"I ought to be excited by the opening of this new act in the drama, and by the venturesome part that I am playing in it myself. Strange to say, I am quiet and depressed. The thought of Midwinter has followed me to my new abode, and is pressing on me heavily at this moment. I have no fear of any accident happening, in the interval that must still pa.s.s before I step publicly into the place of Armadale"s widow. But when that time comes, and when Midwinter finds me (as sooner or later find me he must!) figuring in my false character, and settled in the position that I have usurped--_then_, I ask myself, What will happen? The answer still comes as it first came to me this morning, when I put on my widow"s dress.
Now, as then, the presentiment is fixed in my mind that he will kill me.
If it was not too late to draw back--Absurd! I shall shut up my journal."
"November 28th.--The lawyers have heard from Mr. Darch, and have sent him the Declaration by return of post.
"When the doctor brought me this news, I asked him whether his lawyers were aware of my present address; and, finding that he had not yet mentioned it to them, I begged that he would continue to keep it a secret for the future. The doctor laughed. "Are you afraid of Mr.
Darch"s stealing a march on us, and coming to attack you personally?"
he asked. I accepted the imputation, as the easiest way of making him comply with my request. "Yes," I said, "I am afraid of Mr. Darch."
"My spirits have risen since the doctor left me. There is a pleasant sensation of security in feeling that no strangers are in possession of my address. I am easy enough in my mind to-day to notice how wonderfully well I look in my widow"s weeds, and to make myself agreeable to the people of the house.
"Midwinter disturbed me a little again last night; but I have got over the ghastly delusion which possessed me yesterday. I know better now than to dread violence from him when he discovers what I have done. And there is still less fear of his stooping to a.s.sert his claim to a woman who has practiced on him such a deception as mine. The one serious trial that I shall be put to when the day of reckoning comes will be the trial of preserving my false character in his presence. I shall be safe in his loathing and contempt for me, after that. On the day when I have denied him to his face, I shall have seen the last of him forever.
"Shall I be able to deny him to his face? Shall I be able to look at him and speak to him as if he had never been more to me than a friend? How do I know till the time comes? Was there ever such an infatuated fool as I am, to be writing of him at all, when writing only encourages me to think of him? I will make a new resolution. From this time forth, his name shall appear no more in these pages."
"Monday, December 1st.--The last month of the worn-out old year 1851! If I allowed myself to look back, what a miserable year I should see added to all the other miserable years that are gone! But I have made my resolution to look forward only, and I mean to keep it.
"I have nothing to record of the last two days, except that on the twenty-ninth I remembered Bashwood, and wrote to tell him of my new address. This morning the lawyers heard again from Mr. Darch. He acknowledges the receipt of the Declaration, but postpones stating the decision at which he has arrived until he has communicated with the trustees under the late Mr. Blanchard"s will, and has received his final instructions from his client, Miss Blanchard. The doctor"s lawyers declare that this last letter is a mere device for gaining time--with what object they are, of course, not in a position to guess. The doctor himself says, facetiously, it is the usual lawyer"s object of making a long bill. My own idea is that Mr. Darch has his suspicions of something wrong, and that his purpose in trying to gain time--"
"Ten, at night.--I had written as far as that last unfinished sentence (toward four in the afternoon) when I was startled by hearing a cab drive up to the door. I went to the window, and got there just in time to see old Bashwood getting out with an activity of which I should never have supposed him capable. So little did I antic.i.p.ate the tremendous discovery that was going to burst on me in another minute, that I turned to the gla.s.s, and wondered what the susceptible old gentleman would say to me in my widow"s cap.
"The instant he entered the room, I saw that some serious disaster had happened. His eyes were wild, his wig was awry. He approached me with a strange mixture of eagerness and dismay. "I"ve done as you told me,"
he whispered, breathlessly. "I"ve held my tongue about it, and come straight to _you_!" He caught me by the hand before I could speak, with a boldness quite new in my experience of him. "Oh how can I break it to you!" he burst out. "I"m beside myself when I think of it!"
""When you _can_ speak," I said, putting him into a chair, "speak out.
I see in your face that you bring me news I don"t look for from Thorpe Ambrose."
"He put his hand into the breast-pocket of his coat, and drew out a letter. He looked at the letter, and looked at me. "New--new--news you don"t look for," he stammered; "but not from Thorpe Ambrose!"
""Not from Thorpe Ambrose!"
""No. From the sea!"
"The first dawning of the truth broke on me at those words. I couldn"t speak--I could only hold out my hand to him for the letter.
"He still shrank from giving it to me. "I daren"t! I daren"t!" he said to himself, vacantly. "The shock of it might be the death of her."
"I s.n.a.t.c.hed the letter from him. One glance at the writing on the address was enough. My hands fell on my lap, with the letter fast held in them. I sat petrified, without moving, without speaking, without hearing a word of what Bashwood was saying to me, and slowly realized the terrible truth. The man whose widow I had claimed to be was a living man to confront me! In vain I had mixed the drink at Naples--in vain I had betrayed him into Manuel"s hands. Twice I had set the deadly snare for him, and twice Armadale had escaped me! I came to my sense of outward things again, and found Bashwood on his knees at my feet, crying.
""You look angry," he murmured, helplessly. "Are you angry with _me_?
Oh, if you only knew what hopes I had when we last saw each other, and how cruelly that letter has dashed them all to the ground!"
"I put the miserable old creature back from me, but very gently. "Hush!"
I said. "Don"t distress me now. I want composure; I want to read the letter."
"He went away submissively to the other end of the room. As soon as my eye was off him, I heard him say to himself, with impotent malignity, "If the sea had been of my mind, the sea would have drowned him!"
"One by one I slowly opened the folds of the letter; feeling, while I did so, the strangest incapability of fixing my attention on the very lines that I was burning to read. But why dwell any longer on sensations which I can"t describe? It will be more to the purpose if I place the letter itself, for future reference, on this page of my journal.
""Fiume, Illyria, November 21, 1851.
"MR. BASHWOOD--The address I date from will surprise you; and you will be more surprised still when you hear how it is that I come to write to you from a port on the Adriatic Sea.
"I have been the victim of a rascally attempt at robbery and murder. The robbery has succeeded; and it is only through the mercy of G.o.d that the murder did not succeed too.
"I hired a yacht rather more than a month ago at Naples; and sailed (I am glad to think now) without any friend with me, for Messina. From Messina I went for a cruise in the Adriatic. Two days out we were caught in a storm. Storms get up in a hurry, and go down in a hurry, in those parts. The vessel behaved n.o.bly: I declare I feel the tears in my eyes now, when I think of her at the bottom of the sea! Toward sunset it began to moderate; and by midnight, except for a long, smooth swell, the sea was as quiet as need be. I went below, a little tired (having helped in working the yacht while the gale lasted), and fell asleep in five minutes. About two hours after, I was woke by something falling into my cabin through a c.h.i.n.k of the ventilator in the upper part of the door.
I jumped up, and found a bit of paper with a key wrapped in it, and with writing on the inner side, in a hand which it was not very easy to read.
"Up to this time I had not had the ghost of a suspicion that I was alone at sea with a gang of murderous vagabonds (excepting one only) who would stick at nothing. I had got on very well with my sailing-master (the worst scoundrel of the lot), and better still with his English mate.
The sailors, being all foreigners, I had very little to say to. They did their work, and no quarrels and nothing unpleasant happened. If anybody had told me, before I went to bed on the night after the storm, that the sailing-master and the crew and the mate (who had been no better than the rest of them at starting) were all in a conspiracy to rob me of the money I had on board, and then to drown me in my own vessel afterward, I should have laughed in his face. Just remember that; and then fancy for yourself (for I"m sure I can"t tell you) what I must have thought when I opened the paper round the key, and read what I now copy (from the mate"s writing), as follows:
""SIR--Stay in your bed till you hear a boat shove off from the starboard side, or you are a dead man. Your money is stolen; and in five minutes" time the yacht will be scuttled, and the cabin hatch will be nailed down on you. Dead men tell no tales; and the sailing-master"s notion is to leave proofs afloat that the vessel has foundered with all on board. It was his doing, to begin with, and we were all in it. I can"t find it in my heart not to give you a chance for your life. It"s a bad chance, but I can do no more. I should be murdered myself if I didn"t seem to go with the rest. The key of your cabin door is thrown back to you, inside this. Don"t be alarmed when you hear the hammer above. I shall do it, and I shall have short nails in my hand as well as long, and use the short ones only. Wait till you hear the boat with all of us shove off, and then pry up the cabin hatch with your back. The vessel will float a quarter of an hour after the holes are bored in her.
Slip into the sea on the port side, and keep the vessel between you and the boat. You will find plenty of loose lumber, wrenched away on purpose, drifting about to hold on by. It"s a fine night and a smooth sea, and there"s a chance that a ship may pick you up while there"s life left in you. I can do no more.--Yours truly, J. M."
"As I came to those last words, I heard the hammering down of the hatch over my head. I don"t suppose I"m more of a coward than most people, but there was a moment when the sweat poured down me like rain. I got to be my own man again before the hammering was done, and found myself thinking of somebody very dear to me in England. I said to myself: "I"ll have a try for my life, for her sake, though the chances are dead against me."
"I put a letter from that person I have mentioned into one of the stoppered bottles of my dressing-case, along with the mate"s warning, in case I lived to see him again. I hung this, and a flask of whisky, in a sling round my neck; and, after first dressing myself in my confusion, thought better of it, and stripped, again, for swimming, to my shirt and drawers. By the time I had done that the hammering was over and there was such a silence that I could hear the water bubbling into the scuttled vessel amidships. The next noise was the noise of the boat and the villains in her (always excepting my friend, the mate) shoving off from the starboard side. I waited for the splash of the oars in the water, and then got my back under the hatch. The mate had kept his promise. I lifted it easily--crept across the deck, under cover of the bulwarks, on all fours--and slipped into the sea on the port side.
Lots of things were floating about. I took the first thing I came to--a hen-coop--and swam away with it about a couple of hundred yards, keeping the yacht between me and the boat. Having got that distance, I was seized with a shivering fit, and I stopped (fearing the cramp next) to take a pull at my flask. When I had closed the flask again, I turned for a moment to look back, and saw the yacht in the act of sinking. In a minute more there was nothing between me and the boat but the pieces of wreck that had been purposely thrown out to float. The moon was shining; and, if they had had a gla.s.s in the boat, I believe they might have seen my head, though I carefully kept the hen-coop between me and them.
"As it was, they laid on their oars; and I heard loud voices among them disputing. After what seemed an age to me, I discovered what the dispute was about. The boat"s head was suddenly turned my way. Some cleverer scoundrel than the rest (the sailing-master, I dare say) had evidently persuaded them to row back over the place where the yacht had gone down, and make quite sure that I had gone down with her.
"They were more than half-way across the distance that separated us, and I had given myself up for lost, when I heard a cry from one of them, and saw the boat"s progress suddenly checked. In a minute or two more the boat"s head was turned again; and they rowed straight away from me like men rowing for their lives.
"I looked on one side toward the land, and saw nothing. I looked on the other toward the sea, and discovered what the boat"s crew had discovered before me--a sail in the distance, growing steadily brighter and bigger in the moonlight the longer I looked at it. In a quarter of an hour more the vessel was within hail of me, and the crew had got me on board.
"They were all foreigners, and they quite deafened me by their jabber.
I tried signs, but before I could make them understand me I was seized with another shivering fit, and was carried below. The vessel held on her course, I have no doubt, but I was in no condition to know anything about it. Before morning I was in a fever; and from that time I can remember nothing clearly till I came to my senses at this place, and found myself under the care of a Hungarian merchant, the consignee (as they call it) of the coasting vessel that had picked me up. He speaks English as well or better than I do; and he has treated me with a kindness which I can find no words to praise. When he was a young man he was in England himself, learning business, and he says he has remembrances of our country which make his heart warm toward an Englishman. He has fitted me out with clothes, and has lent me the money to travel with, as soon as the doctor allows me to start for home.
Supposing I don"t get a relapse, I shall be fit to travel in a week"s time from this. If I can catch the mail at Trieste, and stand the fatigue, I shall be back again at Thorpe Ambrose in a week or ten days at most after you get my letter. You will agree with me that it is a terribly long letter. But I can"t help that. I seem to have lost my old knack at putting things short, and finishing on the first page. However, I am near the end now; for I have nothing left to mention but the reason why I write about what has happened to me, instead of waiting till I get home, and telling it all by word of mouth.
"I fancy my head is still muddled by my illness. At any rate, it only struck me this morning that there is barely a chance of some vessel having pa.s.sed the place where the yacht foundered, and having picked up the furniture, and other things wrenched out of her and left to float.
Some false report of my being drowned may, in that case, have reached England. If this has happened (which I hope to G.o.d may be an unfounded fear on my part), go directly to Major Milroy at the cottage. Show him this letter--I have written it quite as much for his eye as for yours--and then give him the inclosed note, and ask him if he doesn"t think the circ.u.mstances justify me in hoping he will send it to Miss Milroy. I can"t explain why I don"t write directly to the major, or to Miss Milroy, instead of to you. I can only say there are considerations I am bound in honor to respect, which oblige me to act in this roundabout way.
"I don"t ask you to answer this, for I shall be on my way home, I hope, long before your letter could reach me in this out-of-the-way place.
Whatever you do, don"t lose a moment in going to Major Milroy. Go, on second thoughts, whether the loss of the yacht is known in England or not.
"Yours truly, ALLAN ARMADALE."
"I looked up when I had come to the end of the letter, and saw, for the first time, that Bashwood had left his chair and had placed himself opposite to me. He was intently studying my face, with the inquiring expression of a man who was trying to read my thoughts. His eyes fell guiltily when they met mine, and he shrank away to his chair. Believing, as he did, that I was really married to Armadale, was he trying to discover whether the news of Armadale"s rescue from the sea was good news or bad news in my estimation? It was no time then for entering into explanations with him. The first thing to be done was to communicate instantly with the doctor. I called Bashwood back to me and gave him my hand.
""You have done me a service," I said, "which makes us closer friends than ever. I shall say more about this, and about other matters of some interest to both of us, later in the day. I want you now to lend me Mr.
Armadale"s letter (which I promise to bring back) and to wait here till I return. Will you do that for me, Mr. Bashwood?"