my daughters, but I"m derned if I like the idee of them workin" an"
fightin" ag"in _me_. I"m willin" the women should vote. But they oughtn"t to run out an" vote ag"in the men the first chance they git.
When this war"s over an" there ain"t no able-bodied men left to run things, then you bet the women will be derned glad we fixed things so"s _they_ won"t never have to worry about goin" to war with the ding-blasted ravishers over in Germany. If the time ever comes--an" it may, if they keep killin" us off over there--when the women have to run this here government, they"ll find it"s a man-sized job, an" that we took care of it mighty well up to the time we got all shot to pieces preservin" humanity, an" civilization, an" all the women an" children the Germans didn"t git a chance to butcher because we wouldn"t let "em.
Now, I"m ready any time to knuckle under to a man that"s better"n I am.
But I"m dog-goned if I"m willin" to admit that Minnie St.i.tzenberg"s that man! Yes, sir, gentlemen, we men have got to stand together!"
""Sh!" hissed Mort Fryback, jerking his head in the direction of Main Street. With one accord the men on the porch turned to look.
Miss Minnie St.i.tzenberg had come into view on the opposite side of the street, and was striding manfully in their direction. The Higgins dog trotted proudly, confidently, a few feet ahead of her. She waved a friendly hand and called out, in a genial but ludicrous effort to mimic the lordly Mr. Crow:
"Move on there, now. Don"t loiter."
A little later, the agitated town marshal, flanked by the town drunkard and the one-legged Mr. Fryback, viewed with no little dismay a group of women congregated in front of Parr"s drygoods store. In the centre of this group was the new candidate for town marshal. Alf Reesling stopped short and said something under his breath. His wife was one of Miss St.i.tzenberg"s most attentive listeners.
[Ill.u.s.tration: _In the centre of this group was the new candidate for town marshal_]
Marshal Crow was not disheartened. He knew that Minnie St.i.tzenberg could not defeat him at the polls. The thing that rankled was the fact that a woman had been selected to run against him. It was an offence to his dignity. The leaders of the People"s Party made it quite plain that they did not consider him of sufficient importance to justify anything so dignified as masculine opposition!
On the day of the Republican Convention, which was to be held in the town hall in the evening, Anderson went in despair and humility to Harry Squires, the reporter.
"Harry," he said, "I been thinkin" it over. I can"t run ag"in a woman.
It goes ag"in the grain. If I beat her, I"d never be able to look anybody in the face, an" if she beats me--why, by gosh, I couldn"t even look myself in the face. So I"m goin" to decline the nomination tonight."
He was rather pathetic, and Harry Squires was touched. He had a great fondness for the old marshal, notwithstanding his habit of poking fun at him and ridiculing him in the _Banner_. He laid his hand on the old man"s arm and there was genuine warmth in his voice as he spoke to him.
"Anderson, we can"t allow you to withdraw. It would be the vilest thing the people of this town could do if they turned you out of office after all these years of faithful service. We--"
"Can"t be helped, Harry," said Anderson firmly. "I won"t run ag"in a woman, so that"s the end of it."
Harry looked cautiously around, and then, leaning a little closer, said:
"I know something that would put Minnie in the soup, clean over her head. All I"ve got to do is to tell what I know about--"
"Hold on, Harry," broke in the marshal sternly. "Is it somethin" ag"in her character?"
"It"s something that would prevent every man, woman and child in Tinkletown from voting for her," said Harry.
"Somethin" scand"lous?" demanded Anderson, perking up instantly.
"Decidedly. A word from me and--"
"Wait a second. Is--is there a man in the case?"
"A _man_?" cried Harry. "Bless your soul, Anderson, there are fifty men in it."
Anderson fell back a step or two. For a moment or two he was speechless.
"Sakes alive! _Fifty?_ For goodness" sake, Harry, are you sure?"
"Not exactly. It may be sixty," amended Harry. "We could easily find out just how many--"
"Never mind! Never mind!" cried Anderson, recovering himself. "If it"s as bad as all that, we just got to keep still about it. I wouldn"t allow you to throw mud at her if she"s been carryin" on with only _one_ man, but if there"s fifty or--But, gosh a" mighty, Harry, it ain"t possible.
A woman as homely as Minnie--why, dog-gone it, a woman as homely as she is simply couldn"t be bad no matter how much she wanted to. It ain"t human nature. She--"
"Hold your horses, Anderson," broke in Harry, after a perplexed stare.
"I guess you"re jumping at conclusions. I didn"t say--"
"There ain"t going to be no scandal in this campaign. If Minnie St.i.tzenberg--German or no German--has been--"
"It isn"t the kind of scandal you think it is," protested Harry. "What I"m trying to tell you is that it was Minnie St.i.tzenberg who got that guy up here from New York two years ago to sell stock in the Salt Water Gold Company, and stung fifty or sixty of our wisest citizens to the extent of thirty dollars apiece. I happen to know that Minnie got five dollars for every sucker that was landed. That guy was her cousin and she gave him a list of the easiest marks in town. If I remember correctly, you were one of them, Anderson. She got something like two hundred dollars for giving him the proper steer, and that"s what I meant when I said there were fifty or sixty men in the case."
"Well, I"ll be ding-blasted!"
"And do you know what she did with her ill-gotten gains?"
Anderson could only shake his head.
"She went up to Boggs City and took singing lessons. Now you know the worst."
The marshal found his voice. "An" it went on for nearly six months, too--people had to keep their windows shut so"s they couldn"t hear her yellin" as if somebody was tryin" to murder her. An" when I went to her an" respectfully requested her to quit disturbin" the peace, she--do you know what she said to me?"
"I"ve got a sneaking idea."
"Well, you"re wrong. She said I was a finicky old jacka.s.s." The memory of it brought an apoplectic red to his face.
"And being a gentleman, you couldn"t deny it," said Harry soberly.
"What"s that?"
"I mean, you couldn"t call her a liar. What did you say?"
"I looked her right in the eyes an" I said I"d been neutral up to that minute, but from then on I"d be derned if I"d try any longer. By gosh, I guess she knowed what I meant all right."
"Well, as I was saying, all you"ve got to do is to tell the voters of this town that she helped put up that job on them, and--"
Anderson held up his hand and shook his head resolutely.
"Nope! I"m through. I"m not goin" to run. I mean to withdraw my name tonight."
Considering the matter closed, he sauntered to the middle of the street where he held up his hand and stopped a lame and venerable Ford driven--or as Mr. Squires was in the habit of saying, urged--by Deacon Rank.
"What"s your speedo-_meter_ say, Deacon?" inquired the marshal blandly.
"It don"t say anything," snapped the deacon.
Anderson saw fit to indulge in sarcasm. "Well, by gum, I"d "a" swore your old machine was movin". Is it possible my eyes deceived me?"
"Course it was movin"--movin" strictly accordin" to law, too. Six miles an hour. What you holdin" me up for?"
"So"s I could get in and take a little joy ride with you," said Mr. Crow affably. "Drop me at the post office, will you?" He stepped up beside the deacon and calmly seated himself.