She saw him offer his hand, saw her own accept it, becoming instantly lost in its smooth, firm grip. She prayed he would not feel the trembling that had begun to seize her.
D"Arcy held her chair for her, and mechanically she sat, aware of a quickened heartbeat.
"I tried to get in touch with you earlier to tell you about Guy"s arrival in Ottawa, but we couldn"t find you." He looked down at her gla.s.s. "We"re a bit ahead of you on drinks, my dear," he went on. "What can I order for you?"
"A Martini, please," she answered, startling herself, since she wasn"t particularly fond of drinking. With a tremendous effort she forced her eyes to meet Guy"s. "You"re here on business, I suppose, Guy," she said.
He took a sip of his Scotch and put the gla.s.s down. "That"s right," he replied. His voice was crisp and somewhat cold, she thought. "I"m making rescheduling arrangements for the Enterprise. She didn"t go back to the Arctic for a second run as we"d planned. We took her instead to Rotterdam."
"Rotterdam... but why?"
"There was storm damage to repair, of course. But the shipyard is also making some other modifications to her. Let"s hope the next voyage won"t be quite so hair-raising as the first."
"I can"t deny that"s rea.s.suring," said Sarah with an attempt at lightness.
"Actually, it"s a fairly major overhaul we"re doing. We"ve managed to trace certain problems with her back to their source. In a way, I suppose, we should be grateful that we hit the worst conceivable weather on her first run."
Sarah shuddered. "Grateful-how can you, of all people, say that? After... after what almost happened to you!" For the first time she allowed her eyes to rest on his face. High on his temple, almost hidden by a shock of hair, she could see the bruise, still livid and swollen, that was the result of his head being flung against the pipes.
"It put the spotlight on weaknesses, potential problems. We"re not running in the dark any more, and that"s what counts."
"That will mean quite a delay in the shipment of the L.N.G., won"t it?"
"It will," he confirmed. "Freeland will be absorbing the expense of that wait. It means the Enterprise will be running without profit for some time, but that"s an acceptable penalty for the future benefits that will accrue to us."
"This, by the way," interjected D"Arcy, "is your next a.s.signment, Sarah-a follow-up on improvements and alterations that came as a result of the first trip. Just something small-a few paragraphs in your regular column should do it."
Sarah"s eyes were enormous and pleading. Even a few words with Guy were taxing her resources to their limit. But dear D"Arcy couldn"t know that-he thought everything was falling into place beautifully. She saw the puzzlement in his eyes at her stumbled response.
"Guy has already given so much of his time for the first story, D"Arcy. I"d hate to ask him for more during an important business trip, just for a little blurb in my column."
D"Arcy frowned. "But he"s already offered, Sarah. And I don"t think I twisted his arm too hard... did I, Guy?"
"Of course not," Guy replied smoothly. "I"m sure Sarah and I can arrange an hour or so that"s mutually convenient." The absolute calm of the man only underscored her own jangled nerves. "I feel I owe you that much for the story you did on us," he said, looking back at her.
"You"ve seen it, then?" she asked, flushing. She had completely forgotten the morning paper. "Yes. And on behalf of Freeland Shipping, I"d like to thank you for it, Sarah."
"That"s not necessary," she said stiffly, conscious of the impersonal tone he was using. "Besides," she added, this time more softly, "I"m sure I needn"t point out to you that the article wasn"t entirely positive-I"m sorry about that... truly."
"There were criticisms, to be sure. But they were fair, and they were well balanced. A sensationalist, someone less ethical, could have devastated us."
This time she spoke without hesitation. "Those people didn"t deserve to be dragged through the mud, Guy. I don"t know when I"ve ever met a group of people who impressed me more than the crew of that ship. They were wonderful, and I felt they deserved to have their story told."
She broke off suddenly, uncomfortably aware of the strange way he was looking at her. It was as if the ghost of his cousin was sitting there with them. Was Guy still trying to understand where Tony fitted into all this? She retreated into silence as the waiter brought their food.
The meal pa.s.sed in agony for her. The usually poised and self-contained woman, at ease in the most exalted company, found herself fumbling for words, awkward with her food, afraid, even, of spilling her wine.
A few weeks before she had stood on the decks of the Enterprise and ached for the chance to tell this man that she loved him. Now, observing his detached, reserved demeanour, she felt chilled and knew that it could never happen.
The men had just been served their brandy when she gathered up her bag and gloves. "Sarah, you"re not leaving us already!" chided D"Arcy.
"I"m sorry," she said breathlessly. "I"ve got to be up very early tomorrow... I promised someone I"d go skiing."
"But you haven"t even set up an appointment with Guy yet," he reminded her, this time with real irritation in his voice.
"I"ll... I"ll call you tomorrow morning, Guy," she said.
"You won"t be here," he pointed out.
"Then Monday. Where are you staying-here at the Chateau?"
To her dismay he was at her side, draping her fur jacket over her shoulders. "Since Sarah finds herself so pressed for time, D"Arcy, perhaps you"ll excuse the both of us. I can take Sarah home and we can discuss it on the way."
"That"s really not necessary, Guy... I have my own car outside anyway."
"Then I"ll drive you and take a taxi back," he said, unperturbed.
She began to protest again, but felt his hand close tightly and meaningly over her elbow. After thanking his host, he propelled her firmly through the maze of tables as if she were something he owned. In front of all those watchful eyes she did not dare protest. Once in the lobby, though, she pulled her arm from his grasp and said briskly, "Can"t we just set up a time now, Guy? This really isn"t necessary!"
"I know that. But I"m going with you anyway," he announced curtly. "Stay here while I get my coat."
She fumed silently at the familiar dictatorial manner. But she waited.
Later, slipping into the seat beside her, he put out his hand wordlessly for the keys. With an impatient flick she dropped them into his palm.
"Are you really going skiing tomorrow?" he asked, looking back over his shoulder as he eased them out of their slot.
"No," she said with defiant bluntness. "I lied."
"I thought so. That was rather rude," he said reproachfully.
She ignored that. "You have to make a left turn here to get to my place," she said flatly.
"I know where you live. But I want to drive for a while. I enjoy it. You don"t mind, do you?"
Sarah sighed and looked out the window at the blurring lines of car lights in the frosty night. Guy drove as she thought he would, quickly and with careless ease. They were quiet for a while, and she found herself untensing just a little, enjoying it as he did.
"Tony"s out of Freelands," he said at last, shattering the stillness. His voice was quiet but almost brutal.
So a final confrontation over Tony was not to be avoided after all, she thought with a kind of sad resignation. She supposed it had to be, and it might provide the only satisfaction of their ill-fated relationship. But what had he meant by "out"?
"I don"t understand," she said, turning to face him. "How can Tony be out of his own company?"
He stared straight ahead. Pa.s.sing cars shone their lights into the car. In the moving beams she caught the tic of a jaw muscle, the compression of his lips. "He"s sold his stock in the company to Uncle Julian and me. He has absolutely no position in Freeland Shipping any longer."
Sarah tilted her head to one side and tried to understand what he was telling her. "Just like that?"
"Just like that. He made no conditions on the transfer of either the stock or the power, and the lawyers tied the whole thing up very quickly."
"But shipping is Tony"s pa.s.sion, Guy, his obsession in life! I heard him threaten to force you out of the company."
He gave her a quick, sardonic glance. "Did you really think he could survive as director after what happened up there?"
Sarah spread her hands in a gesture of confusion. "But what did happen up there-a violent storm, some equipment breakdown because of it. The bottom line is still that the trip was a success. I may suspect otherwise, and you no doubt know otherwise-but to the rest of the world, the only culprit was that freak storm."
Guy swung the ear into a parking s.p.a.ce overlooking the frozen ca.n.a.l where a few hardy skaters were still tracing figures under the stars. He cut the motor and for a moment she thought she could hear the pounding of her heart.
"How much of that... argument did you overhear, Sarah?"
"The important part, I suppose," she replied quietly. "I heard you accuse Tony of altering your design specifications and using substandard materials in the construction."
He nodded. "Tony was very clever. He was right in predicting that I could never prove any wilful wrongdoing on his part. Everything he did was within the letter, if not the spirit, of the law. But he slipped up here and there. One big mistake he made was in underestimating Uncle Julian. Even at the low point of his illness, he still kept a finger on the pulse of the company. He was far too sharp, too experienced, not to realise Tony was pulling off the Enterprise too fast and inexpensively.
"You suspected nothing?" she probed gently.
"No. Guy the Great missed it. Did you think such a thing was possible?" There was just a touch of amus.e.m.e.nt in his voice. "Once I finished with the design phase, I pulled out because of my other obligations. Tony was left on his own to oversee the construction. He was right, you know, Sarah," he said. "If I hadn"t been off playing hero, I"d have seen what was going on right under my nose. You can charge a lot of the blame for what happened up to Guy the Great. Does that give you satisfaction?"
"But you came!" she cried. "In the end, when you were needed, you were there."
"I wouldn"t have been, Sarah, if it weren"t for my uncle. He had nothing specific to go on, only his intuition that something was awry. It was he who ordered me back from South Africa in time to catch the Enterprise before she reached the Arctic."
Sarah gave a small shudder of horror and distaste. "When I think that Tony could actually do something like that! To play with people"s lives to further his own ambitions! And why would he risk having a reporter on board if there was a possibility of things going wrong?" she said, her voice lifting in wonder. "It was a terrific gamble!"
"Tony"s not the monster you may think him to be, Sarah," he answered quietly.
"There can"t be an excuse!" she retorted sharply.
"No, not an excuse. But if you knew Tony as I do, you"d at least see how he could fall into such a trap. He"s always coasted through life on his position. He was hopelessly indulged by his parents. He never developed the discipline to study, nor the patience to wait for others to do it for him. He put a lot of blind trust into technology he didn"t understand. He never came to grips with the implications of what he had done in allowing subtle alterations in the Enterprise"s design. But when he finally did, he was appalled."
"I don"t understand you, Guy," she insisted, shaking her head. "You"re defending him, after all he did!"
"No," he said firmly, "I"m not defending him. But he"s my cousin, and I have to at least try to fathom him. He was frightened, Sarah... he was truly frightened by what happened that day. He wants no part of shouldering that sort of responsibility ever again. He was only too happy to bow out."
Sarah"s thick lashes swept her cheeks. "You almost died," she said softly, unable to find it in her own heart to forgive Tony.
He took her tiny, gloved hand and studied it intently, turning it over in his two hands and running a finger lightly down her palm. She held her breath and didn"t dare pull away.
He raised his eyes to meet hers. "I"ve read your story a dozen times today-it"s terrific. I don"t know how you managed to extract it so beautifully from such an overwhelming experience. It"s all there, everything that"s important. Sarah... I know that you never played an active role in Tony"s plans."
She turned her face away from him quickly, clinging to just a little pride. "But you thought I did, once," she said raggedly. "You a.s.sumed that I was grasping, or gullible enough, to be manipulated by him."
"Yes... and no," he said, refusing to release her hand. "As soon as I saw you I knew what Tony was up to. He wanted publicity very badly, publicity of a very personal, self-glorifying kind. Your closeness to him, your acceptance of his invitation to Fairfield... and your hostility to me-it all seemed to reinforce the conclusion that I"d jumped to."
"My hostility to you!" she cried, real anguish in her voice. "How else could I have reacted, given the way you attacked me at every turn!"
Guy nodded his agreement at once. "I know, I know. I behaved very badly towards you. I was so d.a.m.n conflicted! My head told me one thing about you, but my instincts told me something quite different. I knew you were too intelligent, too spirited to be a part of it, and yet-oh, Sarah, the only defence I can offer for my behaviour is that I was half out of my mind wondering if we were all sailing for disaster and I didn"t know how to begin to save us. Forgive me-please."
He was silent, waiting, and she knew what she had to do. Now that she knew the whole story, . she could see what a terrifying burden he had been carrying, alone. For a man of Guy"s temperament, such a naked apology could not have come cheaply.
"Of course I forgive you, Guy-if forgiveness is really necessary. I... I"m ashamed myself if I made your task any more difficult than it already was." She spoke slowly, choosing her words carefully, finding it agony to control the emotion that was bubbling up inside her. "This whole situation between us has been... difficult for me. It"s a relief to have it settled, to feel that all the loose ends have been tied up at last."
"Are they? Really? I don"t think so... don"t we have one conversation to finish?"
"What conversation?" she asked.
"Just before I went out to the bow to secure that cover, I looked back. You said something to me."
"You heard me?" she said, suddenly and inexplicably afraid. Two red patches appeared on her cheeks.
"No, I didn"t. But I"d like to, now. Sarah," he said, with strained patience, "if I can fly across the ocean just to say "I beg your pardon", surely you can do me the courtesy of repeating what you said to me that morning."
"You didn"t fly here for that," she replied reprovingly.
"There was nothing I did here today that couldn"t have been handled just as well by telephone. And I didn"t just happen into your editor"s office this afternoon to thank him for the story. Now, are you going to answer me?"
She looked at him and in the pale glow of the street light saw the smile that played about those precious lines beside his eyes. Suddenly her fear drained away and she felt suffused by a calm acceptance of whatever was to be. Her eyes returned his gaze, clear and unarmoured.
"I said... be careful... and I love you."
"That"s what I thought, or prayed," he said tenderly. He laid his fingers softly on her flushed cheek. "Sarah darling-I love you too. Couldn"t you tell-wasn"t it written all over me!"
"Love... no, no, just so much anger, Guy!"
"I was angry, dearest. And frustrated. I couldn"t seem to get through to you. And I couldn"t stand the thought of you being with Tony. That"s why I took you on that sightseeing trip. I wanted to get you away from his influence, if only for a few hours."
"And when you made love to me that night-or tried to-it wasn"t just..."
Guy took her face between his two large hands. His voice roughened. "It was because I loved you with all my heart, Sarah."
She laughed then, very, very gently. The surge of joy in her was so sweet. So much pain, so much confusion and misunderstanding was behind them. But when his lips found hers there was only silence for long, infinitely beautiful minutes.
"Marry me, Sarah Grey," he whispered at last, his voice low and urgent. "It won"t be quiet and it won"t be uneventful, but I promise you a life worth living to the fullest!"
No, she thought. It won"t be a particularly peaceful marriage. There will be times of loneliness and separation. Even fear. But it would be all the more precious for it. No other man could offer her this.
"Yes," she whispered, "yes," and again there was the silence, broken only by soft and loving sighs.
It was only the chill that began to permeate the car that forced Guy to tear himself away from her and the exquisitely pleasurable pain they gave each other.
"I want to marry you as soon as we can get the licence," he said. "I want to take you back with me next week, Sarah."
"I believe you"re serious!" she said.
"Perhaps it"s the work I do," he explained, "but I"ve come to believe you have to seize your chances in life, Sarah. Live it when you can, as well as you can. I want you with me, darling, and I don"t see any reason for putting it off one second longer than we must."
"You make me dizzy, Guy-but I love it. Don"t ever stop!"
"I have only one regret, Sarah, and that"s your job. When I read your story and talked to D"Arcy about you, I knew just how gifted you are and how hard you"ve worked to be where you are. I don"t have any right to ask you to give that up, and yet it seems as if circ.u.mstances are making me do just that."