I"M just square enough to own _up_ it was one on me. But far"s that par_tic_ular mix-up goes, I can _afford_ to be honest, and let anybody snicker that wants to--seein" the way the hull thing turned out. "Cause how about Doc Simpson? Didn"t I git bulge Number Two on him? And how about the little gal? Didn"t it give me my first chanst? _Course,_ it did! And now, sometimes, when I want to feel happier"n a frog in a puddle, just a-thinkin" it all over, I lean back, shut my two eyes, and say, "Ladies and gents, this is where you git the Blackfoot Injun Root-ee, the Pain Balm, the Cough Balsam, the Magic Salve and the Worm Destroyer--the fi-i-ive remedies fer two dollars!"
That medicine show follered the dawg fight. It hit Briggs City towards sundown one day, in a prairie-schooner drawed by two big, white mules, and druv up to the eatin"-house. Out got a smooth-faced, middle-aged feller in a linen duster and half a" acre of hat--kinda part judge, part scout, y" savvy; out got two youngish fellers in fancy vests and grey dicers; next, a" Injun in a blanket, and a lady in a yalla-striped shirtwaist. Wal, sir, it was just like they"d struck that town to start things a-movin" fer me!
The show hired the hall over Silverstein"s store. Then one of them fancy vests walked up and down Front Street, givin" out hand-bills. The other sent word to all the ranches clost by, and the Injun went "round to them scattered houses over where the parson and Doc Trowbridge lives.
Them hand-bills read somethin" like this: The _Re_nowned Blackfoot Medicine Company Gives Its First Performance T"Night! Grand Open-Air Band Concert. Come One, Come All. Free! Free! Free! 3--The Marvellous Murrays--3. To-Ko, the Human Snake, The World Has Not His Equal. Miss Vera de Mille In Bewitchin" Song and Dance. Amuricaw"s Greatest n.i.g.g.e.r Impersynater. The Fav"rite Banjoist of the Sunny South. Injun Shadda Pictures,--and a hull lot more I cain"t just _re_call.
When I seen that such a big bunch was a-goin" to preform, I walked over and peeked into that schooner. I figgered, y" savvy, that they was some more people in it that hadn"t come out yet. But they wasn"t--only boxes and boxes of bottles.
Right after supper, that medicine outfit played in front of Silverstein"s. The judge-lookin" feller beat the drum, the Injun blowed a big bra.s.s dinguss, the gal a clari"net, and the other two fellers some shiny instruments curlier"n a pig"s tail. But it was bully, that"s all _I_ got to say, and drawed like a mustard plaster.
"Cause whilst in Oklahomaw a _Injun_ show don"t count fer much, bein"
that we got more"n our fill of reds, all the same, with music throwed in, Briggs City was there. And Silverstein"s hall was just jampacked.
The front seats was took up by the town kids, a-course. Then come the women and gals,--a sprinklin" of men amongst "em; behind _them,_ the cow-punchers. And in the back end of the place a dozen "r so of n.i.g.g.e.rs and cholos. Whilst all was a-waitin" fer the show to begin, the punchers done a lot of laughin" and cat-callin" to each other, and made some consider"ble noise. I was along with the rest, only up in one of the side windas, settin" on the sill and swingin" my hoofs.
When the show opened, they was first a fine piece--a march, I reckon--by the band. All the time, more people was a-comin" in. "Mongst "em was Doc Trowbridge and Rose, and Up-State--he was that pore lunger that was here from the East, y" savvy. Next, right after them three, that Doc Simpson I was so all-fired stuck on. And, along with him, a gal.
Wal, who do you think it was! _I_ knowed to oncet. They wasn"t no mistakin" that slim, little figger and that pert little haid. It was _Her!_
"Cupid," whispered Hairoil Johnson (he was settin" byside me), "it looks to me like you didn"t much discourage that Noo York doc who owns what"s left of a toot buggy. Failin" to git the oldest gal out at the Bar Y, why, now he"s a-sailin" "round with the youngest one."
I didn"t say nothin". I was a-watchin" where _she_ was. I wanted t"
ketch sight of her face.
"I devilled ole man Sewell about kickin" him out and then takin" him back," goes on Hairoil. "And Sewell said he was a punk doctor, but awful good comp"ny. Huh! Comp"ny ain"t what _that_ dude"s after.
He"s after a big ranch and a graded herd. It"s a blamed pity you didn"t git _him_ sent up t" Kansas City fer _re_pairs."
The band was a-playin", but I didn"t pay much attention to it. I kept a-watchin" that slim, little figger a-settin" next Simpson--a-watchin"
till I plumb fergot where I was, almost. "Macie,--Macie Sewell."
Just then, I"m another if she didn"t look round! And square at _me!_ She wasn"t smilin", just sober, and sorta inquirin". Her eyes looked dark, and big. She had a square little chin, like the gals you see drawed in pictures, and some soft, white, lacey stuff was a-restin" agin her neck. They was two "r three good-lookin" gals at the eatin"-house them days, and Carlota Arnaz was awful pretty, too. But none of "em couldn"t hole a candle t" _this_ one. Took in her cute little face whilst she looked straight back at me. Say! them eyes of hern come nigh pullin" me plumb outen that winda!
Then the Judge walked out onto the platform, and she faced for"ards again. "Ladies and gents," says the ole feller, talkin" like his mouth was full of mush, "we have come to give you" enterprisin" little city a free show. A free show, ladies and gents,--it ain"t a-goin"
to cost you a _nickel_ to come here and enjoy you"self ev"ry night.
More"n that, we plan to stay as long as you want us to. And we plan to give you the very best talent in this hull United States."
All this time, the fancy-vest fellers was layin" a carpet and fixin" a box and a table on the stage. The Judge, he turned and waved his hand.
"Our first number," he says, "will be the Murrays in they marvellous act."
Wal, them fancy-vests and the lady was the Marvellous Murrays. And they was all in pink circus-clothes. "Two brothers and a sister, I guess," says Hairoil. I should _hope_ so! "Cause the way they jerked each other "round was enough t" bring on a fight if they hadn"t "a" been relations. All three of "em could walk on they hands nigh as good as on they feet, and turn somersets quicker"n lightnin". And when the somersettin" and leap-froggin" come to oncet, it was grand!
First the big feller"d git down; then, the other"d step onto his back. And as the big one bucked, his brother"d fly up,--all in a ball, kinda--spin "round two "r three times, and light right side up. And then they stood on each other"s faces like they"d plumb flat "em out!
When they was done, they all come to the edge of the platform, the lady kissin" her hand. All the punchers kissed back!
Wal, ev"rybody laughed then, and clapped, and the Judge brought on the Injun. That Injun was smart, all right. Wiggled his fingers behind a sheet and made "em look like animals, and like people that was walkin"
and bowin" and doin" jigs. I wondered if Macie Sewell liked it. Guess she did! She was a-smilin" and leanin" for"ards to whisper to Billy and Rose. But not much to Simpson, _I_ thought. Say! I was glad of that.
Wasn"t _none_ of my business, a-course. _Course,_ it wasn"t. But, just the same, whenever I seen him put his haid clost to hern, it sh.o.r.e got under my skin.
The Judge was out again. "Miss Vera de Mille," he says, "will sing "Wait Till the Sun Shines, Maggie."" Wal, if I hadn"t "a" had reasons fer stayin", I wouldn"t "a" waited a _minute_--reg"lar cow-bellerin" in place of a voice, y" savvy. What"s more, she was only that Marvellous Murray woman in diff"rent clothes! (No wonder they wasn"t no more people in that outfit!) But I didn"t keer about the show. I just never took my eyes offen----
She looked my way again!
Say! I was roped--right "round my shoulders, like I"d roped Simpson!
And I was plumb helpless. That look of hern was a la.s.so, pullin" me to her, steady and sh.o.r.e. "Macie--Macie Sewell," I whispered to myself, and I reckon my lips moved.
"You blamed idjit!" says Hairoil, out loud almost, "what"s the matter with you? You"ll have me outen this winda in a minute!"
The Judge was bowin" some more. "We have now come to the middle of our pro_gram,_" he says. "But "fore I begin announcin" the last half, which is our best, I want to tell you all a story.
"Ladies and gents, I come t" Briggs to bring you a message--a message which I feel bound to deliver. And I"ve gone through a turrible lot to be able to stand here to-night and say to you what I"m a-goin" to say.
"Listen! Years ago, a little boy, about so high, with his father and mother and "leven sisters and brothers, started to cross the Plains with a" ox-team. They reached the Blackfoot country safe. But there, ladies and gents, a turrible thing happened to "em. One day, more"n four hunderd Injuns surrounded they wagon and showed fight. They fit "em back, ladies and gents,--the father and the mother and the children, killin" a good many bucks and woundin" more. But the Injuns was too many fer that pore fambly. And in a" hour, the reds had captured one little boy--whilst the father and mother and the "leven sisters and brothers was no more!" (The Judge, he sniffled a little bit.)
"The little boy was carried to a big Injun camp," he goes on. "And it was here, ladies and gents,--it was here he seen _won_-derful things.
He seen them Injuns that was wounded put some salve on they wounds and be healed; he seen others, that was plumb tuckered with fightin", drink a blackish medicine and git up like new men. Natu"lly, he wondered what was _in_ that salve, and what was _in_ that medicine. Wal, he made friends with a nice Injun boy. He ast him _questions_ about that salve and that medicine. He learnt what plants was dug to make both of "em. Then, one dark night, he crawled outen his wigwam on his hands and knees. Behind him come his little Injun friend. They went slow and soft to where was the pony herd. They caught up two fast ponies, and clumb onto "em, dug in they spurs, and started eastwards as fast as they could go. The white boy"s heart was filled with joy, ladies and gents. He had a secret in his bosom that meant health to ev"ry _man, woman_ and _child_ of his own race. As he galloped along, he says to hisself, "I"ll spend my _life_ givin" this priceless secret to the world!"
"Wal, ladies and gents, that"s what he begun to do--straight off.
And t"-night, my dear friends, that boy is in Briggs City!" (A-course, ev"rybody begun to look "round fer him.) "Prob-"bly," goes on the Judge, "they"s more"n a hunderd people in this town that"ll thank Providence he come: They"s little children that won"t be orphans; they"s wives that won"t be widdas. Fer he is anxious to tell "em of a remedy that will cure a-a-all the ills of the body. And, ladies and gents, _I_--am--that--boy!"
That got the punchers so excited and so tickled, that they hollered and stamped and banged and done about twenty dollars" worth of damage to the hall.
"My friends," goes on the Judge, "I have _pre_pared, aided by my dear Injun comrade here, the sev"ral kinds of medicines discovered by the Blackfeet." The fancy-vests, rigged out like Irishmen, was fixin" a table and puttin" bottles on to it. "I have these wonderful medicines with me, and I sell "em at a figger that leaves only profit enough fer the five of us to live on. I do _more"n_ that. Ev"rywheres I go, I _pre_sent, as a soovneer of my visit, _a handsome, solid-gold watch and chain._"
Out come that singin" lady, hoidin" the watch and chain in front of her so"s the crowd could see. My! what a lot of whisperin"!
"This elegant gift," _con_tinues the Judge, "is _a_warded by means of a votin" contest. And it goes to the prettiest gal."
More whisperin", and I sees a brakeman git up and go over to talk to another railroad feller. Wal, _I_ didn"t have to be tole who was the prettiest gal!
"Ladies and gents,"--the Judge again--"in this contest, _ev"ry_body is allowed to vote. All a person has to do is to take two dollars"
worth of my medicine. Each two-dollar buy gives you ten votes fer the prettiest gal; and just to add a little fun to the contest, it also gives you ten votes fer the homeliest man. If you buy these medicines, you"ll never want to buy no others. Here"s where you git the Blackfoot Injun Rootee, my friends, the Pain Balm, the Cough Balsam, the Magic Salve, and the Worm Destroyer--the fi-i-ive remedies fer two dollars!"
Then he drawed a good, long breath and begun again, tellin" us just what the diff"rent medicines was good fer. When he was done, he says,--playin" patty-cake with them fat hands of hisn--"Now, who"ll be the first to buy, and name a choice fer the prettiest gal?"
Up jumps that brakeman, "Gimme two dollars" worth of you" dope," he says, "and drop ten votes in the box fer Miss Mollie Brown."
(Eatin"-house waitress, y" savvy.)
"And the ugliest man?" ast the Judge, whilst one of the fancy vests took in the cash and handed over the medicine.
"Monkey Mike," answers the brakeman. And then the boys began t" josh Mike.
"I"m a sucker, too," hollers the other railroad feller. "Here"s ten _more_ votes fer Miss Brown."
Just then, in she come,--pompydore stickin" up like a hay-stack. The railroad bunch, they give a cheer. Huh!
I got outen that winda and onto my feet. "Judge," I calls, puttin"
up one hand to show him who was a-talkin", "here"s _eight_ dollars fer you" rat-pizen. And you can chalk down forty votes fer Miss Macie Sewell."