Appeasing The Gods

Deborah paused for a moment; will I get married? She asked herself, of course she would but it will be for security purposes, especially for her children. Yes! She nodded, satis ed with her conclusions. And if the worse came, she would simply not get married. d.a.m.n what her father would think.

There were few women who had the intentions of wooing her father, wanting to take her mother"s place but never really did. Their feigned smiles and saccharine politeness did them no favours on her part. She understood her father had to move on, he was human after all. But what she couldn"t fathom was why he wouldn"t love another, could it be he had nothing to give? There were times when she had questions about her mother, but she bit her tongue. She knew what it would do to him. The mere mention of her name was maudlin to him.

Deborah understood human beings were with aws, but how could creatures of imperfection, master the cavernous understanding of love? How could such unadulterated emotion be perfect when humans obviously aren"t? Those thoughts kept bugging her. Was love really enough? If it were, why did her mother leave? Could it be that her father couldn"t satisfy her? Maybe she couldn"t tolerate the chaos that came with their marriage?

At the vibrant age of twenty-three, Deborah never really gave herself to anyone, her perception of survival depended on it. She never wanted to be caught o guard, never wanted to be addicted to what a person could o er. She had learnt from her father"s mistake and that was, "loving someone wouldn"t do anyone any good".

It was a Thursday afternoon and Deborah was already at the Mall, she tapped her feet impatiently on the white tiled oor. She hissed and checked her wrist.w.a.tch for the fourth time. Tosin her best friend, was yet to show up. Would it kill her to keep to time? They agreed it would be nice to watch a movie at the cinema. They both deserved it after the examination stress.

Deborah frowned as she bit her lower lip in frustration, the movie had started already. She should be in the cinema room by now, but a part of her knew; it wouldn"t be fun without her hilarious friend. Deborah inhaled sharply as she decided not to get angry. It wasn"t doing her any good. Her father had always lectured her about patience, she could barely endure a tiny delay.

Deborah sighted an empty seat and decided to wait for her friend. She played with the piece of pamphlets that displayed the movies that were showing throughout the week. She tried Tosin"s phone again and this time, she picked a little out of breath.

"I am on my way." Tosin said, and immediately hanged up. Deborah hu ed, then rolled her eyes. She inhaled the comfort smell of popcorn and slowly rocked her shoulders to the soft music resounding o the speakers. The entrance hall was quite noisy as people walked in and out. She felt vulnerable with no company. The game candy crush did its best to keep her mind occupied, until she couldn"t ignore the feeling of being watched. She couldn"t shake o the sensation. Deborah scanned her environment till she nally caught a man by the corner, who gazed at her in wonder. There was this intense feeling that melted deep within her. It made her gasp, she wanted to look away but she couldn"t.

She held her breath, eyes absorbing details of his face; every angle and curve. He seductively narrowed his eyes at her, there were jet black. His protruding eyeb.a.l.l.s were minor. He had long, thick and silky lashes, with high eye-brows that slept on his forehead. The fascinating stranger had a strong forehead and wide jaw.

He wasn"t the most handsome man she"d seen but his features were so alluring, so masculine it could intimidate the next man. He exuded a certain grace that made her want reach for him. Could she be able to explain what his stare did to her?

Deborah reluctantly tore her gaze from him. She was caught staring which was unbelievably rude. The atmosphere that was once friendly had turned chaotic in just a minute. How was that possible? Her throat dried up and heart skipped a beat. For the rst time in her life, she felt excited, yet scared. She was confused. What was happening to her? She had to maintain her cool for Christ sake, had she not seen a man before? Sweat etched its way out her pores and she subconsciously fanned herself. Deborah caught him approaching her from the corners of her eyes. How can a stranger have this much e ect on her? Heart failure!

"Would you stop this nonsense!" she scolded herself.

"h.e.l.lo!" he said, looking down on her. She took a few moments to suppress her super uous emotions. She looked up at him, not a smile stretched her face. Deborah cleared her throat, her countenance was blank; at least that was what she thought her face looked like. She adjusted her shoulders and head rose challengingly high. A teasing smile stretched his lips.

"Do you mind if I keep your company?" he asked. She didn"t know how to respond to his question. She wanted to speak to him but her inner woman was sceptic. She nodded, and carefully watched as he sat close to her. The smell of his bold perfume imposed a lingering e ect. She inhaled deeply welcoming its rich fragrance.

"I am Moses," he stretched his hand. She stared at it then looked at his eyes. Her hand met his without her consent. It was warm and coa.r.s.e with comfort. Was it just her or was there a current that pa.s.sed through her body? Did he notice the way she softly gasped? Deborah swallowed hard as she let him hold her hand awhile longer. She deeply searched his obsidian eyes. She saw herself in it and for the rst time in her life, she felt beautiful. No one had looked at her that way. She unwillingly let go of his hand and he cleared his throat in response, his eyes never leaving her.

"My name is Deborah," she said and looked away.

"You are beautiful," he stated sincerely. She paused, his statement caught her o guard. Of course, she knew her features were very pleasing, she looked in the mirror but from him it felt more than it was. He had some kind of power over her, and she didn"t like it at all. "You are not very good at talking to people, are you?"

"I am…I am not. Most times I just don"t know what to say," she rubbed her temple stylishly. Deborah didn"t understand why she felt the urge to impress him. She fumbled with the hem of her gown, thinking of what to say next.

"Which movie are you here to see?"

"A comedy, I am actually waiting for someone," she said and quickly recognized the curiosity he masked away.

Deborah felt a quick need to clarify things. "It"s my girlfriend, and by that I don"t mean girlfriend in that way," she said awkwardly. He chuckled, which lightened the mood. She smiled at him.

"I know what you mean. Do you want to take a walk around the mall?" he asked, and she nodded. He stood and extended his hand to her, she took it without second thoughts.

"Are you here with someone?" she blurted out. He stared at her and nodded. She waited for him to explain further but no such thing happened. She cloaked the disappointment that hummed in her chest. What she felt towards him was ridiculous. For crying out loud she just met him! She needed to think, had to think!

"What do you do?" he asked.

"Well, I am a student. I am in my nal year," she said, her eyes glued to a nice pair of necklace displayed in a show gla.s.s. The jewellery was embedded with a sparkling crimson ruby, which would go perfectly with the red dress her father got her for twenty second birthday. She smiled at the thought.

"Do you like it?" he asked nonchalantly. She swivelled to look at him and shrugged. "Hmmmm, red is such a powerful colour. I wonder what that says about you," he smiled. She began to feel safe with him. He had a good sense of humor and charm that melted away her doubts.

"What do you do for a living?" she asked, face stern.

"Actually I just got a new job o er," he said. "I"ve not been able to decide yet," he thrust his hands in his pockets and continued his walk. She followed him, watching him closely.
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"What are your doubts?"

"I have some things to handle, you know, the usual family business and stu . But at the same time I would love to explore my options," he looked at her. "I don"t know why I am telling you this," his gaze dropped. She detected he was a bit reluctant opening up to her. She didn"t blame him; after all, she was a stranger also.

"So, you are torn between your dreams and duty?" she moved closer, trying to get him to look at her. He piqued her curiosity. Deborah was eager to know everything about him but her inner woman battled for control, and didn"t like the overwhelming emotions that invaded her. He nodded.

Finally, his dark eyes rested on her.

"I have a feeling you understand such a situation," a half smile cracked his lips.

"As a matter of fact, I do," she sighed. "If I choose what I want, wouldn"t that make me sel sh, and if I don"t; that would make me live my life for others? And what is life when you can"t live it to the fullest," she stated. He smiled and her stomach uttered with b.u.t.ter ies. They stared at each other, as if they were old lovers from the past. It felt like a déjà vu moment. She wasn"t the type to believe in superst.i.tions but at that period in time, reasons were forgotten. Her gaze fell on his lips, and quickly she dismissed such immoral thought.

"Can I have your number?" he handed her his cell phone. She couldn"t ght the urge to deny his request. She pressed in her digits then handed him back his phone. "I will call you," Moses winked at her, before he walked away. She watched him, wondering if he would turn back to check on her and just in a matter of seconds he did. "There he goes" Deborah said to herself as she saw the longing in those dreamy eyes of his. She was so sure she was going to see him again.

Deborah checked her phone for the hundredth time. No calls yet. It had been a day and it seemed like weeks. Obviously, she was losing her mind or could it be that he cast a spell on her? No, it couldn"t be! He didn"t seem like the type. She shut her book in annoyance. How could she be so forward to give a stranger her phone number? She broke one of her cardinal rules and didn"t even notice it until she had done so. She threaded her hands through her hair, frustrated. This was why she didn"t give men any of her time, she was distracted and aggravated for no reason. Deborah switched o her phone. Her inner woman made mockery of her, oh well! She deserved the scorching words the voice threw at her.

The antic.i.p.ation was killing her. She couldn"t go on like this. Ten minutes later Deborah switched on her phone. She wondered if he had tried calling her when her phone was out of coverage. Serves him right!

She rose from the bed, ready to have dinner that"s when her phone buzzed. She hopped on the bed, staring at the screen as if she didn"t believe it could receive calls. Deborah didn"t recognize the number; it could be him! What should she do? She paced about the room. Panic kicking her in the stomach. She waited for it to ring a little longer, did some breathing exercise and her trembling nger nally pressed the "green" b.u.t.ton.

"h.e.l.lo," she sounded a little distant.

"Am I speaking to Deborah?" his seductive voice came to life. It was astonishing how fast her heart somersaulted against her ribcage. It pulsed with profound purpose.

"Good evening. This is Moses speaking," he said.

"Oh! h.e.l.lo. How are you?" she swallowed.

"Is it me or do you sound a little blue?" he said, she paused. Maybe she was overdoing the "I don"t care att.i.tude." She didn"t want him to think she had been waiting for his call. Wouldn"t that make her look desperate? Isn"t all that part of the chase? "Make men sweat for it," her aunt had once told her. That was the only way men took women seriously or perhaps she heard wrong. She mumbled a curse as she indulged in a war with her frenzied mind. "h.e.l.lo, are you still there?" "Yes!" she said sharply.

"I"m sorry I didn"t call earlier on, something came up. I was wondering if you would be free this weekend," he asked, a little out of breath. She didn"t know how to respond. Of course, she would like to but she had reservations on the person he was waiting for at the cinema. Her inner woman was at work again, throwing doubts at her like deadly daggers. What if he had a girlfriend, could she live with herself? Wasn"t that cheating? She was obviously over

thinking this.

"Yes, I would," she nodded, convincing herself it was the right thing to do.

"How about Sat.u.r.day?"

"Perfect!" Now all she had to do was pick an out t.

Deborah loved the way he rubbed his chin when he got excited, and the half smile that stretched his lips when he was being coy; it made her foolish with fanciful dreams. Life seemed richer, her chest full of rainbows and cotton candies, blissfully her brain had turned to liquid.

Four weeks dating Moses was delightful but still she had troubles admitting what she felt for him. With all the excitement she experienced, there was still a cave of fear that"d found solace in the corner of her mind. She wanted to bolt, didn"t want to commit to him but something made her stay, she couldn"t explain it.

He stood in blue jeans and a white V necked shirt. Hints of dusted dark hairs peeked above the material. There was a certain serenity that emanated from him, she sighed as her eyes spread across his well toned body; like b.u.t.ter does with bread. They stood for a while, watching each other. She wanted to say something, it was just at the tip of her tongue but her mouth wouldn"t move. She swallowed hard as he took her hand and led her in. The air conditioner whooshed against her skin.

"I am glad you came," he smiled. The interior design of his living room was white and black with hints of red. It was so masculine, she made a mental note to add a feminine touch to his home. Deborah let go of his hand as she observed her surroundings. She rubbed her arms and nally those brown eyes of hers rested on him.

"Not bad," she ma.s.saged the back of her neck, ransacking her brain for what to say next.

Tosin told her how distant a guy could be, when he is s.e.xually frustrated. She didn"t want him to act that way towards her. She wanted to please him and had no idea how to go about it. d.a.m.n her for not paying attention when her mates had the "s.e.x talk". Deborah dropped her bag, walked toward him and pulled him in a hot demanding kiss. Her hands travelled through his curls and her unschooled mouth tried to keep up with his. Moses groaned as he reluctantly tore his lips from her. She stared at him confused, his eyes were much darker and breath raw with excitement.

"Have I done something wrong?" she asked, shocked at his withdrawal. Deborah covered her mouth. Had she made things worse? but she did everything right. "I thought…" she paused. Quickly, she fumbled through her bag and brought out a box of condom, placing it on the centre table. He stared at it, a little dumbfounded. He blinked several times as he tried his best not to laugh. He folded his arms and quickly let them drop.

"I am prepared for this. Are you going to turn me down?" she asked.

"I would rather die than turn you down. Do you know how long I have waited to have you in my arms?" he stroked her cheeks.

"Then why are you holding back?" she asked confused.

"I just feel you are uncomfortable. I know you want to please me but I want you to have fun too. I want to make love to you not only for my pleasure but for yours too. Let"s take it slow because I want to explore every part of you. I want to make you feel like a queen and not some kind of object," he smiled. Slowly, her shoulders dropped in relief then her lips curled in a grin.

"You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. There is something you should know," she said. "I have not had s.e.x before. It"s going to be my rst time," she caressed his chest as their eyes locked.

"What!" he whispered. "Not even once?" She nodded.

"Are you changing your mind?" she asked.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

"Yes!" she said rmly. He liked the fact she knew what she wanted.

Moses gave her a knowing smile "Are you sure?" he asked again and she nodded in response. He took her hand, and the box of condom and showed her his room. The slightly dim s.p.a.ce smelled fresh with an allusion of lemon. The room was softly lit by the wall lamp at the entrance, it was a gentle gold that gave the room a subtle allure. The bed was neat and the curtains were draped together, dark and stylish. She smiled at him as she took o her red heels. Her toes wiggled as the ne rug snuggled between them.

She excused herself and went to the bathroom. Deborah placed her hand on her chest and felt her heart churn with antic.i.p.ation. She checked the mirror and almost didn"t recognize herself, her eyes were large and they sparkled with exhilaration "You can do this," she repeated. Deborah wasn"t sure she should step out in her underwear or perhaps grant him the pleasure of taking o her clothes. Why was she overthinking this? She pulled o her clothes and took in a long breath.

She did a quick check on her posture then slowly went back to the bedroom. Moses sat comfortably on his bed, his eyes widened as she approached him. She played with her quavering hands as she tried to strike a pose, which turned out ridiculous. He smiled as he watched her get herself together.

"You always seem to surprise me, my dear," he approached and pulled her towards him. He kissed her sumptuous lips, and her head fell back as she let him explore. Deborah"s tongue welcomed him and sweltering moans encouraged him to go further in his investigation. His hands slickly touched her waist then travelled down to her b.u.t.tocks, he ma.s.saged her full cheeks. "So soft and full" he thought to himself.

Quickly, she wrapped her legs around him, which gave her full access to his lips. Moses carried her to the bed and tenderly laid her on the pliable bed, surrounded by feathery lled pillows. She gasped in shock as he unhooked her bra in a blink of an eye.

He kissed her forehead, then her eyes; one after the other. His lips softly touched her small nose and her temple, "oh lord, you smell so good" he whispered in her ear. His warm breath brushed against her cheeks and made her stomach pool with desire; it was hot and explosive. Deborah shivered, her body pulsing for release.

Moses swallowed a pant, her scent lled his lungs and he inhaled deeply as he could. He also felt the pressure to be at his best, it was her rst time and he wanted it to be wonderful. Deborah softly frowned as she caressed his muscled back urging him to unleash his pa.s.sion, his lips found one of her nipples. Deborah cried as she launched her chest forward, demanding he ravish her till her skin felt numb. He nibbled and teased, brown nipples turned dark as they puckered in readiness. Deborah squirmed and tried to savour the sweet rush of current that red every nerve that made her a being. Her body quaked as he did wondrous things to her. He took o her panties and then he stared at her. "My gosh!" he muttered harshly. Deborah made an attempt to cover herself, his eyes roamed about her body as if it were committing her naked frame to memory. Slowly she made an e ort to reach for the blue duvet.

"You shouldn"t, I think you are quite stunning," he trailed his ngers from her collar bone, down her bosom; then stroked her stomach like it was a ne piece of painting. His ngers explored the secret place between her legs. He stroked with such profundity, her body lit on re.

He watched the expression on her face, as it gave him a high. She was so damp, hot crystal drops trickled down his hand as he tried to t his nger in her. She slightly jerked at his intense touch. He kissed her, a.s.suring her she was in safe hands.

"Do you trust me, my love?" he asked and she nodded. He buried his head between her legs, letting his tongue do the pleasuring this time. Deborah screamed, grabbing his ebony hair. At rst she didn"t know what to do, her senses were heightened. She cried out his name, pleading he have mercy on her. Deborah didn"t understand a lot of what she going through, but all she knew was that she had died and gone to a universe with extraordinary bliss. She was so full of emotions; the thought she might explode crossed her mind.

"Please, do something," she moaned. He let his tongue explore her inner esh. She grabbed the sheets, wiggling to match up with his pace. She could see paradise, could smell its fortune but at the same time she wasn"t there yet. He knew she was ready for him. Quickly she grabbed his head and kissed him.

"Undress me," he commanded, his voice rough. She helped him with his clothes, her hands trembled as she tried to take o his belt. With less patience and more fussing, he was nally naked. She smiled as her eyes lingered on his erection, her hand reached for him and stroked gently. He sighed as he watched her learn how to touch him.

"Are you sure you are going to t?" she asked.

"Oh, trust me, you have nothing to worry about," he promised. He kissed her once more and her hands stroked his chest as they explored the length of his broad shoulder; muscles rippled beneath her touch. Moses hands slightly trembled as he tried to t his length in her. Conscious of the raging pain that might accompany his thrust; he tried to prepare her by kissing and playing with the most sensitive parts of her body.

"Please!" she begged. He grabbed her b.u.t.tocks and he whispered in her ear "I need you to say it,"

"I want you inside me" she muttered in her rickety voice.

That was all the encouragement he needed. He slightly lifted her as he thrust his way through, meeting her molten satin resistance. She screamed trying to push him away, the intensity of the pain was quite shocking. He paused, taking his time with her. Moses caressed her soft cheeks "should I stop?" he asked, hoping her answer would be a "no".

She shook her head trying to welcome him, which was not an easy task. Moses began caressing and kissing, distracting her for a moment. He moved in slow paces and her ngers scratched him in protest, he winced. "I promise; it will be ne"

Deborah nodded and decided to trust her man, she stroked his arms already in the mood once again. So this was the painful pleasure she always read about in novels. He was sure to read her expression, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her.

She began to move on her own accord, synchronizing her motion with each thrust. Moses grabbed her waist as he tried to thwart her attempt for a premature release. She looked up at him; a frown creasing her brows. She couldn"t take any more of his teasing. He smirked, already his impatient queen had him eating from her palms. d.a.m.n! He was in love with her. She was everything he ever wanted. Her hair draped around her oval face, eyes dark as midnight and lips swollen from kissing. She was perfect— she was "the one".

He had felt that way ever since he laid eyes on her. The seductive gazes she threw at him drove him crazy. There was a lot he wanted to teach her, untapped pleasure he wanted her to discover. At that instance he bonded with her the only way he knew how to. He tried to take things easy with her but it was extremely di cult, he wanted to lose himself in her soft haven. He buried his face on her neck and inhaled her spicy scent.

"You are so sweet" he groaned.

Their ngers interlocked and her rhythm matched his, accepting him completely. Lips to lips—they both cried out in elation. Deborah nally reached climax and Moses wasn"t far behind. She felt herself burst as he pumped himself into her. She whimpered and he moaned blissfully.

"That was amazing," he managed to say. She nodded in response, and wiped the little tears that lingered at the corners of her eyes. "Did I hurt you?" he asked turning to face her, worried all of a sudden.

"I am very sore but I will be ne," she smiled weakly.

"I am sorry" his eyes caressed her face.

"Don"t be" she sighed "it was not what I was expecting at all, it was wonderful," she chuckled and he cupped her cheeks, staring into her eyes that had turned light brown once again. There was something sad about her and he couldn"t place a nger on it.

"I got you something" he reached for the shelf at his right side, he pulled out the second drawer and brought out a square black box. She sat upright blinking several times, trying to shoo away the fatigue that p.a.w.ned at her. Deborah quickly brush away the tangled hair from her face, her eyes held his in delight. He opened it and there it was; the beautiful necklace she saw at the mall. Tears stung her eyes as she gasped.

"Oh my lord Moses, it"s so beautiful" Deborah bit her lips as she swallowed the sob that punched her neck

"I want this to be a reminder of the rst time I met you, it was the beginning of my life. I knew how much you wanted it, and I had to get it for you. I want to you to know that I really want you in my life" he smiled and she kissed him wrapping her arms around him.

"I never thought a man like you existed" she smiled "you are amazing" she was still as he draped the glittering necklace around her slender neck.

"It is perfect" he stroked her cheek.

"Thank you so much" she caressed the beautiful accessory

"I have something to tell you," he stated excitedly. At that instant, she thought he was di erent from all the men she"d encountered, maybe she was too quick to judge things.

"I took the job," he announced. She stared at him, confused, "You know I told you about the job o er. Well, I accepted it. I will leave for America in a month"s time," he took her hand and she rudely yanked it o .

"What!" She adjusted, pulling up the blanket to hide her full b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "When did you plan on telling me this? Is it after you"ve had s.e.x with me?" she asked frowning.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, maintaining a cool composure. Deborah snorted, she grabbed the blanket and wrapped herself in it, then picked up her underwear before dashing to the bathroom—she limped as she felt a biting ache between her legs. Deborah touched her face with sweaty hands as she tried to gather her thoughts—she tried so hard to understand the situation. How could she be so foolish? She dressed as quickly as she could. Soon she was out of the bathroom, furious as a bull. He scurried out of bed. Thankfully, he was in his boxers and a white vest. He grabbed her hand, his pleading eyes held hers.

"So your plan was to sleep with me and then leave? I didn"t even know you were going so far away. You must be feeling good about yourself. You sly b.a.s.t.a.r.d," she shook o his touch. Every bre in her body wanted to scream at him, to let him know how much it hurts by the mere thought of he leaving. Her lips quivered as she stared boldly at him.

"I took this job because of you. I want you to come with me," he explained quickly.

"Ah please, spare me the speech. You did it for yourself and do you think your life is so important that I have to leave everything I"ve known for the last twenty-two years, Just to follow a man I barely know?" she hu ed in amus.e.m.e.nt. "If that"s what you thought, then you are mistaken. If you knew me at all, you would know I wouldn"t leave my father. He needs me," she yelled.

"My intensions are good. I want to have a life with you. Why are you being so stubborn? I can"t think of anyone better to spend the rest of my life with. We could have a clean break. I believe what we have is special."

"What was I thinking?" she shook her head, tears threatening to surface. She placed her hand on her chest, willing herself not to cry. She pointed at him, face distorted with hurt. "I should have seen this coming. You people just make excuses; that is all you know how to do."

"Don"t ever say that to me. I am not your mother!" he said rmly. "I know what happened to you over the years and honestly I can understand but don"t you compare me with someone who left. I am here! Why can"t you see that?" "But you will be leaving," she declared.

"With you by my side! I am saying take a leap of faith here. For once in your life, just go with it. I am not saying I will be the perfect man; but d.a.m.n it, I want to make you the happiest woman. I will do my best to always put a smile on your face," he said, his voice calm.

"I don"t believe you." she threw her hands violently in the air. "I won"t do this to myself. I should have not let this go on for long." She picked up her bag. She had failed—had broken all her promises; all for what? A man that is full of s.h.i.t! How could she let herself feel?

Moses watched her, emotions choked him. He was trying so hard to gure her out.

"Don"t leave!"

"Even if I follow you, what next?" she paced the room. "I will go with you then we don"t get married or we do? I have your kids then you leave with me alone to cater for them? How do you think I will survive? I am not going to end up like my father. I would rather die alone," she screamed. He watched her, fear of losing her consumed him. Both stared at each other for a while. Her shoulders slouched in defeat. He knew that look; she was giving up on them!

"Don"t you dare," he raised his voice at her. "Have you ever considered being happy?" he asked, and then moved closer but she motioned him to stop. He did as she wanted, watching her intensely. Moses wanted to respect her wishes but at the same time, wanted to scream some senses into her.

"Since I was a little girl, all I"ve seen is disappointment. No one around me has really been happy. I don"t even know what happiness means, only sadness. But for the last few weeks has been the best moment of my life. This is a reality check; life never gives one a fairy tale ending, so why bother?" she faltered.

"Even if there is a two percent chance that we would be happy, I am willing to take it," his voice trembled.

"That"s the di erence between you and me. I am ready to see life for the b.i.t.c.h it is, and not live in denial," she said. Moses embraced her, inhaling her scent. It was di cult to let go.

"I won"t go, just say the word and I will stay," he said to her.

"I can"t," she sni ed. "I can"t hinder your success. What kind of person would that make me?"

He withdrew, anger steamed in his eyes.

"This is not about me leaving, is it?" he glared at her. Her lips moved but no words came out. "Even if I don"t leave, I doubt you would still want to be with me. Do you have feelings for me?" he asked and didn"t get a response. Yes! d.a.m.n yes she did, but that wasn"t enough for her. It just wouldn"t work, she couldn"t see a future for them—couldn"t see the fact she could be happy. Moses was weak with disappointment.

"I don"t want to do this," she said. "It is better if I just go. I don"t know what we were both thinking. I am too broken for love. I don"t…" she shook her head viscously.

"Why are you so consumed by fear? Don"t be your worst enemy" his voice shook. "I love you!" he yelled. She walked away and didn"t look back.

Moses looked out his window, the sky unleashed its fury on earth and lightning struck from the dark grey clouds. He shut his windows and stared at the rmament, the smell of rain lled him with longing and the hairs on his back stood against the chill of the night. The noisy patter of the rain did nothing to awaken his slumbering mind. His fore nger traced her name on the gla.s.s, covered with cold vapour. He hated the fact he loved her and despised that she came into his world and took life from it. He didn"t understand her. Was he so unlovable that she would leave him broken?

Moses hadn"t seen her in two weeks and it felt like a hundred years. She wouldn"t pick his calls, wouldn"t let him explain what his intensions were. He wanted to see her yet he was so angry, he sighed as his throat ached, he couldn"t control himself around her. He was much stronger than this but when it came to her she was his kryptonite. He buried his face in his large palms and for the rst time in long years, he cried softly.

There was a soft knock, at rst he thought he"d imagined it. Then it came again, this time harder. He wiped his face and inhaled deeply, before heading towards the door. He was in no mood to receive visitors, probably it was his sister. After the incidence with Deborah, she had been paying too much attention on him. She thought her company would do him good, which was quite the opposite, what he wanted he couldn"t have.

He opened the door reluctantly and there she was, drenched in rain. He stood still, his mind couldn"t acc.u.mulate the surprise.

"Deborah" he whispered, they both stared at each other. She hunched her shoulders, her hair plastered on her face and lips trembled. He looked deep into those eyes and felt his heart pulsed with life and warmth. He stepped out in the rain and was amazed at the chill that grinded at his bones.

Deborah waited for his response patiently, she couldn"t deny the force that drove her to his house, couldn"t begin to explain it. She knew one thing and that was life without Moses was no life at all. Yes! She loved him so much it hurt! "Deborah" he called out again, as if convincing himself. He ran and embraced her with all his might, she wheezed and cried in his arms, it was the safest place in the world. f.u.c.k her rules, it was s.h.i.t!