Chapter 2 (The Policewoman and Underwear Thief)
Nowadays, the usage of the internet was really widespread. Less than an hour after Zhao Tie Zhu swam a dozen laps in the pool and took a bath, someone had already called him. Of course, the phone he used was different from the phone he used for his jobs.
“h.e.l.lo, am I speaking with Mr. Zhao Tie Zhu?” A stiff sounding voice belonging to a woman came from the other end of the line.
“Yes, and you are?” asked Zhao Tie Zhu, holding the phone in one hand and picking up a towel with the other.
“Hi, how are you? I saw your post about the room you’re renting out. May I ask, is it your own property, or are you from a property agency?”
“It’s my own.”
“Do you have the legal doc.u.ments?”
“Um… Well, I’m just renting it out in private…”
“Can you ensure the tenant’s financial security?”
“This…”
“Can you provide personal safety to the tenants?”
“Er…”
“Have your fire prevention facilities been tested?”
“Er..”
“Is the property fully insured?”
“Screw you.” Zhao Tie Zhu cursed, and hung up the phone. “What a crazy b.i.t.c.h.”
He turned on his computer and added quickly one more line to the ad: ‘Serious inquiries only, no psychos.’ Then he turned off the computer, lied down and slept.
“Bang, bang, bang.”
A couple of loud banging sounds drifted up from the door downstairs.
“How uncivilized! It’s not easy to have a dirty dream, and just when I was about to, someone has to wake me up.” Zhao Tie Zhu cursed gloomily and picked up the phone to look at the time. It was only a little after seven in the morning.
Immediately, he went back to sleep, trying his best to continue the nice dream and ignore the person at the door. Covering himself with the quilt, he was prepared to continue dreaming about hot girls.
“Bang, bang, bang.” The knocking on the door continued and he continued to ignore it.
After a while, the knocking stopped. Zhao Tie Zhu was innerly pleased. Finally, he could get back to sleep.
“Boom.” An even louder sound came from downstairs, along with the sound of something being smashed.
“s.h.i.t, a terrorist attack?” Zhao Tie Zhu was taken aback by the sound. He leaped up like a fish jumping out of a fish tank and rushed out of the room.
He leaned onto the railing and looked down to see the door was knocked in by an unknown a.s.sailant. The poor wooden door lied on the ground, broken into half. Suddenly, a figure appeared on the doorway.
“h.e.l.lo, I was yesterday’s … Ahhhh!!!” The person at the door heard a sound from upstairs, looked up and was ready to say something, but didn’t expect to see the horrifying scene which presented itself…
Let’s move the story back a little. Maybe to the time when Zhao Tie Zhu leaped up like a fish? Or to last night before he went to sleep? When Zhao Tie Zhu slept, he had this habit of not wearing anything; this was what people also called sleeping in the nude. In his mind, his body was still growing, and if he wore underwear, it might hinder the growth of his ‘little brother’. That, of course, would be immoral and unhealthy. Which was why Zhao Tie Zhu had always slept naked ever since he was a child. Now back to this morning. Because he was a bit scared from the big bang voice, he forgot that he was still naked and ran straight toward the railing to look. And as we knew, a virgin will usually get a b.o.n.e.r every morning, which people called a morning erection. This was not to mention he’d had an erotic dream. As a result, Zhao ‘little’ Tie Zhu was really like an iron pillar standing magnificently like a sovereign king. That was what had shocked the person downstairs, which, judging from the scream, was a woman. It was unclear whether she was cheering excitedly or… (TL Note: Zhao Tie Zhu literally means Zhao Iron Pillar, so the thing with the ‘little’ is a word game by the author.)
Because of Zhao Tie Zhu’s perverted mindset, he wasn’t embarra.s.sed at all, but rather proud of his big ‘capital’, just like those big breasted women who liked to wear low-necked dress to attract men. When men gawked at them, it would be their loss. Also, when you peek at beautiful women like that, aren’t you the one to lose out? This is the so-called gender equality and society harmony.
Zhao Tie Zhu hesitated, wondering if he should pose to show his perfectly built little iron pillar. As an experienced a.s.sa.s.sin, he had developed extraordinary perception, and from the woman downstairs he felt a strong murderous aura!
This murderous aura was strong and clear.
“F***, what year is it now? People are still holding guns everywhere.” He saw that the woman downstairs was holding a dark black gun. Zhao Tie Zhu quickly dodged to the side. It wasn’t the time to be c.o.c.ky. Had he been slow, then little Tie Zhu could die, or he could die.
At this time, Zhao Tie Zhu remembered this was his home, and the woman had forced her way in. So, he carefully looked down at her. She was dressed in a black uniform, with a few shining silver stars on her shoulder. Below her knee-length skirt was the faint trace of flesh-colored black silk. Her chest was as full as the loaded gun she wielded and just as powerful. He looked at her face, and although it was covered with a murderous aura, there was also a faint hint of shyness, which turned him on in an instant.
“Officer, you shouldn’t play around with that gun,” he said with a smile. “It wouldn’t be funny if it suddenly went off. Why don’t we just sit down, drink some tea and talk about life? Won’t that be better?”
“Screw you,” shouted the policewoman coldly. “Hurry and get some clothes on!”
He listened carefully to her voice. How come it sounded like the voice of the crazy person who had called yesterday? Zhao Tie Zhu looked at the policewoman, puzzled, only to see that she was still aiming the gun on him. Sweating, he hurriedly said, “I’ll go, I’ll go.”
A few minutes later, Zhao Tie Zhu appeared at the railing, fully dressed. the policewoman had re-holstered her gun.
“Officer, why did you break into my house?” Seeing the gun holstered, Zhao Tie Zhu postured himself proudly. “Our society has laws. I could sue you.”
“Well, I knocked on the door for so long, so I thought you had been kidnaped. I didn’t expect you to be doing something so shameless.” The policewoman gave Zhao Tie Zhu a despising look.
“What shameless thing?” he scolded. People were so rude nowadays. “Speak clearly! You can’t just throw around insults like that. I really am just a young man. Haven’t you heard of morning erections? Didn’t your husband teach you? Or perhaps your husband’s couldn’t stand anymore?”
“You!!!” said the policewoman ferociously. “Believe it or not, if I shoot you, you won’t have any erection anymore! Come down, I have something to ask you.”
“I think it’s better this way,” he said in a lazy way, bending down onto the railing. “Officer, just tell me what’s the matter. I’m a good person and will cooperate with you.”
“Do you have a room to rent?” the policewoman asked.
“Yes, but I only rent it to young women. Seeing you like this…” Zhao Tie Zhu looked the policewoman over intensely from head to toe, feeling too uncomfortable to finish his sentence.
“Hey! Are you saying I’m old?!” shouted the policewoman. “Listen here. I, Su Yan Ni, will graduate from the police academy this year, I’m only 24! Open your perverted eyes and look closely.”
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. I really need to look a bit closer.” Zhao Tie Zhu squinted his eyes and stared intensely at her chest. He looked like a werewolf on a full moon as if he could swallow her alive.
“Have you seen enough yet?” Su Yan Ni grew cold. A few days ago, she heard someone reported that recently in the West Lake district, a thief had emerged who stole young girls’ underwear every day. When she went online last night, she accidentally saw Zhao Tie Zhu’s ad that was only for young single women. She could not help but feel suspicious. From the call she had made last night, she felt that this landlord was an impatient man. Generally, impatient people will act in inappropriate ways more easily, such as stealing underwear. For a while, Su Yan Ni admired her own reasoning capacity. In order to personally catch this underwear thief, she decided to go undercover as a tenant and stay in his villa, so she could watch him closely and catch him red-handed.
Zhao Tie Zhu didn’t know Su Yan Ni had already flagged him as the underwear thief.
“Do you want to rent it out or not?” Su Yan Ni asked impatiently. As far as she was concerned, if Zhao Tie Zhu was the underwear thief, he certainly would let her stay because of her good looks.
As expected, Zhao Tie Zhu stared at her for a while and then said, “Sure, why wouldn’t I? So you want to rent it?”
“Of course, I want to rent a room,” said Su Yan Ni.
“It’s simple,” he said. “The room’s monthly rent is 2000 RMB, utility costs are included in the rent. The phone bill will be split equally.”
“2000 monthly?” she complained. “So expensive. You might as well just rob a bank.”
“2000 is too expensive? What I have here is a lakeside villa! You can feel the fresh air from the West Lake and there’s also an outdoor swimming pool. Where can you find such a good place for just 2000 a month?” Zhao Tie Zhu acted as if he was giving her a good deal.
Well, no risk no gain. Motherf***er, you just wait until I put you in jail, then see if you will still be so c.o.c.ky. “OK, I’ll take it,” she said.
“Ok, 6000 for three months, plus the compensation for the door. That’ll be 10,000 in total.”
“You!!!”