Ano Orokamono Ni Mo Kyakkou Wo!

TL: Cannongerbil

Editing: Ulti, Xenthur, Deus ex Machina

“No money, no women!”

I stood up and shouted while I was having a drink with my companions at our usual spot in the guild, but everyone else ignored me and continued eating.

“Those fried frog legs look tasty. Just give me a bit. Just the kneecaps are fine. Or even just the leftover bones, just let me suck on them.”

“N-O No. Didn’t you say you wouldn’t need money or women for awhile?”

Lynn let out a soft sigh and looked at me coldly as she helped herself to the fried frog legs with her fork.

“I’ve been good for the past two days, haven’t I?”

“It’s just two days. You brought your money issues upon yourself. You were the one who borrowed money and splurged it all on food and wine in antic.i.p.ation of the reward of taking down the Destroyer, until you ended up spending more money than the reward covers. There’s no reason for me to sympathize with you.”

“Yeah, you should learn a little self restraint.”

Even Taylor joined Lynn in lecturing me.

What boring people. Men shouldn’t be saving up money like a miser. It’s manly to spend large amounts of money only to make it all back in a snap.

“Ah, this is why I can’t stand poor people. Pah, this beer really tastes great.”

“Hey, Keith, how do you still have money? Didn’t you borrow money and spent a whole lot as well?”

He went on a spending spree like I did, so how the h.e.l.l is he enjoying his food without a care in the world? Isn’t that odd?

“Unlike you, I made it big while gambling! Ah, beer tastes really great when you drink it in front of poor people!”

Don’t fan yourself with those notes! d.a.m.n you, lording over me just because you made it big! If I was the one who made it big back then, I would be…

“If you have that much money, lend me some.”

“I don’t want to. This money is mine. I have not a single eris to offer to Dust. Though, if you were to lick my boots and say ‘I will never go against Keith-sama again. I’m your eternally loyal slave’, then I wouldn’t mind treating you.”

“f.u.c.k you, who would beg from a person who wouldn’t even help a friend in need? So, Taylor, please?”

“No. Come talk to me after you’ve returned what you owe me. It wouldn’t help you to spoil you any more than this.”

He’s as hard headed as ever, as expected of a Crusader. Normally, you would happily treat your friends to a meal if they are in trouble. What kind of people are they? As their friend, I’m embarra.s.sed.

“Tsk, fine, forget asking you guys. If you want to apologize, now’s your only chance! Right now I’ll accept it for just the cost of a meal, some beer, and 100,000 eris! It’d be useless to apologize when I’ve struck it rich! Now, cry and apologize!”

“No, I won’t.” x3

“You"re all a bunch of stingy little b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. When I strike it rich I’ll definitely slap all of you with a wad of cash.”

I say that, but right now I don’t even have the capital required to make more money.

My motto is to live leisurely and become rich, but you can’t spend money you don’t have.

Ahh, isn’t there a n.o.blewoman bountiful in both wealth and body who doesn’t know what to do with either of them? Nah, there’s no way such a convenient woman could exist. Even I know that much.

“Isn’t that Dust? What are you doing out here?”

The person who called out to me was the blonde Crusader who was in Kazuma’s party. Her looks and figure are both outstanding, but… my impression of her changed drastically after going on that adventure with her.

Also, I was really taken aback by what we recently found out about her.

“Yo, Darkness… no, wait, it’s Lalatina, right?”

“Don’t call me by that name!”

To think that Darkness was a fake name and she actually had such a cutesy name like Lalatina.

I never suspected that she was actually a lady of house Dustiness, the so-called right hand of this country. She wasn’t just an extremely tough Crusader who couldn’t land any of her attacks.

I know from personal experience that most n.o.bles are nothing but trouble, but I can’t feel that kind of dislike for Darkness. It’s probably because she doesn’t look down upon the commoners and treats them like equals.

I’ve always suspected that the good reputation of the Dustiness house is a carefully crafted facade, but it seems like it might not actually be a lie after all.

She’s working as a Crusader, but I can distinctly get the impression that she’s a well brought up young lady if I squint a little. I really wanted to ask why a n.o.ble woman like her would become an adventurer, but that’s too direct of a question.

“You’re alone? How unusual. What happened to Kazuma?”

“I-It’s not like we are always together! Kazuma’s just a companion!”

You didn’t have to deny it that strongly. People who are in the same adventuring party and what not will usually end up having similar schedules.

Did she have some kind of strange misunderstanding? Well, not that I really care.

“Kazuma’s shut-in tendencies have worsened since getting his hands on the mansion. He should still be sleeping in his room.”

If I had the money, I too would want to lead a life where I sleep until noon and do nothing except eat and sleep.

“So, what are you doing alone?”

“Megumin took Aqua out on her daily explosion trip and I ended up with some free time, so I thought I would go on an adventure with Chris. It’s been some time, after all.”

“Chris is the girl who cried after she got her panties stolen by Kazuma, right? That silver haired thief with the pitiful chest?”

“Hey, don’t say that in front of her. It seems like she’s quite concerned about that.”

If you are concerned about that, then don’t wear such revealing clothes. Though, I suppose that dressing lightly is expected for a thief.

“Now then, I should hurry on. Oh, yeah, please stop doing those stupid things with Kazuma.”

“What? I don’t recall doing anything stupid with Kazuma. All we did was spend all night getting rowdy at the tavern and using Steal on someone we didn’t like the look of and sending them home without underwear.”

“You did that kind of thing… To think that kind of teasing play is possible… I’ll have to lecture him later.”

Watching Darkness’ back as she angrily left, I suddenly thought of something.

“Darkness is the lady of the Dustiness house, right? That means she must have a lot of money… Hoho.”

I don’t have a lot of good memories concerning n.o.bles, but I’m used to dealing with them. Her strange behaviour when we fought together before does concern me a little, but I have no complaints as far as appearances go. In fact, she fits my type perfectly.

If I successfully trick her into supporting me, wouldn’t I become a winner in life? Getting married is a bit of a pain, but there’s no problem with becoming lovers, right? I get the feeling that she’ll easily fall for me if I drop a few kind words here and there.

I think Kazuma mentioned that she is pretty easy as a woman before… Right, first step is to gather information. You need to properly investigate your prey before you go on a hunt.

… Let"s tail her for a bit.

Darkness headed outside of town after meeting up with Chris at the adventurer’s guild, and I stealthily followed after her.

Are they really going on an adventure with just two people? A party of a Thief and a Crusader isn’t terribly well balanced, but I suppose it’s not like they couldn’t fight. Though, I hope they aren’t planning on being reckless out there.

I snuck out after them, careful to maintain a certain amount of distance between us.

Her fight where she got bit by the Rookie Killer left quite an impression on me, but now is a good chance to see what she’s really capable of. She wasn’t armed or armoured back then, after all.

“Er, umm… Why did you bring me along?”

The loner who I happened to run into and dragged along asked me uneasily.

“It’s not like you’re doing anything, right? You’re all alone like usual.”

“It’s just a coincidence. You just happened to run into me when I was alone…”

She’s a Crimson Demon like the explosion girl who usually hangs around Kazuma. Even though she’s an exceptional mage, she’s always alone. Whenever she isn’t hanging out with Kazuma’s gang, she’s always at some corner of the guild playing a game by herself.

Her name is Yunyun… Yeah, that’s definitely a Crimson Demon’s naming sense.

“Then isn’t it fine? You would’ve just been playing cards or chess on your own again if you weren"t here, right?”

“N-not at all! I read books and also play other board games by myself! I am also good at observing other people! Err… Oh yeah, I also memorized the entire menu recently!”

Did you memorize the menu of the tavern in the first floor of the guild? Oh yeah, she’s pretty much always sitting at the window seat, isn’t she?

“It’s pretty satisfying when you finally manage to order every item on the menu in sequence, you know? I don’t recall how many times I’ve ran through the menu by now.”

“O-Oh. How about you have a meal with Kazuma and his group sometime?”

“C-Can I do that? But, wouldn’t it be bad if I were to mess up the mood within their party?”

“It’s because you keep worrying about these kinds of useless things that you end up as a loner. You can stand to be a bit more thick skinned. You really don’t get it at all. Eating and drinking on someone else’s dime is the best thing in the world, you know?”

“I’m not a loner! And I always pay for my friend’s meals. Back in the Crimson Demon village, my friends Dodonko-san and Funifura-san would always go “We are friends, right?” and get me to treat them to lunch.”

“… If I make some money from this, I’ll treat you to a meal.”

I can’t believe even I’m moved. Just hearing her tales p.r.i.c.ks at my heart.

She’s a 14 year old brat, but she’s pretty well developed and could be said to be fairly beautiful. Normally the boys would be all over her, but for some reason people just refuse to get close to her.

It’s not like she’s hated or anything. She has a pretty good reputation amongst adventurers.

“Eh, you’re going to treat me? But, if it’s your treat, it must be because you want me to help you do something criminal, right?”

“Hey, that’s pretty harsh of you! Is it really that strange for me to offer to treat someone!?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t answer instantly! Anyway, back to the original topic. We’re tailing Darkness. Come with me.”

“Eh, tailing… So Dust-san is the type who can’t bear to greet an acquaintance and ends up shadowing them around all day too?”

“… Please, at least call out to them.”

“H-How could I do that? I wouldn’t want to interrupt their day by suddenly calling out to them. Plus, it’d be pretty heartbreaking if it turns out that they don’t actually remember me and end up ignoring me…”

“Even if they don’t know you too well, n.o.body will get upset over a greeting. You should be a bit bolder… No, wait, why do we keep getting off topic whenever we talk? Anyway, there’s a good reason for tailing Darkness. It’s, well, you know…”

I can’t really think of a good excuse, but I need some kind of reason to convince Yunyun to go along with it.

“Well, Kazuma and I are good friends, but I’m not terribly close to the others in his party. I want to become friends with a friend of my friend. You understand, don’t you?”

“I do! I understand very well! If you become friends with your friend’s friend, you’ll end up widening your circle of friends, right?”

She’s surprisingly weak to the keyword ‘friend’.

… I should keep an eye on her to make sure that she doesn’t end up falling for some bad guy’s tricks. Though, right now, I’ll gladly take advantage of that personality of hers.

“Right? In order to make friends with someone, you need to first gather information about them. If you know what they like and what they do every day, it’d be easy to find things to talk about, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right. Megumin’s always stealing food and getting into trouble, so I’m too busy trying to stop her to worry about conversation.”

That explosion girl steals food? This girl is pretty strange as it is, but it seems like the other girl is a piece of work herself.

“Plus, if you become friends with Darkness, wouldn’t it be easier for you to become closer to that explosion girl?”

“I-Is that so? I-I don’t really care about Megumin, but if you put it that way, I suppose I’ll tail her too.”

It’s really great that her b.u.t.tons are so obvious.

I told her that it was coincidence that we met, but I actually visited places that she was likely to be at while I was tailing Darkness.

And as I expected, she was browsing the books in front of the bookstore.

She was warily looking around the romance novel section before moving to the counter. I greeted her just as she was about to pay for the books, and she almost jumped out of her skin.

In the event that we end up being discovered, it’d be easier to come up with an acceptable excuse if she was with me.

After moving along the plains for awhile, Darkness and Chris ran across a couple of goblins. Even if they only have two people, it should be easy for them to take on a couple of goblins.

First, Darkness charged directly at them, causing the two goblins to focus their attacks on her.

Darkness’ attacks didn’t even leave a scratch on either of them, but she seemed utterly unaffected by the club blows that the two goblins rained down on her.

Actually, doesn’t it look like she’s deliberately jumping into the path of the clubs? Chris seems to be trying to find an opportunity to attack, but is unable to find a clear shot with Darkness jumping about all over the place.

“Bind!”

Oh, that’s the thief skill that can restrict the target’s movements. With this, the goblins will be bound… No, wait, the one who was bound is Darkness. Now that Darkness is wrapped in ropes, the two goblins took this chance to whale on her. What the h.e.l.l are you guys doing.

Ah, Chris snuck behind the goblins as they were focused on Darkness and stabbed one of them from behind. The other goblin met a similar fate not long after.

… Isn’t that a strange way to use Bind? Normally you’d use it on enemies. Also, did I imagine it, or did Darkness jump into the path of the bind of her own volition?

“Eh? Say, did she jump into the path of the Bind?”

“Sure seems like it.”

Yunyun slapped my shoulder and asked me a question, and I answered affirmatively.

"Though, they are quite some distance away. It could very well be the result of some kind of miscommunication between the two. Let’s continue observing before forming a conclusion."

The two of them continued on, and ran across a new group of goblins. This time there are five of them. It might be a tough battle for just those two. Well, I guess it wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to jump in if things look too bad. It’d increase my chances of success if I were to leave a good impression here.

They are too focused on the enemy to notice us, so we should move up to hide behind that boulder. I’ll be able to pick the perfect timing to appear from that vantage point too.

We narrowed the distance between us by quite a bit, but neither them nor the goblins noticed us.

Now that we are this close, I can just barely make out their voices.

“Darkness, there are five of them, so don’t do anything strange.”

“I know. I won’t easily submit to such vulgar goblins!”

“Ah, no, I’m not talking about submitting.”

“Even if they forcibly push me down and run those long obscene tongues of theirs all over me, I won’t submit! If you wish to do that to me, then bring it! Actually, do it!”

“W-Wait, Darkness!”

Darkness waved her sword around and charged straight in.

I’ve been getting this vague feeling for some time, but… Isn’t she a little strange? She’s saying that she won’t submit to the goblins, but at the same time she has a very excited expression on her face…

“Aah, because the straps are too loose, my armour is dropping off on its own!”

Hey, why is that Crusader tossing away pieces of her own armour as she goes?

“My weapon is slippery from my sweat, so it slipped out of my grasp… Dammit, I’ve lost all methods of resistance… There’s nothing I can do to stop these goblins from doing as they wish…”

Hey… She just tossed away her own weapon.

Her breathing was ragged, and she had an ecstatic smile on her face… could she be excited?

I know that battle maniacs could get extremely worked up in battle, but that doesn’t seem like what Darkness is going through. It’s more like… it’s the same expression you see on the customers in the succubus shop.

“Come on, stop messing around! Bind!”

Chris just aimed that skill at Darkness!

Once again bound in ropes, Darkness collapsed to the ground.

“Dammit! To be bound in such a situation!”

Wait, hold on, you didn’t even try to dodge that skill.

“What are you planning to do to me now that I can’t move? Don’t tell me, you intend to cut away my clothes with those sharp claws of yours?! Leaving just a bit of cloth on my chest and my important bits, then you’ll use that obscene looking club-”

“I won’t let you say anything more!”

Even though they shouldn’t be able to understand words, the goblins were just awkwardly standing around, and Chris quickly attacked them.

The goblins tore their gazes away from Darkness towards the new threat.

“Wait, Chris, just a little while more! Just five more minutes will do! Just a little more!”

“Don’t sound so disappointed!”

The goblins’ attention were briefly drawn by Darkness as she shouted those inexplicable words. In that instant, Chris thrust her knife at their vitals.

Their teamwork isn’t too bad, but… how do I put this?

The goblins were all taken out in the end, but after seeing Darkness’s reckless actions, I was reconsidering getting involved with her.

There’s no way things can end well if I get involved with her. Even though she looks gorgeous, in fact she’s perfectly my type… But those statements. Those are…

“Huh? Darkness’s actions are really strange, aren’t they? I might be imagining it, but it feels like she’s enjoying getting hit…”

“You think so too, huh?”

“Ah, but it might just be how you fight in a party. I’ve rarely ever fought alongside someone else, so…”

“Don’t suddenly bring up something so pitiful. No, that isn’t it. This is definitely abnormal.”

Darkness is probably a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. She’s definitely a pervert who derives pleasure from receiving physical and psychological pain.

“She has such a great body, but she’s a pervert… and it feels like her case is quite serious.”

“Err, why does she seem like she enjoys getting hit?”

“It’s best if a brat like you doesn’t know about that. If you really must know, you can go ask that explosion girl later.”

Making such a happy face when getting hit by clubs… That’s definitely a high level m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. It’s best not to get involved with such a troublesome woman.

Time to give up, the only one who can handle her is probably Kazuma… Let’s leave before we are discovered.

I slowly turned around, but froze after hearing what came next.

“Darkness, you are going to get abandoned by Kazuma and the others some day if you keep doing that kind of stuff.”

“What?!… Using me for everything I’m worth, then throwing me away like an old rag! Ah, how humiliating!”

“Don’t look so happy while saying that. I’ve been meaning to ask for some time, just what kind of man is your type?”

Normally I wouldn’t be interested in such meaningless girl’s talk, but I suppose I should at least find out what Darkness’s type is. Perhaps I could trick Keith into going out with her and reap some of the rewards that way. Plus…

“Dust-san, please wait! Let’s listen for a little while more!”

Yunyun was clutching onto my sleeve with a death grip, her eyes shimmering with interest as she listened carefully to what they were saying.

… Girls sure love talking about matters of romance.

“Hmm. I don’t really care about their figure, but he must be a pervert who seems to be constantly full of lewd thoughts, staring at other women with a vulgar smile on his face all year long. He would score a lot of points if he is a trashy person who underestimates the harshness of life in order to get away with as little work as possible. And if he was in debt, even better! Someone who doesn’t work and just drinks all day…”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough, Darkness! Seems like I need to properly lecture you one of these days!”

So that sort of trashy person is her type. As if such a bottom feeding sc.u.m of a person would be so easily… Hey, why are you looking at me, Yunyun?

“Don’t you meet all of those conditions, Dust-san? Actually, it sounds like she’s describing you in particular.”

I don’t follow at all.

“Hey, don’t say stupid things. I’m not that bad of a fiend.”

Don’t make fun of me. If I have to pick a person, that description was definitely closer to Kazuma.

“Err, then, please answer these questions.”

“Where did this come from?”

“Question 1: What would you do if you see a s.e.xy girl who fits your type at the bar?”

“Obviously, I would immediately hit on her. Also, it’d be nice if I could cop a feel or two while pretending I’m drunk.”

“…”

Hey, say something. Why are you silently looking away?

“Question 2: Would you rather gain enough money to live a leisurely life without doing anything, or gain fame and riches after overcoming a tough challenge with your companions-”

“Obviously I"d want to gain a fortune without doing anything.”

“I-I didn’t even finish my question…sigh.”

It’s pretty rude to sigh while looking at someone’s face. Anyone would’ve given the same answer. There’s no need to even consider it.

“Question 3: You are currently laden with debts.”

“Yeah, as usual.”

“… Question 4: Beer is most delicious when you skip work to drink-”

“Yeah, that’s the best kind of drink.”

“You really are compatible with Darkness.”

This girl is looking at me with narrowed eyes and a gentle smile.

Just about everyone should’ve answered the same way as me. What’s there to even be conflicted about?

Yunyun suddenly fell silent and looked down, crossing her arms and mumbling to herself. Just what came over her?

After doing that for a while, she suddenly raised her head, stared at me with a determined glare and nodded.

“Ahh! Don’t tell me, Dust-san, do you like Darkness-san? You wanted to find out more about the person you liked, that’s why you were tailing her. If that’s the case, then everything makes sense. So that’s why you were so pa.s.sionate about this! I’ve read about such characters who can’t honestly confess in my stories!”

S-She has some kind of grave misunderstanding.

Well, that was my original plan, but, after seeing what just happened, I don’t feel like going through with it anymore.

“I thought that it would be some kind of torture for any girl to go out with Dust-san, but I’m relieved after hearing her type. Leave everything to me! I’ve read a lot of romance books!”

“Ah, sorry to rain on your parade after you’ve gotten all fired up, but Darkness is a little too-”

“It’s not just books, I’m very interested in actual love affairs as well, so I’ll do my best! That time with Vanir-san was a little special, but this time it’ll definitely work!”

It’s useless. She doesn’t seem like she has any intention of listening to my words.

Come to think of it, she was really fired up back during Vanir’s love incident, wasn’t she?

Hmm… if I turn a blind eye to Darkness’s personality, she’s actually a pretty good woman.

It’ll be nothing but trouble if I get too involved with n.o.bles, but if she falls for me, I can get her to support me… Yeah, let"s see how far this goes!

A couple of days after that, Yunyun called me to meet her at a cafe. When I arrived, a tuxedoed man wearing a mask, Sir Vanir, was also there with her.

Sir Vanir is an extremely powerful Devil, a high ranking Duke of h.e.l.l. After a little incident, Yunyun, Sir Vanir, and I will often come together for some reason or another.

This all started when Sir started a side business at the Adventurer’s guild to sh.o.r.e up the finances of a certain magic item shop that he worked at, though for some reason it turned into us helping Yunyun make friends.

That ended up heading off in some strange directions, but I think she’s slightly less of a loner now.

Still, what is Sir doing here?

“You’re late! I thought I told you to meet up before noon! It’s way past noon now! Ah, sorry, please give me a little more time to decide on my order.”

Yunyun lowered her head to the waitress. Seems like she’s been in this cafe for quite some time, if the irritated expression on the waitress’s face as she headed back inside is any indication.

“You’re ten years too early to get me to show up on time!”

“You’re the one who’s late! Why are you so arrogant!?”

“You’re an exceptional piece of trash, as usual. Moi only came along because Moi foresaw wonderful dark emotions down this path, but to keep Moi waiting for so long…”

“Sorry, Sir. I don’t really care about her, but I didn’t know you would be here as well, Sir.”

“The Crimson Demon girl who strongly reacts to the word ‘friend’ was engrossed in the books at my store. I saw some interesting things when I took a peek into her future, so here I am.”

“What do you mean by not caring about me!? Ah, nevermind. Anyway, about wooing Darkness-san…”

“Wooing Darkness… What are you talking about?”

I’ve just woken up, what kind of nonsense are you spouting first thing in the morning?

Why do I have to court that high level m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t?

“Di-Did you really forget?… Is your head really filled with tokoroten slime? If we remove your desires, just what will be left of Dust-san?”

I thought she would’ve been angry, but she suddenly looked at me with a pitiful gaze.

“Hmm? Humans are creatures that live for their desires. There are a few oddb.a.l.l.s that pop up every now and then who live to work, but those guys have a few screws loose. You live to fulfill your own desires. You work to earn enough money to live a leisurely life, that’s what being a human is all about!”

Yeah, nothing good will come from living a clean and upright life. You need to enjoy life to its fullest. It’s your own life, you know?

“I can’t believe you can proudly declare that. I’m sure you know that’s the thought process of a wastrel, deep down…”

“As a devil, these are the types of people I prefer. What a wonderfully decadent idea! You’re just merely saying to live and have fun, but to dress it up as justice and the natural way of things is truly amazing.”

“I’m honoured by your praise, Sir.”

Hmm, wait, is it okay to be happy when I’m being praised by a devil? I get the feeling that I’ve made some kind of mistake as a human, but I’ll ignore it for now.

“Ahh, who cares about that? How could you forget about it after you asked me to help you?”

“Ah, I did say that, didn’t I? I got Kazuma to treat me to some beer after flattering him a bunch yesterday, so I completely forgot about that.”

“Doesn’t Kazuma-san have debts rivaling that of some nations? You got someone like that to treat you…”

“Of course, Kazuma and I are true friends, after all.”

“That isn’t true friends at all! It’s just being a bad friend…”

Yunyun grabbed her head and sighed.

She doesn’t get it at all. Bad friends and true friends are practically synonyms.

“Why do you look so tired? Did you exert yourself too much at night?”

“W-W-What are you saying!? How could you ask that of a girl!?”

“Hey, aren’t you misunderstanding something? I was just worried that you might be tired after reading books all night. Say, why don’t you tell me what you thought I was asking about with that cute mouth of yours?”

“T-That’s s.e.xual hara.s.sment!”

That’s just something like a casual greeting, you didn’t need to make such a fuss and scream about s.e.xual hara.s.sment. Though, when I said something similar to Luna, she ended up not giving me a job for a week.

You shouldn’t talk about romance or matters of love in front of her. Seems like she’s too busy with her job to worry about such matters. She reacts strongly to the word marriage, so you must never mention it in front of her. This is an ironclad rule amongst us adventurers.

“Yes, these are some wonderful dark emotions indeed! It seems I do not need to worry about food with you around. By the way, the adventurer who always chickens out at the critical moment is already wealthy enough to pay off that debt.”

Seems like Kazuma is doing pretty well for himself.

He ended up rich by selling his inventions to Sir. I really could stand to learn a thing or two from his skills as a businessman.

“Right, back to the original topic, I’ve been studying to better understand modern romance. Please take a look at these. These are a small portion of my favourite books, and they are all trending romance novels.”

She spread the stack of novels on the table in front of me.

It seems like she’s very knowledgeable about books due to being alone all the time.

They all had strange t.i.tles like ‘Thy name’, “Avoiding my brother-in-law at the center of the demon world” and ‘I want to hug and eat you up’.

“These are all written by the same author. Apparently he came here from a faraway country. He specializes in writing romance novels, and frequently emphasizes that these are all original works, and aren’t copied from any other source.”

“Well, I don’t really care about that. So, what about them?”

“These are all popular romance novels amongst women. That means that what’s written here is the ideal romance that young women desire.”

“I see. I don’t really get these kinds of things.”

“Hmm, human love affairs aren’t exactly part of Moi’s expertise either.”

“Yeah, I know full well you two aren’t familiar with romance from that incident with Luna. So using these as reference, I’ve come up with a bunch of acts that’ll make women swoon. And this is it!”

Yunyun slammed down a piece of paper she had written in advance.

Written on it is an entire essay. Wasn’t she reluctantly forced into helping me? She seems more motivated than I am.

“Let’s start with something simple: Kabedon!”

“Oh, I know that. I often use it when threatening someone.”

“It’s a method to demonstrate your strength and manliness, yes?”

It’s great way to threaten weak looking guys at the bar. It’s really amusing to watch their expressions of fear when you back them to a wall and slam down hard on it.

“That’s not quite it. There are some similarities, but it’s a different thing entirely. Vanir-san is usually pretty reliable, unlike Dust-san, but you can’t be counted on when it comes to matters of romance. Er, Kabedon is when you stand in front of a pretty girl standing next to a wall and slam your hand against the wall next to her head.”

“… Isn’t that the same thing? What’s so enjoyable about having that done to you? Ah, wait, considering Darkness’s personality, she might enjoy that.”

“That girl with special inclinations would be quite happy about that. Rather than a wall, wouldn’t she be happier if you hit her directly?”

“No, you can’t do that! That aside, well, this is a bit of a cliche, but there’s arriving in the nick of time to save her when she’s in trouble. That will make her admire you!”

“In that case, maybe I could call Keith and the others to help out and threaten Darkness… But, wait, wouldn’t she enjoy being in that situation?”

“Yes, I’m certain she will feel joy rather than any sort of dark emotions.”

I’m fairly certain of that after observing her. Sir also has the same opinion, so I can’t be wrong on this.

“Is-Is that so? Then let’s put it aside for now. How about giving her a present or something.There shouldn’t be anyone who would be upset upon receiving a present.”

A present, huh? I enjoy receiving presents, but it’s a bit of a pain to be the one giving it. But, yes, it would be effective. Hmm, a present that Darkness would like…

“Say, what kind of presents would make you happy?”

“Me?… Hmm, well, a pretty flower or a-agreeing to become friends with me…”

Leaving aside the first part for the moment… She has a few people she can talk to like Sir and me now, but it seems like her number of friends is still depressingly low.

“By the way, what do you think would make a good present for her, Sir?”

“A whip, candles, or some rough ropes would make good presents for her. She would also be happy with a wooden horse.”

“Eh? What is she going to do with such things?”

Yunyun tilted her head in confusion, but I don’t feel like going into detail.

Sir’s suggestions don’t sound too bad, but it feels like she’ll stab me the moment I present them to her.

Still, a present. What does Darkness like in the first place?

“It’d be easier if we knew what she liked.”

“What Darkness-san likes… How about asking someone that she’s close to?”

“Yeah. Maybe we should ask Kazuma and the others. I’m sure those guys would know a thing or two about her preferences.”

“Moi will continue watching from the sidelines. This will lead to a very interesting future, the devil who sees all, Vanir, so declares!”

“I’m a little worried about Vanir-san’s words, but… I also want to gather information, so let’s do our best!”

She’s definitely more motivated than I am. Regardless of her claims, it seems like girls will always be interested in matters of romance.

Maybe I should put some effort into this as well.

“Umm, can you please place an order already? And please keep it down.”

The waitress who interrupted our conversation had a vein clearly popping on her forehead, only barely hiding her anger behind a stiff smile.

Oh yeah, this was a cafe, wasn’t it? I completely forgot about it in our conversation.

“S-sorry! Err, can I get three of your recommended items?”

“What are you saying? Don’t just order for me. I wouldn’t mind if you were treating me, but if that’s the case I’d rather have a beer at a more respectable shop. Oh, by the way, I don’t have any money, so don’t bother trying to ask me to pay up.”

“Moi am also broke thanks to a certain incompetent shop owner. I don’t intend to accrue any unnecessary expenses. Thinking about it, rather than buying food from this trendy and overpriced shop, it’d be better to buy the ingredients and prepare a meal myself.”

Listening to me and Sir’s honest words, the vein on the waitress’s forehead popped. She took a deep breath, glared at us, and shouted,

“Please leave!”

A few days later, we met up to hold a strategy meeting.

Since Yunyun said that we couldn’t use the cafe we used before, we had to use a different place as our gathering point– that’s the general store I’m so familiar with.

Sir Vanir is busy running his store, so he will meet up with us later.

“I’m still in the middle of my investigation, but it doesn’t seem like she wants for anything. I heard it from Megumin, so it’s definitely accurate. She said that the only thing that she would want would be some armour or something. But she has already received armour as a reward for defeating that Demon King’s General, so I don’t think it’ll be very effective.”

“Oh, is that so?”

Yunyun is really serious about this. Even though it doesn’t concern her, she seems to have really went out of her way to investigate.

Perhaps it’s because she hardly had the chance to be relied upon, Yunyun was in high spirits as she announced the results of her investigation.

“Also, it seems like she dislikes being called Lalatina. So make sure not to refer to her by her real name.”

“Ho~, nom nom.”

“Hey, Dust, don’t steal my side dishes!”

“Stop being petty, old man. It’s fine, isn’t it? I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday, you know!?”

Seriously, getting angry just because you lost a portion of your side dishes is unbecoming of you. I really wish you would become a respectable old man who would willingly offer food to a starving young man in front of him.

“It doesn’t seem that material goods would be very effective on her, so I think we should go with gifting her flowers. There isn’t a girl who wouldn’t be happy to receive flowers.”

“Hmm… I’ll take that!”

“No you won’t!”

Dammit, he’s protecting his side dishes with some surprisingly nimble movements. To think that he could dodge this well inside a cramped and narrow store.

Time to demonstrate the techniques I honed during my adventures. Let me show you the difference between our levels.

I launched several consecutive attacks on the side dishes in his lunch box. But, almost as if he could read my movements, the old man dodged my attacks and stepped backwards, increasing the distance between us.

“I fight with shoplifters and troublesome customers every day, so don’t underestimate me.”

“You’re pretty good, old man. Looks like I have no choice but to get serious about this.”

I shuffled forwards, closing the distance between me and the old man who seemed to be intent on protecting his lunch to the death.

I can’t find any openings in his movements. Could this old man be a former adventurer?

“What are you doing? Are you even listening to me?”

“Can’t you tell by looking? I’m a little busy right now, so leave that till later.”

“Don’t treat my store as a gathering spot. You do this every day. I don’t have a single grain of rice to offer to you.”

After the old man said that, he threw the remnants of his lunch box to the ground!

“You b.a.s.t.a.r.d! My precious energy source!”

“Stop spouting nonsense, everything here is mine! And, Ojou-chan, you’ll just end up wasting your life if you become friends with this thug, so you should hurry up and distance yourself from Dust.”

The old man let out a gentle smile that sent chills down my spine and placed a hand on Yunyun’s shoulder… That’s s.e.xual hara.s.sment.

“T-Thank you for your concern. But, err, technically, at least in name, we are friends, so…”

“Dust… I always knew you were trash, but what kinds of horrible things did you do…”

He pointed at me with a shaking finger and looked at me with a gaze colder than anything I’ve seen before. He completely misunderstood the situation.

“Hey, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m just being her friend because she’s always alone and seems so lonely!”

“Ojou-chan, this man is like the perfect example of human trash. Just by hanging out with him, you’ll eventually be infected by his Dust germs and end up getting your personality warped, so be careful.”

“Right, old man, let"s take this outside. I’ll fix that rotten personality of yours!”

“If I’m rotten, then it’s really strange that you haven’t already turned into fertilizer”

Just as the old man I were b.u.t.ting heads, Yunyun forced her way between us. Seems like she’s intent on separating the both of us.

“Oh, please cut it out!”

“You sure are lucky, old man. On account of this girl, I’ll let you go today.”

“That’s my line! Don’t come back here again! I’ll gladly welcome you if you come back alone, Ojou-chan.”

The old man made shooing motions with his hand, and I returned with a middle finger. Because Yunyun was dragging me away by my arm, I reluctantly left the general store.

As the two of us walked down the main street, I turned back and saw Yunyun’s cheeks puffed up like that of a squirrel. Are you hiding food in there or something?

“Geez, why do you always cause problems wherever you go, Dust-san!?”

“I don’t cause problems, problems just happen wherever I go.”

“You don’t even realize it, seems like it’s terminal…”

Germs this and terminal that, you guys really like to shoot your mouth off. If you weren’t helping me, I’d be giving you a proper spanking right about now.

Ah, but this girl is still a kid. She’s pretty well developed, but I’m not a lolicon like Kazuma.

“Um, were you thinking about something rude?”

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, what were you saying?”

“Like I said, did you learn anything new about Darkness-san? You did look into her, right?”

“Ah, that. I was too busy trying to flatter a treat off Kazuma, so I completely forgot about it.”

“You got Kazuma-san to treat you again?”

“He’s very vulnerable to flattery. Kazuma’s very free with his money now that he has struck it rich. Yeah, such generous people are the ones worth being friends with.”

“I don’t even have the energy to comment on that anymore. I know that there’s no point in expecting anything from Dust-san.”

Don’t get so depressed. You almost make it sound like I’m a useless person. You should care less about the little things and live a more carefree life.

“Oh, have I missed the chance to taste some dark emotions?”

“Oh, Sir, are you done with your work?”

He’s dressed in an eye-catching way, as always.

His white gloves go well with his tuxedo, but that mask of his is very suspicious. In addition, he’s wearing a pink ap.r.o.n over it.

Normally, it would’ve drawn some strange looks, but the residents of this town are already used to it, so no one seems to mind.

“I gave her a taste of my Vanir style death ray, so there won’t be any issues.”

“It feels like it’d be a big issue…”

“If that was enough to kill her, Moi wouldn’t be having so many problems.”

Oh, yeah, that owner of the magic item shop is beautiful, but I’ve heard that she’s inept. From what I’ve heard, she has a particular talent for wasting away the money that Sir Vanir earns. Even a great Devil like Sir has his own troubles.

The three of us continued walking while chatting about various trivial subjects, and before I knew it, we found ourselves walking down a back alley.

The local thugs often have fights in such places, and occasionally some good stuff is thrown out around here, so I often frequent this place. Seems like I subconsciously led us here.

“Hah!? What are you planning on doing by taking me to the back alley? Don’t tell me you are going to force yourself on me just because we’ve become friends? I’m not that easy of a woman!”

Yunyun had a scared expression and grabbed her body as if to protect herself.

“What nonsense are you saying? I’m not going to lay a hand on brat without even a shred of sensuality!”

“Ah! You called me a brat! I’m more grown up than Megumin, you know!? Please take that back!”

“What a troublesome brat! Sir, you say something to her too!”

In response to my words, Sir Vanir tilted his head and placed his hands on his chin, as though he was deep in thought.

Then, as though he had some kind of revelation, he slammed his fist into his hand.

“Hmm… Young girl who is panicking because your friend has gone on ahead in the arena of romance. Things seem to be progressing pretty well for her lately.”

“Y-you’re lying, right? What do you mean by progressing well? How far has she gone?”

“Are you serious, Sir? Kazuma, that b.a.s.t.a.r.d, does he intend to cross that line before me?”

Hearing Yunyun and my responses, a wide grin appeared on Sir Vanir’s face.

Wait, this is…

“These dark emotions are truly delicious. Worry not, that man always chickens out at the critical juncture, so that kind of development wouldn’t happen that easily.”

“T-That’s a relief. If she got a k-kiss or something, she’ll definitely brag to me about it.”

“You’re worried about a kiss?”

“It’s quite commendable if you purposely said that to brush things over, but if you genuinely meant it, then it’s really unbelievable.”

“Eh? Eh? Did I say something strange?”

“Ignoring the kid for a moment, please tell me more about Kazuma’s develop-”

“Wh-what do you guys intend to do!?”

A woman’s voice suddenly echoed through the back alley.

It was more of a demand than a scream, but it is definitely a young woman’s voice.

“That came from over there!”

“Right!”

I immediately started running over to the source of the voice. Sir Vanir and Yunyun chased after me.

“How unexpected. I didn’t think that Dust-san would rush to help without a moment’s hesitation.”

“Yes, moi was even considering not getting involved in such troublesome matters.”

“One of these days, I want to hear how exactly you two see me. Isn’t this natural? We are in the back alleys, you know? She’s either being attacked by some thugs or a molester, either way it’s definitely a criminal act. If I help, I’ll be able to get a reward from the girl and, if all goes well, even get the chance to hit on her. Plus, I’ll also be able to keep anything valuable the thugs have on them. It’s killing two birds with one stone.”

“W-Wow…”

“You truly are the best kind of person a devil could want, the ideal thug.”

I stopped behind the corner and stealthily peeked around it to look at the source of the voice.

A single woman is surrounded by several men who covered their faces with masks. Two of them were wielding short swords, and a third wielded a spear. The woman who was surrounded had no weapons or armour, and had a fearful expression… fearful… Hey, wait, that’s a joyous expression. She’s really elated right now.

… What is Darkness doing here?

“A-Are we not going to help-”

“Shh, let’s watch for a little while longer.”

“It’d be inelegant to barge in now. Moi will simply observe from the sidelines.”

I covered Yunyun’s mouth as she caught up from behind.

There are too many people present. She doesn’t seem to be wounded, so there’s no need to hastily rush in.

Sir Vanir would probably be able to handle them easily, but he doesn’t seem to have any intention of fighting. In the first place, Sir Vanir is a devil who only acts on his own whims, so it wouldn’t do to rely too much on him.

No one seemed to have noticed us, so I decided to remain watching.

“What’s the meaning of this!?”

“You are Lalatina-sama, yes?”

“You dare accost me despite knowing who I am!? Just what are you planning!?”

“Well, you can ask your father about that later… Now, come quietly with us if you wish to see him again.”

This might be bigger than I expected. If they are attacking Darkness despite knowing who she is, then it could only be some kind of power play, or they intend on holding her for ransom.

“…How troublesome.”

“Eh? Did you say something?”

Oops, I accidentally voiced my thoughts. From experience, I know that nothing good will come from getting involved in the squabbles of n.o.blemen, but I can’t simply ignore this.

“What do you intend to do if I follow you!?”

“Heheheh, that depends on what you do.”

“Don’t tell me that in order to use me to coerce my father, you intend to forcibly strip me of my clothes while taking pictures of the entire process?”

“… Huh?”

“Then, in order to prevent me from escaping, you intend to tie a rope around my neck and make me crawl around the town of Axel in an almost naked statel, don’t you? What a despicable plan!”

“…Eh?”

Even though I couldn’t see their expressions, I can clearly tell that they are taken aback. Those poor things are all fl.u.s.tered and unsure what to do next.

They probably didn’t expect that the n.o.ble lady they was planning to kidnap would be such a person.

“Should we really step in?”

“…Who knows?”

“Moi can sense feelings of joy coming from that Crusader who’s been worried about how well-defined her abs are lately.”

I’m of the same mind as the perplexed Yunyun. Plus, if what Sir Vanir says is true, then there’s really no need to save her…

Though, leaving her peculiarities aside for the moment, this is a dangerous situation indeed.

It’d cause a commotion if she were to end up kidnapped. And I do owe Kazuma after he treated me all those times. There’s no way I can just abandon her.

“Am I going to have to be taken advantage of by unknown men in a dirty alley? *Pant Pant*… But, as a knight, I cannot yield to you that easily!”

The second part isn’t convincing anyone.

Looking at Darkness’ sparkling eyes and the drool spilling from her trembling lips… I feel my desire to save her slowly slip away.

The masked men also seem at a loss. When the cornered Darkness took a step forward with both arms outstretched, the masked men instinctively stepped back.

Is it okay to call this a fierce and precariously balanced battle?

I feel like it’d be fine to leave things as it is, but I remembered my original goal of showing off my good side to Darkness.

“What’s wrong? Is that all you’re capable of? A frail girl is standing defenceless in front of you! Isn’t it only proper to attack!? Show me your pride as a villain!”

Just who exactly are you calling a frail girl?

“Hey, is she really the lady of a n.o.ble house?”

“She looks exactly like the girl in the photo I was given, but… It’s possible that she’s just a lookalike.”

The masked men became beset with doubt. Still, I underestimated just how deep Darkness’ perversions run. Going out with her is the height of madness.

“Why are you so scared of a single unarmed woman!? Don’t tell me that you wish for me to prove that I don’t intend to resist with my actions!? Do you wish for me to strip off my clothes one by one!? Should I start with my shirt, or my shoes!?”

Wait, if you are going to do that, I can hold off rescuing you for just a bit longer.

“No, we aren’t really interested in that.”

“You’re a little too mature for my tastes.”

“Yeah.”

What’s up with those guys? They are all suddenly calm.

Darkness, who was in high tensions earlier, also calmed down upon seeing their reactions and stopped speaking about her delusions.

Both parties stared at each other, and a strange atmosphere descended on the scene.

“Can we go home now?”

“Hmm, it doesn’t seem like any more interesting developments will happen. I sense some subtle dark emotions coming from those men. This is… displeasure.”

“Er, a girl is in a pinch, you know? Kidnapping is a really big deal, you know.”

Yeah… It’d be fine if it’s some kind of s.e.xual play, but I can’t just turn a blind eye to an attempted kidnapping. Can I take this chance to down two of them?

“I’m going out. If things start going bad, please help me.”

“I’m fine with that, but… wouldn’t it be faster to take them down with my magic?

“If you do that, then I won’t be able to show off my good side to Darkness. Even if things end up looking bad, wait till the last moment to intervene. What are you going to do, Sir?”

“It would be boorish for me to dirty my hands, so I’ll continue observing.”

Yeah, I expected that.

Taking advantage of how the masked men were wavering in the face of Darkness’ actions, I jumped out and smacked the two men who had their backs to me with my sheathed sword, taking them out.

“Wha-When did you get here?”

“Dust?!”

“Hey there, I came to save you.”

“…just a little while longer…”

I gently waved to the two. I could hear Darkness’ mumblings, but that’s to be expected at this point, so I just ignored it.

The masked man ignored Darkness and pointed his spear at me.

A long spear, huh? It’d be hard to use such a long weapon in a narrow alley, but since there isn’t any s.p.a.ce to dodge, if he repeatedly attacks me with it, I won’t be able to close the distance… That’s probably what he’s thinking.

“Don’t interfere, or I’ll run you through with this spear!”

He crouched into a pretty decent battle stance. Seems like he’s pretty confident in his skills.

I casually walked towards him with my sheathed sword swung over my shoulder.

“Seems like you have a death wish! Yaah!”

With a scream, he thrust that spear towards me. I deflected it with my sheath.

How unfortunate. If you weren’t using a spear, you might have had a slight chance of taking me down.

I couldn’t see his expression behind the mask, but judging from his raised eyebrows, he must have had a pretty surprised expression on his face.

“Boss!”

I reflexively threw my body to the side after hearing the sound of something flying through the air behind me.

An arrow grazed past my side and embedded itself into the ground.

Looking back, three new masked men have appeared from a different side alley!

“Good timing! Take care of this man!”

“c.r.a.p. I shouldn’t have let my sense of justice get the better of me.”

It’d be pretty tough to take on this number of people head on. I would run, but they have me pincered from both sides.

And it might just be my imagination, but I can feel someone staring at me with some serious killing intent. Do they have a highly skilled warrior with them?

Should I seek help from Yunyun? Though if I do that, I get the feeling that she’ll steal all of my glory.

“Seems like you wanted play the hero. Well, too bad for you.”

He’s probably smiling from ear to ear underneath that mask. Just hearing his infuriating voice gave me a clear impression of what kind of expression he had underneath.

Now, then, what should I do? Can I leave a better impression on Darkness by demonstrating my skills?

“Heh. If you guys turn tail and run away right now, I might consider sparing your lives.”

“Huh? Do you not understand the kind of situation you’re in? Even the two guys who you knocked out should be… Hey, hurry up and get up!”

“Grr, you’ve got some real guts to do that…”

The two men who were knocked out got back to their feet. Six against one isn’t just tough, it’s completely impossible.

I glanced at Yunyun who was peeking around the corner and signalled to her to help me out, but she just casually waved at me as if to cheer me on.

She doesn’t get it at all! Is this why she can’t make friends? Because she can’t read the mood?

Oh screw this! I can’t rely on Sir or that little brat. I’ll just have to find some way out of this by myself.

“Don’t worry about me, just run! Ah, I always wanted to say that line. Yeah, that felt pretty good.”

Sorry to ruin your fun, Darkness, but there’s no escape route I can take in this situation. Then, there’s only one thing that I can do.

“Who do you think I am? I’m the one who defeated the Demon King’s General and took down that Destroyer! That’s right, I’m Kazuma!”

I boldly declared. Sorry, Kazuma, let me borrow your name for a bit.

“Boss, I’ve heard of him before. There’s an adventurer in this town who defeated one of the generals of the Demon King’s army, the Dullahan Beldia.”

The masked men started agitatedly whispering to each other. Yeah, these guys aren’t locals. I’m quite well known amongst the local thugs. If these guys don’t recognise me at all, they must be from out of town.

Then if I make use of Kazuma’s deeds to scare them a little…

“Wait, hold on, didn’t Lady Lalatina call him Dust earlier?”

“…You’re imagining it.”

“No, I definitely heard it.”

c.r.a.p! Yeah, come to think of it, Darkness said my name earlier, didn’t she? s.h.i.t, I really messed up!

“In other words, you’re lying.”

“Did you really think that’ll work? Bah, it doesn’t matter. Hurry up and take care of him.”

This is really bad. Come on, there has to be a way for me to get out of this!

“Right over here! This way, officer! The ruffians are over there!”

“What? Ruffians?”

The masked men turned back in response to hearing the voices of a young girl and the policemen.

Heaven is really watching over me! That’s Yunyun’s voice. Rather than taking care of them with magic, calling over the police allows me to stand out more. She does get it after all.

Yunyun burst into the alley, followed closely by three policemen.

“Tsk, Retreat! Hurry up and run!”

The masked men immediately turned tail and ran. I think I’ll let the police handle them. There’s no need to risk my life to go after them.

I couldn’t feel that dangerous gaze on me anymore, so I suppose it’s fine to relax now.

“Hah, I’m exhausted. I really shouldn’t do stuff I’m not used to.”

“Dust, it’d have been fine if you waited a while more, but you did save me, so thank you. I always saw you as someone who just get up to all kinds of stupid things with Kazuma, but surprisingly, you have a pretty good side too.”

“Surprisingly is a little unnecessary, but you’re welcome.”

Even though she’s a n.o.ble, she can properly bow and thank someone. I really wish the other n.o.bles would learn a little from her.

“Dust-san! Are you okay?!”

Yunyun rushed over to me. She cut it really close, but I guess I should thank her.

“Yeah, thanks to you calling the police over. That really saved me.”

“Ah, that was a trick. I didn’t call the police.”

“No, wait, aren’t there three police officers standing over there?”

The three uniformed men were standing in a row. No matter how you look at them, they are definitely cops.

“Ah, that’s Vanir-san.”

“Moi has a.s.sumed the form of policemen.”

The voice coming from the officer in the middle is definitely Sir Vanir’s, but what about the other two?

They look exactly alike. Just who are they?

“And these are formed from the sh.e.l.ls I shed. Because their limbs are connected to me by a thin rod, I can make them move in unison like so.”

The officer in the middle raised his hand, and the two officers around him followed suit… That’s a pretty handy skill.

“Thanks, Sir.”

“If someone like you who is most adept at creating dark emotions were to die, Moi would be quite troubled.”

“Hehe, don’t praise me too much. I’ll get embarra.s.sed.”

“Does that… really count as praise?”

I ignored Yunyun who tilted her head, and looked towards where the masked men have run off to.

There’s no sign of any of them. The bloodl.u.s.ted glare that I’ve been feeling has also vanished.

I guess you can call this a closed case. It’s a bit of a pity that I didn’t get anything in return for all that effort, though. Oh, wait, maybe I can get a little reward for saving her?

“Hey, Darkness, as thanks for saving you-”

“Please go out with Dust-san!”

Darkness’ jaw dropped in front of me.

I probably had the same expression… Just what the h.e.l.l is this little brat saying?

“W-What do you mean, Yunyun? And you were here too, Vanir?”

Darkness’ eyes widened as Sir Vanir reverted back to his usual form.

“The truth is, Dust-san has always liked you, Darkness-san. He’s been searching for a chance to confess to you today as well, just before we just happened to chance upon this situation.”

Wait, wait, what!? Does this kid still think that I want to go out with Darkness? No, wait, hold on,I really don’t want to get involved with her anymore.

“Eh? Is that so… Do you really feel that way about me?”

Don’t fidget and blush like that! Stop stealing glances at me!

And you little brat, don’t give me a thumbs up and grin at me like you’ve done something great!

“I-I’m happy that you feel that way, but, uh, I have someone… No, that’s not it! I mean, I’m worried about Kazuma and the others. There’s no telling what they’ll get up to if I leave them alone, so, I don’t really have the time to consider dating and such right now.”

Why am I getting rejected? I didn’t even confess!

“There’ll always be another chance! Let’s keep at it!”

Stop! Don’t encourage me, Yunyun! You’re making it seem like I’m actually depressed!

Darkness, don’t give me such an apologetic look! Seriously, cut it out!

“Oh, and, me aside, if you want to be more popular with women in general, you should work on how you usually behave.”

Why am I being talked down to from a pervert? Why is a pervert giving me advice?

“Yeah, you should pay more attention to your conduct and your finances.”

Great, now Yunyun is getting on my case too. She’s the one who started this whole mess by shooting her mouth off.

“Fuhahahaha! I didn’t expect such an amusing development to take place!”

“Sir, you’re way too happy!”

Grah, this is just p.i.s.sing me off!

“Stop f.u.c.king with me! Who would fall in love with a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic pervert with such well-defined abs like you!? And you, you don’t even have any friends to talk about romance with, so stop acting like you know everything about relationships! You got all your information from reading books!”

I feel much better after blowing my top. Yeah, stress is something you really shouldn’t bottle up. The two of them fell silent after hearing my outburst. Are they too frightened to speak?

“Hey, say that again. Who exactly has well-defined abs?”

“Romance… Friends….”

“Wa-Wait, sorry, I said too much. Calm down. Really, calm down. Please put down tha