Raven"s hold on my hand tightened. "I understand that, Flick. Really, I do. But if you had talked to me about it I could have helped you. I know I couldn"t have taken the pain away completely, but if you"d had someone to confide in-someone to help you mourn the baby-maybe you wouldn"t have felt like you had to run away."
She was right. If I"d confided in her, then maybe the pain wouldn"t have gotten so out of hand that I had felt like I"d only two options left. To kill myself to get away from the pain... or to run away from it. I was glad I"d run away instead of taking the easier route. It was only now that I could see how much pain and destruction I would have left behind if I"d ended my life.
"I"m sorry, Rave. At the time my head was all kinds of messed up. I felt like no one wanted me-needed me. Like I was just sitting around taking up s.p.a.ce in your lives." I pulled back and rubbed a hand over Max"s back. Holding the little guy brought the kind of peace I"d only found when I"d held little Jagger. Neither baby would ever be a subst.i.tute for the baby I"d lost, but it did make it easier to think about my unborn baby with something that wasn"t as heartbreaking.
A shuddery breath left Raven and I lifted my head to find her wiping away a few tears. "I never felt like you were just taking up s.p.a.ce in my life, Flick. Club life is a hard one-it makes you hard. At times its full of coldness and the kind of darkness that nightmares are made of. All my life there has only ever been one person who gave me the sunshine when things got too cold, the light when things got too dark. That was you, Flick. It will always be you." She shook her head and almost angrily wiped at the tears that continued to fall down her beautiful face. "So don"t you dare ever think that you aren"t needed here. That you aren"t wanted. I love you, we all do. I don"t..." She stopped, swallowed hard several times and blew out a tired sigh before continuing. "I don"t want to feel the way I did when you were gone. Not ever again. I need you in my life. I want you in it. You"re the soft to my hard and I think a part of me would die without you."
My own tears were flowing freely now. "Rave." I breathed her name and she clasped my hand in her own once more.
Neither of us spoke again for a long while as we sat there, me absorbing everything Raven had just said while she seemed to push some of her strength into me through our clasped hands.
After a while our tears dried and Max started to whine. He was hungry and needed a new diaper. Raven took him up to the nursery to change and feed him before putting him down for his nap. Needing a few minutes to myself, I remained in my chair at the kitchen table.
Up until my talk with Raven I"d honestly thought that I wasn"t needed in anyone"s life. Now I could look back on it all through her eyes and see that I"d been wrong. I"d just been too hurt-and yes, angry-to see that I had an entire family to support me through the tragic loss that had nearly crippled me mentally and emotionally.
I hated that I had hurt Raven and the others when I"d left, but I couldn"t really regret running away. I"d found the peace that I"d been aching for as well as new friends that would always hold a place in my heart. I had healed and gone on a few crazy adventures with a family I"d grown to consider my own.
I grimaced at the thought of Emmie and her family. I still hadn"t talked to her. I honestly didn"t know what to say. She"d called my cellphone at least a hundred times over the last few weeks, but I couldn"t bring myself to answer. The voicemails she would leave told me that everything was going better. The Feds still had no clue who had tried to take Mia and shot Gabriella Moreitti. At least Mia was doing better now, though, putting the nightmare of her near kidnapping behind her. Maybe she wouldn"t even remember much of that time when she got older. Maybe. Gabriella was doing well too, now that she was able to move around more.
In Emmie"s last voicemail she"d said that maybe they were on their way home. "I wish you were going with us, Felicity," had been the last thing she had whispered before she"d ended the call three days before.
I wasn"t as torn up about not going home with them as I might have been when I"d first gotten back to Creswell Springs, after Jet had blackmailed me into returning.
The phone on the counter started ringing and I pushed away from the table to get up and answer it. "h.e.l.lo?"
"Hey, love." Instantly my panties grew damp and my heart twisted in my chest at the sound of Jet"s deep voice. "Are you busy?"
"N-no," I murmured, licking my suddenly dry lips. "What"s up?"
"I"m almost done doing inventory. Would you like to go out tonight?"
Something about his voice melted me and I couldn"t understand it. He sounded almost...shy. Tender even. Had Jet ever been those things? Maybe tender a few times-maybe-but never shy. Of course, he"d never asked me to go out before either. Maybe he figured I"d turn him down. "What did you have in mind?"
His laugh was deep and deliciously s.e.xy, making my damp panties embarra.s.singly wet. I clenched my thighs together as I leaned back against the counter. "It"s a surprise, but I promise you"ll enjoy every minute of it."
d.a.m.n it. When he used that tone I couldn"t resist him. It was softer than his normal almost harsh tone. Gentle, almost lovingly gentle. It made me feel special to him and that was a dangerously false state of mind. "Um...sure. Why not?" I knew it was a bad idea to go, to let him do whatever he had planned. I knew that I was already in the red danger zone where my heart was concerned even though I"d tried my d.a.m.nedest to keep it locked away during the last several weeks. The problem was I just couldn"t help myself.
I wanted every second he was willing to give me before he got bored and tossed me out of his life like he had last time.
"Want me to come pick you up?"
I shook my head even though I knew he couldn"t see me. "No. I"ll meet you there. When and where?" I needed to get out of the house, clear my head with a nice relaxing drive before I saw him.
"The bar. Seven?" There was that shy note in his voice again and I had to clench my legs together in an attempt to smother the ache that pulsed deep in my most intimate place.
"I"ll see you then."
Chapter Fifteen.
Jet I wasn"t the hearts-and-flowers kind of guy. I grew up with a man who worshipped his wife, but the only way he showed it was to come home to her every night. That was all my mother had ever wanted, him in her bed every night, holding her. They had been happy, and even after my mother"s death, my father had remained loyal to her memory.
For the last month I"d been trying it my father"s way. Going home to Flick every night, holding her close and making love to her all night long. Telling her over and over again that I loved her.
It wasn"t f.u.c.king working.
Flick hadn"t softened to me following my father"s example. She still didn"t acknowledge it when I told her I loved her. She was holding herself away from me, not physically, but emotionally, and it was driving me crazy. It was time to try something else before I lost her all over again. Blackmailing her into coming back with me probably hadn"t started us out on the right foot, but f.u.c.k, it was what I knew. I didn"t like to play fair when it came to something I wanted. Something I cared about. Someone I loved.
Females liked hearts and flowery s.h.i.t, right?
f.u.c.k, I had no idea. I"d never had to use it and f.u.c.k knew my sister didn"t like that kind of c.r.a.p. She was just as hard as any of my brothers, blood or Club. My fault-I was sure-but h.e.l.l, at least she could take care of herself if she had to. Not that Flick couldn"t. I knew she could, I just didn"t want her to have to. I wanted to take care of her. Forever.
If she would just open her stubborn eyes and see that, it would make my life a h.e.l.l of a lot easier.
I knew nothing about how to give a female the hearts and flowers, but I was learning. I"d gotten some advice-from Gracie of all people. Hopefully it worked because I was slowly dying inside from not hearing Flick say she loved me like she used to. My brothers would probably give me h.e.l.l when they found out what I was doing, but I didn"t give a f.u.c.k. I"d take them calling me p.u.s.s.y-whipped if it got me the end results I craved.
Hawk, Colt, and Raider stood in the middle of the bar looking around the place like they had never seen it before. We"d rebuilt the place to look almost exactly like the old bar, the one our father had built with his bare hands. There were a few changes here and there that had been a necessity rather than something we"d actually wanted. It looked good, a bar anyone would be proud of, but it didn"t have the heart and soul that our father"s bar had once had.
At least not yet. The heart and soul would come with time. With sweat and blood and happy memories that we would all make here with our MC.
Tonight, however, it didn"t look like anything we"d ever seen before. Not in this bar or our father"s. I"d pulled rank and conned all three of my brothers into helping me. We weren"t going to open it to the public tonight because I had something special planned. Flick was going to get her hearts and flowers.
"It looks like cupid threw up in here," Raider grumbled as he swatted at one of the heart-shaped balloons that took up most of the room.
He"d emptied three of the small helium tanks from blowing up all the balloons, tied pink and white string to each one, and even crinkled the d.a.m.n ribbons the way Gracie had shown him when she"d come in to check on our progress on her lunch hour. The way my brother was looking at the room right then, I feared he would break out in a rash at any time. He was allergic to romantic s.h.i.t, and I didn"t think it could get more romantic than the bar right then.
Roses and tulips were in various gla.s.ses, vases, and even a few beer bottles around the room. Pink and white rose petals were scattered on the floor that led straight to a huge heart that was nothing but red rose petals. In the middle of that stupid heart were at least twenty pillows spread over a thick blanket. No lights were on in the bar; instead, the place was dimly lit up with at least two thousand tea lights and scented candles that Gracie had a.s.sured me would make Flick putty in my hands.
"If this s.h.i.t works, let me know." Colt fingered one of the strings attached to a pink heart-shaped balloon. "I might do the same with Kelli."
"I don"t see Kelli wanting this kind of girly s.h.i.t," Raider speculated to Colt. "I figured her for the type of girl who would want chains and whips instead of hearts and flowers."
Colt grinned. "You"re not wrong, but this might be fun to try too."
"You"re both idiots," Hawk growled. Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he headed for the door. "I"m headed home. Good luck, brother."
I nodded after him, still not sure if I should be jealous of my own brother or not. Since we"d gotten Gracie back, Hawk had changed toward Flick. He didn"t growl at her like he had when she"d first gotten home. They seemed close again, friends.
They"d both better hope it was just friendship. I wouldn"t hesitate to kill my own brother if he dared to take Flick away from me...
f.u.c.k.
I knew that was just stupid jealousy talking. Anyone with eyes in their head could see that Hawk adored Gracie. He worshiped the ground she walked on. The way he"d taken care of her when she"d been so sick in the hospital, the tears he hadn"t been ashamed to let fall as he"d feared she wouldn"t get better. Hawk loved Gracie in a way I"d never seen a man love his female before.
I should probably be taking pointers off him, but there was no way in h.e.l.l I was going to ask him for advice on how to get Flick to love me again.
Gracie had been my second choice because I knew she wouldn"t laugh her a.s.s off at me or give me h.e.l.l over wanting something I probably didn"t deserve.
"We"re out too," Colt called as he and Raider headed for the door. "See you tomorrow, brother. Hope you get what you want tonight."
I didn"t know if he was being sarcastic or serious so I didn"t answer him. Knowing my brothers, it could have been either one.
Taking one last look around the bar, I blew out a nervous breath and went out to the parking lot to wait on Flick. It was nearly seven and I knew she would get there soon. Nervousness churned in my stomach, made my palms sweat and my heart pound. Had I ever wanted anything more than this night to go right?
Yes.
Her.
I"d always wanted her this much, but was too much of a p.u.s.s.y to put myself out there for her.
That would change tonight, though. It was time I showed her that she meant more to me than anything or anyone. f.u.c.k, I was scared out of my mind.
The sound of a powerful engine caught my attention and I lifted my head to find Flick pulling Raven"s SRT8 Challenger into the parking lot. Since Raven had had Max, she"d been driving around a black Tahoe and rarely drove the car. It wasn"t big enough for both kids and everything else she might need to haul around so the car had been basically parked in the garage.
Turning the engine off, Flick got out, frowning as she walked toward me. "What"s going on? Why isn"t there anyone else here? It"s Thursday. I figured the place would be crowded."
I caught her around the waist and pulled her against me, stopping her words with a slow, gentle kiss that had my body aching for her. I kissed her long and slow, loving the way her body trembled as she melted against me. When I lifted my head more than a minute later, she was breathless and her eyes were full of the need I knew only I could make her burn with.
"I love you, Flick."
Something flashed in her eyes, something I hadn"t seen in them in a long, long time. When she didn"t say anything, but lowered her eyes, I didn"t feel the usual burn of loss and hurt in my stomach. Not after seeing her eyes. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Flick still loved me. Knowing that made me feel like I could conquer the world.
Her blue eyes dropped to the ground and I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Let"s go inside. We have the whole place to ourselves tonight."
Surprised eyes caught mine. "Really?"
I grinned to hide my nervousness. "Really."
Entwining her fingers with mine, I tugged her toward the door. As we walked into the dimly lit bar, I reached for the remote that controlled the speakers that were hooked up to a stereo in the office. Soft, jazzy music filled the bar just as I heard Flick gasp beside me. I turned to watch her as she took the entire room in.
She hadn"t seen the inside of the bar since we"d rebuilt it, so this was all new to her, but she wasn"t taking in the new bar tops or the tables and booths with the chairs that my MC brothers had built by hand. She didn"t see anything but the hundreds of balloons floating toward the ceiling, the hundreds of dollars" worth of roses, and the crazy amount of candles burning. Her gaze went slowly toward the petals that shaped the huge heart that Gracie had helped me create and the pillows on top of the thick, soft blanket that was spread across sweet scented rose petals.
Flick swallowed hard and lifted her blue gaze to meet mine. "Who did this?"
I shrugged like it was no big deal. "My brothers and Gracie helped me."
Her brow wrinkled adorably. "But why?"
"Because I love you and you deserve the hearts-and-flowers romantic s.h.i.t." I grimaced. "I didn"t give you that the first time around, but I swear I"ll try my hardest to give it to you as often as possible this time."
"I...I don"t know what to say," she whispered. "This is beautiful, Jet. Thank you." She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my cut. "Thank you."
"So you like it?"
She nodded without lifting her head. "I love it."
Relief practically had my shoulders drooping as I wrapped my arms around her slender waist and kissed the top of her head. Even in the dim lighting I could see that her dyed hair had grown out, but she hadn"t tried to cover the roots up. I hoped she wouldn"t. The red was s.e.xy as f.u.c.k, but her natural color was what I wanted to see on her. I"d kind of missed her glossy dark hair. It had been so long in the past and I"d obsessed over the pure beauty of it for years until I"d finally given in and taken what I wanted.
I felt something damp soak through the T-shirt I had on under my cut and realized she was crying. Gut churning because I lost my s.h.i.t when she cried, I caught her chin between my thumb and index finger and forced her to lift her head so I could see her face. Tears poured down her beautiful cheeks. "What"s wrong?"
She gave me a trembling smile. "Nothing. I"m just a little overwhelmed is all."
"Is this too much?" I glanced around, taking it all in again. "Gracie helped me plan it. She knows more about this kind of thing than me. If it"s too much I"ll fix it."
"No!" she cried when I started to pull away. "No," she laughed. "This is perfect. I just never expected it. It"s so sweet, Jet. Honestly, I love everything about it. This is incredible."
"Swear?"
She laughed again and the sweet, feminine sound of her voice went straight to my already aching d.i.c.k. "Swear."
"Good." Keeping one arm around her waist, I walked her over to the blanket in the middle of the huge-a.s.s heart. Carefully, holding her like she was fine china, I helped her sit. Once she was comfortable, I grabbed the basket that held our dinner from behind the bar and joined her.
"Whatever that is, it smells amazing." She lifted the lid of the basket and her eyes narrowed before a few more tears spilled down her cheeks. "You got Aggie to make all my favorites?"
"Of course. Tonight is about you, love." I tapped her hands, forcing them away so I could pull out the containers of chicken, spaghetti and bread sticks. I took the tops off the dishes and pulled out one of the forks Aggie had included. I twirled the spaghetti on the fork and lifted the small bite to her lips.
Flick"s chin trembled for half a second before she opened her mouth and I fed her the first bite. Her eyes closed as she chewed. "That never gets old," she murmured around the food in her mouth. "Aggie is an angel when it comes to cooking."
I fed her two more bites before taking one for myself. When she licked her lips, I got up to pour her a gla.s.s of wine and grabbed a beer for myself. For the next fifteen minutes I fed us both and we barely spoke. I never knew watching someone eat could be so erotic. Seeing her lips wrap around the fork, watching her jaw move as she chewed, how her tongue slipped out to lick away a smear of sauce at the corner of her mouth... By the time I lifted the last bite to feed her, my body was one big ache.
I could feel the s.e.xual tension radiating off of her, knew that I wasn"t the only one completely turned on by this oddly intimate experience. My hand wasn"t as steady as it had been at the beginning of the meal when I replaced the containers and reached for the slice of cheesecake that Aggie had made for dessert.
Raspberry and chocolate drizzle covered the huge slice of cheesecake and I reached for the clean fork to start feeding Flick again. "I love that raspberry sauce she makes," Flick said as she savored the first decadent bite. Reaching out, she touched her index finger to the extra drizzle on the plate before lifting her finger and offering it to me. "Taste."
Hungrily I sucked her finger long and hard, making sure I got every last trace of the sauce. Something wild flashed in my female"s eyes and suddenly she was pulling the plate out of my hand and pushing it and the basket away before climbing onto my lap. As soon as she was in my arms, her arms were around my neck, her soft fingers raking through my hair as she held me exactly where she wanted me and dived in for a kiss that stole both our breaths.
I"d wanted to take things slow tonight. Had wanted our lovemaking to be as sweet and magical as everything else I"d tried to create just for her, but one taste of her mouth and I was lost. Even though I"d spent the night before making love to her repeatedly, I felt like I hadn"t touched her in weeks. I didn"t think I would ever get enough of her.
Grabbing hold of her a.s.s, I lifted onto my knees and carefully laid her down so that her head was on one of the pillows. The cotton shorts she"d worn were easy enough to get rid of and I made sure to take her panties with them. Her p.u.s.s.y was already drenched and my mouth watered at the sweet scent of her arousal. Unable to stop myself, I lowered my head and made a meal of her drenched p.u.s.s.y.
"Oh, G.o.d," she moaned and spread her thighs even wider for me. "Oh...G.o.d." Her hips thrust up against me, seeking the relief she knew I would gladly give her. "Please. Please. Oh, G.o.d, please."
I grinned against her wet lips. "G.o.d can"t help you tonight, love."
A breathless laugh escaped her, followed by a high-pitched whimper as I thrust my tongue into her. A perfect a.s.s lifted off the floor as she begged for more. My d.i.c.k pressed painfully into the fly of my jeans and I pulled away so I could get rid of them before I did permanent damage to myself. Blue eyes flew open and she let out a pained cry, but I was back within seconds, licking her from her scalding opening to her c.l.i.t.
"Jet," she gasped, riding my tongue. "Please. I need you."
Muttering a curse, I dragged her shirt off her body and made quick work of her bra. Once she was naked underneath me, I grabbed hold of my d.i.c.k and pushed so deep inside of her that I couldn"t tell where she ended and I began. Ah, f.u.c.k, she felt so good. This was heaven and I never wanted to leave it. If I knew this was waiting for me on the other side of death, I would have gladly died then and there.
Hot, wet walls contracted around my shaft and I thrust my hips, making us both groan. Before Flick, I"d f.u.c.ked a lot of females, but none of them compared to her. None. Maybe that was why there had been no one since her. I knew no one could recreate this feeling for me-the overwhelming pleasure that made me feel like I was dying mixed with the most amazing peace I"d ever felt in my life.
I caught her lips and kissed her long and hard as I thrust into her again. Sharp nails raked down my back. I felt the sting of flesh opening and grinned down at her. "That"s it, love. Mark me as yours."