Alexithymia: The Curse Of Transcendence

The battle lay quiet, in a field that has seen years of peace lie breathless but still warm corpses that were utterly motionless, eyes open but immobile as their limbs, slowly giving up their heat to the soil. The life and energy that had dwelt within them have gone. Hearts that used to beat are still, minds that felt so many emotions are blank. Not a single soul happened to be alive in the whole perimeter except their death bringer.

A bit less than a kilometer away from the plain, three silhouettes came out of the forest and immediately collapsed on the ground. The whole body covered in scratches and bruises, sweat rolled down their skin in thick, salty beads.

"Ahh! I thought I would die in there!" Said Alexis while barely breathing.

"Oh, Father of heavens... Hallowed by thy name... I bow upon you for your generosity of offering us another chance... Of protecting us during these difficult times... I am eternally indebted to you, thank you from the bottom of my heart..." Prayed Pipola.

Pipola was trying to catch her breath as she prayed. Her lungs were about to burst, and her throat was so dry she would need a gallon of water to appease her pain.

"Look at my hand"s mom! Look at it! That"s insane! I can"t believe we"ve made it through these fences alive!" Said Alexis.

"Yoh, kid! You are still with us?"

"I am not a kid!" Said Asta.

"Climbing these fences was just pure craziness!" Said Alexis to Asta. "I am proud of you kiddo. You are actually tougher than I thought!"

"I am an adult now." Laughed Asta.

"Yeah, you are! Like a real man." Laughed Alexis in return.

"Let"s rest a little bit, we still have a long way to go." Said Pipola.

"All right! From now it is a piece of cake I am sure! I can"t imagine anything worse than what we just went through." Said Alexis. "Ok, I will be back in a minute."

"Where are you going?!" Asked Pipola.

"Toilet... Can I?"

"Don"t go too far!" Pipola warned him.

"Yeah, yeah; We are safe now, so who cares!"

"I care! So be careful and don"t go too far!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...By the way...What are these fences for exactly? Why could not we just use the entrance or like, anything less dangerous?" Alexis asked his mother. "Actually, I don"t really care! We"ve made it so...See you in a bit!"

Exhausted both Pipola and Asta remained on the ground trying to recover some stamina.

Asta rubbed the petals of a strangely looking flower between his fingers while lying on his back in the meadow – perfecting the art of relaxation. Pipola was so tired so she briefly disconnected from the reality as she dozes off of the warm gra.s.s. During that moment, ten minutes was a long time, so the short moment of calm stretched out like a small eternity.

"Mommy, do you think I am going to see Lucian and Marius in the place where we are going?" He asked.

"I am sure you will see your friends very soon." Pipola replied, already half asleep.

"Where are we going to live now?"

"In a beautiful place, where everyone is nice and kind. We will get a big house for all three of us and we are going to live there like a very happy family."

"Aren"t we a happy family?" Asked Asta.

"Of course, we are my love, but it will get even better. You will be able to go to school, meet new friends and maybe even make a girlfriend."

"Euh, I don"t want a girlfriend...Girls are gross."

"Just wait until you grow up, you will see how fast you will change." She giggled.

"Mommy."

"Yes?"

"I am going to see papa one day?"

"I am sure that you will."

After a brief moment of silence.

"Big brother is taking his time." Said Asta.

"ALEXIS?" Called Pipola, there was no response.

Asta let his breath out and rose to his feet, whipping the dried mud from his pants.

"I will go look for him."

"Wait, I will go with you." Said Pipola.

"Alexis! Where are you?" they called.

Pipola and her son kept following the pathway that snaked around the side of the forest. Trees twisted out of the side of the hill with leaves as hard as thorns. The precipice Clogwyn rose on the horizon, sheer rock striking down from the enlightened peak.

"Maybe he is up there?" Asta pointed to the top of the hill.

"Someone pa.s.sed through here recently, hopefully, that"s him." Said Pipola while accelerating her walking pace.

Tied with their hands they followed a fresh footpath through the human size bushes which would lead them to a wide earthen trail going higher up the hill. As they finally reached the top of the hill which was the bottom of the precipice, Pipola who was leading the way stopped, words left her as she could not will her lips to move, eyes and her mouth were frozen wide open. Her sight fixed onto the hideous aftermath of the battlefield that came to its end not so long ago.

"DON"T LOOK!!" she shouted while covering his eyes with her hands.

White as chalk, his hands trembled, nausea clawed at his throat. Asta tried to force down the bile of thickened saliva but that was too late.

"How?! How did this happen?!" Said Pipola and covered her mouth. "ALEXIS!! WHERE ARE YOU?!!" she called him again and again, but her voice echoed through the empty plain, filling the evening silence. She grabbed Asta and hid him in the path in the bushes they just used a couple of minutes ago.

"Honey, I need to go find your brother, just stay here, don"t go anywhere, your mommy is going to be back, you understand, I need to find him, I can"t lose neither of you, not now, not after all we"ve been through!" Said Pipola, as she spoke she begin crying.

Tension grew on her face and limbs. Her breathing was more rapid than ever, yet she was gradually losing her voice longer she shouted in the emptiness.

"I need you to stay here until I come back!" She ordered Asta.

"Mommy...Argh...My chest...It hurts, I can"t breathe..." Said Asta as he grabbed the skin of his chest as if he wanted to rip it off.

His breath quivered short, quick gasps every time he inhaled. Asta"s eyes were wild, the sentences were fragmented, and his thoughts. His face was red and eyes utterly bloodshot.

"Where is everyone, I want to go out! Leave me alone, where are my friends, why I am here, I want to go home." Said Asta while hallucinating.

"Oh heavens, please, not now!" Prayed Pipola.

"Where is my mother?! I want to hold her hand; Huh, where am I?!" He said.

The whole body was shaking as it was being electrocuted from inside. The heart was hammering under his chest as he completely lost control of his mind and body.

"I am here my love, you need to calm down." Said Pipola, while looking for his medicine. "d.a.m.n it, where is it..."

"Who are you? Go away, I don"t like you. Uncle Sandu, why are you crying..." Asta tried to fight his mother who held him tightly against her chest.

"d.a.m.n IT! WHERE DID HE PUT IT?!" Hysterically yelled Pipola. "That"s unfair! Why do we have to go through these horrors all the time?!"

After a couple of minutes of an intense panic attack, Pipola has finally found the medicaments for her son, barely seconds after it took the effect and Asta was getting back to his senses, gradually regaining his hearing and his vision.

"Mommy, I need water!" Said Asta.

"Yes, yes! Here my love, drink some!" She said and gave a small bottle of water to her son.

As his consciousness came back he remembered where he is at and why he came all the way here, far from home.

"I am sorry...I am not as strong as my brother..." Said Asta.

"It does not matter who is stronger, you know how much I love you my heart."

"I am scared."

"It is all my fault...I am so sorry... I should not have brought you here...It was not supposed to be that way." Said Pipola.

"Am I going to die?" Wept Asta.

"Of course, you are not, I will protect you no matter what!"

"Uhu..." He exhaled from his nose that was filled with the metallic odor of iron coming from the deceased bodies lying nearby.

Due to the recent traumatic events, panic attack and genuine fatigue, it took less than a minute before he pa.s.sed out while resting on the knees of his mother.

Her brain needed a brief moment of calm to give her strength and courage. She knew that if she went back, she probably wouldn"t return. Blessed be the heavens if she managed to find her missing son before she had to leave.

"I am such an idiot...I knew it would be impossible, but still...And here is the result..." Pipola criticized herself.

A bird sang nearby, bringing her back into the cruel reality as the longer she would wait, the less chance she had to find her son alive.

"I won"t leave you alone anymore, never..."

She lifted sleeping Asta into her arms and attached him to her back with what was left of her sweater. His warm chest got glued to her naked spine making her feel at ease.

"Alexis, I am coming for you." She said.

Pipola"s face sunken and haunted of fear, she was on her way to the precipice, unable to call for her child by his name anymore as she lost her voice. She was occasionally stopping by the lying corpses of her dead friends. The world had gone cold and dark, her eyes gradually became blurry, exhausted body refused to move.

At the moment when all hope of finding her missing child was gone, approximatively 300 meters away, two silhouettes were standing next to each other, immobile like two pieces of the night.

"Alexis?"

Neither of two silhouettes has moved an inch, they looked like frozen statues making it difficult to recognize.

"Why don"t you look at me...?"

Alexis was not at his easiest age, the rupture with his father and constant moving around foreign countries since he was 5 years old didn"t reflect very well on his behavior with his mother. From the beginning of the journey he has witnessed the worst part of life, events that no one, not even adult should have ever witness; Most of the stress, solitude and anger he kept inside was unconsciously directed towards his mother as upon his opinion she was the root cause of their current situation and that he should have stayed with his father. Regardless of daily arguments and other conflicts, both developed an inseparable family bond that quickly became crucial to surviving within the brutal world that surrounded them.

"ALEXIS!!" She tried to raise her voice to the maximum she could.

Teeth tugging at her cracking lower lip she kept moving forward. Not even a minute after, the fatigue has reminded her of its presence, it told her legs to go weak. With the best effort, Pipola was closing the gap between her and Alexis. Closer she was getting to him, more she feared of discovering the nature of whoever was standing next to him; Her whole body was begging her to stop, to go back.

Suddenly the wind got stronger, it sounded like a mighty roar. Mother has finally reunited with her missing son who continued to stare at the stranger, there was no life behind his eyes, only hatred, and sorrow.
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Dead in her eyes and dead inside, Quarta gazed at the orange sky. Her face and her outfit were soaked in tarnished red.

As soon as Pipola arrived at the scene, she tried to pull her son away, but Alexis refused to move and brushed away his mother"s hand without saying anything. The burning stare was craved on his face, traces of tears were still visible on his reddened cheeks.

"You are the one who did this...?" Spoke Alexis to Quarta.

As Alexis spoke to Quarta, her eyes lowered from the sky and moved towards his direction as her body remained completely still. Her stare was simply intimidating, constricted and on the other side empty shallow. There was no life behind these eyes anymore as if her human soul has left the body.

"Yeah..." She replied.

Pipola"s face changed its form, as soon as she heard her reply.

"Why!?" Alexis yelled at Quarta. "Why you had to kill them?!"

Pipola"s shoulders shook in fear, whole body paralyzed unconsciously she began squeezing Alexis"s arm.

"Why...Huh..." p.r.o.nounced Quarta.

Pipola stared blankly at Quarta with wide, horrified eyed.

"What did they do to you?!" Alexis shouted.

"It is not your fault..." Said Quarta.

"Then why?!" Yelled Alexis.

Pipola strained her vocals but nothing came out, still, she tried to attract his attention by any meanings, hoping he would hear her voice.

"Baby, please! Let"s leave!" Said Pipola.

Quarta pointed her blade towards the dying sun.

"You"ve done nothing wrong, the whole world we live in is wrong..." Replied Quarta.

Pipola sensed sinister energy coming from Quarta, her body threw itself in front of Alexis trying to protect him from the fatal blow. Startled, Quarta has stopped her hand movement and then slowly removed the blade away from Pipola"s face.

"I beg you! Please spare the lives of my children!" Kneeled Pipola. "I am the foolish one, I am the one who brought them here! It is all my fault."

Quarta stood still, listening to the mother.

Deep asleep Asta was enjoying the sounds of laughter, reliving these peaceful moments with his mother and brother. To him, these sweet memories were days he"d recall all his life, these forest adventures he had with his older brother, that day when he found an abandoned cabin and made it a secret base with his best friends Marius and Lucian. The countless evening when he was having the best time of his life spending the whole day playing outside and so many more. Far in the distance, a familiar voice has made a weird undistinguished sound, it sounded like a distorted echo. Then, there was nothing; The sounds of laughter disappeared one by one, the rest of the voices became something uncomfortable and irritating as if someone did that on purpose to wake him up, trying to pull him away back to the real world. Once more it happened again, but this time it was getting closer to him, closer and closer, it was no noise anymore, it was a human voice, his mother"s voice.

"Please, spare their life! I know your law is absolute!" Begged Pipola.

As Pipola threw herself on the ground, Asta has regained his senses. Head buzzing, he rubbed his eyes. By the time his eyes got fully opened, his nostrils have become overwhelmed with the smell of blood that spread all over the plain. He was awake, perhaps more fully awake than he never been, he untied himself from his mother"s back and fell on the ground.

"I am ready to accept the death for the unforgivable actions I"ve committed!" Said Pipola.

"Mommy...What? What, is going on?" He desperately called his mother. "Mommy, what are you doing?!".

Confused, Asta looked at his brother who was standing behind his mother"s back. That was the first time Asta saw his brother crying. A deep feeling of guilt was going through Alexis" head, he stood immobile, his fists clenched while biting his lips so hard that he was bleeding.

"If I"d stay...None of this would happen...It is all my fault" He silently cried.

"Alexis...?" Called him Asta without getting any reply.

"Please, please, let them go! I disrespected the great prosper rules, and soiled your lands, but, please, let them live." She desperately cried. "I will give you whatever you want! Take my life instead, but, please let them live! They are too young to die! I beg you..."

"Mommy? What are you saying?" Shockingly asked Asta. "Why are you saying that?"

Quarta remained silent.

"Except for my life, I have nothing else to offer, so take it! Just promise me that they will live!" Desperately cried Pipola.

There is something people call "hope"; Pipola was an extraordinary mother, she possessed a strong heart, she was intelligent and kind to the others; As a single mother the only thing in the world she cared the most were her children. The hope of a better life for them has driven her thus far, the goal and her dreams were so close that it felt like she could have reached out, fingers extended. Alas, the world is a cruel place, for her there was no direct path to success, regardless of how much effort she was putting into the realization of her dreams, making whatever she hoped and wished for, simply unreachable.

It was as if the universe has decided to keep crushing her with a new pain whenever she was getting too close. In the end, even with this despairing and endless pain, she took her life as a gift, being able to see her boys growing up, spending times together that was all that mattered. She knew that all of this will come to an end sooner or later like it always did; Deep inside she was just a mother full of hopes that maybe, one day, things would change.

"So be it..." Said Quarta as she raised her sword over the top of her head as if that was a guillotine.

Last moments of goodbyes were cut short as Quarta has inclined towards the mother of two and in a blink of an eye her blade has penetrated Pipola"s back all the way to her heart.

The world turned into a blur, and so did all the sounds. A minute of silence has landed upon the Eastern border of Lands of Aleksithimia. The air got so dense it was almost impossible to breathe, both children were shocked by the disturbing scene that they were forced to watch. Pipola drew her last breath as her body gave up its strength and slowly fell into her children"s arms.

Asta was gasping for air that simply wasn"t there; Endless amount of tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down his face. Alexis broke in hysterical scream right away, the emotional outburst sounded more like an atomic explosion of a none scalable levels.

Silent, Quarta has turned around and started walking away.

"Remaining targets are still alive, you must terminate the a.s.signment!" Said the operator.

"Forget about it..."

Her hands were shaking, her chest was burning of pain. The miscomprehension of that unknown feeling of remorse began swallowing her.

"Why does my chest hurt so much..." She asked herself.

The resonance of children screaming has brought her back in time. Quarta knew that since she has enrolled as a Keeper, her personality has changed. She became a lifeless killing machine with a mandate of allowance for executing innocent people for the well of her country. On her way back to the precipice she b.u.mped into a dead body that made her lose her balance, she dropped her weapon.

"What the h.e.l.l... Am I doing...?" She asked herself again while looking at her arms that were glowing in blood.

While Quarta was standing immobile, Alexis filled with rage has picked up her weapon and tried to attack from behind.

"YOU!!" He desperately screamed.

Keepers" weapons are special and designed in a way that no one except the owner could ever use it. Seconds after Alexis grabbed her weapon, it emitted a high voltage electric discharge. Burnt out from inside the child fell on the ground like a heavy rock thrown from a cliff. Smoke was coming out from his body.

"ALEXIS!!" Asta rushed towards his dying brother.

"I..." Quarta stumbled.

"Why did you do that?!" He cried.

Her mind was frozen of confusion and regrets; Barely able to stand, resisting of pa.s.sing out of the emotional overload. In the meantime, Asta was trying to drag his brother and his deceased mother"s bodies away from her.

The sun has gone to rest, the moon was about to take his place as the darkness begin surrounding the area. The cold autumn wind was playing with Quarta"s silver hair, her face was pale as it lost all the vivid colors. She looked like a ghost who was running through time and s.p.a.ce, looking in the blackness of her own soul waiting for the long-awaited spark of life.

"Another group of trespa.s.sers in approach from the South-East." Said the operator.

"Affirmative..." She said in a hollow tone.

Barely able to walk, her body mindlessly moved towards the indicated direction. The harsh winds blew her from side to side like a leaf resisting to be torn away from a branch.

Hundreds of meters away, the last member of the family was still there, although both Alexis and Pipola were not showing any signs of life, Asta"s arms were completely exhausted; The youngest child was far from giving up.

"Mommy, big brother, hang on a little bit longer...I will take you to safety, both of you, so just, please, stay with me." He cried alone.

h.e.l.l is a fierce word that citizens of Speranta used to threaten children if they were too bad. According to adult"s stories, the fiery daemons are waiting for bad children in front of big boiling soup, ready to devour their souls and cook them alive. Today Asta had to live something much worse than the h.e.l.l he has been taught about.

He cast his eyes upward, far in the distance he saw Quarta"s shadowed silhouette. The state of raw abandonment swallowed his sanity whole as he knew that she is coming for him. This time his mother wasn"t there to soothe his fears, nor was Alexis to protect him from the troubles as he usually did. It was just him, alone in a place he has never been before, stuck inside a tiny cage with the murderer of his family.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP!!" He screamed relentlessly.

With footfalls that overlap one another Quarta was getting closer. Desperate, he grabbed both bodies by their arms and hasted his pace. Unbearable pain surged through his arms as if all muscles got torn apart.

"GO AWAY!" He screamed relentlessly.

The collision with Quarta was imminent. Completely used up he fell on his knees trying to cover both bodies with his own. His frozen heart shifted at the sight of Quarta"s merciless gaze.

"GO AWAY!"

A small bunch of people wearing a black hooded jacket embroidered with a large yellow crest arrived on top of the hill. Two of them seized the child and forced him to come along. Even on the verge of pa.s.sing out, Asta was refusing to separate from his family; he fought back with all his strength but was ultimately useless as he was knocked out and taken away by force. Within seconds, the group disappeared into the dense, black forest...