I think, madam, I dare do all that can be required of me.
I know your courage is high. I know too that courage is one of the first and most essential qualities of mind. Yet perhaps I might and ought to doubt, nay to ask, whether you dare do many things.
What is it, madam, that I dare not do?
Dare you receive a blow, or suffer yourself falsely to be called liar, or coward, without seeking revenge, or what honour calls satisfaction?
Dare you think the servant that cleans your shoes is your equal, unless not so wise or good a man; and your superior, if wiser and better? Dare you suppose mind has no s.e.x, and that woman is not by nature the inferior of man?--
Madam--
Nay, nay, no compliments; I will not be interrupted--Dare I you think that riches, rank, and power, are usurpations; and that wisdom and virtue only can claim distinction? Dare you make it the business of your whole life to overturn these prejudices, and to promote among mankind that spirit of universal benevolence which shall render them all equals, all brothers, all stripped of their artificial and false wants, all partic.i.p.ating the labour requisite to produce the necessaries of life, and all combining in one universal effort of mind, for the progress of knowledge, the destruction of error, and the spreading of eternal truth?
There is such energy, madam, in all you say, that, while I listen to you, I dare do any thing, dare promise any thing.
Nay, but the daring of which I speak, must be the energy of your own mind, not of mine.
Do not distress yourself and me with doubts, madam. I have heard you yourself say that truth ultimately must prevail. I may differ with you in some points; but I am willing to hear, willing to discuss; and, if truth be on your side, there can be no danger.
The only danger is in the feeble or false colouring which the defenders of truth may give it, and not in truth itself.
I am too well convinced of your power to feel your doubts. You oblige me to see with your eyes, hear with your ears, believe what you believe, and reject what you think incredible. I am and must be whatever you please to make me. You have but to prescribe your own conditions.
Prescribe I must not. If I can persuade, if I can win upon your mind--
If--! You won my whole soul the very first moment I saw you! Not a word or action of mine but what has proclaimed the burning impatience of my pa.s.sion!
True: the burning impatience--Your eagerness to a.s.sent will not suffer you to examine. Your opinions and principles are those which the world most highly approves, and applauds: mine are what it daily calls extravagant, impracticable, and absurd. It would be weak in me to expect you should implicitly receive remote truths, so contradictory to this general practice, till you have first deeply considered them. I ask no such miracle. But if I can but turn your mind to such considerations, if I can but convince you how inestimable they are, even to yourself as well as to the world at large, I shall then have effected my purpose.
Of that, madam, be sure--You shall see!--Upon my honour, you shall!--I will order a fur-cap, a long gown, a white wand, and a pair of sandals this very day! No Grecian ever looked more grave than I will! Nay, if you desire it, razor shall never touch my chin more.
Well, well; equip yourself speedily, and I will provide you with a wooden dish, a lanthorn, and a tub.
But then, having made your conditions, you now grant me your consent?
That is obliging me once more to put on my serious face--The danger in which I so lately saw you hangs heavily on my mind; that and the warm pa.s.sions by which it was occasioned.
And my excess of ardour, to demonstrate my love, you regard as a proof of my having none.
How pa.s.sion overshoots itself! Your conclusion is as precipitate as was your proof.
I cannot be cool, madam, on this subject. I wonder to see you so! Did affection throb and burn in your bosom, as it does in mine, I am persuaded it would be otherwise.
We are neither of us so entirely satisfied with each other as we ought to be, to induce either me to consent or you to apply to Sir Arthur.
For heaven"s sake, madam--
Hear me patiently, for a moment. Previous to this conversation, I was convinced of the folly and danger of excessive haste. Should you imagine I have any self-complacency or caprice to gratify, by delay, you will do me great injustice: I solemnly protest I have none. My own interest, had I no better motive, would make me avoid such conduct. The inconsistencies and vain antics of the girl, which are justly enough stigmatized by the epithets flirting and coquetry, are repaid tenfold upon the wife. I would deal openly, honestly, and generously; but not rashly. I have every predilection in your favour which you could wish; such doubts excepted as I have declared. But I must not give either you or the world cause to accuse me of levity. My consent to speak to Sir Arthur would be generally understood as a pledge to proceed; not it is true by me, if I saw just cause to retract: but, though I earnestly desire to reform, I almost as earnestly wish not unnecessarily to offend the prejudices of mankind.
Nay let me beg, let me conjure you--[He took both my hands with great ardour.]
And let me beg too, let me conjure you, not to think meanly or unkindly of me, when I tell you that I must insist on a short delay.
I will kneel! I will do any thing--!
Do nothing which your heart does not approve; it never can be the way to forward any worthy suit. For my part, I must tell you, which you may reckon among my faults, that when I have once considered a subject, I am a very positive and determined girl. This may be thought obstinacy; but such I am, and such therefore you ought to see me.
And when, madam, may I now presume to hope?
Do not speak as if you were displeased. Indeed it is far from my intention to offend.
You are too well acquainted, madam, with your own power of pleasing, to fear giving offence.
Far the contrary, for I fear it at this moment.
You are kind and killing both in a breath.--Be doubly kind, and suffer me immediately to speak to Sir Arthur.
I told you I am fixed, and I a.s.sure you it is true.
When then may I hope?
I could have wished to have seen my friend, your sister, first: but perhaps Sir Arthur may make some stay in London, and I should be sorry to delay a moment longer than seems absolutely necessary. Let us both consider what has pa.s.sed this morning, and provided no new accident should intervene--
Another leap from a rock?
Provided our approbation and esteem for each other should continue, and increase, I will ask for no further delay, after we come to London.
Well, well. It is the poor lover"s duty to thank his mistress for the greatness of her condescension, even when he thinks she uses him unkindly.
I was going to reply, but my enterprising gentleman--[Indeed, Louisa, your brother is a bold youth]--s.n.a.t.c.hed an unexpected embrace, with more eagerness than fear, and then fell on one knee, making such a piteous face for forgiveness, so whimsical, and indeed I may say witty, that it was impossible to be serious. However, I hurried away, and thus the conference ended.
And now, after reviewing what has pa.s.sed, tell me, Louisa, ought I to recede? Are not my hopes well founded? Must not the reiteration of truth make its due impression, upon a mind like Clifton"s? Can it fail?
Is he not the man who, for all the reasons formerly given, truly merits preference?
I must not forget to tell you that Frank readily complied with your request, and Clifton has seen the letters. He seems oppressed, as it were, with a sense of obligation to Frank; which the latter endeavours to convince him is wrong. Reciprocal duties, he says, always must exist among mankind; but as for obligations, further than those, there are none. A grateful man is either a weak or a proud man, and ingrat.i.tude cannot exist; unless by ingrat.i.tude injustice be meant. Frank"s opinions appear to Clifton to be equally novel with mine; and must be well understood, to escape being treated with mockery.
It is infinitely pleasing to me to perceive the fort.i.tude with which Frank resists inclination. He is almost as cheerful, and quite as communicative, and desirous of making all around him happy, as ever.
His constancy, however, is not to be shaken, in one particular. I could wish it were! It pains me to recollect that he will _persist, to the end of time, in thinking me his, by right!_
I cannot proceed!
A. W. ST. IVES
LETTER LIV
_c.o.ke Clifton to Guy Fairfax_