AMPH. Now, before he goes away with these, I will make haste to gather together friends who will aid my cause; they will come to my house and help me to pierce him with a thousand thrusts.
JUP. No ceremony, I implore you; let us go quickly into the house.
NAU. Really, this adventure utterly confounds the senses and the reason.
SOS. A truce, gentlemen, to all your surprises; let us joyfully sit down to feed until the morning. I intend to feast well, so that I may be in good condition to relate our valiant deeds! I am itching to attack the dishes; I never felt so hungry.
SCENE VI
MERCURY, SOSIE
MERC. Stop. What have you come to poke your nose in here for, you impudent turn-spit?
SOS. Ah! Gently, gently, for mercy"s sake!
MERC. Ah! You have come back again! I shall tan your hide for you.
SOS. Ah! Brave and generous I, compose yourself, I beseech you. Sosie, spare Sosie a little, and do not divert yourself by knocking yourself down.
MERC. Who gave you liberty to call yourself by that name? Did I not expressly forbid you to do so, under penalty of experiencing a thousand cuts from the cane?
SOS. It is a name we both may bear at the same time, under the same master. I am recognised as Sosie everywhere; I permit you to be he, permit me to be so, too. Let us leave it to the two Amphitryons to give vent to their jealousies, and, though they contend, let the two Sosies live in the bonds of peace.
MERC. No, one is quite enough; I am determined not to allow any division.
SOS. You shall have precedence over me; I will be the younger, and you shall be the elder.
MERC. No: a brother is a nuisance, and not to my taste; I intend to be the only son.
SOS. O barbarous and tyrannical heart! Allow me at least to be your shadow.
MERC. Not at all.
SOS. Let your soul humanise itself with a little pity! Allow me to be near you in that capacity: I shall be everywhere so submissive a shadow that you will be pleased with me.
MERC. No quarter; the law is immutable. If you again have the audacity to go in there, a thousand blows shall be the fruit.
SOS. Alas! Poor Sosie, to what miserable disgrace are you reduced!
MERC. So? Your lips presume again to give yourself a name I forbid!
SOS. No, I did not intend myself; I was speaking of an old Sosie, who was formerly a relative of mine, and whom, with the utmost barbarity, they drove out of the house at dinner hour.
MERC. Take care you do not fall into that idiocy if you wish to remain among the number of the living.
SOS. How I would thwack you if I had the courage, for your wretched puffed up pride, you double son of a strumpet!
MERC. What do you say?
SOS. Nothing.
MERC. I am sure you muttered something.
SOS. Ask anyone; I do not breathe.
MERC. Nevertheless I am absolutely certain that something about a son of a strumpet struck my ear.
SOS. It must have been a parrot roused by the beautiful weather.
MERC. Adieu. If your back itches for a currying, here is where I live.
SOS. O Heavens! What a cursed hour is the dinner hour to be turned out of doors! Come, let us yield to fate in our affliction. Let us today follow blind caprice, and join the unfortunate Sosie to the unfortunate Amphitryon: it is a suitable union. I see he is coming in good company.
SCENE VII
AMPHITRYON, ARGATIPHONTIDAS, POSICLES, SOSIE
AMPH. Stay here, gentlemen, follow me a little way off, and do not all advance, I pray you, until there is need for it.
POS. I quite understand this blow touches you to the heart.
AMPH. Ah! My sorrow is bitter through and through: I suffer in my affection, as much as in my honour.
POS. If this resemblance is such as is said, Alcmene, without being guilty...
AMPH. Ah! In this affair, a simple error becomes a veritable crime, and, though no way consenting, innocence perishes in it. Such errors, in whatever way we look at them, affect us in the most sensitive parts; reason often, often pardons them, when honour and love cannot.
ARGAT. I do not bother my thoughts about that; but I hate your gentlemen for their disgraceful delay; it is a proceeding which wounds me to the quick, and one which courageous people will never approve. When any man has need of us, we ought to throw ourselves headforemost into his concerns. Argatiphontidas is not one for compromising matters. It is not seemly for men of honour to listen to the arguments of a friend"s adversary; one should only listen to vengeance at such times. The proceeding does not please me; in quarrels such as these we ought always to begin sending the sword through the body, without any nonsense. Yes, whatever happens, you shall see that Argatiphontidas goes straight to the point. I entreat you not to let the villain die by any other hand than mine.
AMPH. Come on.
SOS. I come, Monsieur, to undergo at your knees the just punishment of cursed audacity. Strike, beat, drub, overwhelm me with blows, kill me in your anger; you will do well, I deserve it; I shall not say a single word against you.
AMPH. Get up. What is the matter?
SOS. I have been turned away unceremoniously; thinking to eat and rejoice like them, I did not think that, as it turned out, I was waiting there to thrash myself. Yes, the other I, valet to the other you, has played the very devil with me once more. The same cruel fate seems to pursue us both today, Monsieur. In short, they have un-Sosied me, as they un-Amphitryon"d you.
AMPH. Follow me.
SOS. Is it not better to see if anybody is coming?
SCENE VIII