"Who is it," she said.
"Who"s what?"
"The one who got him arrested."
Telling her wouldn"t make it any better and he thought about saying he didn"t know. Maybe he could still save it. Then he thought no it"s better now than later. Go home and start a fire and cuddle up with the dog.
"He"s no one, really, unemployed car mechanic. In and out of jail. He gave two addresses in Brownsville."
She put her head in her hands. "Jesus, Bud. I don"t know why that matters, but it does."
"I"m sorry," he said.
"I"ll have another," she said. "You can pour it a little heavier."
He pushed the bottle away from both of them.
"They cut his throat, Bud. They were trying to kill him and he was defending himself."
"He"s not talking, Grace, that"s the problem."
"It was Isaac English," she said. "That"s the only reason Billy wouldn"t be saying anything."
"Billy"s never walked away from a fight in his life and the English kid is a hundred ten pounds. The man who died was six foot eight."
"That"s what they all think, isn"t it?"
"People are worried about what this place is turning into. They"re worried we"ll get as bad as Donora or Republic." He stopped himself. "Until he talks to a lawyer we"re just speculating, anyway. We can start worrying about it then."
It was quiet for a time. He heard the oven ticking, wondered if the fish was burning, wondered if he would end up eating any of it. Grace was staring at the Formica table like he wasn"t there.
"There"s no point to caring about it because he"s basically gone already. It"s pointless even worrying about it, right? That"s what you"re telling me."
"No," he said. "That"s not what I"m telling you at all."
He watched her start crying and he touched her but she didn"t respond, she just sat there and cried, Harris looked at her across the table for a long time and couldn"t figure out what to do with his hands, he had a sense of something lurking close and then his ears started ringing and he felt shaky. Part of him was trying to make the other part stand up and walk out of the house. Instead he reached and took her face in both hands.
"I"m sorry," she said. "I can"t help it."
"It"s early in the game."
"This is going to wreck me."
"You shouldn"t be thinking those things yet, he hasn"t even talked to a lawyer."
"Please don"t."
"I"m not just trying to get your hopes up."
"It"s too late for us, too, I know that."
He kissed her and she pulled back for a second.
"Don"t just do it to make me feel better."
"I"m not," he said.
She let herself be kissed again.
"Be patient for a couple of days. It"ll all change with a lawyer."
"Okay," she said.
She took his hands across the table and then came over and sat on his lap and hugged him around the waist and kissed him on the neck. He didn"t move, let himself sit there just feeling it. She kissed him more. He touched her hair. He felt her heart speed up or it might have been his, he had a p.r.i.c.kly rushing feeling in his throat that spread all over.
"I should powder my nose," she told him.
She went into the bathroom and he made no move to leave. When she came back she sat on his lap again, she grabbed his belt loops as a child might grab her father and pulled herself tight against his chest, he kissed the top of her head and they sat like that. When she looked up her face was shining for him.
"I"m sorry," she said, "I made a promise to myself I wouldn"t think about it when you were here."
She smiled and squirmed purposefully in his lap.
"Christ I feel like a teenager. h.o.r.n.y and then crying and then h.o.r.n.y again."
"I think you should make me a nice dinner first. So I don"t feel like a s.l.u.t." Then he said: "That was a joke."
"Ha- ha."
"Ha."
He got up and slid his pistol and holster from their spot in the small of his back, stood up and put it on top of the refrigerator.
"You bring that in for a reason?"
"I live alone, I guess."
"You used to leave it in the car."
He shrugged. "Times are changing. What"s for dinner?"
"Trout."
"From the river?"
"I might live in a trailer," she said, "but..."
"I didn"t think so."
"Sit."
"I"ll work on the wine." After a minute of trying he got the cork out with a knife and a pair of pliers. He decided to do the other bottle while he was at it.
They ate, the fish was tender and the skin crispy with salt and she"d made a sweet cream sauce to go with it, something French. He wiped the sauce up with the bread and they ate the fish down to the bones. He thought about eating the cheeks, as Ho had shown him, but decided to leave it.
"That"s probably the best fish I ever ate."
"Food Network," she said. "G.o.d"s gift to men, indirectly."
When they"d finished wiping up the sauce and put down the second bottle of wine she said: "Can I ask one more question?"
He nodded.
"Who"s the public defender you were talking about?"
"She"s good and I think I can get her to take the case instead of one of the idiots. She"s probably got a real career waiting for her somewhere, but for now she"s putting her time in, serve the community type of thing. Hopefully she"ll embarra.s.s the lifers into working a little harder."
"She"s a woman."
He nodded.
"I like that," she said.
"Thought you might."
They looked at each other for a long time.
"I"m sorry I brought that up."
"You"re his mother. We can talk about it all you want."
"Do you want to open that third bottle?"
"I shouldn"t," he said. But he did.
They sat on the edge of the bed and they were kissing again, touching each other everywhere and his body felt very light and he felt the heaviness between his legs. There was no trouble. Not that it was a surprise. A slight surprise. Once in a while with the pills he wasn"t sure. He would throw the pills away, he thought, and grinned.
"Happy?" she said.
He nodded.
"Me too."
She knelt down in front of him, he stroked her hair and thought look at you old man, your life is not so bad. Then he rolled on top of her, sped up quickly, they still knew each other"s timing. The sounds she made- same noises you hear in your own head and you could keep to yourself but she shares them, lets you know how good you"re making her feel.
An hour later they lay on top of the covers and she ran her fingernails up and down his back. She got up to refill their wine gla.s.ses and they sat next to each other against the headboard, he looked down at himself, getting thinner and his hair gone gray but still he had muscle on his chest and stomach, a few years back he"d developed a beer gut but quickly gotten rid of it. Why, he hadn"t been sure. Now he knew.
"Have you been with other people?" she asked.
"Sure," he said, shrugging. But the truth was he hadn"t.
In the night he woke up and she was watching him. She ran her hands along the soft hair at the sides of his head.
"Shhhhhhh," she said.
He opened his eyes all the way.
"I like looking at you."
"I like looking at you, too."
She pulled the covers down. She had beautiful shoulders, the lines of the bones around her neck, the softness of her just right. She was a beautiful woman, he could barely bring himself to touch her. He felt full and happy, it seemed amazing his skin could hold it all, it seemed he had never felt this way in his life. No, he thought, it"s only that this is something you can"t store away, you can only feel in the minute.
He didn"t know how much longer he looked at her like that, touching her lightly with his fingertips. He could feel her skin getting warmer. She parted her legs. He put his finger there and she opened them farther and looked at him.
"I thought it might have been the wine before."
She shook her head. Then she smiled and said, "So you"re saying you got me drunk on purpose?"
"Basically."
"Next time I"ll be a cheaper date."
They rolled on their sides and she wrapped one leg around him, moving very slowly with their eyes focused. It was right what they said about s.e.x, it did just keep getting better, all of this, his supposedly worn- out body. He"d nearly turned it down. He felt light, no awareness of lying on the bed, they could have been anywhere, the feeling he usually had of things pa.s.sing quickly, of fading, why had he ever felt that? I can feel this, touching her, and then his thoughts turned into something else and didn"t make any sense at all.
9. Isaac
In the dream he was with his mother and sister in the backyard, looking out at the distant hills behind the house. They were all waiting for Isaac"s father-he was coming home for Easter, driving from Indiana. Something felt wrong about the dream; he and his sister were too old- high school age. By then his father had already had the accident. His mother and sister were sitting on the porch rocker, kicking their feet, laughing about something, and Isaac was in the garden, digging a hole. Isaac keep away from the roses, Isaac keep away from the roses, said his mother. But his sister stuck up for him. Then they were in the kitchen, his mother was putting dinner back into the refrigerator because his father was still not home yet, he was hungry and everyone was feeling let down, but Lee kept goosing his neck. Then she was joking around with his clothes, untucking his shirt. said his mother. But his sister stuck up for him. Then they were in the kitchen, his mother was putting dinner back into the refrigerator because his father was still not home yet, he was hungry and everyone was feeling let down, but Lee kept goosing his neck. Then she was joking around with his clothes, untucking his shirt. Very funny, Very funny, he said. he said.
Something was wrong. Wake up. Where am I? In the clearing. Morning now. What is he doing? The Baron was squatting over him. He was removing his hand from the pocket of Isaac"s cargo pants, very gentle, he had the envelope with Isaac"s money.
Isaac had the knife in one hand, he had slept like that all night, he could feel himself tensing his grip, getting ready to use the knife. No, No, he thought, he thought, there is no way there is no way He let go of the knife and grabbed at the Baron"s coat with both hands and tried to roll on top of him. But the Baron easily shook loose and then he was up and running. He let go of the knife and grabbed at the Baron"s coat with both hands and tried to roll on top of him. But the Baron easily shook loose and then he was up and running.
Isaac seemed to float up and onto his feet and then he was moving as well. He could not believe how fast the Baron was covering the ground, the white envelope flashing in his hand, Isaac was running as fast as he could, the trees were a blur. The knife was in his left hand and he switched it to his right. You need to catch him, he thought. The woods ended and they pa.s.sed the trailer park, they were in the open now, a parking lot, they reached a four- lane road with traffic going both directions.
The Baron turned onto the sidewalk and kept running, past a line of stopped traffic, startled faces. After a block Isaac began to gain on him. What if I catch him? Use the knife. Use the knife. He"s stronger than you and you"ll have to use it. I can"t do that, he thought. Then catch him anyway. He"ll be tired and you might have a chance. He was only a few steps behind the Baron now. They were right out in the open, he had a feeling everyone was watching them, they had pa.s.sed several dozen cars now. There were spots in his vision and his lungs were burning but it didn"t matter. He"d never run this fast in his life. He could run forever. There was a tall chain-link fence to the left and the sidewalk they were running on and then the road to the right. When you tackle him drop the knife. You"ll cut yourself. A white car pa.s.sed in the other direction and out of the corner of his eye Isaac saw blue lights flashing as the car pulled a U-turn, he was nearly close enough to touch the Baron and then there was a siren and the blue lights again. No, he thought, he could see the envelope pumping up and down in the Baron"s hand, you can almost touch him, then the cop car jerked across three lanes of traffic and jumped up the curb thirty feet in front of them, the cop was out quickly, he was behind the door, Isaac couldn"t see his hand but he knew: drawing his gun. He"s stronger than you and you"ll have to use it. I can"t do that, he thought. Then catch him anyway. He"ll be tired and you might have a chance. He was only a few steps behind the Baron now. They were right out in the open, he had a feeling everyone was watching them, they had pa.s.sed several dozen cars now. There were spots in his vision and his lungs were burning but it didn"t matter. He"d never run this fast in his life. He could run forever. There was a tall chain-link fence to the left and the sidewalk they were running on and then the road to the right. When you tackle him drop the knife. You"ll cut yourself. A white car pa.s.sed in the other direction and out of the corner of his eye Isaac saw blue lights flashing as the car pulled a U-turn, he was nearly close enough to touch the Baron and then there was a siren and the blue lights again. No, he thought, he could see the envelope pumping up and down in the Baron"s hand, you can almost touch him, then the cop car jerked across three lanes of traffic and jumped up the curb thirty feet in front of them, the cop was out quickly, he was behind the door, Isaac couldn"t see his hand but he knew: drawing his gun.