"This here is the dodge--you goes outside and lies down on the kerb-stone; whereby I spies you a-sleeping in the streets, contrary to Act o"
Parliament; whereby it is my duty to take you to the station-house; whereby you gets a night"s lodging free gracious for nothing, and company perwided by her Majesty."
"Oh, not to the station-house!" I cried in shame and terror.
"Werry well; then you must keep moving all night continually, whereby you avoids the hact; or else you goes to a twopenny-rope shop and gets a lie down. And your bundle you"d best leave at my house. Twopenny-rope society a"n"t particular. I"m going off my beat; you walk home with me and leave your traps. Everybody knows me--Costello, V 21, that"s my number."
So on I went with the kind-hearted man, who preached solemnly to me all the way on the fifth commandment. But I heard very little of it; for before I had proceeded a quarter of a mile, a deadly faintness and dizziness came over me, I staggered, and fell against the railings.
"And have you been drinking arter all?"
"I never--a drop in my life--nothing but bread-and-water this fortnight."
And it was true. I had been paying for my own food, and had stinted myself to such an extent, that between starvation, want of sleep, and over-exertion, I was worn to a shadow, and the last drop had filled the cup; the evening"s scene and its consequences had been too much for me, and in the middle of an attempt to explain matters to the policeman, I dropped on the pavement, bruising my face heavily.
He picked me up, put me under one arm and my bundle under the other, and was proceeding on his march, when three men came rollicking up.
"Hullo, Poleax--Costello--What"s that? Work for us? A demp unpleasant body?"
"Oh, Mr. Bromley, sir! Hope you"re well, sir! Werry rum go this here, sir!
I finds this cove in the streets. He says his mother turned him out o"
doors. He seems very fair spoken, and very bad in he"s head, and very bad in he"s chest, and very bad in he"s legs, he does. And I can"t come to no conclusions respecting my conduct in this here case, nohow!"
"Memorialize the Health of Towns Commission," suggested one.
"Bleed him in the great toe," said the second.
"Put a blister on the back of his left eye-ball," said a third.
"Case of male asterisks," observed the first. "Rj. Aquae pumpis purae quantum suff. Applicatur exter pro re nata. J. Bromley, M.D., and don"t he wish he may get through!"--
"Tip us your daddle, my boy," said the second speaker. "I"ll tell you what, Bromley, this fellow"s very bad. He"s got no more pulse than the Pimlico sewer. Run in into the next pot"us. Here--you lay hold of him, Bromley--that last round with the cabman nearly put my humerus out."
The huge, burly, pea-jacketed medical student--for such I saw at once he was--laid hold of me on the right tenderly enough, and walked me off between him and the policeman.
I fell again into a faintness, from which I was awakened by being shoved through the folding-doors of a gin-shop, into a glare of light and hubbub of blackguardism, and placed on a settle, while my conductor called out--
"Pots round, Mary, and a go of brandy hot with, for the patient. Here, young"un, toss it off, it"ll make your hair grow."
I feebly answered that I never had drunk anything stronger than water.
"High time to begin, then; no wonder you"re so ill. Well, if you won"t, I"ll make you--"
And taking my head under his arm, he seized me by the nose, while another poured the liquor down my throat--and certainly it revived me at once.
A drunken drab pulled another drunken, drab off the settle to make room for the "poor young man"; and I sat there with a confused notion that something strange and dreadful had happened to me, while the party drained their respective quarts of porter, and talked over the last boat-race with the Leander.
"Now then, gen"l"men," said the policeman, "if you think he"s recovered, we"ll take him home to his mother; she ought for to take him in, surely."
"Yes, if she has as much heart in her as a dried walnut."
But I resisted stoutly; though I longed to vindicate my mother"s affection, yet I could not face her. I entreated to be taken to the station-house; threatened, in my desperation, to break the bar gla.s.ses, which, like Doll Tearsheet"s abuse, only elicited from the policeman a solemn "Very well"; and under the unwonted excitement of the brandy, struggled so fiercely, and talked so incoherently, that the medical students interfered.
"We shall have this fellow in phrenitis, or laryngitis, or dothenenteritis, or some other itis, before long, if he"s aggravated."
"And whichever it is, it"ll kill him. He has no more stamina left than a yard of pump water."
"I should consider him chargeable to the parish," suggested the bar-keeper.
"Exactually so, my Solomon of licensed victuallers. Get a workhouse order for him, Costello."
"And I should consider, also, sir," said the licensed victualler, with increased importance, "having been a guardian myself, and knowing the hact, as the parish couldn"t refuse, because they"re in power to recover all hexpenses out of his mother."
"To be sure; it"s all the unnatural old witch"s fault."
"No, it is not," said I, faintly.
"Wait till your opinion"s asked, young"un. Go kick up the authorities, policeman."
"Now, I"ll just tell you how that"ll work, gemmen," answered the policeman, solemnly. "I goes to the overseer--werry good sort o" man--but he"s in bed.
I knocks for half an hour. He puts his nightcap out o" windy, and sends me to the relieving-officer. Werry good sort o" man he too; but he"s in bed.
I knocks for another half-hour. He puts his nightcap out o" windy--sends me to the medical officer for a certificate. Medical officer"s gone to a midwifery case. I hunts him for an hour or so. He"s got hold of a babby with three heads, or summat else; and two more women a-calling out for him like blazes. "He"ll come to-morrow morning." Now, I just axes your opinion of that there most procrastinationest go."
The big student, having cursed the parochial authorities in general, offered to pay for my night"s lodging at the public-house. The good man of the house demurred at first, but relented on being reminded of the value of a medical student"s custom: whereon, without more ado, two of the rough diamonds took me between them, carried me upstairs, undressed me, and put me to bed, as tenderly as if they had been women.
"He"ll have the tantrums before morning, I"m afraid," said one.
"Very likely to turn to typhus," said the other.
"Well, I suppose--it"s a horrid bore, but
"What must be must; man is but dust, If you can"t get crumb, you must just eat crust.
"Send me up a go of hot with, and I"ll sit up with him till he"s asleep, dead, or better."
"Well, then, I"ll stay too; we may just as well make a night of it here as well as anywhere else."
And he pulled a short black pipe out of his pocket, and sat down to meditate with his feet on the hobs of the empty grate; the other man went down for the liquor; while I, between the brandy and exhaustion, fell fast asleep, and never stirred till I woke the next morning with a racking headache, and saw the big student standing by my bedside, having, as I afterwards heard, sat by me till four in the morning.
"Hallo, young"un, come to your senses? Headache, eh? Slightly comato-c.r.a.pulose? We"ll give you some soda and salvolatile, and I"ll pay for your breakfast."
And so he did, and when he was joined by his companions on their way to St.
George"s, they were very anxious, having heard my story, to force a few shillings on me "for luck," which, I need not say, I peremptorily refused, a.s.suring them that I could and would get my own living, and never take a farthing from any man.
"That"s a plucky dog, though he"s a tailor," I heard them say, as, after overwhelming them with thanks, and vowing, amid shouts of laughter, to repay them every farthing I had cost them, I took my way, sick and stunned, towards my dear old Sandy Mackaye"s street.
Rough diamonds indeed! I have never met you again, but I have not forgotten you. Your early life may be a coa.r.s.e, too often a profligate one--but you know the people, and the people know you: and your tenderness and care, bestowed without hope of repayment, cheers daily many a poor soul in hospital wards and fever-cellars--to meet its reward some day at the people"s hands. You belong to us at heart, as the Paris barricades can tell. Alas! for the society which stifles in after-life too many of your better feelings, by making you mere flunkeys and parasites, dependent for your livelihood on the caprices and luxuries of the rich.