herself to his s.e.x, to his forced entry, unlocking the doors for him, letting him through.
In her dream, she whispered, I want you inside me, Hut. I want you inside me.
3.
She awoke, thinking she"d heard Livy cry out. It took her a minute to adjust to the darkness. She was used to this by now-the routine of Livy"s nightmares. She rolled out of bed, putting the terry bathrobe on, and padded down the hallway through the veiled darkness, punctuated by the numerous nightlights she"d scattered in the various outlets so that Livy could see her way to the bathroom without getting scared.
Right on schedule, Livy was standing in the hallway, her back against the wall. Julie flicked up the hall light. "Honey," she said.
Livy looked up at her, her eyes wide. "I"m sorry, Mommy. It just scared me. I know it"s just dreams. But it seemed real."
"Well, but doesn"t Dr. Fishbain talk to you about this?"
Livy nodded.
"Does it help?"
Livy nodded again. "But Dr. Fishbain doesn"t have to sleep here."
Then, Julie had an idea. "What if I could prove to you that there"s no ghost?"
"How?"
4.
Julie enlisted Matt to help set up the old NannyCams that they"d used when Livy had been younger and before they"d discovered Laura Reynen as a sitter. Julie had loved the NannyCam-Mel had convinced her that all babysitters were potential child-abusers after Livy had been born ("it"s always on the news. Nannies can be bad.") So Hut had, one day, brought home their first NannyCam, and Julie had discovered that, in fact, none of their sitters slapped the baby. It was the NannyCam that had given Julie the idea for getting the camcorder for Matt so that he"d have a way of expressing himself and having a fun hobby, as well.
They set up one of the NannyCams along the stairs, and then the other one at the entrance to Livy"s bedroom. Matt brought up the VCR from downstairs, and then she got the old one that was in the storage closet next to the linen closet. They tested them, since none of them ever watched VHS anymore, having gone to DVDs. Both machines worked fine. He set up the wires and cables, and put some tapes in each machine. "See, Livy? This one," he pointed to the NannyCam in the hall, "goes to this VCR. And that one, in your room, goes to the other one. If anyone comes in, we"ll catch it on the cam."
Livy went around lining up more nightlights, pulling them from the three bathrooms in the house, and then the ones that Julie had bought at Home Depot. "They"re like little soldiers," Livy said.
"See? We"ll catch the ghost," Matt said, attaching the NannyCam to a small block of wood to steady it.
"There"s no ghost," Julie crossed her arms, a bit annoyed with Matt for saying it in front of his little sister.
Livy seemed thrilled to think that her bad dreams might end.
5.
The first morning after they"d set the NannyCams up, Julie sat down with Livy and fast-forwarded through the resulting videotape in the rec room. The hall tape showed nothing but the sentry line of nightlights, occasionally punctuated by Matt coming out into the hall and walking sleepily to the bathroom. "He pees a lot!" Livy giggled.
She and Livy laughed while Matt sped up, walking like a fast-paced Charlie Chaplin up and down the hall to the bathroom. For fun, Julie showed it backward and then forward.
"See? n.o.body."
"Matt was funny," Livy giggled. "Let"s make him walk fast again."
"Okay," Julie said. Then, she sped through the rest of the tape. "See? n.o.body"s in the hall. No one in your room other than you."