"Why don"t you hold off for a bit with working, you could do with a rest and it"s not the quietest of places." She pulled a face like she had just had her upper lip waxed. I couldn"t help the laugh that escaped my lips, and it felt good, only once I started I couldn"t stop. Libby saw the funny side and joined in. I could feel the tension lifting from my shoulders and gave Libby a big hug. It was right what they said, laughter was the best medicine.
She flicked her red hair back off her face and looked more closely at me then she reached out and stroked a strand of my hair.
"Wow, your hair is so long, I didn"t realise, why don"t you...?" she cut herself off knowing the answer. She understood I wasn"t the same girl I used to be or at least she tried too anyway, which I appreciated.
"Never mind, but it"s still a lovely colour," she said as she fiddled with the ends through her fingers. She used to love playing dress up when I was younger and I was her life-sized doll.
"And you"ve still got dad"s old sweater, well don"t suppose it has fit him in a while, ha!" She made a smug sort of half laugh which I didn"t really understand, but as soon as she touched the sleeves I instantly tugged down the material hiding my scars, which I think upset her slightly.
She got up off the bed and made her way towards the door, as if a memory had hit her and she didn"t want me to see the emotion building up. My guilt doubled.
"Get some rest honey," and she left without looking at me, not wanting to show me her face. She was gone before I finished my good night.
I brushed my hair ready to plait it for bed and it squeaked as my hands split it into three parts. It was overly clean due to the amount of time I had spent in the shower. I hoped no one else was planning on having one as they would be in for a shock. A cold one!
I gave up on reading after only ten minutes, I just couldn"t concentrate. The effect of the dream was still fresh in my mind, no matter how much I tried to block it out. It wasn"t that I wanted to do this; it was just that it made more sense. I had been so frustrated all evening that I thought it would help to just forget it. However there was one aspect I didn"t want to forget and it was the same one I was trying desperately to remember.
Why couldn"t men like that really exist in the world? That"s how I had made up my mind that it was a dream. Men just weren"t that perfect! Well ok, I hadn"t really had an extensive knowledge of the other s.e.x but from what I saw (or can remember) he was just staggeringly beautiful. More like a G.o.d than a human, maybe I had read too many mythological stories. No wonder I dreamt about him. But even I didn"t think that I would have that much of a perfect imagination to create a figure of a man like that.
Don"t get me wrong I"d had boyfriends before, but I had never met the "one". I had never felt the way Libby does for Frank, the way she talks about him, you can just see the pure happiness and pride radiating from her soul.
I had never felt like that...ever!
I took my dad"s sweater off and finally started to relax as I settled down my wired mind. I turned off my lamp and pulled the covers around my body like a coc.o.o.n. I could feel my heavy lids falling and knew it wouldn"t be long until I would be asleep.
But something was annoying me and this time it wasn"t my brain doing overtime. It was a noise. Only it wasn"t just any noise. It was a tapping. A tapping I recognised.
It was back.
I shot up so fast my head spun around the dark room, the moon was out and there was a faint glow behind a cloud that would soon come into view. I held my breath not wanting to move. My body froze and my hands were curled into b.a.l.l.s, gripping so hard on the quilt that I"m sure if I could have seen my knuckles, they would have been deadly white.
I wanted to put the light on but knew that it wouldn"t help me see outside and I would only get as far as seeing my own pale refection. I waited for the moon as the tapping continued, only this time it wasn"t as erratic. It made me too curious, so I bravely got up and walked over to the window seat straining my eyes, desperate to see the creature once more but I was at a loss to understand why.
The moon was coming out now and it started to create shadows in my room. But both relief and disappointment washed over me, as there was nothing there. My eyes searched everywhere but still no bird and also no trace of anything that could have been making that noise. I was about to give up but decided to open the window. I didn"t know why or what difference this would make but my hand still reached for the window latch. It was a bit tough but I didn"t need to worry about waking anyone, you couldn"t hear anything up in my attic room.
The paint flaked and the hinges squeaked as I pushed on its frame. The cold air hit me and went straight down my spine continuing all the way down my body. I held my arms around my ribs wishing I were back in my warm bed, feeling like an idiot, standing there freezing my b.u.t.t off. I poked my head out and looked down at the yard but there was nothing that had changed, still just a shed with some car parts dotted here and there. But no bird...no nothing. What did I expect, my mystery dream man to be stood there with a handful of stones he had been throwing at the window?
I laughed at myself and pulled the window back to slam it shut. The noised startled me even though I was expecting it. What I wasn"t expecting was the floorboards behind me to creak even though I hadn"t yet set foot on them. I turned round too quickly and almost stumbled over the cushion from the window seat that had fallen to the floor.
"You have trouble staying on your feet, don"t you?" That perfect voice, the one I had been trying so hard to remember. It was hypnotic. It was so smooth, like silk covering my cold skin but with an edge of something strong about it. I didn"t know what to do or to say. I just wished that I could see him as well as I had heard him. The room was still black because the moon had gone in again behind the safety of its clouds. I could just make out the tall, dark silhouette standing at the bottom of my bed, no more than four feet away from me. My heart rate must have tripled in seconds yet I was still scared to breathe.
"I umm.....I mean... what are you doing here?" Was all I could ask and I didn"t really think why I said it. What a moron I sounded! Forget that there"s a strange man in my room, I was worrying about what I sounded like. Way to go Keira, get your priorities right.
I couldn"t see but I was sure he had a smirk on his face. I could hear it in his voice when he said, "Yes well I"m sorry about just coming here like this but I wanted to give you something. I think you lost this." He held out his hand to give me something I couldn"t see but I didn"t move.
"It"s alright, there"s no need to fear me. I would never hurt you." He emphasised the world "never" as if it would cause him physical pain to go back on his words. His voice also did that hypnotic thing again and made my brain turn to mush.
I stepped forward cautiously and reached out as far as I could to take what it was he was holding. I was just about to get it when he moved so quickly, it was a blurry wave and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I realised how close he was to me. My hand had dropped to my side as I struggled to breathe again. He must have noticed my reaction because he whispered in a honey coated voice, "Don"t be afraid."
I wish I could have found words to speak but I was numb and most definitely not with fear, it was more like l.u.s.t. Everything about him held me in some kind of spell, his smell, his body heat and most of all that voice. I think I would have done anything he asked me too.
"I...I"m not afraid!" I said in a cracked voice that sounded anything but convincing. He was so close now I could hear him smiling.
"Here," was all he said as he took my hand very slowly into his own. The heat that rushed through me almost blew me over. It was as if I had been struck by thousands of red hot pins of pleasure. My body had never felt so alive. He turned my hand over ever so slowly as if not wanting to frighten me with any sudden movements. He must have caught my reaction the last time. He held my hand in his with my palm raised upwards and with his other hand he placed something there. His weight shifted towards my body as he leaned down towards my ear once more as he had done in the woods. The words flowed from his lips with such perfection I couldn"t breathe at the sound.
"I shouldn"t be here but I was curious about you little one." This made me notice something else in his voice. He had an authoritative edge that made me shudder under his hands, hands that dwarfed my own, making me feel every bit the nickname he had given me. h.e.l.l, the hand that held my own could have crushed my skull with ease. I tried to swallow down a frightened lump like I had a plum stuck there.
"About....me?" I asked, barely speaking the words. I was in shock. Why on earth would he be curious about me? He raised his hand up to my face and I froze only barely being able to take a small breath. Meanwhile the moon had come out but he was still in the dark, unlike me. My pale face was now on show as he had his back to the window. The back of two of his fingers touched my cheek making me quiver at the warm path they left on my skin. I closed my eyes as the silent moments went by and his fingers continued to explore my heated face.
"Until next time, Keira," he whispered and I loved the sound my name made from his lips. His whisper stayed in my mind like a drug working over my body. I could feel myself getting weaker until finally I couldn"t fight off the urge to close my eyes...
Chapter 5- Getting Ready.
When I woke the window still held the last few minutes of night but I could see more clearly. I rubbed my eyes and wondered what it was that I had been dreaming about. I sat upright and stretched out my arms yawning, when I heard the thud of something hitting the wooden floor. I leaned over and picked up my copy of Jane Eyre. I must have fallen asleep reading it last night. How strange I couldn"t remember.
I looked at the clock and it was 6:30. I rubbed my eyes and pulled back the warm covers. I got up and regretted it immediately as the cold air hit me. I quickly rushed to the bathroom wishing I owned slippers as I dragged my frozen feet across the hard wooden floor. I decided to get back into bed when I had finished as it was much warmer there. The house was still quiet and I was in no rush to start the day in this weather, it felt like the seasons had changed overnight. There was ice all around the corners of my window and I shivered, hoping my bed was still as warm as I had left it. I slid in between the covers not wanting any of the warmth to escape.
I grabbed my book and noticed something attached to one of the pages. I shook my head at the unbelievable as I removed my metal hair clip that I thought I had lost or had I? But as I opened the book I noticed it had been placed there for a reason. The point was positioned as though to draw my attention to a part in the book I knew well but however it was a page I had not yet reached. It read...
"An impulse held me fast,-a force turned me round. I said,-or something in me said for me, and in spite of me:- "Thank you, Mr. Rochester, for your great kindness. I am strangely glad to get back again to you; and wherever you are, is my home--my only home."
I held the book open on the page staring at it for a long time, trying to comprehend why it should be marked on this page. My mind didn"t feel like my own. It felt as though I had dreamt the last couple of days. I tried to recall what I had done yesterday but my mind came up empty. The last thing I remembered was meeting RJ at the mall and talking to Libby on the way home. But it finished there. What the h.e.l.l?
My train of thought was interrupted by the noises my stomach was making. I realised I was starving. Did I even eat anything yesterday? I couldn"t remember that either. How strange but more than anything else it was utterly frustrating!
I grabbed some thick socks from a draw in my dresser and put them on my feet as quickly as I could before they turned to blocks of ice again. I tried to be as quiet as I could as I crossed the landing and went down the stairs. The steps creaked under the weight of my body making them sound as though they were moaning at me for waking them too. Once in the kitchen I flicked on the light switch and headed for the huge double door fridge. My eyes hadn"t quite adjusted to the light as it was still dark outside and as always, raining. I grabbed the carton of milk and put it on the table, got a bowl, spoon and hunted for some cereal. I found one called Captain Crunch and thought I would give it a try. I clicked the kettle on and put a teabag in a mug, thus completing my breakfast.
Libby walked in the kitchen dressed in a fluffy robe with fluffy slippers to match, she looked like a pink marshmallow but h.e.l.l it looked warm! "Nice!" I said waving my hand up and down motioning to her ensemble.
"Funny! Frank bought these for me last Christmas, and trust me you"ll be wanting some in winter," she said with a half crooked smile.
"Why, does it come in black?" I replied with a crooked smile of my own.
"So how did you sleep?" She asked as she sat opposite me with her own bowl and spoon in hand.
"On my side mainly" I giggled "Ha, ha very funny, you know what they say about sarcasm don"t you?"
"Highest form of wit, oh and I don"t recall the rest," I said as I put my bowl and spoon in the sink after finishing my breakfast in record time.
"Yes and the lowest form of intelligence! And we have a dishwasher!" Of course they did, for such an old house they sure liked their mod cons.
It felt so normal to be talking like this with my sister. The way we were before all the "crazy" happened, before I became so breakable in everyone"s eyes. It felt so normal having this banter with her. We could have been sat in our family home, moaning about who was on washing up duties after dinner. The thought made me smile. She didn"t miss it.
"What?" she asked looking at me as if she wanted in on the joke. She was so beautiful. Even now when her hair was loose and un-brushed it just gave her a more natural beauty, unkempt and wild.
"Nothing I was just reminiscing. You in work today?" I said trying to change the subject.
"Umm... well no but," she paused and had a guilty look in her eyes, I knew instantly what it was.
"It"s ok, you can go, I"ll be fine, plus I"ve got my big night out to plan for." I winked trying to hide my scepticism.
"Ah yes, the acid umm something or others. Yeah good luck with that!" She said sarcastically.
She liked the lighter music, should we say. I on the other hand didn"t rate music that got you all depressed and thinking about stuff. I like the sort that numbed the brain and the senses. I used to love music of all kinds from 60"s Rock "n" Roll to cla.s.sical, pop to rock even some rap and punk. I didn"t really have a favourite but it all stopped when things "changed". Now I like songs that were loud and that you could barely hear the words.
"Acid Criminals, actually and they sound rather cultured." I said this last part in a posh English accent, and Libby couldn"t keep a straight face. We both laughed.
"Well like I said, good luck with that! Hey but didn"t you say RJ has a brother?" Her look said it all.
"Yes, but you know that won"t mean much to me, I don"t date." I said firm enough to get it through.
"Ok, ok, I was just saying, you know they go crazy here for the English accent." She actually winked at me which had me quickly rolling my eyes.
"Umm.... well in that case I"m just gonna have to practice my American accent then." I couldn"t keep the smirk from my face. I got up to take the second mug of tea that Libby had poured me back upstairs, when I heard Libby ask about my book. I stopped in the hallway and backed up a few steps.
"What did you say?"
"Did you find your book?" She asked mouth still full of cereal.
"Umm, when did I lose it?" I was confused, did she take it and was she the one that attached my hair clip to it?
She looked even more confused. "Yeah yesterday, you were asking me if I had seen it... remember?" She looked slightly worried at my non-responsive face. I honestly didn"t remember even speaking to Libby after she had dropped me off after the mall. My mind was a blank and Libby was shifting slightly in her seat and had put her spoon down waiting for me to answer her. Her face was about to quickly shift to panic so I decided to lie.
"Oh yeah sorry. I found it under the bed, must have forgotten. I"ve slept since then." I smiled trying to play the part of a fool. Only my acting skills weren"t my finest attribute.
She answered me with a nod and picked up her spoon again, which indicated that she was at least satisfied with my response.
Once upstairs in my room I examined the book again and read the entire page over and over, trying to make sense of the significance. It was the part in the book where Jane had returned from her aunt"s house after she had died and she was returning to Mr Rochester. She felt like she was home. Wherever he was, was her home. The thought lingered there in my mind like a lost memory trying to find its way back through the fog. I gave up making sense of it all and put it down to coincidence.
I got into my baggy jeans and double layered top, which had long grey sleeves, and a plum coloured outer t-shirt. I also put on a thick knitted cardigan that was far too big for me. I decided to do some housework and take the burden off Libby. I started in the bathroom, which was really my own personal en suite, it was the only other room on the top floor but as there were three bathrooms in total, it was at my disposal.
It only had a sink and a toilet in it but it was big enough to house a bath. It had a big cupboard that was more like a wardrobe. It had a white washed paint effect and an antique smell. But it matched the rest of the room perfectly so I could understand why Libby had put it there. Plus it could hold my body weight in towels and blankets. There were empty shelves that were put up in a little alcove in the corner waiting for some of my personal things to fill them.
There was also a beautiful wooden mirror that was also painted white with an arched top and a little shelf at the bottom which had a candle upon it. It was hung over the sink and at the moment beheld my very white face staring into it and matching its frame. I looked at how my blonde hair made my face look even paler and made my eyes stand out even more. They looked more like a stormy colour today and darker than usual. I had always been told I had unusual eyes. Some days they looked bluer but the colour changed with my mood. These days they did look more black than blue.
Libby walked in just as I had finished the sink. She was dressed in a black suit that looked fantastic on her. It was tight fitting and had a thick belt under the chest. A bright white shirt showed underneath at the collar and cuffs. She wore heels that looked far too high to be comfortable, the type that I would most definitely fall down in.
"You look nice." She smiled and tried to twist a stray curl back into her bun.
"Thanks. And you"re sure that you don"t mind me going to work, it"s just that this client has brought the due date forward and....."
"It"s ok, you don"t have to explain, I told you I will be fine." I would have hugged her but my rubber gloved hands that smelled of bleach wouldn"t have mixed well with the power suit.
"I"m just going to do some housework and maybe try and get some reading done ready for next week." This wasn"t a lie, so how come it didn"t sound so convincing? I think I could now add paranoia on to my long list of failing attributes. After all I didn"t really have much else to do around here and it was raining cats and dogs outside, so a walk was out of the question. I couldn"t wait to start work and college, I was getting seriously bored. But that still didn"t make the b.u.t.terflies in my stomach ease off. As much as I was looking forward to tonight I was also a little bit terrified.
"Ok, well I"m off. Frank"s already gone so you"ve got the whole house to yourself. What time are you meeting up with the "Goth Gang"?" This was no doubt her new nickname for my hopefully soon to be friends.
"Umm, I"m not actually sure on that one, she said she"d ring but I will ring you on your mobile to let you know the details."
"Don"t you mean cell phone?" She said in her best American accent, which was about as good as mine, which was weak.
"Oh yeah, don"t want the locals getting all rallied up "cause there"s a stranger in town, ha, ha." G.o.d my red-neck accent sounded more German. I laughed at myself.
"Nope but I think the town will be more pre-occupied with the other newcomers, the scarier ones." She said this bit in a dire tone and she wasn"t laughing. Why did she dislike them so much, had she even seen them, from the sounds of things, not many people had.
I spent the rest of the day trying to find things to do and consequently my list of jobs didn"t take as long as I thought they would have. RJ had called to confirm I was still "up for it". I think she was excited about being the one to introduce me into society. "The Goth rock" society that is. To be fair, any would do at this point. I just needed to get out and would have joined the chess club to have got me out! And after all my little day dreaming incidents, the last thing I needed was more time on my own to allow my imagination to get even more out of control. It made me miss my little ford fiesta. What I wouldn"t do now to just be able to get in a car and drive around and explore the place. Well tonight I was going to get that chance and to say I was a bit nervous was a huge understatement.
After ringing Libby on her "cell" and informing her of the plan, I finished getting dinner ready. I had made a ca.s.serole so all they would need to do is heat it up. I"m sure even Libby could handle that without burning it. Or maybe I should put in into bowls ready to just shove in the microwave. That way she wouldn"t have to light anything. I chuckled to myself as I remembered the pizza on my first night here. I decided to leave it in the pot, not wanting to hurt her feelings, the bowl idea was a bit obvious about what I thought of her cookery skills.
I decided to get a shower and start getting ready for tonight. I had done the girlie thing and asked what RJ was wearing tonight, not wanting to stand out even more. Not that I ever really wore anything to stand out, but still I had to check. I had been quite relieved to find out that the place wasn"t really the "dress code type". So I was just going to stick to my old faithful blue jeans that weren"t as baggy as my usual ones and a long sleeved black top with a v neck but had a bit of black embroidery across the neck giving it a bit more of a layered look. It was a top my parents had brought me back from their holiday in Spain. It had a gypsy look to it that gave it a bit of a retro feel. I thought it would pa.s.s for the alternative look that I was aiming for.
It clung quite tight to my skin, which showed off a little too much of my figure than I liked, so I added a hooded top which was also black with red piping around the edges. It had a huge hood that would give me lots of protection from the weather should we have to queue to get into this place. It also had long sleeves that went right down past my knuckles, which was a wining factor for me. It meant I didn"t have to wear my gloves. Even though for me that would be quite hard. I had become so used to wearing them everywhere I went that they had become a sort of security blanket for me. Maybe I would wear some just in case, but the ones that only covered my scars and went to just before the elbow.
I had dried my hair, which had taken me the longest part to get ready, it always did, it was just so long and thick, it looked more like a s.h.a.ggy rug hanging down to my waist. My hair had always been a head turner. I used to enjoy the compliments I received, but now I just wanted to hide it away, tonight being no exception.
I tied it into a knot and secured it up at the back with my strong metal clip. I had this down to a fine art now as this was how I wore it most days. The shorter bits at the front fell down around my face, a fringe that I had been growing out had now changed to blonde curtains that framed my face with one side thicker than the other. I pushed them back with a plain black headband, completing my mundane look. I examined myself in the long mirror in my room and I was satisfied that I didn"t stand out yet hopefully didn"t look too much like the newbie I was.
Libby was already downstairs finishing her dinner off and was mopping up the juice with the French stick I had asked her to get when I called. She looked as if she had enjoyed it.
"A bit of a change from fast food!" I said as I joined her at the table. She would have replied with some sarcastic response, I could see it in her eyes but the last remaining evidence of a ca.s.serole that had once filled her dish was stuck to one side of the bowl that she was trying to soak up with more bread.
I loved watching people enjoy my food. I had always enjoyed cooking, ever since my dad had shown me how to make potato cakes with left over mashed potatoes from Sunday dinners. He would then get out the video camera and I would pretend I was a TV chef explaining the process in detail to the lens. After that I was hooked, so much so that everybody, including myself had thought this was going to be my career choice. But it was my other pa.s.sion of history that took centre stage.
"Yummy, that was delicious, thanks. Frank is going to love that when he comes in, can"t I say that I made it and win some brownie points?" I smiled gratefully at her.
"Since when do you need brownie points, Frank adores you?" I removed her plate before she started to try and eat the pattern on the bowl.
"Umm, is there..." I changed direction from the sink to the stove before I had chance to get the bowl wet, I dug the big spoon in the mixture and poured her another bowlful.
"Only if there"s enough." But this last statement was said while she was digging into the hot mixture of meat and vegetables.
"It"s fine, I made enough for leftovers, I know how Frank eats and anyway you didn"t answer my question."
"About?" she said with her mouthful.
"Brownie points." I said dragging out the words in a reminding tone.
"Yeah well he may adore me but not my feet and I could kill for a foot rub, those shoes were crippling me by the end of the day and well you see he"s got these really big, strong hands and..."
"Ok, ok, I get it! Please spare me the details," I said making a gagging motion but getting it all wrong as I laughed.
"You look nice, didn"t want to wear your hair down? No I don"t blame you in this weather." She said answering her own question. I mean, I never wore my hair down any more, she knew this or did she think that once I moved here I would change. Back that is.