In and out, all day long. The rushing "telephones," the doddering old "five-cent stamps," the bachelor "toothpastes" and "razor blades."
I could spot them all at a glance. Night after night they dragged up to the counter. I don"t know why they even bothered to tell me what they wanted. One look was all I needed to antic.i.p.ate their slightest wishes. I could have given them what they needed without their asking.
Or, rather, I suppose I couldn"t. Because what most of them really needed was a good long drink of a.r.s.enic as far as I was concerned.
a.r.s.enic! Good Lord, how long had it been since I"d been called upon to fill out a prescription! prescription! None of these stupid idiots wanted None of these stupid idiots wanted drugs drugs from a drugstore. Why had I bothered to study pharmacy? All I really needed was a two week course in pouring chocolate syrup over melting ice cream, and a month"s study of how to set up cardboard figures in the window so as to emphasize their enormous busts. from a drugstore. Why had I bothered to study pharmacy? All I really needed was a two week course in pouring chocolate syrup over melting ice cream, and a month"s study of how to set up cardboard figures in the window so as to emphasize their enormous busts.
Well- He came in then. I heard the slow footsteps without bothering to look up. For amus.e.m.e.nt I tried to guess before I glanced. A "gimme two packs?" A "toothpaste?" Well the h.e.l.l with him. I was closing up.
The male footsteps had shuffled up to the counter before I raised my head. They halted, timidly. I still refused to give any recognition of his presence. Then came a hesitant cough. That did it.
I found myself staring at a middle-aged, thin little fellow with sandy hair and rimless gla.s.ses perched on a snub nose. The crease of his froggish mouth underlined the despair of his face.
He wore a frayed $36.50 suit, a wrinkled white shirt, and a string tie-but humility was his real garment. It covered him completely, that aura of hopeless resignation.
"I beg your pardon, please, but have you any tincture of aconite?"
Well, miracles do do happen. I was going to get a chance to sell drugs after all. Or was I? When despair walks in and asks for aconite, it means suicide. happen. I was going to get a chance to sell drugs after all. Or was I? When despair walks in and asks for aconite, it means suicide.
I shrugged. "Aconite?" I echoed. "I don"t know."
He smiled, a little. Or rather, that crease wrinkled back in a poor imitation of amus.e.m.e.nt. But on his face a smile had no more mirth in it than the grin you see on a skull.
"I know what you"re thinking," he mumbled. "But you"re wrong. I"m-I"m a chemist. I"m doing some experiments, and I must have four ounces of aconite at once. And some belladonna. Yes, and-wait a minute."
Then he dragged the book out of his pocket.
I craned my neck, and it was worth it.
The book had rusty metals covers, and was obviously very old. When the thick yellow pages fluttered open under his trembling thumb I saw flecks of dust rise from the binding. The heavy black-lettered type was German, but I couldn"t read anything at that distance.
"Let me see now," he murmured. "Aconite-belladonna-yes, and I have this-the cat, of course-nightshade-um hum-oh, yes, I"ll need some phosphorus of course-have you any blue chalk?-Good-and I guess that"s all."
I was beginning to catch on. But what the devil did it matter to me? A weirdo more or less was nothing new in my life. All I wanted to do was get out of here and soak my feet.
I went back and got the stuff for him, quickly. I peered through the slot above the prescription counter, but he wasn"t doing anything-just paging through that black, iron-bound book and moving his lips.
Wrapping the parcel, I came out. "Anything else, sir?"
"Oh-yes. Could I have about a dozen candles? The large size?"
I opened a drawer and scrabbled for them under the dust.
"I"ll have to melt them down and reblend them with the fat," he said.
"What?"
"Nothing. I was just figuring."
Sure. That"s the kind of figuring you do best when you"re counting the pads in your cell. But it wasn"t my business, was it?
So I handed over the package, like a fool.
"Thank you. You"ve been very kind. I must ask you to be kinder-to charge this."
Oh, great!
"You see, I"m temporarily out of funds. But I can a.s.sure you, in a very short time, in fact within three days, I shall pay you in full. Yes."
A very convincing plea. I wouldn"t give him a cup of coffee on it-and that"s what moochers usually ask for, instead of aconite and candles. But if his words didn"t move me, his eyes did. They were so lonely behind his spectacles, so pitifully alone, those two little puddles of hope in the desert of despair that was his face.
All right. Let him have his dreams. Let him take his old iron-bound dream book home with him and make like crazy. Let him light his tapers and draw his phosph.o.r.escent circle and recite his spells or whatever the h.e.l.l he wanted to do.
No, I wouldn"t give him coffee, but I"d give him a dream.
"That"s okay, buddy," I said. "We"re all down on our luck some time, I guess."
That was wrong. I shouldn"t have patronized. He stiffened at once and his mouth curled into a sneer-of superiority, if you please!
"I"m not asking charity," he said. "You"ll get paid, never fear, my good man. In three days, mark my words. Now good evening. I have work to do."
Out he marched, leaving "my good man" with his mouth open. Eventually I closed my mouth, but I couldn"t clamp a lid on my curiosity.
That night, walking home, I looked down the dark street with new interest. The black houses bulked like a barrier behind which lurked fantastic mysteries. Row upon row, not houses any more, but dark dungeons of dreams. In what house did my stranger hide? In what room was he intoning to what strange G.o.ds?
Once again I sensed the presence of wonder in the world of lurking strangeness behind the scenes of drugstore and high-rise civilization. Black books still were read, and wild-eyed strangers walked and muttered, candles burned into the night, and a missing alley cat might mean a chosen sacrifice.
But my feet hurt, so I went home.
Same old malted milks, cherry c.o.kes, Vaseline, Listerine, hairnets, bathing caps, cigarettes, and what have you?
Me, I had a headache. It was four days later, almost the same time of night, when I found myself scrubbing off the soda-taps again.
Sure enough, he walked in.
I kept telling myself all evening that I didn"t expect him-but I did did expect him, really. I had that crawling feeling when the door clicked. I waited for the shuffle of the Tom McCann shoes. expect him, really. I had that crawling feeling when the door clicked. I waited for the shuffle of the Tom McCann shoes.
Instead there was a brisk tapping of Oxfords. English Oxfords. The $40 kind.
I looked up in a hurry this time.
It was was my stranger. my stranger.
At least he was there, someplace beneath the flashy blue weave of his suit, the immaculate shirt and foulard tie. He had had a shave, a haircut, a manicure, and evidently a winning ticket in the Irish Sweepstakes.
"h.e.l.lo there." Nothing wrong with that voice-I"ve heard it in the big hotel lobbies for years, br.i.m.m.i.n.g over with pep and confidence and authority.
"Well, well, well," was all I could say.
He chuckled. His mouth wasn"t a crease any more. It was a trumpet of command. Out of that mouth could come orders, and directions. This wasn"t a mouth shaped for hesitant excuses any longer. It was a mouth for requesting expensive dinners, choice vintage wines, heavy cigars; a mouth that barked at taxi drivers and doormen.
"Surprised to see me, eh? Well, I told you it would take three days. Want to pay you your money, thank you for your kindness."
That was nice. Not the thanks, the money. I like money. The thought of getting some I didn"t expect made me genial.
"So your prayers were answered, eh?" I said.
He frowned.
"Prayers-what prayers?"
"Why I thought that-"
"I don"t understand," he snapped, understanding perfectly well. "Did you perhaps harbor some misapprehension concerning my purchases of the other evening? A few necessary chemicals, that"s all-to complete the experiment I spoke of. And the candles, I must confess were to light my room. They shut off my electricity the day before."
Well, it could could be. be.
"Might as well tell you the experiment was a howling success. Yes, sir. Went right down to Newsohm with the results and they put me on as a.s.sistant research director. Quite a break."
Newsohm was the biggest chemical supply house in our section of the country. And he went right down in his rags and was "put on" as a.s.sistant research director. Well, live and learn.
"So here"s the money. $5.39, wasn"t it? Can you change a fifty?"
I couldn"t.
"That"s all right, keep it."
I refused, I don"t know why. Made me feel crawling again, somehow.
"Well, then, tell you what let"s do. You are closing up, aren"t you? Why not step down the street to the tavern for a little drink? I"ll get change there. Come on, I feel like celebrating."
So it was that five minutes later I walked down the street with Mr. Fritz Gulther.
We took a table in the tavern and ordered quietly. Neither he nor I was at ease. Somehow there was an unspoken secret between us. It seemed almost as though I harbored criminal knowledge against him-I, of all men, alone knowing that behind this immaculately clad figure of success, there lurked a shabby spectre just three days in the past. A spectre that owed me $5.39.
We drank quickly, both of us. The spectre got a little fainter. We had another. I insisted on paying for the third round.
"It"s a celebration," I argued.
He laughed. "Certainly is. And let me tell you, this is only the beginning! From now on I"m going to climb so fast it"ll make your head swim. I"ll be running that place within six months. Going to get a lot of new orders in from the government, and expand."
"Wait a minute," I cautioned, reserve gone. "You"re way ahead of yourself. If I were in your shoes I"d still be flipping with what happened to me in the past three days."
Fritz Gulther smiled. "Oh, that? I expected that. that. Didn"t I tell you so in the store? I"ve been working for over a year and I knew just what to expect. It was no surprise, I a.s.sure you. I had it all planned. I was willing to starve to carry out my necessary studies, and I did starve. Might as well admit it." Didn"t I tell you so in the store? I"ve been working for over a year and I knew just what to expect. It was no surprise, I a.s.sure you. I had it all planned. I was willing to starve to carry out my necessary studies, and I did starve. Might as well admit it."
"Sure." I was on my third drink now, over the barriers. "When you came into the store I said to myself, "Here"s a guy who"s been through h.e.l.l!""
"Truer words were never spoken," said Gulther. "I"ve been through h.e.l.l all right, quite literally. But it"s all over now, and I didn"t get burned."
"Say, confidentially-what kind of magic did you use?"
"Magic? Magic? I don"t know anything about magic."
"Oh, yes you do, Gulther," I said. "What about that little black book with the iron covers you were mumbling around with in the store?"
"German inorganic chemistry text," he snapped. "Pretty old. Here, drink up and have another."
I had another. Gulther began to babble, a bit. About his new clothes and his new apartment and the new car he was going to buy next week. About how he was going to have everything he wanted now, by G.o.d, he"d show the fools that laughed at him all these years, he"d pay back the nagging landladies and the cursing grocers, and the sneering rats who told him he was soft in the head for studying the way he did.
Then he got into the kindly stage.
"How"d you like a job at Newsohm?" he asked me. "You"re a good pharmacist. You know your chemistry. You"re a nice enough fellow, too-but you"ve got a terrible imagination. How about it? Be my secretary. Sure, that"s it. Be my secretary. I"ll put you on tomorrow."
"I"ll drink on that," I declared. The prospect intoxicated me. The thought of escape from the d.a.m.ned store, escape from the "c.o.ke"-faces, the "ciggies"-voices, very definitely intoxicated me. So did the next drink.
I began to see something.
We were sitting against the wall and the tavern lights were low. Couples around us were babbling in monotone that was akin to silence. We sat in shadow against the wall. Now I looked at my shadow-an ungainly, flickering caricature of myself, hunched over the table. What a contrast it presented before his his suddenly erect bulk! suddenly erect bulk!
His shadow, now- His shadow, now- shadow, now- I saw it. He was sitting up straight across the table from me. But his shadow on the wall was standing! standing!
"No more Scotch for me," I said, as the waiter came up.
But I continued to stare at his shadow. He was sitting and the shadow was standing. It was a larger shadow than mine, and a blacker shadow. For fun I moved my hands up and down, making heads and faces in silhouette. He wasn"t watching me, he was gesturing to the waiter.
His shadow didn"t gesture. I just stood there, I watched and stared and tried to look away. His hands moved but the black outline stood poised and silent, hands dangling at the sides. And yet I saw the familiar shape of his head and nose; unmistakably his.
"Say, Gulther," I said. "Your shadow-there on the wall-"
I slurred my words. My eyes were blurred.
But I felt his att.i.tude pierce my consciousness below the alcohol.
Fritz Gulther rose to his feet and then shoved a dead white face against mine. He didn"t look at his shadow. He looked at me, through me, at some horror behind my face, my thoughts, my brain. He looked at at me, and me, and into into some private h.e.l.l of his own. some private h.e.l.l of his own.
"Shadow," he said. "There"s nothing wrong with my shadow. You"re mistaken. Remember that, you"re mistaken. And if you ever mention it again, I"ll bash your skull in."
Then Fritz Gulther got up and walked away. I watched him march across the room, moving swiftly but a little unsteadily. Behind him, moving very slowly and not a bit unsteadily, a tall black shadow followed him from the room.
If you can build a better mousetrap than your neighbor, you"re liable to put your foot in it.