Please do not be sensitive and take offence, Clive, if I admit to you that I never have quite reconciled myself to accepting anything from you.
"What I have accepted has been for your own sake--for the pleasure you found in giving, not for my own sake.
"I wanted only your friendship. That was enough--more than enough to make me happy and contented.
"I was not in want; I had sufficient; I lived better than I had ever lived; I was self-reliant, self-supporting, and--forgive and understand me, Clive--a little more self-respecting than I now am.
"It is true I had saved very little; but I am young and life is before me.
"This seems very ungrateful of me, very ungenerous after all you have done for me--all I have taken from you.
"But, Clive, it is the truth, and I think it ought to be told. Because this is, and has always been, a source of self-reproach to me, whether rightly or wrongly, I don"t know. I am a novice at confession, but I feel that, if I am to make a clean breast to you, partial confession is not worth while, not really honest, not worthy of the very sacred friendship that inspires it.
"So I shall shrive myself as well as I know how and continue to admit to you my further doubts and misgivings. They are these: my sisters do not understand your friendship for me even if they understand mine for you--which they say they do.
"I don"t think they believe me dishonest; but they cannot see any reason for your generosity to me unless you ultimately expect me to be dishonest.
"This has weakened my influence with them. I know I am the youngest, yet until recently I had a certain authority in matters regarding the common welfare and the common policy.
But this is nearly gone. They point out with perfect truth that I myself do, with you, the very things for which I criticise them and against which I warn them.
"Of course the radical difference is that I do these things with _you_; but they can"t understand why you are any better, any finer, any more admirable, any further to be trusted than the men they go about with alone.
"It is quite in vain that I explain to them what sort of man you are. They retort that I merely _think_ so.
"There is a man who takes Catharine out more frequently, and keeps her out much later than I like. I mean Cecil Reeve. But what I say only makes my sister sullen. She knows he is a friend of yours.... And, Clive, I am rather afraid she is beginning to care more for him than is quite safe for her to ever care for any man of that cla.s.s.
"And Doris has met other men of the same kind--I don"t know who they are, for she won"t tell me. But after the theatre she goes out with them; and it is doing her no good.
"There is only one more item in my confession, then I"m done.
"It is this: I have heard recently from various sources that my being seen with you so frequently is causing much gossip concerning you among your friends.
"Is this true? And if it is, will it damage you? I don"t care about myself. I know very few people and it doesn"t matter.
Besides I care enough about our companionship to continue it, whatever untruths are said or thought about me. But how about _you_, Clive? Because I also care enough for you to give you up if my being seen with you is going to disgrace you.
"This is my confession. I have told you all. Now, could you tell me what it is best for us to do?
"Think clearly; act wisely; don"t even dream of sacrificing yourself with your usual generosity--if it is indeed to be a case for self-sacrifice. Let me do that by giving you up. I shall do it anyway if ever I am convinced that my companionship is hurting your reputation.
"Be just to us both by being frank with me. Your decision shall be my law.
"This is a long, long letter. I can"t seem to let it go to you--as though when I mail it I am snapping one more bond that still seems to hold us together.
"My daily life is agreeable if a trifle monotonous. I have been out two or three times, once to see the Morgan Collection at the Metropolitan Museum--very dazzling and wonderful. What strange thoughts it evoked in me--thrilling, delightful, exhilarating--as though inspiring me to some blind effort or other. Isn"t it ridiculous?--as though _I_ had it in me to do anything or be anybody! I"m merely telling you how all that exquisite art affected me--_me_--a working girl. And Oh, Clive! I don"t think anything ever gave me as much pleasure as did the paintings by the French masters, Lancret, Drouais, and Fragonard! (You see I had a catalogue!)
"Another evening I went out with Catharine. Mr. Reeve asked us, and another man. We went to see "Once Upon a Time" at the Half-Moon Theatre, and afterward we went to supper at the Cafe Columbine.
"Another evening the other man, Mr. Reeve"s friend, a Mr.
Hargrave, asked me to see "Under the Sun" at the Zig-Zag Theatre. It was a tiresome show. We went to supper afterward to meet Catharine and Mr. Reeve.
"That is all except that I"ve dined out once or twice with Mr. Hargrave. And, somehow or other I felt queer and even conspicuous going to the Regina with him and to other places where you and I have been so often together...Also I felt a little depressed. Everything always reminded me of you and of happy evenings with you. I can"t seem to get used to going about with other men. But they seem to be very nice, very kind, and very amusing.
"And a girl ought to be thankful to almost anybody who will take her out of her monotony.
"I"m afraid you"ve given me a taste for luxury and amus.e.m.e.nt.
You _have_ spoiled me I fear. I am certainly an ungrateful little beast, am I not, to lay the blame on you! But it is dull, Clive, after working all day to sit every evening reading alone, or lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling, waiting for the others to come home.
"If it were not for that darling cat you gave me I"d perish of sheer solitude. But he is such a comfort, Hafiz; and his eyes are the bluest blue and his long, winter fur the snowiest white, and his ruff is wonderful and his tail magnificent. Also he is _very_ affectionate to me. For which, with perfect reverence, I venture to thank G.o.d.
"Good night, Clive. If you"ve struggled through this letter so far you won"t mind reading that I am faithfully and always your friend, "ATHALIE GREENSLEEVE."
Her letter thoroughly aroused Clive and he was all for going straight to her--only he couldn"t go that evening because he dared not break a dinner engagement or fail to appear with his mother at the opera. In fact he was already involved in a mess of social obligations for two weeks ahead,--not an evening free--and Athalie worked during the day.
It gave him an odd, restless sensation to hear of her going about with Francis Hargrave--dining alone with him. He felt almost hurt as though she had done him a personal injustice, yet he knew that it was absurd for him to resent anything of that sort. His monopoly of her happened to be one merely because she, at that time, knew no other man of his sort, and would not go out with any other kind of man.
Why should he expect her to remain eternally isolated except when he chose to take her out? No young girl could endure that sort of thing too long. Certainly Athalie was inevitably destined to meet other men, be admired, admire in her turn, accept invitations. She was unusually beautiful,--a charming, intelligent, clean-cut, healthy young girl.
She required companionship and amus.e.m.e.nt; she would be unhuman if she didn"t.
Only--men were men. And safe and sane friendships between men of his own caste, and girls like Athalie Greensleeve, were rare.
Clive chafed and became restive and morose. In vain he repeated to himself that what Athalie was doing was perfectly natural. But it didn"t make the idea of her going out with other men any more attractive to him.
His clever mother, possibly aware of what ferment was working in her son, watched him out of the tail of her ornamental eyes, but wisely let him alone to fidget his own way out of it. She had heard that the Greensleeve girl was raising hob with Cecil Reeve and Francis Hargrave. They were other people"s sons, however. And it might have worked itself out of Clive--this restless ferment which soured his mind and gave him an acid satisfaction in being anything but cordial in his own family circle.
But there was a girl--a debutante, very desirable for Clive his mother thought--one Winifred Stuart--and very delightful to look upon.
And Clive had seen just enough of her to like her exceedingly; and, at dances, had even wandered about to look for her, and had evinced boredom and dissatisfaction when she had not been present.
Which inspired his mother to give a theatre party for little Miss Stuart and two dozen other youngsters, and a supper at the Regina afterward.
It was an excellent idea; and it went as wrong as such excellent ideas so often go. For as Clive in company with the others sauntered into the splendid reception room of the Regina, he saw Athalie come in with a man whom he had never before seen.
The shock of recognition--for it was a shock--was mutual. Athalie"s dark eyes widened and a little colour left her cheeks: and Clive reddened painfully.
It was, perhaps, scarcely the thing to do, but as she advanced he stepped forward, and their hands met.
"I am so very glad to see you again," he said.
"I too, Clive. Are you well?"
"And you?"
"Quite," she hesitated; there was a moment"s pause while the two men looked coolly at each other.
"May I present Mr. Bailey, Captain Dane?" Further she did not account for Captain Dane, who presently took her off somewhere leaving Clive to return to his smiling but enraged mother.
Never had he found any supper party so noisy, so mirthless, and so endless. Half the time he didn"t know what he was saying to Winifred Stuart or to anybody else. Nor could he seem to see anybody very distinctly, for the mental phantoms of Athalie and Captain Dane floated persistently before him, confusing everything at moments except the smiling and deadly glance of his mother.
Afterward they went to their various homes in various automobiles, and Clive was finally left with his mother in his own drawing-room.