Of course, so far everyone in town claimed to have been faithful in 1972. Either there was no adultery in Paradise, or n.o.body was admitting to it.
"I"ll just have to keep looking. I have to admit, I"m a little sorry. I like you. And some of my other choices aren"t so hot."
His grin returned. "I like you, too, and I suspect you"ll find something here in Paradise. It may not be your father, though."
"I don"t know what you mean."
He laughed. "Sure you do. Do you mind if I give you a little bartender advice?"
"Could I stop you?"
"Sometimes when you shake an apple tree, you get more than apples. I hope you"re prepared for whatever else drops down on your head. Because you are a living, breathing symbol of someone"s s.e.xual life, maybe a sign of infidelity or betrayal. Some people will do anything to guard that part of themselves. And I do mean anything."
She studied his face carefully, wondering if she"d been mistaken about him. Was he warning her about other people or warning her about himself? Suddenly the line between good and evil, friend and foe, didn"t seem quite so clear.
"I think I understand," she said slowly. "But I have a burning need to know who my father is. Whether I ever see him or talk to him or spend time with him is almost beside the point. I have to know who he is."
"You might not want to know." Justin looked at her, his expression somber. "You"re a young woman who thinks she"s missing something, something important. Maybe it"s your mother"s history, maybe it"s your father"s ident.i.ty, or maybe it"s you. A lot of folks go around looking into other people"s eyes searching for their own reflection, so they know what to think about themselves."
"I"m not doing that," she argued, even though she had a feeling he was far closer to the truth than she wanted to admit. "Okay, maybe I am doing that. But I don"t think you know what it"s like to grow up without any blood relatives."
"I might not know about that, but I do know that you are who you are no matter who your father was or is."
"I"ll try to remember that."
"Now, just don"t go running to my wife with your story about your father"s name starting with the initial J. She"ll having me sleeping on the couch in two minutes flat."
Katherine"s smile faded. Justin appeared to be teasing, but was he really? Were his words of advice just a way of changing the subject, refocusing her attention?
"I"m kidding," Justin said hastily. "Karen wouldn"t believe you. She knows I"ve been faithful. It was a joke."
"Sure, of course, a joke," she said haltingly. "I knew that."
"I"ve got to get back to work."
Katherine stared at the door long after Justin had left, wondering why it was becoming so difficult to tell the good guys from the bad guys.
Chapter 14.
Zach got up Tuesday morning determined to get back on track. The only dreams he"d allowed himself in the last year involved Rogue. Now Katherine had changed all that. He"d started falling to sleep with her image floating before his eyes. He"d dreamed about making love to her, kissing her until she couldn"t breathe, feeling her melt beneath his hands, listening to her cries of pleasure.
But he had to stay focused on his happy ending with Rogue, not with her. With that resolve in mind, Zach spent the rest of the day doing his job, checking each horse, reviewing their feed, their medications, their training schedule. Once the bulk of the morning work was over, he went into his office to follow up on phone calls, review breeding lines for interested owners, and generally douse any small crisis that came up.
He couldn"t help checking his watch off and on. Katherine had mentioned she might spend the day gardening, and he figured she"d probably drop by at some point, but by seven-thirty that evening, Zach realized she wasn"t going to come, and he told himself he was happy, until the door opened and his stomach twisted into a knot.
It wasn"t Katherine; it was Sam, and Zach mentally kicked himself for wishing it were her.
Sam idled into the room with a slow, deliberate gait. He looked tired, his sweaty hair clinging to his forehead, the lines on his face more grooved and defined. Even his skin color seemed a bit off.
"You look like s.h.i.t," Zach said.
"h.e.l.l of a day." Sam rolled down the sleeves of his shirt. "I could use a beer. Make that a pitcher. And next time you decide to leave me with the Evenson brothers, think again."
Zach grinned. "I have never before seen two people who think they know everything about everything and actually know nothing."
"Yeah, well, if their horse wasn"t so beautiful, I"d tell you to get rid of "em."
"Did they drive back to Louisville?"
"I sure as h.e.l.l hope so. Did you hear from Colin today?"
"Yeah, Rogue is settling in. As much as I hate to admit it, you were right about getting him to the track early. He needs to be a part of that scene, although he ran like an elephant on Sunday."
"He"ll be fine. The proof will be in the pudding, son, or in the roses as you like." Sam got to his feet. "I"m tired, but I think I"ll go get myself a Golden"s burger, see if I can rescue any pretty blondes who get accidentally splashed with bourbon."
Zach made a face at him. "That"s not all it"s cracked up to be."
"You want to come with me?"
"No, thanks, I"m not hungry."
"Worrying about Rogue or worrying about that blonde?"
Zach sighed, knowing Katherine had been on his mind all day. "Both."
"Why are you fighting so hard?"
"I"m better on my own, like you."
A frown crossed Sam"s face. "You shouldn"t try to be like me."
"Why not? You"re single. Married to your job. Happy enough, right?"
"I"m very happy. But you"re not me. I come from a big family. I have six sisters and four brothers. Being the oldest, I grew up taking care of kids. There were always too many people in my house, and I longed to be on my own. But you"re different, Zach. You"ve been looking for a pack to run with, and I think it"s about time you start thinking of creating your own family."
"I thought that once before, remember?"
Sam shook his head. "Crystal wasn"t for you. Never thought she was."
Zach"s jaw dropped. "Well, do you think you might have told me? Like before the wedding."
"Would you have listened?"
"What about you?" Zach asked, purposefully not answering the question. "Wasn"t there any girl you loved enough to marry?"
"There were lots of girls," Sam said with a twinkle in his eye. "Still are."
"What about one special one?"
Sam shrugged his shoulders. "I don"t remember."
"Don"t or won"t say?"
"I will say this. If you get a chance at love, you should take it. Don"t waste time. Don"t think it will still be around when you"re ready, cuz it won"t. And don"t get any foolish notion in your head that you actually get to choose the one you love. Doesn"t work that way."
"That may be, but you can choose whether or not you"re going to do something about it."
"And are you going to do something about it?"
"I"m trying not to."
"Well, you keep trying. Me, I"m going to find myself a nice burger, a nice beer, and a nice lady-in that order. Good night."
Sam"s life seemed simple and good. It was almost eight, and most everyone had gone home save for a few grooms who watched over the horses at night, especially the mares that were ready to foal. Maybe he should have gone into town with Sam. At least it would have taken his mind off Katherine.
With a shake of his head, he stood up and strode toward the office door. He needed to get her out of his head. And right now he had a feeling a bottle of bourbon was his only hope. He threw open the door, shocked when Katherine stumbled into his arms.
He caught her by the waist to steady her, and that was all it took. He was right back where he"d been the day before, wanting her with every breath in his body.
"Hi, Zach," she said. "I was just about to knock." His fingers slid through the loop of her jeans as he steadied her.
"What are you doing way out here?" he asked, inhaling the scent of her hair, her skin. Something was off. Her hair was mussed, and there were smudges of dirt on her face. But there was a glow about her, a happiness shining out of her eyes that made him wish he"d been the one to put it there.
"I"ve been gardening all day," she said. "I would have kept going, but it"s dark outside."
"Did you have the right tools? I thought you were going to stop by."
"I didn"t want to bother you. I just bought a few things at the hardware store in town. It felt good to dig in all that dirt. I needed a day off from-from everything."
"No new clues?"
"I didn"t even look. I"ll get back to it tomorrow. What about you? What are you doing?"
"I was thinking about getting drunk."
She raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Why not?"
"Do you want some company?"
He pulled her up against his chest, her soft b.r.e.a.s.t.s having a hardening effect on his own body. Then he thrust her aside. "I don"t think so."
She looked disappointed. h.e.l.l, he was disappointed. But he didn"t think he could kiss her again and stop.
"I guess I better leave then." She paused. "If you"re sure?"
He hesitated. There was something he"d been thinking about all day, something he"d been telling himself not to do all day. But instead of suggesting she go home, he found himself taking her hand. "You can leave in a minute," he said.
"Where are we going?"
He didn"t reply, and Katherine asked him where they were going three more times as they walked through barns and across paddocks. Zach knew he couldn"t describe it with words, so he simply kept walking.
"I don"t like this mysterious side of you," Katherine said with annoyance as Zach took her through one barn and out the next.
"You"re an impatient woman, aren"t you? Don"t you like surprises?"
"I don"t know. I"m not sure." Katherine had to jog to keep up with him. Finally he stopped in front of a door to a smaller building. He opened it, but she hesitated to step inside as it was completely dark.
"What"s this?"
"It"s a storage room. Go on." He gave her a gentle push and she walked into the darkness. Almost immediately she turned back toward Zach, rea.s.suring herself that he was right behind her by placing her hand on his arm.
"You"re not afraid of the dark, are you?" he asked.
"Sometimes. Night has never been my favorite time of day. My mother died late at night. I guess I"ve always felt a little scared after the sun goes down."
"I think I can change your mind," Zach said quietly. "Because night is my absolute favorite time of day." He took her by the hand and led her farther into the room.
"Isn"t there a light?"
"A light would spoil it. Trust me, Kat. I"ll protect you."
He didn"t mean it as a lifetime promise, but she knew in that split second that she did trust him. He was a hard man, complicated, but he could be depended on; she had not one doubt about that. So she followed him, trying to ignore the dancing shadows, the odd creak, the heavy air that sizzled with antic.i.p.ation.
He stopped in front of a ladder propped up against a wall of hay bales. "Climb up."
"You want me to climb up this ladder?" she echoed.
"No, the beanstalk. Of course, the ladder."
She eyed it warily. "Where does it go?"
"You"ll find out when you get there. Come on. Live a little dangerously. You can"t come all the way to Kentucky and not see this."
Katherine debated for one long moment, then put her hands on either side of the ladder and began to climb. She wasn"t big on heights or on ladders, and was relieved to feel Zach"s presence behind her.
When she finally reached the top of the ladder, she was able to climb out on a wide ledge of hay. A stream of moonlight came through a skylight in the roof, light that had been undetectable down below because the high walls of hay on three out of four sides had isolated the moonbeams into one dazzling circle of light.
"It"s spectacular," she murmured, sitting back on her heels as she looked up at the sky. Through the clear panes of gla.s.s, she could see the moon and an endless parade of glittering stars.
Zach climbed up next to her, then pushed her gently into the soft hay. "Lie back. It"s the best way to see it."