I wasn"t sure what hurt more: That Flick knew Hawk so well and could see through his bulls.h.i.t better than I could, or that he"d gone behind my back-made a d.a.m.n fool of me. He"d lied to me and had been lying from the very beginning of our relationship.
With a pain-filled gasp that I was helpless to contain, Hawk finally lifted his head and had looked at me. Before my eyes his face paled and if I"d been holding out hope that he was just trying to score points off Flick, it evaporated right then and there.
I"d licked my suddenly dry lips and tried to find my voice. "I-I found this out by the bikes. It"s addressed to you, Hawk... I thought it was something important and didn"t want you to miss it." My hands had been shaking so badly that I had taken extra care setting the package down before turning around and running back to the car.
"Gracie!" I thought I"d heard Hawk call after me but couldn"t be sure.
Now, as I pulled into my usual parking spot outside Jenkins" office, I took a few seconds to decide what I should do. Hurt and betrayal mixed together with an anger that was starting to dry my tear-flooded eyes was burning through me. I wanted to hit something. Preferably the two men who had made me feel like the fool I obviously was.
I heard the rumble of a powerful bike in the distance and grabbed my briefcase before jumping out of the car and hurrying into the office. Samantha stood at her desk with a phone to her ear. She started to smile when she saw me, but the smile quickly turned to concern at the sight of my tear-streaked face.
"What"s wrong?" she demanded, putting the phone down in what looked like mid-conversation.
"Is Jenkins in yet?" I asked, walking past her without an explanation.
Samantha nodded. "In his office."
"Good," I muttered as I hurried on down the hall to my boss"s office.
Before I could reach the closed door, I heard the slight buzz from the front of the office that alerted us that the door had been opened. I didn"t bother to knock on Jacob Jenkins" door before slamming it behind me just as I heard Samantha demanding what was going on from the newcomer who I could only a.s.sume was Hawk.
Jenkins" head snapped up as the door slammed behind me. His brows were quick to follow when he saw my face. "Gracie, what"s wrong?" The concern that darkened his eyes made me second guess what Flick had said for just a second. Was it all a lie? Had the bond I"d developed with this man who had been the first real father figure I"d ever truly had and wanted been just a ploy to keep me happy? Was all the affection he"d shown me just because Hawk was paying him to do it? I didn"t know and that hurt just as badly as Hawk"s betrayal.
I tossed my briefcase into one of the two chairs in front of the desk as I glared down at him. "Is it true? Is Hawk paying for my tuition? Is he paying for me to work for you?"
His concern was replaced with a look I"d come to know well from this man. It was his business face. It meant he was going into lawyer mode and my heart-that had felt like it was breaking all the way to work-suddenly shattered. "Who told you something like that?"
"So it is true," I muttered more to myself than to him as I turned away to glare out his window that overlooked the back parking lot, not wanting him to see how crushed I was.
"Gracie-"
The door opened and Hawk stormed into the room. I glanced at him for only a second, saw his wild eyes and tense shoulders, and quickly turned my gaze back to the parking lot. "Don"t you ever f.u.c.king drive like that again," he roared at me.
I felt his heat seconds later as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me around to face him. "I nearly lost my mind watching you, Gracie. You came within inches of sideswiping a d.a.m.n garbage truck."
Had I? I couldn"t remember. The drive had been a blur at best and I had no memory of a garbage truck.
His touch scalded me, making my traitorous body long for more than that small touch. Just hours before, I"d been lost in this man, just as lost as he"d been in me. I jerked my arm out of his hold and crossed my arms over my chest, hoping that if I held myself tight enough I wouldn"t lose any more of myself. That was the problem with hope, though. It was misleading, offering you something precious and then taking it all away with just a few slashes of a sharp tongue.
"What the h.e.l.l is going on, Hawk?" Jenkins demanded, still seated behind his desk.
"Just a misunderstanding," Hawk a.s.sured Jenkins and I snorted in disbelief. "Can you give us a few minutes to sort this out?"
The fact that the lawyer didn"t say a word about us using his office when I had my own spoke volumes to me. Hadn"t I learned first-hand that the Club was a big deal in this town? It hadn"t just been because of their reputation or the trouble I"d helped Jenkins talk some of the members out of during the last year. It had been the reaction to the entire town when the Hannigans" bar had burned down. Even those citizens who normally crossed the street to avoid the members of the MC had offered their condolences at the loss of their father"s legacy. Even though the bar had been a kind of forbidden territory to some of the people in Creswell Springs, they respected them enough to want to offer a few words of compa.s.sion.
I turned around to face the window once more. My brain barely had time to notice and wonder about the beat-up old van that was by the dumpsters before Hawk was turning me around to look at him again. This time he was gentle, his touch tender as he lifted my chin with his thumb and forefinger.
Some of the wildness had faded from his green gaze and I swallowed hard as a new wave of pain had my heart clenching. How could I have been so blind? Had I not wanted to see that my life this past year had been built on a lie? Was I that gullible? I felt like a fool and I couldn"t help but wonder if this was how my mother had felt when she"d realized just what kind of man she had married.
Everything had been perfect, or as good as in my eyes. I had a man who seemed to worship me to come home to every night and his family had become my own. The kind of family I"d always ached to have for myself. One that would move heaven and earth to protect those they loved. I"d felt safe and loved. Lately, I"d even thought that Hawk was ready to take things one step further. He"d been dropping hints here and there about the future that had made me daydream about him asking me to marry him.
Now I didn"t even know if we had a future together.
As that thought raced through my head, I closed my eyes as my heart actually virtually stopped. I loved this man so d.a.m.n much. He owned my very soul. How could I live without him?
"Yell at me, Gracie. Yell at me and get it out of your system. Don"t let it fester."
At those murmured words my eyes snapped open again. The look on his face was one of pure torture and I thought I saw fear in his eyes. "Yelling won"t accomplish anything." I of all people should know that. Yelling at each other hadn"t worked for my parents. It had been part of the problem. Yelling would always lead to the beatings and then eventually to my mother"s death.
As if he could read my mind, Hawk"s eyes darkened. "I"d never raise a hand to you, baby."
h.e.l.l, I knew that. I"d never had to worry about that from this big alpha biker. He might scare the bodily fluids out of some grown men, but he didn"t scare me. He dropped his hand from my chin and gently clasped both of my hands in his own, pulling them against his chest. With my hand pressed against his chest like that I could feel his heart racing and forced myself to take a harder look at him.
Was he scared? The fear in his eyes looked real enough...
No, that couldn"t be it. Nothing scared Hawk.
"Please, Gracie. Talk to me. I feel like you"re locking me out and that terrifies me." My eyes widened at his confession. I didn"t think anything could scare this man. He was so strong, so untouchable at times. "I can"t lose you, baby. I can"t. I love you. f.u.c.k, you own me."
I pulled away from him as my anger rose. "Obviously you own me too. In more ways than one." He"d known how much it meant to me to find my own way. That I didn"t want to be beholden to anyone. It was something that my mother had done and I refused to go down any similar roads that she might have taken. I would not end up like the victim she had become where my father was concerned.
"I don"t own you. That money was just going to sit in a bank account somewhere getting dusty." He thrust his hands into his jeans pockets and shrugged his ma.s.sive shoulders. "And it wasn"t like that money wasn"t yours, baby. The second you became my ol" lady that money became yours too."
I flinched, hating being called his ol" lady. I didn"t want to be his ol" lady. I wanted to be his wife. Not that I was going to tell him that. "You knew how much it meant to me to put myself through school, Hawk. I wanted to be able to do this on my own. My mother had to rely on my father for every penny she had. I didn"t want to follow in her footsteps."
He jerked as if I"d actually hit him. "Is that how you see it? Is that how I make you feel? Are you comparing us to your d.a.m.n parents?"
I shook my head. "Of course not. I just want to be able to do this on my own."
"You are doing this on your own. You"re working your a.s.s off for every dime you get. Baby, you"re an amazing woman and you will be a kick-a.s.s lawyer. You"re doing it all on your own. Who the h.e.l.l cares who is paying you to do it as long as you are earning it?" He sighed, as if exhausted. "But if you keep comparing everything that you do to everything that happened with your mom, and everything that we do to their relationship..." He shook his head. "What do I have to do to prove to you that I"m not him, Gracie?"
It was my turn to jerk. Was that what I was doing? I frowned down at Jenkins" desk. Maybe I had been making comparisons without realizing what I was doing. In my need to not become the victim my mother had been, I was twisting myself into knots. I didn"t want to compare Hawk to Craig Morgan. They were as different as night and day. Hawk was a scary biker who hid what a great guy he was, whereas my father had been a nice-looking man who had hid what a monster he really was.
My chin trembling, I finally lifted my head to look at him once more. "You still lied to me."
"Yeah, I did, and I"m sorry, baby. I knew that if I didn"t, you wouldn"t accept the money and I wasn"t about to let the woman I love kill herself working two jobs to achieve her dreams." He gave me a tender smile. "Don"t let this come between us, Gracie. I won"t keep anything else from you if you will just put your pride aside and accept the life I can offer you."
I grimaced, realizing that it had been my pride that had been hurt more than anything else. Bruised pride mixed with the return of the jealousy I"d been feeling the night before as I"d seen Hawk and Flick stare each other down had made the slice to my heart feel like I was hemorrhaging from the inside.
"I love you, Gracie."
A knot clogged my throat and I had to swallow several times before I could speak. "I-I love you too, Hawk."
Strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me against his hard body. I closed my eyes and drew in one deep breath after another as I let his touch heal all the broken parts of my heart. His scent filled my nose and I couldn"t help but shiver with a need that only this man could make me ache with. "When you get home tonight I"m locking us in our room," he growled against my ear, making me shiver yet again. "f.u.c.k, I thought I had lost you."
I shook my head against his chest. "That wouldn"t have happened. Just because I was upset didn"t mean I would have left you." Just the thought of ending things with him made me feel like I was being torn in half. I couldn"t live without him.
The rumbling of an engine by the window confused me. Hawk and I both lifted our heads to look for the source. I saw through the opened blinds the beat-up van roll past, and I frowned when I caught a glimpse of a man in a ski mask. It was hot out. What the heck did anyone need a ski mask for?
That question barely had time to flitter through my head when Hawk was pushing me behind the desk. Gunshots rang through the air and I felt a sharp pain in my right arm as Hawk grabbed my waist and threw us both on the ground, rolling until he was covering my entire body with his own.
His face was twisted in pain, his breathing labored as he gazed down at me. "You okay?
"I"m good," I rushed to a.s.sure him. My arm hurt and I didn"t know if I"d been shot or if it was just a piece of gla.s.s that had caught me. Right then I wasn"t worried about myself. "You?"
He didn"t answer and his eyes started to droop, the pain twisting his face and making tears burn my eyes. He didn"t have to say it. I knew he"d been shot just from that look alone. The blood that was soaking through his shirt and into my own only confirmed it.
"Hawk!" I cried when the heavy breathing in my ear didn"t sound so harsh. "Don"t close your eyes. Please. Stay with me. Don"t close your eyes."
"Love you." His voice was slurred.
My cry was drowned out by the sound of squealing tires outside the office window. Seconds later the entire building shook as the van plowed into the room through the window. It was like the whole room exploded from the force. More gla.s.s broke, bricks went flying like missiles and then the room was nothing but a dust storm, choking what little breath I still had from me.
Hawk was dead weight on top of me now and tears fell from my eyes like hot spears as I prayed that it was because he was just unconscious and not...dead. With his chest pressed against my own, I could barely feel his weak heartbeat and I only wanted to hold on to him as I prayed he wouldn"t die.
I heard a door open and the heavy feet running in our direction, but my fear was only for the man I loved. "Hawk," I whispered, fighting back a sob in pure terror. "I love you. Please don"t leave me."
Two pairs of feet stopped right by my head and I couldn"t contain my whimper as they rolled Hawk"s motionless body off of me. Two men in dark clothes and ski masks lifted me to my feet roughly. I struggled against their hold, fighting them with everything I had. But they must have been experts at taking people against their will because they handled me with confidence, making my attempts to break free look pathetic.
Knowing I was helpless, I tried to glance at Hawk again-wanting the last thing I saw to be the man I loved. A punch to the jaw had my head spinning. My teeth snapped together hard and I bit my tongue, causing blood to flood my mouth. The pain in my jaw was so intense that it made me dizzy and I was helpless as one of the masked men tossed me over his shoulder easily and dropped me onto the hard floor of the van.
The man who had picked me up jumped into the van, kicking my legs out of his way as he said something in what sounded like Italian to my dazed mind. My thigh throbbed where he"d kicked me and I thought I heard sirens in the distance but couldn"t be sure as the driver reversed so fast and hard that the smell of burned rubber choked me.
"Tie her up." The driver spoke in heavily accented English this time. "Cover her eyes."
I scooted backward, fear making my stomach heave as I tried to get away from the man who had kicked me. I barely got a foot away when he was punching me again. I saw stars for half a second before the darkness swallowed me whole.
Chapter Seven.
Felicity "...she"s fine."
I was only half listening as Jet spoke to Ciro. We were standing in Willa and Spider"s kitchen while he spoke to my cousin, but I couldn"t seem to pay attention to much of what Jet was saying. My head was turned upside-down after the last twenty-four hours.
Just the day before, things had been crazy, but I"d been where I knew I was needed. Wanted. Today there was a new craziness f.u.c.king with my life, but I wasn"t needed, and after the welcome Hawk had given me I knew I wasn"t wanted there. I didn"t know what Jet was thinking bringing me back, but all I wanted was to be back on that stupid bus I"d called home all summer with Jagger and Mia and the rest of my newfound family.
"See you then."
I lifted my head as Jet snapped one of his burner phones shut and turned to face me. "He"s coming himself?" I asked more to break the silence than the need to know. Of course Ciro was coming himself. Not only because I was family and this now affected me, but because the Santino family needed dealing with, and Ciro was good at dealing with this kind of s.h.i.t.
Jet nodded his head once. "Should be here by tonight."
"Good." I wrapped my arms around myself and looked out the kitchen window again so I didn"t have to meet his gaze.
"Flick, if you"re having second thoughts about me going back to the Club, tell me now."
At that my head snapped back around. His green eyes were dark with an emotion it had been too long for me to decipher in this man. Had I ever really been able to? I didn"t honestly know.
I didn"t know why he thought his being in the Club or not made a difference to me. It had never been the Club that had bothered me. It had been the other women and then his trying to make me into the one thing I"d always promised myself I would never be. My mother.
I"d fallen in love with all of Jet Hannigan. That included the big, bada.s.s, biker club president. I"d liked how alpha he was. How possessive he"d been of me once upon a time. Back then I"d been in no doubt of how much he had wanted me. But eventually even that had been an issue for us, because wanting me wasn"t loving me, and all I had ever truly wanted was his love. Sadly enough, I knew that if he had given me just that little bit of himself I would have put up with anything.
"I like you better in the Club," I a.s.sured him after a small pause and then turned my head back to look out the window once more.
Behind me, I heard him blow out a long breath, but he didn"t speak. His phone started making noise-a different burner from the one he"d used just a few minutes ago. "Yeah?"
His sudden tension filled the kitchen. I didn"t need to hear the hoa.r.s.eness of his voice to know something had happened. "Is he alive?"
My heart stopped at those three words and I was beside him in the next instant. His face was set in stone but his eyes were wilder than I"d ever seen them. I grasped his free arm and he lowered his eyes, locking gazes with me and I knew-I knew-it was bad.
Whoever was on the other end was speaking and I could make out just enough to know that it was a male. His words were jumbled together in his rush to speak but Jet seemed to follow him well enough given the way his shoulders suddenly sagged in relief. "You did good, Jenkins. We"re on it."
He closed the phone without another word to the man and scrubbed his now free hand over his face. "Hawk"s been shot."
Everything inside of me froze. No. It was a lie. It had to be. Nothing could touch Hawk. He was too stubborn, too ornery. Too much a f.u.c.king Hannigan. His cool reception of me being home, the way he"d bounced barb after barb off me the night before and that morning didn"t matter at that moment. I"d always loved the hardheaded idiot like a brother and he"d been the only one I could turn to right after I"d lost my baby.
"Is he alive?"
"Two to the back. He"s lost a lot of blood but nothing important was. .h.i.t. Jenkins said he"s in surgery right now. I have to tell the boys and get Raven over there." His arms wrapped around my waist so suddenly that it surprised me. He buried his face in my neck for only a second, but it felt like he was trying to draw strength from me. I willingly gave it. "Stay with Willa and the kids. Don"t leave this house. I"ll send someone back to watch the house."
"Wait!" I held on tighter when he started to pull away. "What about Jenkins? Is he okay? Is Gracie?"
Jet"s face tightened. "They took Gracie."
Oh s.h.i.t.
"The senator?"
"f.u.c.k, babe. At this point I don"t know what the f.u.c.k is going on or why." He brushed his lips over my forehead, making me want to hold on even harder for just a moment because it felt so much like the old days. After only a few seconds he pulled away, his face set in the hard lines that told me he was in Club mode. The look in his eyes was deadly and I shivered with a mixture of fear and a shot of white-hot l.u.s.t. "Watch yourself until I get back. Willa has the numbers if you need me."
I watched him go, already silently praying for my friend.
Hawk had to be okay. He had to.
From the living room I heard Raven give a cry as Jet told her about Hawk. Seconds later the front door slammed as brother and sister left. I tried to pull myself together before I went into the living room to help Willa with the kids.
Lexa was playing on the floor in front of the television while Willa sat on the couch watching her. Max bounced on her lap, and she offered the baby a small smile as she seemed to fight back tears. I sat down beside her and reached for the baby who was growing grumpy from not getting the full attention he wanted.
"Well, welcome home," Willa said with a sad excuse for a laugh. "I guess this is some home-coming, huh?"
I brushed a kiss over Max"s head, hiding my grimace in his hair. "Yeah."
Her gaze went back to Lexa. "Is it natural to want to grab her and run as fast and as far away as possible from all this s.h.i.t?"