"I thought that was just...you doing me a favor, getting Davies off my back."
"No." He spoke the word flatly. "Look, when women hit on me, I tell them I"m taken. Is that wrong?"
I pushed out a shaky breath, fighting the tightness of my throat. "It"s not. I just didn"t know, when did you clarify? I"m really sorry I hurt your feelings about the car, but you can"t expect me to guess where we stand. I wasn"t in any hurry to pin a label on it. h.e.l.l, I like being with you, even when you"re mad at me."
Before he could respond, I went on, gathering steam. "And dammit, Rob, you need to get it right out of your f.u.c.king head that you have to do anything to be with me. It"s not a contest. I"m not ranking your performance. This will never, ever work if you don"t accept the fact that you"re enough for me, exactly as you are. In fact, right now, you"re kind of being an a.s.s, and the best part is finding out you"re not this endlessly patient, perfect person, because I am so incredibly screwed up, yet you still seem to see something good in me."
"You are all the good," he said softly.
Hot tears trickled down my cheeks, alerting me to the fact that I"d lost control, but it didn"t shut me up. I didn"t even wipe them away. "And okay, this is how crazy I am. Deep down, this mess makes me happy because it means you trust me enough to show how you feel, because I know d.a.m.n well you never let people know they"ve hurt you. So by fighting with me, you just inducted me into a VIP club with a membership of me."
With rough hands, he tipped up my chin and kissed away my tears. Then he wrapped his arms around me. Another girl might"ve protested the dirt and sweat, but it was so good to be close to him. I settled in, winding my arms around his waist and listened to his heart for a few moments in silence, wondering if he thought I was completely nuts.
"You scare me to death," he whispered.
"Why?"
"Because of how you"ve cracked me open, how well you see me."
"It"s mutual, you know. I"ve never fought with anybody before. Not like this."
"Nadia?"
"It"s not the same. When we hurt each other, we don"t fight. We stop talking, and when we"re tired of it, one of us offers sweets as an apology and then we skate past it."
He kissed the tip of my nose. "I never felt sorry for my sister before."
"Huh?"
"She"s missing out on you."
"Are we okay?" My knees literally felt shaky. I had no idea how people withstood tumultuous relationships full of moments like this.
"Yeah. Congrats on the car. I"m sure you did a great job finding a reliable one. You"re right, I was kind of being an a.s.s about it. Like you need me to help you do that."
"Need and want, remember, Rob? We had this talk. It"s not weakness to let an expert offer guidance. I should"ve realized that."
"Expert might be the wrong word."
"Quiet, you."
"Yes, ma"am." Still holding me, he eased back enough to gaze into my face. His eyes were like twilight, dark and full of shadows. "What you said about just wanting to be with me...I"ll work on that. I can"t promise to change my head overnight, but...I"ve always had to earn everything. So it"s hard not to look at you and see this amazing girl I have to bust my a.s.s for."
"It"s just the opposite. In fact, why don"t you go take a shower, and I"ll make dinner. I"ve been dying to get in your s.e.xy new kitchen."
"So it"s my appliances you"re after?"
"Definitely."
Teasingly, I smacked him on the a.s.s as he walked away, and he shot me a look so smoky that I almost followed him up the stairs. Down, girl. You promised. I was a better baker than cook, but during my mom"s breakdown, I"d learned by necessity to fix a few things. Rummaging in his pantry and fridge convinced me that chicken and rice would be easiest, if not the fastest dish. I thawed the chicken in the microwave, then layered it with rice, mushroom soup, water and cheese. He also had the makings for salad, so I threw that together.
I was on the couch when Rob came back down. "Where"s my food, woman?"
"In the oven. Can you last another forty-five minutes? If not, we can have salad now."
"No, I"ll be fine. But you"re really far away."
Smiling, I moved down the couch and snuggled against his side. I hadn"t been here since he finished the living room, so we"d never done this before. Cuddling in bed inevitably led to s.e.x, so there was a quiet beauty to these moments: his arm around my shoulder, Rob flicking through channels on the remote. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but it seemed like there was a new layer of intimacy and understanding between us.
"Keep next Sat.u.r.day free, by the way. We"re going to an engagement party."
He grinned. "You"d tell me if it was ours, right? Unlike the car."
"Don"t even joke."
"Who, then?"
"My mom and Stuart. She didn"t confirm it, but I can"t imagine any other reason they"d be throwing a fancy party at the Grove."
"Good guess," he agreed. "Are you okay with it? With your dad and everything-"
After thinking for a few, I nodded. "I like Stuart-he makes my mom happy. And it"s not like I"m a kid who"ll be stuck with him trying to parent me."
He seemed to accept that. "So I"ll need a suit?"
"Probably. I can"t wait. I might wear that red dress you remember so fondly." Provided I could still wriggle into it. Drinking wasn"t a sport that left you fit and trim.
"Evil."
We watched half an hour of TV before the timer went off and I went to check on dinner. I opened the oven, pleased to find everything had come together in the simple, one-dish meal I remembered. While Rob relaxed, I set the table. In the back of my head, it seemed like we were playing house, though why I didn"t feel that way when he cooked for me, I had no clue.
"It"s ready."
After dinner, we snuggled on the couch for a couple of hours. I could tell he was too tired for s.e.x, and oddly, that was okay by me. In fact, I had the urge to take care of him. When he rolled his shoulders and winced, I tested his muscles with a questing hand.
He groaned. "I"ll be fine in a few days."
"I can make it better tonight." Without waiting for him to move, I crawled behind him and perched on the arm of the couch. At first it was like ma.s.saging a block of wood, but as I worked out the knots, he relaxed into my hands. I did his neck, back and shoulders, kneading until my hands hurt. Worth it to see his face look like this.
"I now believe in Santa Claus," Rob murmured.
"Why"s that?" I kissed the top of his head with a tenderness that scared me.
"Because I"ve been asking him for you for years, and you"re finally here."
CHAPTER NINETEEN.
Thanks to a week of eating salad and protein bars, I did wriggle into the red dress. Back when I bought it, I thought it was the prettiest thing I"d ever seen. Even five years later, it didn"t seem dated, mostly because it was a retro design; I still loved the sweetheart neckline, the slim straps so I didn"t have to worry about a special bra and the beaded silver band that cinched in my waist. Made of s.e.xy red satin, the gown suited me, and the c.o.c.ktail length showed off my cute red shoes with the dainty crisscross around my ankles.
I twirled, checking out my hair and makeup in the mirror on the back of my bedroom door. I"d put my hair up and pinned the curls in place with silver and crystal hairpins, adorned with lacquered red roses. Since this was basically everything I"d worn to the party that night, I hoped that I lived up to Rob"s memory. Certainly I had higher expectations of him than the date whose name I barely knew even then. When he rang the bell, I trotted carefully down the stairs to let him in.
"Wow," Rob said.
"I"ll take that as a compliment. Let me get my wrap." One of my casual, puffy jackets wouldn"t suit this outfit at all, so I had a silver pashmina. Fortunately, it was deep enough into spring that the nights weren"t bitter cold.
I couldn"t remember seeing him so dressed up before, but he looked incredible in the stark tones he"d chosen: black suit, white shirt, red tie. "You"re so handsome."
"Thanks. Ready?"
"Yeah, let"s go."
He set a hand on the small of my back to guide me to the truck, then he opened the door and lifted me in. For a few seconds, he stared at my mouth. "Am I allowed to kiss you?"
"Absolutely." I lifted my silver evening bag. "I can redo my lipstick, if the package lied and it smears."
Smiling, he bent down and kissed me lightly. "I won"t risk it. Where"s your mom?"
"Stuart picked her up earlier. They"re finalizing a few arrangements at the Grove."
Rob closed the door, went around the truck and got in. "Do you know how many people will be there?"
"People from his work, hers, friends and family. I don"t think the private facilities will hold more than fifty guests, so it can"t be too big a party."
That was the only thing keeping me calm. I didn"t have to worry about meeting new people; I just had to look happy for my mom-easy enough, even with my issues. Yet since I was facing the occasion sober, it was hard not to be a little nervous. Rob distracted me by speculating what kinds of tiny food would be on the menu, so I didn"t fret as much on the way there. Tonight, there was valet parking at the Grove, so he swapped his keys for a ticket and escorted me inside. A host in formal attire guided us from the front door to the back parlor; the doors were closed and a gilt framed sign proclaimed BARRETT-LEE ENGAGEMENT PARTY.
"Told you," I whispered to Rob.
The guy opened the door for us, and my mom waved in excitement when she caught sight of me. "So glad you"re here. How does everything look?"
I took in the old-fashioned elegance of the patterned carpet, tables covered in white linen. A heavy crystal chandelier shone overhead, reflecting off the small dance floor. From the white roses to the flutes of champagne, the whole room was gorgeous and romantic. Even Stuart had risen to the occasion in a black tux, and he looked every bit as happy as my mom.
"It"s gorgeous, complete perfection," I a.s.sured her.
"Thank G.o.d. There was a small snafu with the florist, but the roses look good, right?"
I nodded. Before I could say more, the other guests started arriving. Like Rob and me, people had certainly glammed up for the occasion, but in my admittedly biased opinion, we were the hottest couple here. For dinner, we sat with Stuart and his family; his dad stared at me until I could practically hear him thinking, Look, it"s bathrobe girl, but Rob took my hand, distracting me from what could"ve been a bad moment.
From then on, I focused on him, letting my mom chat with our soon-to-be relatives for both of us. The menu card in front of me promised green salad with vinaigrette, mushroom soup, roast chicken with rosemary potatoes and creme brlee for dessert. We ate an hour after arrival, then the speeches started. A woman from my mom"s work was apparently her maid of honor, so she told some funny stories about Mom and Stuart, then his best man took over, warming up the crowd further with more jokes.
Once he finished, he glanced at Stuart"s brother, a guy I"d just met. "Time for the families to weigh in. You"re up, Randall."
He pushed his chair out and strode to the mic, much more confident in his body language than Stuart. "When I found out my bro was getting married, I said, "Seriously?" Because we"d all given up on the idea that he could find anyone to put up with him."
Everyone laughed but I didn"t think it was too funny. From Stuart"s expression, he wasn"t superamused, either. His smile was stiff and frozen, and I wondered if he was like Rob-used to seeing himself as a disappointment. From what I recalled, he"d grown up in Illinois, so his family must be visiting for the party. Given how extravagant it was, they must"ve been planning it for months, maybe even before I came home. Pondering that, I stopped listening to Stuart"s brother.
So I was completely flummoxed when Randall said, "Now I"ll turn the floor over to Lauren, Miriam"s lovely daughter."
s.h.i.t. You didn"t tell me I have to talk, Mom. I shot her a daggered look as I pushed back from the table. Rob shot to his feet as I stood, a gesture that prompted an approving smile from Stuart"s mother. I skirted the tables, heart hammering too fast. You can do this for her. You can. You"re the only family she has. Taking the mic, I felt sick to my stomach until I found Rob in the crowd. I"ll talk to him. Everyone else is invisible. My other hand curled into a fist, nails biting into my palms.
"I"m a little unprepared," I said softly, trying to avoid feedback. "But it"s easy to see why my mom chose Stuart to share her life. She told me she practically fell in love the minute she heard him sing, and I can confirm that he"s really talented. He"s also kind, intelligent and hardworking. He"s such a sweet guy, and I"m glad to welcome him into our family."
There, that"s long enough, right? Rob gave me a thumbs-up as if he could read my mind. I finally broke eye contact with him and glanced at Stuart, who was smiling much brighter now. "So does this mean I can borrow the car...Dad?"
Everyone laughed, as I intended, but it wasn"t the kind of humor that made him the b.u.t.t. He grinned at me and called, "Maybe," as I put the mic back and worked my way back to my place at the table.
Rob hugged me to hide the fact that I was shaking. He held me until I had a grip on the nerves I"d hidden the best I could. "You did great," he whispered.
Afterward, they piped in slow, romantic music. The party room was compact, not big enough for a DJ or a band, but the speakers were good. As others coupled up, Rob led me onto the floor, a surprise since I didn"t peg him as the dancing type. Yet he was graceful, light on his feet as we moved together; he was big enough to make me feel delicate and dainty in his arms.
"I could kill my mom," I mumbled.
She was dancing on the other side of the room, trying to catch my eye. Sorry, she mouthed. A tap on Stuart"s shoulder, and they circled toward us until we were close enough to talk. I considered ignoring her, but that would be childish.
"Evelyn and Chris came up with the idea for speeches," she whispered.
"And Randall added himself to the program," Stuart put in.
Yeah, given the impression he made, I could picture that. No point in ruining their big night. I got through it. So I smiled at them. "It"s fine. I was just a little nervous."
Understatement.
Mom flashed me a knowing look as Stuart said, "I appreciate everything you said about me. We don"t know each other very well, but I"m looking forward to changing that."
"Me, too," I said.
"You"ll have the chance in September," Mom said. "Stuart just listed his house."
"When is he moving in?"
"We"re getting married in September, so definitely then, if not before."
It felt a little weird that she was telling me this instead of talking it over with me, but she had lived by herself for two years before I"d come back. I couldn"t expect her to consult me, like I"d be sticking around forever. Still, I didn"t know how I felt about living with Stuart. They were both watching me, a touch anxious, so I dug for a bright smile.
"I hope you don"t have any trouble selling your place," I murmured. "And congratulations again."
Only Rob spoke fluent enough Lauren to sense I needed to get away from them. He spun me into an ambitious maneuver in time to the upswing of the music, twirling me out and back in, and the movement separated us from the other two. My mom didn"t try to follow; she only rested her head on Stuart"s shoulder with a dreamy half smile.
"How do you feel about that?" Rob asked.
"Don"t know yet. I need some time to process."
"Understandable. I can"t imagine my mom with anyone but my dad. Not that our situations are the same."