Are You Addicted?

By the time Gu Wei Ting lay down, Gu Hai was already sleeping soundly and the lights in the room have long been turned off.

He stared at the darkness for a couple of minutes before his hand started creeping towards the switch. He couldn"t sleep so he wanted to turn the lights back on. His hand had reached the switch but then he decided not to press it. He looked at his son who was sleeping soundly beside him. They were merely inches apart. Seeing him in such a calm and relaxed manner, Gu Wei Ting can"t help but feel the urge to observe him closer.

Since Gu Hai was a kid, Gu Wei Ting can only count the fingers of one hand the number of times he"d been able to look at him attentively like this. His last memory of such a time was when Gu Hai"s face was just the size of his palm. Yet, in the blink of an eye, that once innocent face had turned mature and strikingly handsome.

Years of absence from Gu Hai"s life robbed Gu Wei Ting of not only the chance to experience the joys that come with being a father, but also the chance to watch his only son grow little by little into the fine young man that he is today. Try as he might, there are so many details about Gu Hai"s life and personality that Gu Wei Ting can"t remember. For one, he has no recollection of the first time Gu Hai called him "father." He also has no memory of the very first time Gu Hai learned to walk. He also does not know what his son liked to eat as a kid, or the toys he liked to play with.

As far as he can remember, every time he would face his son, Gu Wei Ting has always worn a monstrous appearance and a rather formidable aura.

When Gu Hai lazed around during training, stirred up trouble at school, licentiously wandered around, and even when his twisted love affair was exposed, it was always .this strong and sinister image that loomed over him. Always.

Gu Wei Ting neither tried to hear his son"s side nor did he ever ask him to sit down for a proper talk. His means for solving whatever problem he faced was always to throw a fit of rage and beat Gu Hai. The sad part of this reality is, for the longest time, this was the only way that the two ever interacted.

In all the years that pa.s.sed, Gu Wei Ting never showed any warmth towards Gu Hai. Even during the first few days after his wife pa.s.sed away, Gu Wei Ting never stuck around. He ran off; went from one place to another. He left his only son alone. A son who was forced to deal with the misery of losing the only person who showed him love and compa.s.sion all by himself. He never once thought how broken-hearted, sad, or devastated a 14 year old child could be when faced with such a tragedy. What"s worse is that it never occurred to him how traumatizing that experience was for a child.

So the moment, he saw his son–who was more than 180cm–tightly holding on to his own leg and huddling inside a small wardrobe, a stabbing pain unexpectedly struck his heart.

He thought, "Regardless of the mistakes Gu Hai had made, the one person who should take the blame is me."

Gu Wei Ting quietly observed Gu Hai"s face in the darkness. Even he was not aware of how tender his own eyes were as they stared at his son. As he took in all the details of his son"s face, Gu Wei Ting saw two cotton b.a.l.l.s stuck on Gu Hai"s hair. He immediately reached out and removed them. He then saw a trace of mud at the corner of his mouth. Without even asking why and how it got there, he wiped it away.

The lights were still off.

Gu Wei Ting lay down on his back. Not long after, he sensed Gu Hai turning over and moving closer to him. Of course, Gu Hai was already in a deep sleep and his guard was already down. What remained is some semblance of innocence and the undeniable promise of youth.

Ignoring the person moving closer to him, Gu Wei Ting turned to his side, facing Gu Hai. He was about to close his eyes when he felt someone grab one of his hands. Those two hands were warmer than his by tenfold. And as they wrapped tightly around his, Gu Wei Ting"s expression became listless for a moment. His eyes fell on Gu Hai once more.

He"s not awake. Is he just subconsciously looking for a place to warm his hand?

As he looked at his son in this state, Gu Wei Ting became deeply moved.

—–

During breakfast the next day, Gu Wei Ting was contemplating the situation he and his sons were facing. He kept quiet for a while, pondering by himself, before he turned and asked Sun Jingwei.

"What do you think about Gu Hai"s situation?"

Sun Jingwei had just taken a spoonful of porridge. He nearly choked on it when he heard those words.

"You"re asking for my opinion?" He asked in a somewhat startled manner.

"Is there anyone else here?" Gu We Ting raised a brow.

Sun Jingwei never expected Gu Wei Ting to ask for his opinion regarding this matter. To say that he was shocked by this sudden show trust is an understatement.

He placed his chopsticks down and smiled awkwardly before taking in a deep breath.

"Actually…as parents, I don"t think we need to make such a big fuss over a minor issue like this" he says. "More often than not, our strong desire to control our children backfires and causes them to be even more determined to do the very things we don"t want them to. I say, let them decide how to handle things themselves."

"Take my daughter for example. She dated a guy when she was in her second year of junior middle school. They"ve already broken up yet her mother and I still don"t know exactly what caused them to separate. My daughter has learned from her past and is better now. The one time she opened up about it, she completely laughed the entire matter off as if it was a joke. Just think about it! If my wife and I had known about their relationship when they were still together, and tried to break them apart, would she have inevitably taken the matter as just puppy love? Wouldn"t that joke of a relationship become real and genuine in her eyes? Similarly, if you were to personally break the boys up, wouldn"t the two of them subconsciously define their feelings as love? Actually, what have you seen? Hugging? Being intimate? Think about it, when we were younger, who wasn"t affectionate with each other, huh? Perhaps, two or three years from now, when they"re living in a new environment, they"ll turn back and look at everything and see that all of it was just a joke and nothing else."

Gu Wei Ting remained silent. His gaze never left Sun Jingwei as he contemplated the things he just said.

"Do you mean, I should let go and not care about this?"

"I never said that you shouldn"t care," Sun Jingwei kindly smiled. He was much calmer now. "The best you can do is guide them. Whether they listen or not is totally up to them."

Gu Wei Ting gave a cold snort when he heard Sun Jingwei"s last statement. "Then he definitely won"t listen."

"In all honesty, I think you"re overthinking this matter. Do you remember Xiao Zheng from the third brigade? That guy who–during one of the nightly room check-ups–was found squeezed inside one blanket with with Er Hu, the soldier who slept beside him? After further investigation, it was discovered that their relationship wasn"t normal, and they were immediately expelled. But what happened in the end? After leaving the army, they"ve both respectively got married and had kids within two years. Now, I reckon there was never anything between them from the start."

"I"ve already thought about everything that you"ve said. But the point is, my son is not Xiao Zheng or Er Hu. You"ll never meet such an unusual breed like him, even in a hundred years."

Sun Jingwei stifled a giggle.

Even if he"s an unusual breed, he"s still your offspring.

"I don"t think he"s unusual in any way at all. But because he"s your son, you subconsciously think that he"s unusual. If this kind of situation happened to my child, I would also be anxious and eager to separate them at once. But the point is, you can"t rush this sort of situation. It"s useless to be anxious about it. Right now, those two are at a phase where there"s yearning and affection for one another. What can you do to them? Send one abroad and lock the other up in the military base? If they keep on thinking and worrying about each other like this, no matter what you do to separate them, they"ll continue to think of ways to get back together."

It might not have been evident, but mentally Gu Wei Ting acknowledged those last few words. It gave him the will–but not the strength–to consider another course of action.

Controlling either Gu Hai and Bai Luo Yin or the situation was impossible, but ignoring it all together was impossible as well. From the looks of it, no matter what he does, those two would not allow their pa.s.sion and love for each other to be weakened or whittle down.

——

Once afternoon cla.s.s was over, Gu Wei Ting summoned his two sons to have lunch with him.

"After this meal, you both can leave and do whatever you want!" Gu Wei Ting said in a low yet powerful tone.

After hearing those words, Bai Luo Yin and Gu Hai–who were busy burying their faces in their plates– lifted their heads. They cannot believe what they just heard.

"Dad, what do you mean by that, huh?" Gu Hai asked with furrowed brows. He then glanced at Bai Luo Yin from the corner of his eyes.

With indifference written all over his face, Gu Wei Ting simply let his gaze sweep by him. "What I mean is, you two better not hang around in front of me anymore. Just looking at both of you annoys me."

Silence. This bit of good news was totally unexpected and unbelievable so neither of them were able to respond immediately.

Bai Luo Yin looked at Gu Wei Ting with disbelief. Just this morning, he was still worrying about the secret tunnel that linked his and Gu Hai"s rooms. He had been considering to quickly cover up the tunnel in fear of Gu Wei Ting discovering it and beating Gu Hai again.

It seems he had nothing to worry about after all, for things have taken a sudden turn for the better.

To Bai Luo Yin"s side, Gu Hai"s hand started to move. He reached out to touch Gu Wei Ting"s forehead but his hands were met in midair by a pair of chopsticks.

"Dad, wait. Are you suffering from something?"

"Don"t act stupid with me!" Gu Wei Ting"s expression darkened, "Hurry up and eat! After you finish eating, leave immediately!"

Gu Hai"s black pupils flickered as he spoke, "Dad, you don"t care about me anymore?"

Gu Wei Ting only spared Gu Hai a few words, "Excuse me. That can never happen."

"Don"t!" Gu Hai pretended to be obedient and innocent after he succeeded in gaining an advantage. "Dad, you can"t ignore me ah! I"m still counting on you to guide me to the right path. If you stand aside and do nothing, then what would happen to me if some twisted idea comes to mind and I start causing trouble again?"

Gu Wei Ting continued to eat the food inside his bowl. His expression remained calm and composed. "When I cared for you, you never stopped giving me a hard time. Now that I stopped caring for you, you can do whatever you want. At least I don"t have to see any of it anymore."

"Then, what should I do if I miss you?"

This sentence finally caused the chopsticks in Gu Wei Ting"s hand to stop moving.

Looking at the sudden change in his father"s expression, a knot immediately wrapped around Gu Hai"s heart and strangled it.

Oh my G.o.d! Don"t tell me he"s touched by what I just said? What should I do if he really changes his mind and make me stay here? f.u.c.k! I"m so stupid. I should"ve just kept my mouth shut instead of saying that!

Gu Wei Ting shot Gu Hai a quick glance. Then out of nowhere, he burst into laughter. Not a single word was said again. The three simply continued to finish the food inside their bowls.

On their way out, Bai Luo Yin gave the father and son a quick glance. Gu Wei Ting was smiling as he bid his sons farewell. His smile reminded Bai Luo Yin of Bai Han Qi. He would always give him the same sincere smile every time he would leave home.

"Dad, I"ll be going then!" Gu Hai finally said. He was carrying two large bags as he stood at the entrance to bid his father one last farewell.

During the entire time, Bai Luo Yin kept his eyes on Gu Wei Ting. However, when Gu Wei Ting shifted his gaze towards Bai Luo Yin, the latter immediately moved his eyes in order to avoid meeting Gu Wei Ting"s.  

As they walked away side by side, Gu Hai and Bai Luo Yin greeted Sun Jingwei who couldn"t refrain from letting out a heavy sigh as he watched the two figures fade into the distance. "Bai Luo Yin is a pretty good kid."

Gu Wei Ting, who was standing next to him, shot him a side glance, "How about I introduce your daughter to someone else so you can forget about him?"

"Don"t…" Sun Jingwei laughed while shaking his head, "I"m not worthy of being a.s.sociated with the higher ups."

Gu Wei Ting laughed along with him. The two then turned around and went inside together.

—–

As they made their way back home, Bai Luo Yin couldn"t help but be consumed with anxiety. He was so overwhelmed by this emotion, that he could not conceal it from the person beside him.

Gu Hai placed his hand on the back of Bai Luo Yin"s head and happily asked, "Don"t tell me that you"re still mulling over last night"s shock?"

"No, it"s not that," Bai Luo Yin quietly replied. "I suddenly remembered my dad."

Gu Hai halted his steps, "How about we go straight to your house?"

"No." Bai Luo Yin suddenly gripped Gu Hai"s arm tightly, "I"ve been wanting to tell you….I plan on confessing to my father."

After hearing those words, Gu Hai, whose mood that had just started to relax, suddenly became serious again.

"Is it okay if we take a breather first?" he wearily asked.

"Let"s get it done as soon as possible. Since the first try is always the most impressive, the second is weak and the third one is exhausting…"

Gu Hai"s forehead dropped to his hands, "It can"t be that torturous…"

Are you Addicted?