Aylwin

I saw an expression of perplexity and mystification overspread my mother"s sagacious face.

"And in the spring," continued my father, "we are going into Wales to rub."

"Into Wales, are you?" said my mother, in a tone of that soft voice whose meaning I knew so well.

My thoughts were continually upon Winifred, now that I was alone in the familiar spots. I had never seen her nor heard from her since we parted as children. She had only known me as a cripple. What would she think of me now? Did she ever think of me? She had not answered my childish letter, and this had caused me much sorrow and perplexity.

We did not go into Wales after all. But the result of this conversation took a shape that amazed me. I was sent to stay with my Aunt Prue in London in order that I might attend one of the Schools of Art. Yes, my mother thought it was better for me even to run the risk of becoming bohemianised like Cyril Aylwin, than to brood over Winnie or the scenes that were a.s.sociated with our happy childhood.

In London I was an absolute stranger. We had no town house. On the few occasions when the family had gone to London, it was to stay in Belgrave Square with my Aunt Prue, who was an unmarried sister of my mother"s.

"Since the death of the Prince Consort, to go no further back," she used to say, "a dreadful change has come over the tone of society; the love of bohemianism, the desire to take up any kind of people, if they are amusing, and still more if they are rich, is levelling everything. However, I"m n.o.body now; I say nothing."

What wonder that from my very childhood my aunt took a prejudice against me, and predicted for me a career "as deplorable as Cyril Aylwin"s," and sympathised with my mother in her terror of the Gypsy strain in my father"s branch of the family?

Her tastes and instincts being intensely aristocratic, she suffered a martyrdom from her ever present consciousness of this disgrace. She had seen very much more of what is called Society than my mother had ever an opportunity of seeing. It was not, however, aristocracy, but Royalty that won the true worship of her soul.

Although she was immeasurably inferior to my mother in everything, her influence over her was great, and it was always for ill. I believe that even my mother"s prejudice against Tom Wynne was largely owing to my aunt, who disliked my relations towards Wynne simply because he did not represent one of the great Wynne families. But the remarkable thing was that, although my mother thus yielded to my aunt"s influence, she in her heart despised her sister"s ignorance and her narrowness of mind. She often took a humorous pleasure in seeing my aunt"s aristocratic proclivities baffled by some vexing _contretemps_ or by some slight pa.s.sed upon her by people of superior rank, especially by those in the Royal circle.

There have been so many descriptions of art schools, from the famous "Gandish"s" down to the very moment at which I write, that I do not intend to describe mine.

It would be very far from my taste to use a narrative like this, a narrative made sacred by the spiritual love it records, as a means of advertising efforts of such modest pretensions as mine when placed in comparison with the work of the ill.u.s.trious painters my friendship with whom has been the great honour of my life. And if I allude here to the fact of my being a painter, it is in order that I may not be mistaken for another Aylwin. my cousin Percy, who in some unpublished poems of his which I have seen has told how a sailor was turned into a poet by love--love of Rhona Boswell. In the same way, these pages are written to tell how I was made a painter by love of her whom I first saw in Raxton churchyard, her who filled my being as Beatrice filled the being of Dante when "the spirit of life, which hath its dwelling in the secretest chamber of the heart, began to tremble so violently that the least pulses of his body shook therewith."

III

Time went by, and I returned to Raxton. Just when I had determined that, come what would, I would go into Wales, Wynne one day told me that Winnie was coming to live with him at Raxton, her aunt having lately died. "The English lady," said he, "who lived with them so long and eddicated Winifred, has gone to live at Carnarvon to get the sea air."

This news was at once a joy and a perplexity.

Wynne, though still the handsomest and finest man in Raxton, had sunk much lower in intemperance of late. He now generally wound up a conversation with me by a certain stereotyped allusion to the dryness of the weather, which I perfectly understood to mean that he felt thirsty, and that an offer of half-a-crown for beer would not be unacceptable. He was a proud man in everything except in reference to beer. But he seemed to think there was no degradation in asking for money to get drunk with, though to have asked for it to buy bread would, I suppose, have wounded his pride. I did not then see so clearly as I now do the wrong of giving him those half-crowns. His annuity he had long since sold.

Spite of all his delinquencies, however, my father liked him; so did my uncle Aylwin of Alvanley. But my mother seemed positively to hate him. It was the knowledge of this that caused my anxiety about Winifred"s return. I felt that complications must arise.

At this time I used to go to Dullingham every day. The clergyman there was preparing me for college.

On the Sunday following the day when I got such momentous news from Wynne, I was met suddenly, as my mother and I were leaving the church after the service, by the gaze of a pair of blue eyes that arrested my steps as by magic, and caused the church and the churchgoers to vanish from my sight.

The picture of Winifred that had dwelt in my mind so long was that of a beautiful child. The radiant vision of the girl before me came on me by surprise and dazzled me. Tall and slim she was now, but the complexion had not altered at all; the eyes seemed young and childlike as ever.

When our eyes met she blushed, then turned pale, and took hold of the top of a seat near which she was standing. She came along the aisle close to us, gliding and slipping through the crowd, and pa.s.sed out of the porch. My mother had seen my agitation, and had moved on in a state of haughty indignation. I had no room, however, at that moment for considerations of any person but one. I hurried out of the church, and, following Winifred, grasped her gloved hand.

"Winifred, you are come," I said; "I have been longing to see you."

She again turned pale and then blushed scarlet. Next she looked down me as if she had expected to see something which she did not see, and when her eyes were upraised again something in them gave me a strange fancy that she was disappointed to miss my crutches.

"Why didn"t you write to me from Wales, Winifred? Why didn"t you answer my letter years ago?"

She hesitated, then said,

"My aunt wouldn"t let me, sir."

"Wouldn"t let you answer it! and why?"

Again she hesitated--

"I--I don"t know, sir."

"You _do_ know, Winifred. I see that you know, and you shall tell me.

Why didn"t your aunt let you answer my letter?"

Winifred"s eyes looked into mine beseechingly. Then that light of playful humour, which I remembered so well, shot like a sunbeam across and through them as she replied--

"My aunt said we must both forget our pretty dream."

Almost before the words were out, however, the sunbeam fled from her eyes and was replaced by a look of terror. I now perceived that my mother, in pa.s.sing to the carriage, had lingered on the gravel-path close to us, and had, of course, overheard the dialogue. She pa.s.sed on with a look of hate. I thought it wise to bid Winifred good-bye and join my mother.

As I stepped into the carriage I turned round and saw that Winifred was again looking wistfully at some particular part of me--looking with exactly that simple, frank, "objective" expression with which I was familiar.

"I knew it was the crutches she missed," I said to myself as I sat down by my mother"s side; "she"ll have to love me now because I am _not_ lame."

I also knew something else: I must prepare for a conflict with my mother. My father, at this time in Switzerland, had written to say that he had been suffering acutely from an attack of what he called "spasms." He had "been much subject to them of late, but no one considered them to be really dangerous."

During luncheon I felt that my mother"s eyes were on me. After it was over she went to her room to write in answer to my father"s letter, and then later on she returned to me.

"Henry," she said, "my overhearing the dialogue in the churchyard between you and Wynne"s daughter was, I need not pay, quite accidental, but it is perhaps fortunate that I did overhear it."

"Why fortunate, mother? You simply heard her say that her aunt in Wales had forbidden her to answer a childish letter of mine written years ago."

"In telling you which, the girl, I must say, proclaimed her aunt to be an exceedingly sensible and well-conducted woman," said my mother.

"On that point, mother," I said, "you must allow me to hold a different opinion. I, for my part, should have said that Winifred"s story proclaimed her aunt to be a worthy member of a flunkey society like this of ours--a society whose structure, political and moral and religious, is based on an adamantine rock of paltry sn.o.bbery."

It was impossible to restrain my indignation.

"I am aware, Henry," replied my mother calmly, "that it is one of the fashions of the hour for young men of family to adopt the language of Radical newspapers. In a country like this the affectation does no great harm, I grant, and my only serious objection to it is that it implies in young men of one"s own cla.s.s a lack of originality which is a little humiliating. I am aware that your cousin, Percy Aylwin, of Rington Manor, used to talk in the same strain as this, and ended by joining the Gypsies. But I came to warn you, Henry, I came to urge you not to injure this poor girl"s reputation by such scenes as that I witnessed this morning."

I remained silent. The method of my mother"s attack had taken me by surprise. Her sagacity was so much greater than mine, her power of fence was so much greater, her stroke was so much deadlier, that in all our encounters I had been conquered.

"It is for the girl"s own sake that I speak to you," continued my mother. "She was deeply embarra.s.sed at your method of address, and well she might be, seeing that it will be, for a long time to come, the subject of discussion in all the beer-houses which her father frequents."

"You speak as though she were answerable for her father"s faults," I said, with heat.

"No," said my mother; "but _your_ father is the owner of Raxton Hall, which to her and her cla.s.s is a kind of Palace of the Caesars. You belong to a family famous all along the coast; you are well known to be the probable heir of one of the largest landowners in England; you may be something more important still; while she, poor girl, what is she that you should rush up to her before all the churchgoers of the parish and address her as Winifred? The daughter of a penniless, drunken reprobate. Every attention you pay her is but a slur upon her good name."

"There is not a lady in the county worthy to unlace her shoes," I cried, unguardedly. Then I could have bitten off my tongue for saying so.