"I trusted you not to leave me."
"You think I don"t know that? I screwed up." He rubbed the top of his head with both of his hands. "But I never thought you would do that. And it... when I look at you, it confuses me. I want to protect you, but you... you killed my child."
My mouth opened. That wasn"t fair.
"I can"t trust you, and we..." He pointed at me and then at himself. "We"re supposed to both take care of our children."
"It wasn"t a child," I said.
He punched the headboard of the bed. "Leigh, don"t."
"It wasn"t," I said. "You know if I believed that I never would have done it."
"But what about what I believe? Does that even matter?"
"What do you believe? Do you think I"m a murderer? Is that why you ran to that Daisy person, with all her "spirituality"? Because you knew she thought the same way you did?"
He hit the headboard again. "For f.u.c.k"s sake, stop it."
But I couldn"t. "Do you really think I killed a baby? Really?" Now my voice was the one breaking.
He got up and stalked out of the hotel room. The door slammed shut after him.
I threw aside the covers and got out of bed. I went to the door and threw it open. "Don"t run away from me. Don"t run away from this. All you do is run."
He stiffened, halting in the hallway. He looked over his shoulder at me. "I"m sorry, doll. I can"t talk anymore. I can"t." He turned around and kept walking.
I watched him until he disappeared around the corner. Then I pulled myself back inside the hotel room and started crying again. I collapsed on the bed, a mess of tears and anger, and I sobbed until I was too exhausted to cry anymore.
Chapter Seven.
I woke up to someone nudging me with a hard, plastic rectangle. I opened my eyes. It was a phone, and Silas was using it to wake me up.
"Griffin got us new phones," he said. "His number"s already programmed it. Get dressed. We"ve got to get moving."
I sat up. My head felt fuzzy and bloated from crying so much last night. "Where is Griffin?"
"Gone with Sloane already," said Silas.
"What?" I got out of bed. "He left?"
"Yeah. We"re splitting up for a few days. Hopefully, it"ll help muddle the trail if anyone"s still following us."
"Splitting up?"
"Uh huh," said Silas. "Don"t worry, we"re gonna all meet back up. It"s okay."
"He left," I said, more to myself than Silas.
"Meet me in the lobby in twenty minutes," he said. "They"ve got a continental breakfast. We can grab that." He left the room, leaving me alone with the new phone in my hand.
I peered down at it. It was identical to the last one I"d got at Wal-mart. Another cheap, disposable cell phone. I scrolled through the contacts. Silas was right. Griffin was already programmed in. I dialed his number.
He picked up. "What?"
"You left?"
"Hours ago," he said.
"But you said that you didn"t want to let me out of your sight."
"Oddly enough, after last night, I found I couldn"t stand the thought of being near you." His voice was biting and harsh.
"We need to talk," I said.
"No," he said. "We don"t. Silas will look after you. We"ll all meet up again in a few days. Maybe I"ll feel better then."
"Griffin, I"m sorry that I-"
"No," he said. "I don"t want to do this." He hung up.
I tossed the phone on the bed. Dammit. We"d kissed last night, for the first time in months. We"d made love. Admittedly, we"d had the worst s.e.x I"d had since my junior year of high school, but still, we"d been intimate. And now, he was gone.
As I went to the bathroom to turn the shower on, I realized I was still sore from him, too.
Great. The last thing I needed was a reminder of Griffin every time I tried to move.
Usually, a little soreness after s.e.x was a good thing. It made me feel sweetly weakened and claimed. Now, I only felt used.
I turned on the shower head. Maybe hot water would help.
"You gonna tell me what you"re upset about?" Silas asked from the driver"s seat of the car we"d stolen.
"I"m not upset," I said.
"We"ve been driving for hours, and you"ve been scowling the whole time. You"re upset. And I know from hanging out with Sloane that you need to talk about it or you"re not going to get over it."
"I"m not upset," I said.
"It"s about Griffin, isn"t it? You"re p.i.s.sed that he ran off on you."
"No."
Silas raised his eyebrows.
"He didn"t run off anyway. Like you said, we split up. That"s all there is to it."
"Sure," he said. "So, then, what? You swallow a lemon or something?"
"Do we have to talk?"
"Look, the guy cares about you. Anyone could see that."
I folded my arms over my chest. "How do you figure that?"
"It"s in the way he looks at you. He gets all dewy eyed."
"He does not." I rolled my eyes. "Besides, if he cared, he wouldn"t have run off on me."
Silas chuckled. "Yeah, I knew you were p.i.s.sed at him."
"I"m not. Not really." I peered out the window. "This is the way he is. I should know better than to expect him to be different."
"What way is he?"
"He runs when things get tense," I said. "He"s done it ever since I met him. I"m better off without him."
"You probably are," said Silas. "Near as I can tell, these relationship things only cause problems. First off, you"re weaker, because you"ve got one more person that your enemies can attack. Second off, you"re distracted, because you"re always thinking about the other person instead of yourself. And third off, everyone I know who"s in a relationship argues constantly."
"Griffin and I are not in a relationship," I said.
"Sure you"re not."
I reached over and turned on the radio, blaring the music too loud for further conversation. Silas only snickered, shaking his head.
I opened the door to my motel room. It was one of those kinds that sat along the road in a big stretch. Like the Bates Motel from Psycho. Motels like that always gave me the creeps.
Silas was at the door. "You want to get a drink at the bar?" He pointed.
There was a building next door to the stretch of motel. It had a cactus-shaped sign that said, "The Oasis." I chewed on my lip. "That"s a bar?"
"I think they serve food too," he said. "Looks like a lot of greasy stuff and burgers. You game?"
I sighed. There weren"t many other options. And I was hungry. "Okay, sure."
"Cool," said Silas. "Here, um, take the key to my room too, just in case of anything weird happening. You give me one of yours."
"Sure." I shoved his key into my pocket and ducked back into my room to get one of my mine. My stomach growled.
Actually, my hunger was weird, now that I thought about it. I"d barely been thinking about food for months. Ever since Griffin left, I hadn"t been interested. Now, suddenly, I was starving. Maybe it was because he"d screwed me last night? Because we"d argued? h.e.l.l, maybe it was a coincidence.
I followed Silas across the parking lot to The Oasis. We went inside and were seated by a waitress with a bad dye job and braces. She must have been in high school. For the first few minutes, we were occupied with perusing the menu.
"Everything looks good," I said. "Especially all the appetizers."
"You"re right," said Silas. "Let"s get them all." He snapped the menu closed.
I giggled. "Seriously?"
"Of course seriously," he said. "Life"s too short not to live large. I want every appetizer here, and so do you, so let"s do it."
"I am hungry," I said. "Really hungry."
When the waitress came back, Silas ordered. It was fun to watch her reaction as she scribbled it all down. We also ordered margaritas-mine a fancy pomegranate kind, Silas" normal.
The drinks came out first.
I felt like the tequila went directly to my head.
I felt looser and easier when the first of the appetizers came out. I stuffed loaded nachos in my mouth, chasing them with bacon cheddar potato skins, washing it all down with my margarita.
By the time the waitress brought the rest of our appetizers, I was ready for another drink. So was Silas.
"So," he said, picking up a jalapeno popper, "you sure you don"t have anything you want to get off your chest?"
I sighed. "You mean about Griffin?"
"About whatever." He licked his fingers. "Did you try the chili fries yet?"
I nodded, pushing the plate over to him.
He used his fork to scoop some onto his appetizer plate. "We should really get the waitress to bring us bigger plates."
I laughed, sipping my delicious pomegranate concoction. "Did you know that c.o.c.ktails were invented in the 1920s to mask the taste of nasty moonshine?"
He was chewing on his fries. He swallowed. "That can"t be true. They"ve had like gin and tonics forever in England, right?"
I shrugged. "I read it somewhere."
He laughed. "Well, it must be true then."
"It must." I toyed with the straw in my drink. "I had an abortion."
Silas set down his fork.
I took another drink of my margarita.
"Recently?"