If so be as the whats and the whys and the wherefores had a bin a forth c.u.mmin, why then the shiners might a seen the light of day, mayhap. But a man"s son, why a"s his son; a"s his own; a"s his goods and chattels, and law and rite; bein of the race of his own begettin, feedin, and breedin. Whereby I cannot but say, love me love my dog. Always a savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur, as aforesaid.
And ast for the rhino, why some do save, and some do spend, and some do hold, and some do let go, and some do have, and some do want. Whereupon if so be as he as a has the most a may be as good as another. Why not?
Always a savin and exceptin your ever onnurable onnur, as aforesaid.
But when so be as a man has the wherewithalls, why a let him begin to hold up his head, I say. Why not? For why? It is the omnum gathurum that makes the man. And if I do a doff my hat to my betters, there a be and a bin the whats and the whys and the wherefores for it. But I can a doff my hat, or I can a keep it on my head; and mayhap a can begin to look my betters in the face, as well as another. Why not? Always a savin and exceptin your ever exceptionable onnur, as in duty boundin.
And ast for famalies and names, I axes nothink about they. A tell me who has the most kole! I axes that! Mayhap Henley may be as good a name as Clifton. And ast for famalies, why it is notorious that Adam and Eve wus the begettin of us all; always a savin and exceptin your onnurable onnur. Whereof a there"s an end of that.
Whereby your onnurable onnur wus a menshinnin the mortgages; and of a seem of every think a treeved and settled, afore your onnur do die. But as thinks do be likely to turn out, why every man for himself, and G.o.d for us all. There be foreclosures mayhap, that a be to be thoft of. For why? There a be wheels within wheels.
If so be indeed as if thinks had a turned up trumps, why then ay, it would a bin summut; all smooth and go softly, and there might a behappened to be sunshine and fair weather at Wenbourne-Hill. For why?
Every think would then a bin clear and above board. Thinks would a then a bin safe and sure to all sides; and your onnurable onnur would mayhap a seen that your onnur would a lost nothink by the bargain. For why?
Missee my younk lady might a paradventered to have had all, in the upshot; and an ever gracious and glorious and mercifool my younk lady missee she would a then a bin. Whereby as matters be likely to turn out, why thinks must a take their course. Thof a mayhap folks may go further and fare worse. Whereof if so be as lives have a bin saved, by land and by water, and a man"s son is thoft to be somebody, why mayhap a may not a take it so kindly to be chouse flickurd.
For my part, I thoft as thof all thinks had a bin as good as settled; and that in all partikillers missee my younk lady, of ever mercifool affability, would a bin left to please herself. Why not? When precious lives have a bin saved, and when there a bin shootins, and leapins, and swimmins, and sousins, I say as aforesaid, why that"s a summut; and a man"s own son mayhap won"t a like to be flamdudgind.
And so as to mortgages to be paid off, your onnurable onnur, why mayhap that"s a sooner said nur done. For I say as aforesaid, that it seems as if whereby, if it had not a bin for some folks, some folks would a now a bin in their salt water graves: always a savin and exceptin your ever exceptionable onnur, as in duty boundin. Whereby take me ritely, your onnurable onnur, I means nothink amiss. If thinks be a skew whift, why it be no fault of mine. It is always a savin and exceptin of your onnurable onnur: being as I be ready to glorify to the whole world of all your futur lovin kindness of blessins of praise, a done and a testified to me and mine.
Whereof as to frippery jerry my gingle red coats and c.o.c.kades, why they be nothink of my seekin. For why? They be the betokens of the warnins of the signs of the b.l.o.o.d.y cross of antichrist, and the wh.o.r.e of Babilon, and of the dispensation of the kole, and the squitter squanderin of the wherewithalls, and the supernakullums. Whereby an honest man"s son may become to be bamboozild, and addle brained, and foistee fubbd, belike, as finely as his neighbours. So that if so be as I have a bin a ponderaitin that there a be nothink to be got by it.
Always a savin and exceptin of the blessins of praise, and mercifool glory, of your ever exceptionable onnurable onnur"s lovin kindness, and goodness; and every think of that there umbel and very submissive obedient kind, as in duty boundin.
Witch is all at present, beginnin and endin to the everlastin power of almighty joys eternal; umbelly beggin leave to superscribe meself.
ABIMELECH HENLEY
LETTER LXVI
_Abimelech Henley to Frank Henley_
_Wenbourne-Hill_
Why what be all a this here? What is it that a be about, dolt? Here"s a rumpus! Here"s a fine to do! You be a pretty squire Nicodemus Nincomp.o.o.p! You a son of my own begettin, feedin, and breedin! You seeze the fulhams! Why they would a draw your i teeth for ee! Marry come fairly! You the jennyalogy of my own body and loins? No, by lady!
And so squire my lord Timothy Doodle has a bin flib gibberd, and queerumd, after all? Thof if so be as notwithstandin a that Missee, my younk lady, had as good as a bin playin at catch me come kiss me, and all in the dark with"n; and thof I had a sifflicated the Sir Dandle Dunderpate, a here a do stand, a suckin his thumbs! Thof so be as how I told him to make up to Missee, and the twenty thousand pounds! What, a didn"t I put words into your mouth, as good as a ready b.u.t.terd, as I may say? What, a didn"t I give ee all your pees and cues? Because as why, I did a know a wus a quaumee kintlin. And so a has played with the mouse and has a lost it at last! A fine kettle of fish a"s made on"t!
Whereof forsooth, so as that now as that all o"the fat"s in the fire, why I must a be set to catch the colt if I can. Why ay, to be sure!
Whereby if so be as the Gaby goose may now go barefoot! And a whose fault is that? No! A wouldn"t a be akin to a good estate; not he!
But harkee me chit! Mind what I be about to say to ee, Simon the simple, and mayhap thinks may become to be komparissuble and parallel to the yellow hammers and the c.h.i.n.k, for all of all this here rig royster. For why? I can put a spoke in the wheel of the marriage act and deed. Madam Clifton wonnot a budge a finger, to the signin and sealin of her gratification of applause, whereby as if so be as that the kole a be not a forth c.u.mmin, down on the nail head. And where now might Timothy Tipkin sifflicate that it may behappen to be for to come from? Pummel thy pumkin, and a tell me that, Peter Grievous. Where, but out of my pouche, Gaby? That is, I first havin and holdin the wherewithalls, and the whys, and the wherefores. Do you take me now? So that forsooth, some folks may behappen to cry peccavi.
Whereby mind what I do tell ee. For why? I"ve as good as a told Sir Arthur the wind is a not to be raised for any of a sitch of a flammbite of a tale of a tub. Whereby I a told"n a bit of my mind. And if so be as if a will wince, a mayhap it may come to pa.s.s that I can kick. A shall find I was not a bred and a born and a begotten yesterday. An a champ upon it, let"n. An a will run rusty, mayhap a may belike to get his head in a hedge. So mind what I do say to ee; and tell "em that they may a behappen to find that your father is somebody, and that you are his son. A tell "em that.
So do you strike up to Missee boldly. Mind what ee be at; and let "em like it or leave it. For if so be as when a man has a got the Marygolds, why then let"n begin to speak for himself. Why not?
Whereby I have now once again given the costard monger his pees and his cues. So that if so be as if a do find that sweet sauce be good for goose, why let"n a give his tongue an oilin. But if so be as a do find a be Sir Arthur Crabvarjus o"the high ropes, why then says you, look ee me says you, honest Aby is my father; and when a man has a got the wherewithalls, why a begins to be somebody, and mayhap a"s as good as another. A tell "em that.
And so no more at present; a savin and exceptin of the all bountifool glory of the everlastin praise of joys eternal, livin and hopin for time to repent us of all our manifold sins, and of a dyin in peace and charity with all men. Whereby we shall be sure to partake of the resurrection of the just sheep, and of the virgin oil in our lamps, and of the martyrs and of the profits and of the saints everlastin rest.
ABIMELECH HENLEY
LETTER LXVII
_Frank Henley to Oliver Trenchard_
_London, Grosvenor Street_
Oliver, it is not half an hour since I ended writing one of the most undutiful and bitter Philippics, that ever was addressed by a son to his father. I say undutiful, because this wise world has decreed that to abhor, reprove, and avoid vice in a father, instead of being the performance of a duty, is offensive to all moral feeling.
I have just received a letter from him, chiding and blaming me, with his usual acrimony, for a supposed want of cunning; and for not aiding him in what I perceive now to be the design he has most at heart; which is my marriage with the divine Anna. He has almost disgusted me with myself, for having, though ineffectually, endeavoured to aid him so well. Nay I have been tempted to shew his letter to Sir Arthur. But, on recollection, I have thrown the Philippic I mentioned into the fire; and have determined on silence: for I perceive harm that may result from a contrary conduct, but no good. To swerve, to the right or the left, from the direct path of principle and truth, because of the selfish, narrow, and unwise views of others, is to be weak and culpable.
What, indeed, has relationship to do with truth? No human ties can bind us to error: and, while we rigorously act according to the rules of truth, as far as we know them, the comments, mistakes, disapprobation, and even resentment, of relation, friend, or father, ought to be disregarded.
I must own, however, I have still the folly to feel additional grief that errors of so mean, so selfish, so dishonest a nature should have taken such firm possession of the mind of my father: and I am afraid I could support them better in the person of another.
Having determined not to write to him, I have written to thee, to give vent and relief to these feelings. Of course thou wilt tell me if thou seest any reason, which I have not discovered, why I ought to communicate the contents of his letter to Sir Arthur; whom he vaunts of having in his power, and whom he is determined not to supply with money, for the projected marriage with Clifton. My conviction is that to shew this letter would but increase their mutual anger, and render compliance on my father"s part, whose temper I know, still less probable than it is; if less it can be.
Adieu.
F. HENLEY
LETTER LXVIII
_Anna Wenbourne St. Ives to Louisa Clifton_
_London, Grosvenor Street_
I write, at present, to my dear Louisa, that by writing I may divert the perturbation of my mind. But I must begin calmly; for I have so much to say, that I scarcely know what to say first. Our mutual conjectures, concerning honest Aby, are in part verified. I conclude thus, not from having seen any more of his letters, but from knowing more have been received; which, instead of having been shewn me, have, if I do not mistake, thrown Sir Arthur into some of the most serious reflections he ever experienced. I never knew him so grave, thoughtful, and pensive, as he has been for some days--
My brother too!--But more of him by and by.
Observing the efforts of reflection, and desirous of aiding, alleviating, or increasing them, as should be most prudent, I took an opportunity, after breakfast, when Sir Arthur and I were alone, of speaking to him; and we had the following dialogue.
I think, sir, you seem more thoughtful lately than usual. I am afraid there is something disturbs you. Can I--?
No, no--Nothing--Not much. Worldly matters, which you do not understand.
I am far from wishing, sir, to intrude into your private concerns; except they were such as might relate to me, and--
Mere money matters, child; of which you have no knowledge--[We paused; Sir Arthur seeming as if his mind laboured with a subject which he knew not how to begin]--Where is Mr. Henley?
Retired to his apartment, sir. This is his time of day for study.
He is a very learned young man.