Jack grimaced inwardly; he had wanted Harriet to rest, but somehow it now appeared as if he"d been trying to escape Lindsay. "Sorry, Lindsay, you were saying?" he prompted as the thumping on the staircase ceased.
"Oh, yes, on the bus. Well, it was this morning, I saw someone who looked like you. I was going to speak to him until I realised." Rice glanced around the room; although his weekly invitation was of some years" standing, he could never remember exactly where everything was. Not that it mattered: the whole was solid. Armchairs, television, bookcase full of Penguins and book-club editions and Shorrock"s Valuer Valuer "so Manual--there it was, on top of ------------------------------------com60 "so Manual--there it was, on top of ------------------------------------com60 the bookcase, the wedding photograph which Jack had carefully framed for Harriet. "Yes, he was as thin as you"ve been getting, but he had a scar from here to here." Rice encompa.s.sed his left temple and jawbone with finger and thumb like dividers.
"So he wasn"t really my double. My time hasn"t run out after all."
"Well, I hope not!" Rice laughed a little too long; Jack felt his mouth stretching as he forced it to be sociable. "We"ve been slackening off at the office," Rice said. "How are things at the jeweller"s? Nothing stolen yet, I hope?"
"No, everything"s under control," Jack replied. Feet ran across the floor above. "Hang on, Lindsay," he said, "sounds like Harriet"s having trouble."
Harriet had quelled the rebellion when he arrived; she closed the door of the children"s room and regarded him. "Christ, the man"s tact!" he exploded.
"Shh, Jack, he"ll hear you." She put her arms around him. "Don"t be cruel to Lindsay," she pleaded. "You know I always had the best of everything and Lindsay never did--unhappy at school, always being put down by my father, never daring to open his mouth--darling, you know he finds it difficult to talk to people. Now I"ve got you. Surely we can spare him kindness at least."
"Of course we can." He stroked her hair. "It"s just that--d.a.m.n it, not only does he say I"m losing weight as though I"m being underfed or something, but he asks me if the shop"s been broken into yet!"
"Poor darling, don"t worry. I"m sure the police will catch them before they raid the shop. And if not, there"s always insurance."
"Yes, there"s insurance, but it won"t rebuild my display! Can"t you understand I take as much pride in my shop as you take in the house? Probably some jumped-up little skinheads who throw the loot away once their tarty little teenyboppers have played with it!"
"That doesn"t sound like you at all, Jack," Harriet said.
"I"m sorry, love. You know I"m really here. Come on, I"d better fix up tomorrow night with Lindsay."
"If you feel like a rest we could have him round here."
"No, he opens out a bit when he"s in a pub. Besides, I like the walk to Lower Brichester."
"Just so long as you come back in one piece, my love."
Rice heard them on the stairs. He hurried back to his chair from the bookcase where he had been inspecting the t.i.tles. One of these days he must offer to lend them some books--anything to make them like him more. He knew he"d driven Jack upstairs. Why couldn"t he be direct instead of circling the point like a wobbling whirligig? But every time he tried to grasp an intention or a statement it slid out of reach. Even if he hung a sign on his bedroom ------------------------------------com61 wall--he"d once thought of one: "I shall act directly"--he would forget it before he left the flat. Even as he forgot his musings when Jack and Harriet entered the room.
"I"d better be off," he said. "You never can tell with the last bus round here." "I"ll see you tomorrow night, then," Jack told him, patting his shoulder. "I"ll call round and pick you up."
But he never had the courage to invite them to his flat, Lindsay thought; he knew it wasn"t good enough for them. Not that they would show it-- rather would they do everything to hide their feelings out of kindness, which would be worse. Tomorrow night as usual he would be downstairs early to wait for Jack in the doorway. He waved to them as they stood linked in their bright frame, then struck off down the empty road. The fields were grey and silent, and above the semidetached roofs the moon was set in a plush ring of cold November mist. At the bus-stop he thought: I wish I could do something for them so they"d be grateful to me.
Harriet was bending over the cooker; she heard no footsteps--she had no chance to turn before the newspaper was over her face.
"I see the old Jack"s back with us," she said, fighting off the Brichester Brichester Herald. Herald.
"You haven"t seen it?" He guided her hand to the headline: youths arrested--admit to jewel thefts. He was beaming; he read the report again with Harriet, the three boys who"d hoped to stockpile jewellery but had been unable to market it without attracting the police. "Maybe now we can all get some sleep," he said. "Maybe I can give up smoking."
"Don"t give it up for me, Jack, I know you need it. But if you did did give it up I"d be very happy." give it up I"d be very happy."
Douglas and Elaine appeared, pummelling towards their tea. "Now just you sit down and wait," Jack said, "or we"ll eat it for you."
After tea he lit a cigarette, then glanced at Harriet. "Don"t worry, darling," she advised. "Take things easy for a while. Come on, monsters, you can help clear up." She knew the signs--spilled sugar, dropped knife; Jack would turn hypertense with relief if he didn"t rest.
But ten minutes later he was in the kitchen. "Must go," he said. "Give myself time for a stroll before I meet Lindsay. Anyway, the news ought to give the conversation a lift."
"Come back whole, darling," Harriet said, not knowing.
Yes, he liked to walk through Lower Brichester. He"d made the walk, with variations, for almost two years; ever since his night out drinking with Rice ------------------------------------com62 had settled into habit. It had been his suggestion, primarily to please Harriet, for he knew she liked to think he and Lindsay were friends; but by now he met Lindsay out of a sense of duty, which was rarely proof against annoyance as the evening wore on. Never mind, there was the walk. If he felt insecure, as he often did when walking--the night, Harriet elsewhere--he gained a paradoxical sense of security from Lower Brichester; the bleared fish-and-chip shop windows, the crowds outside pubs, a drunk punching someone"s face with a soft moist sound--it rea.s.sured him to think that here was a level to which he could never be reduced.
Headlights blazed down a side street, billowing with mist and motorcycle fumes. They spotlighted a broken wall across the street from Rossiter; a group of girls huddled on the shattered bricks, laughing forth fog as the motorcycle gang fondled them roughly with words. Rossiter gazed at them; no doubt the jewel thieves had been of the same mould. He felt a little guilty as he watched the girls, embracing themselves to keep out the cold; but he had his answer ready--nothing would change them, they were fixed; if he had money, it was because he could use it properly. He turned onward; he would have to use the alley on the right if he were not to keep Rice waiting.
Suddenly the shrieks of laughter behind the roaring engines were cut off. A headlight was feeling its way along the walls, finding one house protruding part of a ruined frontage like a piece of jigsaw, the next dismally curtained, its neighbour shuttered with corrugated tin, its makeshift door torn down like an infuriating lid. For a moment the beam followed a figure: a man in a long black coat swaying along the pavement, a grey woollen sock pulled down over his face. The girls huddled closer, silently. Jack shuddered; the exploratory progress of the figure seemed unformed, undirected. Then the light was gone; the girls giggled in the darkness, and beyond a streetlamp the figure fumbled into the tin-shuttered house. Jack turned up his coat collar and hurried into the alley. The engines roared louder.
He was halfway up the alley when he heard the footsteps. The walls were narrow; there was barely room for the other, who seemed in a hurry, to pa.s.s. Jack pressed against the wall; it was cold and rough beneath his hand. Behind him the footsteps stopped.
He looked back. The entrance to the alley whirled with fumes, against which a figure moved towards him, vaguely outlined. It held something in its hand. Jack felt automatically for his lighter. Then the figure spoke.
"You"re Jack Rossiter." The voice was soft and anonymous yet somehow penetrated the crescendi of the motorcycles. "I"ll be visiting your shop soon."
For a moment Jack thought he must know the man, though his face was ------------------------------------com63 merely a black egg in the shadows; but something in the figure"s slow approach warned him. Suddenly he knew what that remark implied. Cold rushed into his stomach, and metal glinted in the figure"s hand. Jack retreated along the wall, his fingers searching frantically for a door. His foot tangled with an abandoned tin; he kicked it towards the figure and ran.
The fog boiled round him; metal clattered; a foot hooked his ankle and tripped him. The engines were screaming; as Jack raised his head a car"s beam thrust into his eyes. He scrabbled at potato peelings and sardine tins, and struggled to his knees. A foot between his shoulders ground him down. The car"s light dimmed and vanished. He struggled onto his back, cold peel sticking to his cheek, and the foot pressed on his heart. The metal closed in the figure"s palm. Above him hands displayed the tin which he had kicked. The insidious voice said something. When the words reached him, Rossiter began to tear at the leg in horror and fury. The black egg bent nearer. The foot pressed harder, and the rusty lid of the tin came down towards Jack"s face.
Though the bandage was off he could still feel the cut, blazing now and then from his temple to his jawbone. He forced himself to forget; he stuffed fuel into the living-room fire and opened his book. But it failed to soothe him. Don"t brood, he told himself savagely, worse is probably happening in Lower Brichester at this moment. If only Harriet hadn"t seen him unbandaged at the hospital! He could feel her pain more keenly than his own since he"d come home. He kept thinking of her letting the kettle scream so that he wouldn"t hear her sobbing in the kitchen. Then she"d brought him coffee, her face still wet beneath her hair from water to wash away the tears. Why had he told her at the hospital "It"s not what he did to me, it"s what he said he"d do to Douglas and Elaine"? He cursed himself for spreading more suffering than he himself had had to stand. Even Rice had seemed to feel himself obscurely to blame, although Jack had insisted that it was his own fault for walking through that area.
"Go and say good-night to Daddy," Harriet called.
The children padded in. "Daddy"s face is getting better," Elaine said.
He saw the black egg bearing down on them. G.o.d, he swore, if he should lay one finger--! "Daddy"s surviving his accident," he told them. "Good night, children."
Presently he heard Harriet slowly descending the stairs, each step a thought. Suddenly she rushed into the room and hid her face on his chest. "Oh please, please, darling, what did he say about the children?" she cried. ------------------------------------com64 "I won"t have you disturbed, my love," he said, holding her as she trembled. "I can worry enough for both of us. And as long as you take them there and back to school, it doesn"t matter what the sod said."
"And what about your shop?" she asked through her tears.
"Never mind the shop!" He tried not to think of his dream of the smashed window, of the foul disorder he might find one morning. "The police will find him, don"t worry."
"But you couldn"t even describe--was The doorbell rang. "Oh G.o.d, it"s Lindsay," she said. "Could you go, darling? I can"t let him see me like this."
"Oh, that"s good--I mean I"m glad you"ve got the bandage off," said Lindsay. Behind him the fog swallowed the bedraggled trees and blotted out the fields. He stared at Jack, then muttered "Sorry, better let you close the door."
"Come in and get some fire," Jack said. "Harriet will have the coffee ready in a minute."
Rice plodded round the room, then sat down opposite Jack. He stared at the wedding photograph. He rubbed his hands and gazed at them. He looked up at the ceiling. At last he turned to Jack: "What"--he glanced around wildly--"what"s that you"re reading?"
"The Heart of the Matter. Second time, in fact. You should try it sometime." Second time, in fact. You should try it sometime."
Harriet looked in, dabbing at one eye. "Think I rubbed in some soap," she explained. "h.e.l.lo, Lindsay. If we"re talking about books, Jack, you said you"d read The Lord of the Rings." The Lord of the Rings."
"Well, I can"t now, darling, since I"m working tomorrow. Back to work at last, Lindsay. Heaven knows what sort of a state the shop will be in with Phillips in charge."
"You always said you could rely on him in an emergency," Harriet protested.
"Well, this is the test. Yes, white as usual for me, please, darling."
Harriet withdrew to the kitchen. "I read a book this week," Rice caught at the conversation, "about a man--what"s his name, no, I forget--whose friend is in danger from someone, he finds out--and he finally pulls this someone off a cliff and gets killed himself." He was about to add "At least he did something with himself. I don"t like books about people failing 8 but Jack took the cue: "A little unrealistic for me," he said, "after what happened."
"Oh, I never asked," Rice"s hands gripped each other, "where did it?"
"Just off the street parallel to yours, the next but two. In the alley."
"But that"s where"--he lost something again--"where there"s all sorts of violence." ------------------------------------com65 "You shouldn"t live so near it, Lindsay," Harriet said above a tray. "Make the effort. Move soon."
"Depressing night," Jack remarked as he helped Rice don his coat. "Drop that book in sometime, Lindsay. I"d like to read it."
Of course he wouldn"t, Rice thought as he breathed in the curling fog and met the trees forming from the murk; he"d been trying to be kind. Rice had failed again. Why had he been unable to speak, to tell Jack that he had seen his double leave the bus and enter an abandoned house opposite that alley? The night of the mutilation Rice had waited in his doorway, feeling forsaken, sure that Jack had decided not to come; ashamed now, he blamed himself-- Jack would be whole now if Rice hadn"t made him feel it was his duty to meet him. Something was going to happen; he sensed it looming. If he could only warn them, prevent it--but prevent what? He saw the figures falling from the cliff-top against the azure sky, the seagulls screaming around him-- but the mist hung about him miserably, stifling his intentions. He began to hurry to the bus-stop.
The week unfolded wearily. It was as formless in Rice"s mind as the obscured fields when he walked up the Rossiters" street again, his book collecting droplets in his hand. He rang the bell and waited, shivering; the windows were blurred by mist.
"Oh, Lindsay," said Harriet. She had run to the door; it was clear she had been crying. "I don"t know whether--was Jack appeared in the hall, one hand possessively gripping the living-room door-frame, the cigarette upon his lip flaking down his shirt. "Is it your night already?" he demanded of Rice. "I thought it"d be early to bed for us. Come in, for G.o.d"s sake, don"t freeze us to death."
Harriet threw Lindsay a pleading look which he could not interpret. "Sorry," he said. "I didn"t know you were tired."
"Who said tired? Come on, man, start thinking! G.o.d, I give up." Jack threw up his hands and whirled into the living-room.
"Lindsay, Jack"s been having a terrible time. The shop was broken into last night."
"What"s all that whispering?" a voice shouted. "Aren"t I one of the family anymore?"
"Jack, don"t be illogical. Surely Lindsay and I can talk." But she motioned Lindsay into the living-room.
"Treating me like a stranger in my own house!"
Lindsay dropped the book. Suddenly he realised what he he "do seen: Jack"s ------------------------------------com66 "do seen: Jack"s ------------------------------------com66 face was paler, thinner than last week; the scar looked older than seemed possible. He bent for the book. No, what he was thinking was absurd; Harriet would have noticed. Jack was simply worried. It must be worry.
"Brought me a book, have you? Let"s see it, then. Oh, for G.o.d"s sake, Lindsay, I can"t waste my time with this sort of thing!"
"Jack!" cried Harriet. "Lindsay brought it specially."
"Don"t pity Lindsay, he won"t thank you for it. You think we"re patronising you, don"t you, Lindsay? Inviting you up the posh end of town?"
This couldn"t be, Rice thought; not in this pastel living-room, not with the wedding photograph fixed forever; their lives were solid, not ephemeral like his own. "I--don"t know what you mean," he faltered.
"Jack, I won"t have you speaking to Lindsay like that," Harriet said. "Lindsay, would you help me make the coffee?"
"Siding with your brother now," Jack accused. "I don"t need him at a time like this, I need you. You"ve forgotten the shop already, but I haven"t. I suppose I needn"t expect any comfort tonight."
"Oh, Jack, try and get a grip on yourself," but now her voice was softer. Don"t! Lindsay warned her frantically. That"s exactly what he wants!
"Take your book, Lindsay," Jack said through his fingers, "and make sure you"re invited in future." Harriet glanced at him in anguish and hurried Lindsay out.
"I"m sorry you"ve been hurt, Lindsay," she said. "Of course you"re always welcome here. You know we love you. Jack didn"t mean it. I knew something would happen when I heard about the shop. Jack just ran out of it and didn"t come back for hours. But I didn"t know it would be like this--was Her voice broke. "Maybe you"d better not come again until Jack"s more stable. I"ll tell you when it"s over. You do understand, don"t you?"
"Of course, it doesn"t matter," Lindsay said, trembling with formless thoughts. On the hall table a newspaper had been crumpled furiously; he saw the headline--jeweller"s raided--displays destroyed. "Can I have the paper?" he asked.
"Take it, please. I"ll get in touch with you, I promise. Don"t lose heart."
As the door closed Rice heard Jack call "Harriet!" in what sounded like despair. Above, the children were silhouetted on their bedroom window; as Rice trudged away the fog engulfed them. At the bus-stop he read the report; a window broken, destruction everywhere. He gazed ahead blindly. Shafts of bilious yellow pierced the fog, then the grey returned. "Start thinking," was it? Oh yes, he could think--think how easy it would be to fake a raid, knowing the insurance would rebuild what had been destroyed--but he didn"t ------------------------------------com67 want the implications; the idea was insane, anyway. Who would destroy simply in order to have an excuse for appearing emaciated, unstable? But his thoughts returned to Harriet; he avoided thinking what might be happening in that house. You"re jealous! he tried to tell himself. He"s her husband! He has the right! Rice became aware that he was holding the book which he had brought for Jack. He stared at the tangled figures falling through blue drops of condensation, then thrust the book into the litter-bin between empty tins and a sherry bottle. He stood waiting in the fog.
The fog trickled through Rice"s kitchen window. He leaned his weight on the sash, but again it refused to shut. He shrugged helplessly and tipped the beans into the saucepan. The tap dripped once; he gripped it and screwed it down. Below the window someone came out coughing and shattered something in the dustbin. The tap dripped. He moved towards it, and the bell rang.
It was Harriet in a headscarf. "Oh, don"t come in," he said. "It"s not fit, I mean--was "Don"t be silly, Lindsay," she told him edgily. "Let me in." Her eyes gathered details: the twiglike crack in one corner of the ceiling, the alarm clock whose hand had been amputated, the cobweb supporting the lamp-flex from the ceiling like a bracket. "But this is so depressing," she said. "Don"t stay here, Lindsay. You must move."
"It"s just the bed"s not made," he tried to explain, but he could see her despairing. He had to turn the subject. "Jack all right?" he asked, then remembered, but too late.
She pulled off her headscarf. "Lindsay, he hasn"t been himself since they wrecked the shop," she said with determined calm. "Rows all the time, breaking things--he broke our photograph. He goes out and gets drunk half the evenings. I"ve never seen him so irrational." Her voice faded. "And there are other things--that I can"t tell you about--was "That"s awful. That"s terrible." He couldn"t bear to see Harriet like this; she was the only one he had ever loved. "Couldn"t you get him to see someone, I mean--was "We"ve already had a row about that. That was when he broke our photograph."
"How about the children? How"s he been to them?" Instantly two pieces fitted together; he waited, chill with horror, for her answer.
"He tells them off for playing, but I can protect them."
How could she be so blind? "Suppose he should do something to them," he said. "You"ll have to get out." ------------------------------------com68 "That"s one thing I won"t do. He"s my husband, Lindsay. It"s up to me to look after him."
She can"t believe that! Lindsay cried. He tottered on the edge of revelation, and fought with his tongue. "Don"t you think he"s acting as if he was a different person?" He could not be more explicit.
"After what happened that"s not so surprising." She drew her headscarf through her fingers and pulled it back, drew and pulled, drew and pulled; Lindsay looked away. "He"s left all the displays in Phillips" hands. He"s breaking down, Lindsay. I"ve got to nurse him back. He"ll survive, I know he will."
Survive! Lindsay thought with bitterness and horror. And suddenly he remembered that Harriet had been upstairs when he"d described his encounter on the bus; she would never realise, and his tongue would never allow him to tell her. Behind her compa.s.sion he sensed a terrible devotion to Jack which he could not break. She was as trapped as he was in this flat. Yet if he could not speak, he must act. The plan against him was clear: he"d been banished from the Rossiters" home, he was unable to protest, Harriet would be alone. There was only one false a.s.sumption in the plan, and it concerned himself. It must be false. He could help. He gazed at Harriet; she would never understand, but perhaps she needn"t suspect.
The beans sputtered and smouldered in the pan. "Oh, Lindsay, I"m awfully sorry," Harriet said. "You must have your tea. I"ve got to get back before he comes home. I only called to tell you not to come round for a while. Please don"t, I"ll be all right."
"I"ll stay away until you tell me," Lindsay lied. As she reached the hall he called out; he felt bound to make what would happen as easy as he could for her. "If anything should happen"--he fumbled-- "you know, while Jack"s-- disturbed--I can always help to look after the children."
Rice could hear the children screaming from the end of the street. He began to walk towards the cries. He hadn"t meant to go near the house; if his plan was to succeed, Harriet must not see him. Harriet--why wasn"t she protecting the children? It couldn"t be the Rossiters" house, he argued desperately; sounds like that couldn"t reach the length of the street. But the cries continued, piercing with terror and pain; they dragged his footsteps nearer. He reached the house and could no longer doubt. The bedrooms were curtained, the house was impossibly impa.s.sive, reflecting no part of the horror within; the fog clung greyly to the gra.s.s like sc.u.m on reeds. He could hear Elaine sobbing something and then screaming. Rice wanted to break in, to ------------------------------------com69 stop the sounds, to discover what was holding Harriet back; but if he went in his plan would be destroyed. His palms p.r.i.c.kled; he wavered miserably, and the silver pavement slithered beneath him.
The front door of the next house opened and a man--portly, red-faced, bespectacled, grey hair, black overcoat, valise clenched in his hand like a weapon--strode down the path, grinning at the screams. He pa.s.sed Rice and turned at his aghast expression: "What"s the matter, friend," he asked with amus.e.m.e.nt in his voice, "never have your behind tanned when you were a kid?"
"But listen to them!" Rice said unevenly. "They"re screaming!" screaming!"
"And I should d.a.m.n well think so, too," the other retorted. "You know Jack Rossiter? Decent chap. About as much of a s.a.d.i.s.t as I am, and his kids ran in just now when we were having breakfast with some nonsense about their father doing something dreadful to them. I grabbed them by the scruff of their necks and dragged them back. One thing wrong with Rossiter--he was too soft with those kids, and I"m glad he seems to have learned some sense. Listen, you know who taught kids to tell tales on their parents? The b.l.o.o.d.y n.a.z.is, that"s who. There"ll be no kids turning into b.l.o.o.d.y n.a.z.is in this country if I can help it!"
He moved away, glancing back at Rice as if suspicious of him. The cries had faded; perhaps a door had closed. Stunned, Rice realised that he had been seen near the house; his plan was in danger. "Well, I mustn"t waste any more time," he called, trying to sound casual, and hurried after the man. "I"ve got to catch my bus."
At the bus-stop, next to the man who was scanning the headlines and swearing, Rice watched the street for the figure he awaited, shivering with cold and indecision, his nostrils smarting with the faint stench of wet smoke. A bus arrived; his companion boarded. Rice stamped his feet and stared into the distance as if awaiting another; an inner critic told him he was overacting. When the bus had darkened and merged with fog, he retraced his steps. At the corner of the street he saw the fog solidify into a striding shape. The mist pulled back like web from the scarred face.
"Oh, Jack, can you spare a few minutes?" he said.
"Why, it"s the prodigal brother-in-law!" came in a mist steaming from the mouth beside the scar. "I thought Harriet had warned you off? I"m in a hurry."
Again Rice was caught by a compulsion to rush into the house, to discover what had happened to Harriet. But there were the children to protect; he must make sure they would never scream again. "I thought I saw you--I ------------------------------------com70 mean, I did see you in Lower Brichester a few weeks ago," he said, feeling the fog obscuring security. "You were going into a ruined house."
"Who, me? It must have been my--was But the voice stopped; breath hung before his face.
Rice let his hatred drive out the words. "Your double? But then where did he go? Come on, I"ll show you the house."