"It"ll be alright."
They walked toward the car and waited. When she got out, Isaac said: "You"re late."
"Sorry," she said. She smiled guiltily. "I had to get ready."
She had gotten dressed up-a long fitted skirt and an open- necked white blouse and when she hugged Isaac he could smell perfume on her neck. She did not look like someone from the Valley. Isaac noticed she was wearing makeup-unlike her. Then he saw how she hugged Poe, the light touch at Poe"s waist. He felt a surge of confusion and wasn"t sure what to make of it.
"What"s our plan," she said.
"I think a drink wouldn"t kill us," said Poe. He was standing at his full height now, grinning self- consciously, blushing, he couldn"t take his eyes off Lee. Nothing good is going to come of this, Isaac thought. He regretted not asking Harris to take them home.
"We really have to go," he said quietly.
"We can get one drink," Poe insisted. "We can all just visit a minute."
"What"s wrong?" said Lee.
"Your brother"s just tired."
Poe nodded to Lee and started ahead of them down the street, then stopped to smoke a cigarette while they talked.
"Well," she said to Isaac.
"I"m fine," he said. He wouldn"t look at her.
"You wanna talk?"
He didn"t answer.
"Buddy," she said.
"Since when do you call me "buddy"?"
After standing there a minute Lee seemed to make a decision. She turned and began walking quickly to catch up to Poe. Isaac followed slowly after them.
7. Poe Lee was walking ahead and he caught up and stayed close to her, he didn"t care if Isaac followed them or not, he accidentally brushed against her and she let him and, as for Isaac, he"d always been like this, he was afraid of everything. Small wonder how they"d treated him in school, he was Ralph Nader Junior, an old f.u.c.king man. Harris could have locked them up but he hadn"t, he"d taken care of things, old Harris had definitely taken care of it. Everyone knew Harris didn"t give two s.h.i.ts about dead b.u.ms he"d burned all those old houses down hadn"t he, he"d burned down an entire block of houses where the b.u.ms were living, Serbiantown it was called and Harris he had burned the entire thing, it had gone all night, eight- alarmer. He did not give two s.h.i.ts about a dead b.u.m in a factory. Anyone could tell you that much.
Lee had gotten all fixed up to meet him. Eight months now she hadn"t called, it had never been anything but fun and games to her and now she was married. He had heard it from Isaac, she had not even bothered to tell him. Only-here she was looking her very best, she didn"t wear much makeup but she was wearing it all tonight, she had taken care to look her best for him. Turning heads walking down the street like this, they know she"s in a different league, they would never recognize her. A giddy feeling overwhelmed him, he wanted to grab her up and hold her, hold some part of her in his mouth. Even being this close to her, if he could keep this feeling it would be enough.
They pa.s.sed Howie"s, there was no way they were going in there, Christ knew the things his friends would say in front of Lee. He decided on Frank"s Tavern instead. A slightly older crowd, usually, though not by too much. Inside it was dark and humid and people were dancing. Empty drink gla.s.ses everywhere. Isaac sulking back behind them. Go on, Poe thought. Lee brushed his hand it was not accidental, he took her hand and squeezed it, in the crowd no one could see him, he looked at her she was blushing, she had that crooked smile, she only smiled that way when she couldn"t help it. He would ignore Isaac, he decided, for the entire night. For his entire life. Inside the bar it was the aftermath of a wedding, a young couple, he recognized a bunch of people, spotted James Byrne across the room and turned quickly the other way. Jimmy Byrne who used to bring his girlfriend to the games only she started coming by herself, she used to give Poe rides home, they would park in the bushes. Did Jimmy know? Poe wasn"t sure. Jimmy was one of those types who got his permit to carry a handgun as soon as he turned twenty- one, he used to pa.s.s the permit around at parties so everyone could look at it.
Everyone was dressed up, all the girls in church clothes and their boyfriends in new shirts. Getting a thrill rubbing on each other. Someone left their baby in the stroller, it was sitting there by itself, watching things.
"It"s like old times," Lee said, but Poe wasn"t sure if she meant good or bad. They decided she would have a better chance of getting a drink and he watched her make her way to the bar, they were all jostling, she crossed her arms she was very small, a few dark hairs coming out of her ponytail, she looked, he didn"t know, she looked like she was from someplace else, from Spain, she looked like a girl in a bar in Spain, a girl from a picture. He almost went in after her but he made himself stand there. He leaned against the wall, hands in pockets, took them out, crossed his arms, finally he put his hands behind him. She brushed her hair behind her ear and turned back and smiled at him. He smiled back at her and they looked at each other for a long time, across the room. He felt as if he could breathe and breathe and still never get enough air. His neck was tingling and he didn"t want the feeling to go away, and then there was a commotion, the bride and groom came downstairs from some secret place, the bride"s dress no longer on quite right and a cheer went up and the bride looked down and the groom raised his hand in the air like some kind of general, big deal Poe thought we all know you f.u.c.ked her. But when he looked at Lee, he got a sick feeling-she had just been a bride herself. He was sick, literally sick for a second, he could feel things rushing up from his stomach and he took a swallow of someone"s beer, someone"s half- finished beer just sitting there, to push it back down. Look at you he thought you are not thinking right you should not even be here with her. She"d gotten sidetracked in the people dancing and she caught his eye and waved for him to come out and dance but he wasn"t sure now, he didn"t know what to do he just stood there. She was only doing it to be nice.
Isaac was standing in the corner with his arms still crossed. Poe went over and clapped him on the shoulder. "Relax," Poe told him, but even to him his voice sounded strained and uneven and Isaac wouldn"t look at him. "You want a beer?" Isaac still wouldn"t look at him. He turned back to Lee. She was dancing. She danced with a fat older man in his baggy church suit, sweat pouring down his face, it was Frankie Norton"s dad, Frankie who was still away at Lehigh. Then she danced with a freckled kid who looked about fifteen and then a guy in Marine Corps dress blues who was taking it a little easier. Lee and the marine danced for a while, it seemed like a long time, he twirled her around slowly. Poe hated this song it was Faith Hill, he hated new country. The marine tried to put his white hat on Lee, being playful. Then Frankie Norton"s dad came back and handed her two beers and Lee stopped dancing and pushed her way back to Poe. He could see the marine sizing him up from across the room and then the marine turned away, Poe saw he had a scar across the back of his head where the hair didn"t grow, a surgery scar. They had done something inside his head. After graduation a lot of people had signed up and three kids from the Valley had been killed in the last month alone. One of them was a girl he"d fooled around with, she was a little weird, everyone thought she was a d.y.k.e. He"d fooled around with her a few times but he hadn"t defended her. She was driving a truck and an IED got her, it was what got all of them over there. All she"d done was join the Reserve. He hoped the Arabs that did it were dead, hoped they"d been gutshot by some hucklebuck sniper who"d grown up with a deer rifle in his hand, hoped those Arabs thought they were safe and meanwhile that sniper was judging his windage and boom-they were holding in their guts. Christ, he thought, what happened, a second ago you were happy.
Lee handed his beer over and said: "They wouldn"t let me pay for drinks."
"You got that on someone"s SSI," Isaac told her. "Or their welfare."
Lee got a look on her face. Poe wanted to throw Isaac through the window. She opened her mouth to say something but the marine had come over next to her. He didn"t look more than twenty or twenty- one, short brown hair that looked as soft as a boy"s, acne on his neck and temples.
He said: "You ain"t gonna sit out long, are you."
"I"m finished dancing," Lee told him.
"Come on."
"I came to see my friends here."
He looked over Poe. Then he took her hand up lightly.
"No, thank you," she said.
Poe stepped in front of her, squaring himself to the marine.
"Husband to the rescue, huh?"
"That"s right," said Poe.
"Except you ain"t her husband."
"Yes he is," Lee said.
"Bulls.h.i.t he is."
"Go back to your friends," said Poe.
"We"re leaving," Lee said.
The marine took a step forward but Poe was already backing away. Then the marine kept walking after him but he stumbled on something and went over hard. He was drunk. He began to shout something from the floor, just lying there shouting. Poe kept backing up. Lee and Isaac were already out the door.
Poe backed away without taking his eye off the marine, people were starting to notice, the kid"s medals were flopped awkwardly on his pressed blue coat. Poe felt bad for him, stand up, stand up, he thought, just stand up. Then he noticed something strange, one of the kid"s legs was twisted and longer than his other leg, Poe saw something shiny underneath and he felt all the heat go out of him, and kept looking at the leg, where the sock didn"t cover it, it was pale brown plastic with a steel bolt for the ankle and Poe couldn"t stop looking at it, his head felt light, he thought, just stand up. Then he noticed something strange, one of the kid"s legs was twisted and longer than his other leg, Poe saw something shiny underneath and he felt all the heat go out of him, and kept looking at the leg, where the sock didn"t cover it, it was pale brown plastic with a steel bolt for the ankle and Poe couldn"t stop looking at it, his head felt light, you might have hit that kid, you might have hit that kid, he realized, he realized, in the old days you might have hit him in the old days you might have hit him and for a second he thought he"d pa.s.s out, there was a slight s.p.a.ce in the crowd and Poe shoved people aside and pushed through to the door. and for a second he thought he"d pa.s.s out, there was a slight s.p.a.ce in the crowd and Poe shoved people aside and pushed through to the door.
Outside a state trooper was parked and Poe steadied himself against the wall but someone was already in the back of the car in handcuffs and the cop was writing. Christ he thought something is happening to your life, your mistakes are piling up. He wondered how he"d never seen it before. And now the thing in the factory with those b.u.ms. He had to get out of this place, away from this town. He had thought he would be okay staying here but it was the opposite, people had tried to tell him but he hadn"t listened. He couldn"t remember where Lee had parked, he"d only had two beers but his head was spinning. There was an ambulance at the other end of the street, its back doors wide open, bright inside, two people being treated. He saw Lee and Isaac waiting. They had Lee"s car idling in the street when he got there and Poe checked as he got into the car, a half dozen men had come out of the bar looking for him.
"Took your sweet time," said Isaac.
"That guy had a fake leg."
"You didn"t punch him," Lee asked.
"I didn"t touch him," Poe said. "Jesus Christ."
"Good thing we had that drink," said Isaac.
"I"m sorry," Lee said. "I shouldn"t have talked to him for so long."
"It"s not your fault."
"The f.u.c.k it"s not," Isaac said.
Isaac was quiet the rest of the way home. When Lee parked he got out and went inside without looking at either of them. Poe and Lee watched Isaac go and then looked at each other and he braced himself for her to say good night. He would walk home. He needed to get his head clear.
"Do you want to come in for a drink or something," she said.
He hesitated for a long time. "Alright."
She squeezed his arm gently. "You can"t stay over, though."
"I won"t."
They sat on the back porch on the couch with a blanket over them, faces cold but the rest of them warm, they could hear a stream running down to the ravine where it met the other stream and then the river. And from there, he thought. From there it met the Ohio and the Ohio met the Mississippi and then down to the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic, it was all connected. It"s all connected, he thought. It all meant something. He drank more wine. He was just drunk.
It was warm under the blanket, they were holding hands and he closed his eyes and let the feeling sink in. There was a dark patch where the neighbor"s yard began, it was a thicket now, the empty house obscured by brush.
"When I left, someone still lived there," said Lee. "Pappy Cross."
Poe finished the bottle of wine, held it above his lips for the last drops. It was a new moon, a dark night, it seemed like anything could happen, it felt like the old days, he wondered if he was just kidding himself.
"We might as well talk about it."
"I"m sorry I didn"t tell you," she said.
"It"s fine."
She laid her head against his shoulder.
"It"s the same one from before, isn"t it?"
"Simon."
"The one who was with all those other girls?"
"I"m sorry. I"ll say it as many times as you need to hear it."
"He changes his mind so everything"s different. That"s pretty much the story." He didn"t know why he was saying these things, they were having a good time, from the way it was going he guessed there was a good chance she"d sleep with him if he would just pretend it was like the old days, like he forgave her.
She tensed and it was quiet for a while but then she said: "There"s a reason I was with him in the first place, you know, he wasn"t all bad. Anyway, now that we"re married, they feel better about helping to take care of my father. Things are about to get easier for all of us."
"Hope you got that in writing."
"Poe." She shook her head. "Poe, you have no idea how easy it is for you to say that."
"I was defending you to your brother but now I think I shouldn"t have."
Still he didn"t know why he was pushing but it seemed like she"d been prepared for it, for him to act like this, she"d always been fine with having different sorts of feelings.
"I hope you didn"t tell him about us," she said.
"No, but I"m sure he knows now. After tonight."
She was shaking her head some more. She was not happy about it.
"It"s kind of his own fault."
She took her hand back.
"I found out from your brother," he said. "You could have called and told me and it would have been okay. You could have told me yourself but instead I find out from him and I"m guessing you would have split town again without calling me if we hadn"t needed a ride tonight."
"Because I"m married."
"Well I"m glad you"re happy."
"If it makes you feel better there are days when he and I don"t even talk. I can"t even remember the last time we had s.e.x."
He wondered if she was making that up but he didn"t care. He needed to hear it. Of course it made him feel better, and it seemed to make her feel better also, and after a minute they were holding each other again. He heard her swallow and he could feel her heart going and he thought go on and do it. She let him kiss her. She let herself be pulled into him and he smelled her warm breath and they held their heads together and he took in her smell, some girls smelled like their perfumes or the soaps they used but her it was just her skin. He would know it anywhere. In the mornings when she"d been sleeping all night he would just smell her, smell her chest, smell where the hair began at the top of her neck. They were like that for a long time, breathing in each other"s hair, and then he started rubbing her back and her leg.
"You"re not being fair," she said.
"I love you," he told her.
She sighed and burrowed into him.
"You don"t have to say it. I don"t care."
"I love you, too," she said.
Soon she was touching the bare skin on his stomach. He put his hand up her skirt and she pushed against it and he undid his pants and slid them down and reached for her. She let him. She rolled on top of him and he pulled her underwear over and got partway inside, it was as quick as that. She raised herself up to get it in smoothly. They were still for a minute. She grabbed his shirt and squeezed it hard and then quickly rolled to one side and took her underwear off.
They started again and after a minute or two there was a look on her face like she was concerned with something and he pulled her mouth to his neck so she wouldn"t make noise. Eventually the tension went out of her and they were going slower.
"Do you want to be on top," she said.
"I think I"m done."
"Me too," she said.
After lying like that for a while they took all their clothes off, just to be touching, and she lay with her back to him, his arms around her. She had a raised mole on her back, on the one shoulderblade, and he leaned and kissed it. He knew the other one wouldn"t, is why. He knew she meant something different to the other one, she did not mean as much to the other one. It didn"t matter. She was not the same for him but that didn"t matter, he was going to write it down, a life lesson. Shut the f.u.c.k up, he told himself.
Then he thought she was just doing this as a favor. It was just her doing a favor for you, old times" sake, next time she will be gone to you. He felt cold. He was considering all the possibilities but then he decided no, it wasn"t from pity, it was from several different things, he was fine with it. But it was time to get going, in an hour he might be nervous or angry, he didn"t want her to see that. He slipped out from behind her and began to look for where his clothes had fallen, then stood up and began dressing.
The coldness woke her and she opened her eyes.
"Where are you going?" she said.