G.o.ds*here it came.
"I*" he began, looking almost tortured. "Look, I like you a lot. I think you"re one of the sweetest ladies to wear Whites. And I probably should never have let you get involved with me."
"What?" she said, unable for a moment to comprehend what he was trying to say.
"Dirk is worth twenty of me," he continued doggedly, "and if you stop to think about it, you"ll realize I"m right about that. You"re seeing more in our relationship than exists*than can exist. I just can"t give you anything more than friendship, Talia. And I can"t let you ruin your life and Dirk"s by letting you go on thinking*"
"Wait just a d.a.m.ned minute here," she interrupted him. "You think that I"m infatuated with you?"
He looked surprised by her reaction. "Of course," he replied*in an insultingly matter-of-fact tone.
All the tension that had been building up inside her came to a head. She"d been putting up with his occasional air of superiority, the slight condescension he used whenever later evidence proved that some decision of his that she"d opposed turned out to be right. And there was an underlying resentment on her part at his unvoiced att.i.tude that getting her Gift under control was now largely a matter of "will" and not the slow rebuilding of something that had been shattered past recognition.
It was that "of course" that had been the spark to set the pyre alight. She turned on him angrily, fists clenching unconsciously. "Of course? Just because every other female falls languishing at your feet? You think I"ve no mind of my own?"
"Well," he replied, taken aback, and obviously intending to try to say something to placate her.
"You*you*" she was at a total loss for words. All this time, she"d been wasting, worrying about him, about hurting his feelings. And he had been blithely a.s.suming that just because she"d been sleeping with him, she was obviously going to be fixated on him. Even now, he was still bewildered, perfect features blank with perfect astonishment.
She pulled back her right arm, and landed a perfect punch right on the end of that perfect chin.
Kris found himself staring up at her from the ground in front of the Station door, with a jaw that felt dislocated.
"You conceited peac.o.c.k! Humor me, will you? At least*" she snarled "*you can"t accuse me of misusing my Gift this time!"
He lifted one hand and felt along his jawline, a little dazed. "No. That was a physical attack, all right ..."
But by the time he answered, she had turned on her heel and stalked off toward the tiny lake, into the darkness. By the time he gathered his wits and came after her, there was no sign of her beyond a little pile of clothing next to the blankets they"d spread there earlier in the day.
Now he was beginning to become angry*after all, he hadn"t meant to insult her!*and a little worried, as well. He began stripping off his own clothing to go in after her. As he waded in through the shallows, he saw something moving across the lake, coming toward him. Before he had any idea of what she intended, she pulled both his legs out from beneath him and yanked him under the water. Coughing and spluttering, he broke the surface again to see her bobbing just out of reach.
She was laughing at him.
"b.i.t.c.h!" he yelled, and dove furiously after her. But when he reached the place where she had been, she was gone, and the surface of the pond was undisturbed. He peered around in the dim light, trying to locate her, when hands grasping his ankles gave him just enough warning to hold his breath this time. Once again he was pulled under, and once again she escaped without his laying a finger on her.
This time when he surfaced and gasped for air, he did not immediately set out after her. When he didn"t move, she called mockingly, "That"s not going to save you, you know," and dove under, vanishing.
He waited for her to surface, ready to catch her before she"d fully located him. When she didn"t, he waited for currents that would tell him she was somewhere nearby, beneath the water.
Nothing happened, and he began to be a little concerned. She"d been under an awfully long time. He struck out for the spot where he"d last seen her.
He had no sooner begun to move when she erupted from the water immediately behind him. Hands on his shoulders drove him under. He kicked free and came thrashing back up, to find her a bare fingerlength out of reach.
"Infatuated fool, am I? Stupid, am I? Then why can"t you catch me?"
He kicked off after her, windmilling the surface energetically. She didn"t seem to be expending half the effort he was, yet she sped through the water with ease, remaining out of reach with a laziness that galled. From time to time she"d vanish altogether, and this was the signal that he"d better hold his breath, because shortly after her disappearance he would find himself pushed or pulled under the surface again.
And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn"t catch her even then.
Finally he took refuge in the shallows, and waited for her to follow. Now he was angry; humiliated, and angry, and ready to take her apart.
She rose, dripping, out of the water just out of reach. He glared at her*
And suddenly realized he"d put himself in a worse position than before. He was stark naked*he could probably pound her into the ground like a tent peg if he could get his hands on her*but if she could get even the tiniest amount of leverage to get a knee in*
Oh, she could hurt him.
Anger, frustration, and acute embarra.s.sment chased each other around inside of him until he was nearly vibrating with conflicting impulses*while she glared back, just as angry as he was. Until something of his inner confusion communicated itself to her*and she collapsed to her knees, laughing helplessly.
His anger ran away like water.
He was completely exhausted; when anger stopped giving him an energy boost, he felt it. He turned his back on her, climbed out of the water, and dragged himself onto the waiting blanket without bothering to reach for a towel or his clothing.
As he lay face down, panting, he heard footsteps behind him.
"No more*please!" he groaned. "You"ve won; I"ve lost. I"m an idiot. And a boor. Truce!"
"You give up too easily." Talia laughed deep in her throat, like a cat purring, "And you deserved what you got. Keren"s right; every so often you start to think you can have everything your own way, and you ought to have a lesson."
She sat down beside him, and he moved his head enough to see that she"d donned her short undershift and was toweling her hair vigorously.
"Where did you ever learn to swim like that?"
"Sherrill," she replied. "Oh, I"ve been able to swim since I was very little, but my efforts were a lot like yours; loads of thrashing to little purpose. After the time I was dumped in the river, Alberich detailed Sherrill to teach me the efficient way to swim, and how to keep from drowning under most conditions. Next winter she gave me a *final exam" by pushing me off the bridge fully clothed. Obviously, I pa.s.sed*though a pair of my boots is still probably residing at the bottom of the river. Good thing I"d almost outgrown them."
"Remind me never to anger either of you while swimming."
"Count Keren in on that, too. She"s just as good. Poor, abused Kris." He could almost see her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Are you half-drowned?"
"Three-quarters. And completely worn out."
"Forgive me, but I doubt that." She ran a delicate finger along his spine.
He gritted his teeth and remained unmoving, trying his best to ignore the shivery-pleasant sensations she was causing. When he didn"t respond, except for goose b.u.mps, she simply laughed again, and began stroking him delicately from neck to knees.
He was determined not to yield, and held himself as quiet as possible.
"Stubborn, hmm?" she chuckled.
Before he had any notion of what she intended, she began fondling him in such a way that his original intentions went flying off in every direction.
"Witch!" he said fiercely, and flipped over so quickly that he managed to get her pinned beneath him.
"I thought you were supposed to be worn out."
"I"ll show you how worn out I am," he muttered, and began tormenting her in return, playing teasingly with every part of her that he could reach. She simply chuckled throatily and returned kind for kind. He held out as long as he physically could*but the conclusion was foregone. It left them both dripping with sweat, and drained as well as sated.
"Lord of Lights," he said when he was able to speak. "If that"s an example of what Rolan does to you, I"m glad Tantris isn"t a mare! By the time we finished this circuit, I"d be worn to a shadow."
Instead of replying, she sighed, rose, and took the few steps to the water"s edge, plunging gracefully back into the pond.
When she returned, clean and dripping, she seemed to have regained a more tranquil mood. Kris took a brief dip himself, and by the time he got back she was dry again, wearing her sleeveless tunic against the cooling breeze. He dried himself off and handed her the bottle Skif had left with them. She took a long pull at it and gave it back.
"So it"s Midsummer"s Eve, hmm? We never celebrated Midsummer on the Holdings," she said, "And I was always at the Collegium during holidays after I was Chosen."
"Not celebrate Midsummer? Why not?" he asked in surprise.
"Because, according to the Elders, it has no religious significance and is only a frivolous and lewd excuse for licentiousness. That"s a quote, by the way. What do people usually do, Midsummer"s Eve?"
"Your Elders have a little right on their side." He couldn"t help smiling. "On Midsummer"s Eve at sunset, there are picnics in the woods. People always begin in large groups, but by this time of night they"ve usually paired off. The excuse to sleep out tonight is that you need to sleep in the forest in order to find the freshest flowers in the morning. Believe it or not, when morning arrives, people do manage to pick flowers."
She took a long pull on the bottle. "For their lady-loves?" She probably hadn"t meant it to sound cynical, but it did.
Kris was too tired to take offense. "No, for every female, no matter who. There"s no female of any age that lacks a garland or bouquet; those that have no relatives get them from anyone that can claim the remotest acquaintance with them. No one is left out, old or young. Women who have been or are about to be mothers get baskets of fruit as well. That day there are more picnics in the woods*family picnics, this time, with a bit more decorum*and music and tales in the evening. Bards love it; they"re sure to leave with their pockets full of coin, their hair full of flowers, and a young lady or gentleman on each arm. It"s rather like a Birthing-Day celebration, but on a bigger scale."
"Holderfolk don"t celebrate Birthing-Days either*except to deliver a lecture on responsibility," she said tonelessly.
"When is your Birthing-Day?" he asked curiously.
"Midsummer"s Eve. Tonight. Which is no doubt why I"m such a demon-child, having had the bad taste to be born on such a licentious night."
"So that"s why you"ve been so off-color!" Kris s.n.a.t.c.hed at the excuse to turn her mood around. "You should have told me!"
"I"m being more than a bit of a b.i.t.c.h, aren"t I? I"m sorry. First I get mad and knock you down, then I make a fool out of you, knowing d.a.m.n well that I could probably swim rings around you, then I half-drown you, and I conclude by doing my best to ruin the rest of the evening by being sour. I"m being rotten, and I apologize."
"You"ve put up with my moods often enough. You"re ent.i.tled to have off times yourself."
"Well I think I"ve caught up for the next hundred years or so."
"I"m sorry I didn"t talk to you about*you and me*before," he said, as the bottle came and went.
"I wish you had. You"ve been leaving me in knots because I was afraid I"d manipulated you into being fixated on me. I couldn"t imagine why you"d be making love to me unless it was because my Gift had warped you. I"m not exactly the G.o.ds" gift to men. And I"ve been mostly a problem to you on this trip."
"Oh, G.o.ds*" He was at a complete loss for words for a long time. Finally he handed her the bottle, and caught her hand when she moved to take it. "Talia, you are a completely lovable and lovely person; I care for you because you deserve it, not because your Gift manipulated me. Dirk may well be lifebonded to you*and if that"s true, I couldn"t be happier. It would satisfy one of my dearest wishes, that both of you should find partners who deserve you. And if those partners should be each other*that would make me one of the happiest people in this Kingdom."
"I*" she said hesitantly, "I don"t know quite what to say."
"Just don"t hit me again. That"s one response to being at a loss for words I"d rather you didn"t repeat. Now, what else is bothering you?"
"I"m tired. I"m tired of having to struggle for what seems to come easily to everyone else. I"m tired of having responsibility for the whole d.a.m.ned Kingdom on my back. I"m tired of being alone, and fighting my battles alone."
"Well*"
"Look, I know it has to be this way, but I don"t have to smile and pretend I like it! And last of all, I"m feeling rotten because n.o.body has ever given me a Midsummer garland or a Birthing-Day present."
"Makes sense."
The bottle was more than half empty; they"d shared it equally, and Kris was beginning to see things through a very delightful haze.
"How does it make sense?" she demanded irritably.
"Because if you could have what you wanted, you wouldn"t be upset, but you can"t so you are." It seemed like a brilliant deduction to Kris, and he examined the statement with delight.
Talia shook her head as she tried to reason it out. "That just doesn"t come out right, somehow," she complained.
"It will after another drink." He pa.s.sed her the bottle.
When the last drop of liquor was gone, so was her ill temper.
"I*am fairy*very*glad that we"ve got something to shleep*sleep on right here," Kris said carefully, "Ish*it"s much nicer, you can see the stars, and I can"t walk anymore anyway."
"Stars are nice," she agreed. "Not moving"s nicer."
"See the Wain?"
"Who?"
"The Wain*those stars jusht over the big pine there. Five for the bed "n the axle, two for th* wheels, three for th" tongue."
"Wait a minute," she peered at the stars, trying to get them to form up properly, and was delighted when she finally did. "What"s the rest of *em?"
"Right next t* the Wain"s the Hunter. There"s the two little stars for his belt, two more for"s shoulders, four for"s legs*" He realized by her steady breathing that she had fallen asleep.
He reached over for the second blanket and covered them both with it, without disturbing his floating head much. He lay back, intending to think a little*but a little thinking was all he managed, since he, too, was soon drowsing.
The next morning he woke before she did, and remembered the conversation of the night before. He moved very carefully, hoping that he wouldn"t wake her, and on being successful moved off into the woods on a private search.
Talia woke to an incredibly subtle perfume wreathing around her. She opened sleep-blurred eyes to see where it was coming from, to discover that someone had placed a bouquet by her head.
"What?" she said sleepily, trying to think why there should be flowers beside her. "Who?"
"A joyous Midsummer to you, Herald Talia, and a wonderful Birthing-Day as well," Kris said cheerfully from a point behind her. "It"s a pity that more of your friends couldn"t deliver trifles, but you"ll have to admit that we are a bit far from most of them. I trust you"ll accept this one as a token of my profound apology for insulting you last night. I didn"t intend to."
"Kris!" she exclaimed, as she sat up and took up the flowers, breathing the exquisite fragrance with hedonistic delight. "You didn"t need to do this*"
"Ah, but I did. It wouldn"t be Midsummer unless I gathered at least one bouquet. Besides, that scent you"re enjoying is supposed to be a sovereign remedy for hangover."
"Is it?" she laughed.
"I have no idea," he admitted. "Part of my hangover always includes a stopped-up nose. Look at the stems, why don"t you?"
Holding the bouquet together was a silver ring, of a design of two hands clasped together. It was the token a Herald only gave to the friends he loved best.
"Kris*I don"t know what to say*"
"Then say *Thank you, Kris, and I accept your apology." "
"Thank you, love, and I do accept your apology*if you"ll accept mine."