SOS. No.
AMPH. Why not?
SOS. For a sufficiently strong reason.
AMPH. Who hindered you, scoundrel? Explain yourself.
SOS. Must I repeat the same thing twenty times? I, I tell you, this I who is more robust than I, this I who took possession of the door by force, this I who made me slope off, this I who wishes to be the only I, this I who is jealous of myself, this valiant I, whose anger made itself known to this poltroon of an I, in fact, this I who is at our house, this I who has shown himself to be my master, this I who has racked me with pain.
AMPH. His brain must be addled by having had too much to drink this morning.
SOS. May I be hanged if I have had anything to drink but water: I take my oath on it.
AMPH. Then your senses must have been fast asleep: some silly dream has shown you all these fairy tales and confused mysteries which you wish me to take for truths.
SOS. That is just as far away from the truth. I have not slept, and I do not even feel inclined that way. I am speaking to you wide-awake; I was wide awake this morning, upon my life! And the other Sosie was also wide-awake, when he drubbed me so well.
AMPH. Follow me; I order you to be silent. You tire my brain too much; I must be an out-and-out fool to have the patience to listen to the nonsense a valet has to say.
SOS. All talk is nonsense that comes from a man who is unknown. If a great man were to say it, it would be exquisite language.
AMPH. Let us go in without waiting any longer. But here comes Alcmene clothed in all her charms. Doubtless she does not expect me so soon, and my arrival will surprise her.
SCENE II
ALCMENE, CLEANTHIS, AMPHITRYON, SOSIE
ALC. Come, Cleanthis, let us attend the G.o.ds, pay them our homage for my husband"s sake, and thank them for the glorious success, of which Thebes, by his arm, reaps the advantage. O ye G.o.ds!
AMPH. Heaven grant that victorious Amphitryon may be met with renewed pleasure by his wife: that this day may be favourable to my pa.s.sion, and restore you to me with the same heart: may I again find as much love as my heart brings to you!
ALC. Ah! Have you returned so soon.
AMPH. Really, you give me but a sorry proof of your love; this, "Ah!
have you returned so soon?" is scarcely the language a heart really inflamed with love would use on such an occasion as this. I dared to flatter myself I had remained away from you too long. The expectation of an ardently longed for return makes each moment seem of great length; the absence of what we love, however brief it may be, is always too long.
ALC. I do not see...
AMPH. No, Alcmene, time is measured in such cases by one"s impatience; you count the moments of absence as one who does not love. When we really love, the slightest separation kills us; the one whom we love to see never returns too soon. I confess that the love I bear you has cause to complain of your reception; I expected different expressions of joy and tenderness from your heart.
ALC. I cannot understand on what you found the words you have just uttered; if you complain of me, upon my word I do not know what would satisfy you. I think I showed a sufficiently tender joy last night, at your happy return; my heart responded by every means you could wish to the claims of your affection.
AMPH. In what way?
ALC. Did I not clearly show the sudden transports of a perfect joy?
Could a heart"s feelings be better expressed at the return of a husband who is tenderly loved?
AMPH. What do you say?
ALC. That even your affection showed an inconceivable joy at my reception; and that, as you left me at break of day, I do not see that my surprise at this sudden return is so guilty.
AMPH. Did you, in a dream last night, Alcmene, antic.i.p.ate in idea the reality of my hastened return; and having, perhaps, treated me kindly in your sleep, does your heart think it has fully acquitted itself of its duty to my pa.s.sion?
ALC. Has some malignant vapour in your mind, Amphitryon, clouded the truth of last night"s return? Does your heart pretend to take away from me the credit of all the gentle affection I showed you in my tender welcome?
AMPH. This vapour you attribute to me seems to me somewhat strange.
ALC. It is in return for the dream which you attribute to me.
AMPH. Unless it is because of a dream, what you have just now told me is entirely inexcusable.
ALC. Unless it is a vapour which troubles your mind, what I have heard from you cannot be justified.
AMPH. Let us leave this vapour for a moment, Alcmene.
ALC. Let us leave this dream for a moment, Amphitryon.
AMPH. One cannot jest on the subject in question without being carried too far.
ALC. Undoubtedly; and, as a sure proof of it, I begin to feel somewhat uneasy.
AMPH. Is it thus you wish to try to make amends for the welcome of which I complain?
ALC. Do you desire to try to amuse yourself by this feint?
AMPH. For Heaven"s, sake, I beseech you, Alcmene! Let us cease this, and talk seriously.
ALC. You carry your amus.e.m.e.nt too far, Amphitryon: let there be an end to this raillery.
AMPH. Do you really dare maintain to my face that I was seen here before this hour?
ALC. Have you really the a.s.surance to deny that you came here early yesterday evening?
AMPH. I! I came yesterday?
ALC. Certainly; and you went away again before dawn.
AMPH. Heavens! Was ever such a debate as this heard before? Who would not be astonished at all this? Sosie?
SOS. She needs six grains of h.e.l.lebore, Monsieur; her brain is turned.
AMPH. Alcmene, in the name of all the G.o.ds, this discourse will have a strange ending! Recollect your senses a little better, and think what you say.
ALC. I am indeed thinking seriously; all in the house saw your arrival.
I am ignorant what motive makes you act thus; but, if the thing were in need of proof, if it were true that such a thing could be forgotten, from whom, but from you, could I have heard the news of the latest of all your battles, and of the five diamonds worn by Pterelas, who was plunged into eternal night by the strength of your arm? Could one wish for surer testimony?