"Yeh?" grins Alex. "Well, I"ll tell you somethin": As long as I"m goin" to all this trouble, I might as well get somethin" outta it.
I"ll bet you ten thousand to five the girl marries him and he lands the contract. If he loses either one, or both, you win!"
"Write it!" I says.
He hain"t no more than handed the thing over to me, when in comes Jared. His face is all flushed and he acts like a guy walkin" in his sleep.
"I know neither of you will believe it," he says, in a far-away voice.
"In fact, I think I"m dreaming, myself!"
"What did she say?" demands Alex, shakin" him.
"She said yes!" hollers Jared, in a voice that must of woke up sleepers in Kansas City. "Let me have my hat, I want to go over to her right away!"
"Well, what do you think of my dope now, hey?" says Alex.
"I"ll never be able to thank you for what you"ve done for me!" says Jared, holdin" out his hand. "Why, just imagine! This wonderful girl is going to be my wife and I had no more idea--Why, this girl is as different from any other as--But you wouldn"t understand--"
"I understand perfect!" says Alex, shakin" his hand. "And now the next thing is that contract, which should be a cinch for you after what you just done. Go over and see her now, but don"t forget them figures on the--"
"Contract?" b.u.t.ts in Jared, jammin" on his hat. "What"s a contract to me now? I"m going to marry the greatest girl in the world, man! Can you imagine her accepting me! Oh, boy!!!!!"
With that he does a few little fancy steps around the room, throwing a twenty-dollar pillow at Alex and a book at me.
This here"s a new angle, and Alex grabs him.
"Look here!" he says. "I know you"re in a hurry, so I don"t want to hold you up now; but you wanna recover from this here till you land that contract! You"ll lose your job if you don"t, and you ain"t gonna start off married life outta work, are you?"
"I should worry!" sings Jared, still one-steppin" about the room. "I can get another job--forty of "em! I can get anything at all, now.
She"s going to marry me, she"s going to marry me!"
[Ill.u.s.tration: "She"s going to marry me, she"s going to marry me!"]
He dashes for the door, and Alex runs after him.
"What time is the appointment with the big steel men?" he shrieks in his ear.
"What"s a big steel man to me?" asks Jared, struggling to get away.
"What"s anything? I"ll bet she would have accepted me long ago if--"
"What time is that conference?" howls Alex.
"I care not!" sings Jared, throwing the phone book up in the air, and a idiotic grin at me. "I"m going to have a quiet wedding and--"
I thought Alex was gonna choke him!
Personally, I developed a bad case of the hystericals.
"The time?" screams Alex.
"Eleven o"clock," says Jared.
"Will you promise me on your word of honor to meet me at that hotel at ten to-morrow, in view of what I done for you?" says Alex.
"Sure!" hollers Jared. "I"ll promise anything! Look what"s been promised to me!"
With that he breaks away from Alex and dives out the door.
Alex comes back and sinks down into a chair, wipin" off his fevered brow with a handkerchief.
"That baby is a plain nut!" I remarks.
"Whew!" pants Alex. "I started somethin" now, that"s sure! Still, I don"t blame the boy. I felt the same way when Eve claimed she"d wed me, and I guess you did too when Alice went temporarily insane and brung you into the family. If I can keep him keyed up to that pitch to-morrow, he"ll land that contract, and I"ll land your five thousand!"
"He won"t land nothin"!" I says. "He"s gone nutty now, and you"ll be lucky if he shows up at all. This here"s _one_ bet I win!"
"Yeh?" snaps Alex, gettin" up and reachin" for his hat. "D"ye wanna take five thousand more of it?"
"No!" I says. "Good night!"
At nine forty-five the next mornin", which is practically the middle of the night for me, Alex comes around and drags me outta bed. He says he"s goin" down and watch Jared put the contract over and he wants me along to witness the losin" of my bet.
We are in the lobby of the hotel gettin" ready to have Jared paged, when along he comes with some dame he must have kidnapped from the Follies when Ziegfield was busy countin" up the receipts or somethin".
I"ll tell the world fair she was _some_ girl.
She"s lookin" at Jared like he was the eleventh wonder of the world, and he"s gazin" back at her like she was the other ten.
"h.e.l.lo!" hollers Alex, grabbin" Jared"s hand and makin" believe it"s a pump handle. "Congratulations! I wish I felt as happy as both you folks look!"
"You couldn"t!" says Jared, still with that dazed look on his face.
"This is my future wife, gentlemen. We"re on our way down for the license now. Come on along as witnesses. We"re going to be married right--"
"What about that steel contract?" Alex b.u.t.ts in. "Did you get the figures all together last night?"
"I did not!" says Jared. "What do I care about a steel contract? I landed a bigger contract than that, and--"
"Pardon me," interrupts the girl, with her million-dollar smile. "What is this contract regarding the steel?"
Alex tells her the whole dope from start to finish, and when he gets through the girl turns to Jared and says the followin":
"Well, dear, I suppose this horrid old business could wait, but just run up and land that contract for a--a--wedding gift for me! It shouldn"t take you very long. I"ll wait here for you."
Oh, boy!!! Talkin" about "just runnin" up and landin"" a million-dollar contract like she was sendin" him for stamps or the like!
"All right, honey," says Jared; "I"ll be down in five minutes!"
They was _fifteen_ minutes partin".
Alex and Jared and I got in the elevator, and on the way up Jared talked about nothin" else but his comin" marriage. When Alex tried to b.u.t.t in and ask regardin" the estimate for this steel job, Jared gets peevish and says that will be a cinch and is practically over with; but what"s worryin" him is the best place to go for a honeymoon!