Didn"t I know, to my sorrow? As foolish as it would be to stand and fire popguns at the rock of Gibraltar.
I rushed out to the barn, and never stopped to look behind me. Fel followed, crying softly; but what had I to say to that dear little friend, who felt my sorrows almost as if they were her own?
"You didn"t ask my mamma pretty, and that"s why she wouldn"t give me no pairsol."
No thanks for the kind office she had performed for me; no apology for calling her a lie-girl. Only,--
"You didn"t ask my mamma pretty, Fel Allen."
She choked down one little sob that ought to have broken my heart, and turned and went away. You wonder she should have loved me. I suppose I had "good fits;" they say I was honey-sweet sometimes; but as I recall my little days, it does seem to me as if I was always, always snubbing that precious child. When she was out of sight, I dived head first into the hay, and tried for as much as ten minutes to hate my mother. After a long season of sulks, such as it is to be hoped none of _you_ ever indulged in, I stole back to the house through the shed, and Ruth, who did not know what had broken my heart, exclaimed,--
"Why, Maggie, what ails you? You"ve fairly cried your eyes out, child!"
I climbed a chair, and looked in the gla.s.s, which hung between the kitchen windows, and sure enough I was a sight to behold. My eyes, always very large, were now red and swollen, and seemed bursting from their sockets. I had never thought before that eyes could burst; but now I ran to Ruthie in alarm.
"I _have_ cried my eyes out! O, Ruthie, I"ve _started_ "em!"
She laughed at my distress, kissed me, and set me at ease about my eyeb.a.l.l.s; but the parasol was denied me, and I was sure that, blind or not, I could never be happy without it.
The little bits of girls had afternoon parties that summer; it was quite the fashion; and not long after this Madam Allen made one for Fel. Everybody said it was the nicest party we had had; for Tempy Ann made sailor-boy doughnuts, with sugar sprinkled on, and damson tarts, and lemonade, to say nothing of "sandiges," with chicken in the middle. I loved Fel dearly, I know I did; but by fits and starts I was so full of envy that I had to go off by myself and pout.
"A party and a pairsol the same year! And Fel never "spected the pairsol, and didn"t ask real hard for the party. But that was always the way; her mamma wanted her to have good times, and so did Tempy Ann. _Some_ folks" mammas didn"t care!"
I was willing nice things should fall to Fel"s lot; but I wanted just as nice ones myself.
Fel showed the girls her "pairsol," and they all said they meant to have one too; all but me; I could only stand and look on, with my eyeb.a.l.l.s just ready to pop out of my head.
I remember what sick dolls we had that afternoon; and when any of them died, the live dolls followed them to the grave with weeping and wailing, and their wee handkerchiefs so full of grief that you could trace the procession by the tears that dripped upon the carpet. Yes; but the mourners all had the cunningest little "pairsols" of nasturtium leaves. There wasn"t a "single one doll" that marched without a pairsol, not even my Rosy Posy; for I had a motherly heart, and couldn"t mortify _my_ child! She _should_ have "sumpin to keep the sun off," if it cost the last cent her mamma had in the world!
I had a dismal fit just before supper, and went into Grandpa Harrington"s room, back of the parlor. He was always fond of little folks, but very queer, as I have told you. He had a fire in the fireplace, and was sitting before it, though it was summer. He looked up when I went in, and said, "How do, darling? My feet are as cold as a dead lamb"s tongue; does your father keep sheep?"
Next minute he said,--
"My feet are as cold as a dog"s nose; does your father keep a dog?"
That was the way he rambled on from one thing to another. But when he saw I was low-spirited, and found by questioning me that I needed a parasol, and couldn"t live long without one, he took me on his knee, and said kindly,--
"Never mind it, Pet; you shall have a parasol. I will give you one."
I could hardly speak for joy. I did not feel ashamed of myself till afterwards, for Grandpa Harrington did not seem like other people, and I saw no harm in whining to him about my troubles.
CHAPTER IV.
LIZE JANE.
But my happiness did not last long. Grandpa Harrington never thought of my parasol again from that day to the day he died; and little witch and try-patience though I was, I dared not remind him of his promise, still less tell my mother about it.
It was hard to have my hopes raised so high, only to be dashed to the ground; harder still to have to keep it all to myself, and see Fel trip along under that sunshade without a care in the world. If she had been the least bit proud I couldn"t have borne it; but even as it was, it wore upon me. Once I called out in severe tones, "Ho, little lie-girl; got a pairsol too!" but was so ashamed of it next minute that I ran up to her and hugged her right in the street, and said, "I didn"t mean the leastest thing. I love you jus" the same, if you _have_ got a blue pairsol, and you may wear it to meetin", and I"ll _try_ not to care."
And now I come to the naughty story.
I could not always have Fel for a playmate; she was too delicate to be racing about from morning till night as I did, and when she had to stay in the house, I found other girls to romp with me. Sometimes, especially if I felt rather wicked, I enjoyed Eliza Jane Bean, a girl two or three years older than myself. There was a bad fascination about "Lize." When she fixed her big black eyes upon you, she made you think of all sorts of delightful things you wanted to do, only they were strictly forbidden. Her father and mother were not very good people, and did not go to church Sundays. They lived in a low red house near the Gordons. You never saw it, children; it was pulled down ever so long ago, and used for kindlings. People called the house "the Bean Pod," because there were nine little beans in it beside the big ones. Rattlety bang! Harum scarum! There was always a great noise in that house, and people called it "the rattling of the beans." It was well it stood on a corner lot, and poor old Mr. Gordon was so deaf.
Lize Jane used to come to our house for currants. My mamma did not like to have me see much of her, but could not refuse the currants, for our bushes were loaded. It seemed as if the family must have lived half the summer on currants and mola.s.ses; for almost every night there was Lize Jane with her big tin pail. It had holes in the bottom, and the juice used to run out sometimes upon her dress; but it didn"t make much difference, for her dress was never clean.
One night she came for currants when they were almost gone. Mother had been sick, and was very late about making jelly. She told Eliza Jane she couldn"t let her come any more after that night; the rest of the fruit must be saved for our own use. Lize Jane said nothing, but she rolled her black eyes round towards me, and I felt a little ashamed, for I knew she thought mother was stingy, and that was why she rolled her eyes.
I went into the kitchen, and said to Ruth,--
"Don"t you want me to pick you a bowl of currants?"
Of course she did. She didn"t know Lize Jane was there, or she wouldn"t have been so pleased and so ready to get me my sun-bonnet.
She had to reach it down from a hook in the ceiling. That was the place where Ned hung it when he wanted to "pester" me; he did it with an old rake handle.
When I was going anywhere to meet Lize Jane, I always felt as if I was stealing raisins. I never exactly stole raisins; but when my mother said I might go to the box and get two or three, I had sometimes taken a whole handful. I knew by the p.r.i.c.king of my conscience that that was wrong, and in the same way I knew that this was wrong too. Mother was in the green chamber, covering an ottoman with green carpeting, so she wouldn"t see me from that side of the house.
I ran into the garden, and, going up close to Lize Jane, began to pick with all my might. "My bowl fills up faster "n your pail," said I.
"Cause its littler," said she; "and besides, I"m picking "em off the stems."
"What do you do that for, Lize Jane? It takes so long."
"I know it; it takes foreverlastin"; but mother told me to, so"st I could get more into my pail."
I opened my eyes.
"She told me to get my pail chuck full. She didn"t use to care, but now the currants are most gone, and she wants all she can get."
I said nothing, but I remember I thought Mrs. Bean was a queer woman, to want our very last currants.
"Sh"an"t you have your party before they"re all gone?" said Lize Jane.
"What party?"
"Why, the one you"re going to have."
I suppose she knew my heart was aching for one.
"I want a party dreffully," said I, "but mamma won"t let me."
"Won"t let you?" cried Lize Jane, in surprise. "Why, Fel Allen had hers last week."
"I know it, and Tempy Ann made us some lemonade."
"Did she? I wish I"d been there," said Lize, pursing her lips. "But Fel lives in such a monstrous nice house, and wouldn"t ask me to her party; that"s why. Mother says I hadn"t oughter care, though, for when she dies she"ll lay as low as me."