"If I was only young enough--and silly enough," said the boarding-house master, producing a pipe with an unusually large bowl and slowly filling it, "there"s nothing I should enjoy more than a three years" cruise. Nothing to do and everything of the best."
""Ave you made all the arrangements?" inquired Mr. Wilks, in a tone of cold superiority.
Mr. Smith glanced affectionately at a fish-bag of bulky appearance which stood on the floor between his feet. "All ready," he said, cheerfully, "an" if you"d like a v"y"ge yourself I can manage it for you in two twos. You"ve on"y got to say the word."
"I don"t want one," said the steward, fiercely; "don"t you try none o" your larks on me, Nathan Smith, cos I won"t have it."
"Lord love your "art," said the boarding-master, "I wouldn"t "urt you. I"m on"y acting under your orders now; yours and the captin"s. It ain"t in my reg"lar way o" business at all, but I"m so good-natured I can"t say "no.""
"Can"t say "no" to five pounds, you mean," retorted Mr. Wilks, who by no means relished these remarks.
"If I was getting as much out of it as you are I"d be a "appy man," sighed Mr. Smith.
"Me!" cried the other; "do you think I"d take money for this--why, I"d sooner starve, I"d sooner. Wot are you a-tapping your nose for?"
"Was I tapping it?" demanded Mr. Smith, in surprise. "Well, I didn"t know it. I"m glad you told me."
"You"re quite welcome," said the steward, sharply. "Crimping ain"t in my line; I"d sooner sweep the roads."
""Ear, "ear," exclaimed Mr. Smith, approvingly. "Ah! wot a thing it is to come acrost an honest man. Wot a good thing it is for the eyesight."
He stared stonily somewhere in the direction of Mr. Wilks, and then blinking rapidly shielded his eyes with his hand as though overcome by the sight of so much goodness. The steward"s wrath rose at the performance, and he glowered back at him until his eyes watered.
"Twenty past six," said Mr. Smith, suddenly, as he fumbled in his waistcoat-pocket and drew out a small folded paper. "It"s time I made a start. I s"pose you"ve got some salt in the house?"
"Plenty," said Mr. Wilks.
"And beer?" inquired the other.
"Yes, there is some beer," said the steward.
"Bring me a quart of it," said the boarding-master, slowly and impressively. "I want it drawed in a china mug, with a nice foaming "ead on it."
"Wot do you want it for?" inquired Mr. Wilks, eyeing him very closely.
"Bisness purposes," said Mr. Smith. "If you"re very good you shall see "ow I do it."
Still the steward made no move. "I thought you brought the stuff with you," he remarked.
Mr. Smith looked at him with mild reproach. "Are you managing this affair or am I?" he inquired.
The steward went out reluctantly, and drawing a quart mug of beer set it down on the table and stood watching his visitor.
"And now I want a spoonful o" sugar, a spoonful o" salt, and a spoonful o" vinegar," said Mr. Smith. "Make haste afore the "ead goes off of it."
Mr. Wilks withdrew grumbling, and came back in a wonderfully short s.p.a.ce of time considering, with the articles required.
"Thankee," said the other; "you "ave been quick. I wish I could move as quick as you do. But you can take "em back now, I find I can do without "em."
"Where"s the beer?" demanded the incensed Mr. Wilks; "where"s the beer, you underhanded swab?"
"I altered my mind," said Mr. Smith, "and not liking waste, and seeing by your manner that you"ve "ad more than enough already to-night, I drunk it. There isn"t another man in Sunwich I could ha" played that trick on, no, nor a boy neither."
Mr. Wilks was about to speak, but, thinking better of it, threw the three spoons in the kitchen, and resuming his seat by the fire sat with his back half turned to his visitor.
"Bright, cheerful young chap, "e is," said Mr. Smith; "you"ve knowed "im ever since he was a baby, haven"t you?"
Mr. Wilks made no reply.
"The Conqueror"s sailing to-morrow morning, too," continued his tormentor; "his father"s old ship. "Ow strange it"ll seem to "im following it out aboard a whaler. Life is full o" surprises, Mr. Wilks, and wot a big surprise it would be to you if you could "ear wot he says about you when he comes to "is senses."
"I"m obeying orders," growled the other.
"Quite right," said Mr. Smith, approvingly, as he drew a bottle of whisky from his bag and placed it on the table. "Two gla.s.ses and there we are. We don"t want any salt and vinegar this time."
Mr. Wilks turned a deaf ear. "But "ow are you going to manage so as to make one silly and not the other?" he inquired.
"It"s a trade secret," said the other; "but I don"t mind telling you I sent the cap"n something to take afore he comes, and I shall be in your kitchen looking arter things."
"I s"pose you know wot you"re about?" said Mr. Wilks, doubtfully.
"I s"pose so," rejoined the other. "Young Nu-gent trusts you, and, of course, he"ll take anything from your "ouse. That"s the beauty of "aving a character, Mr. Wilks; a good character and a face like a baby with grey whiskers."
Mr. Wilks bent down and, taking up a small brush, carefully tidied up the hearth.
"Like as not, if my part in it gets to be known," pursued Mr. Smith, mournfully, "I"ll "ave that gal of Kybird"s scratching my eyes out or p"r"aps sticking a hat-pin into me. I had that once; the longest hat-pin that ever was made, I should think."
He shook his head over the perils of his calling, and then, after another glance at the clock, withdrew to the kitchen with his bag, leaving Mr. Wilks waiting in a state of intense nervousness for the arrival of the others.
Captain Nugent was the first to put in an appearance, and by way of setting a good example poured a little of the whisky in his gla.s.s and sat there waiting. Then Jack Nugent came in, fresh and glowing, and Mr. Wilks, after standing about helplessly for a few moments, obeyed the captain"s significant nod and joined Mr. Smith in the kitchen.
"You"d better go for a walk," said that gentle-man, regarding him kindly; "that"s wot the cap"n thought."
Mr. Wilks acquiesced eagerly, and tapping at the door pa.s.sed through the room again into the street. A glance as he went through showed him that Jack Nugent was drinking, and he set off in a panic to get away from the scene which he had contrived.
He slackened after a time and began to pace the streets at a rate which was less noticeable. As he pa.s.sed the Kybirds" he shivered, and it was not until he had consumed a pint or two of the strongest brew procurable at the Two Schooners that he began to regain some of his old self-esteem. He felt almost maudlin at the sacrifice of character he was enduring for the sake of his old master, and the fact that he could not narrate it to sympathetic friends was not the least of his troubles.
The shops had closed by the time he got into the street again, and he walked down and watched with much solemnity the reflection of the quay lamps in the dark water of the harbour. The air was keen and the various craft distinct in the starlight. Perfect quiet reigned aboard the Seabird, and after a vain attempt to screw up his courage to see the victim taken aboard he gave it up and walked back along the beach.
By the time he turned his steps homewards it was nearly eleven o"clock. Fullalove Alley was quiet, and after listening for some time at his window he turned the handle of the door and pa.s.sed in. The nearly empty bottle stood on the table, and an over-turned tumbler accounted for a large, dark patch on the table-cloth. As he entered the room the kitchen door opened and Mr. Nathan Smith, with a broad smile on his face, stepped briskly in.
"All over," he said, rubbing his hands; "he went off like a lamb, no trouble nor fighting. He was a example to all of us."
"Did the cap"n see "im aboard?" inquired Mr. Wilks.
"Certainly not," said the other. "As a matter o" fact the cap"n took a little more than I told "im to take, and I "ad to help "im up to your bed. Accidents will "appen, but he"ll be all right in the morning if n.o.body goes near "im. Leave "im perfectly quiet, and when "e comes downstairs give "im a strong cup o" tea."
"In my bed?" repeated the staring Mr. Wilks.