There was a long silence between them as Pete drove on and the day darkened toward evening. On either side of the road lay stubble-covered fields. A line of low hills ran along the horizon, topped here and there with trees black against the grey sky. In the approaching line of cars a driver turned on his headlights. Pete did the same.
"So what happened?" he asked. "Farm life not your bag?"
Donald took some time to answer, and at last he said, simply, "It was my fault."
"What was your fault?"
"The whole thing. Don"t play dumb, Pete. I know they wrote to you." Donald looked at Pete, then stared out the windshield again.
"I"m not playing dumb."
Donald shrugged.
"All I really know is they asked you to leave," Pete went on. "I don"t know any of the particulars."
"I blew it," Donald said. "Believe me, you don"t want to hear the gory details."
"Sure I do," Pete said. He added, "Everybody likes the gory details."
"You mean everybody likes to hear how someone messed up."
"Right," Pete said. "That"s the way it is here on s.p.a.ceship Earth."
Donald bent one knee onto the front seat and leaned against the door so that he was facing Pete instead of the windshield. Pete was aware of Donald"s scrutiny. He waited. Night was coming on in a rush now, filling the hollows of the land. Donald"s long cheeks and deep-set eyes were dark with shadow. His brow was white. "Do you ever dream about me?" Donald asked.
"Do I ever dream about you? What kind of a question is that? Of course I don"t dream about you," Pete said, untruthfully.
"What do you dream about?"
"s.e.x and money. Mostly money. A nightmare is when I dream I don"t have any."
"You"re just making that up," Donald said.
Pete smiled.
"Sometimes I wake up at night," Donald went on, "and I can tell you"re dreaming about me."
"We were talking about the farm," Pete said. "Let"s finish that conversation and then we can talk about our various out-of-body experiences and the interesting things we did during previous incarnations."
For a moment Donald looked like a grinning skull; then he turned serious again. "There"s not much to tell," he said. "I just didn"t do anything right."
"That"s a little vague," Pete said.
"Well, like the groceries. Whenever it was my turn to get the groceries I"d blow it somehow. I"d bring the groceries home and half of them would be missing, or I"d have all the wrong things, the wrong kind of flour or the wrong kind of chocolate or whatever. One time I gave them away. It"s not funny, Pete."
Pete said, "Who did you give the groceries to?"
"Just some people I picked up on the way home. Some fieldworkers. They had about eight kids with them and they didn"t even speak English-just nodded their heads. Still, I shouldn"t have given away the groceries. Not all of them, anyway. I really learned my lesson about that. You have to be practical. You have to be fair to yourself." Donald leaned forward, and Pete could sense his excitement. "There"s nothing actually wrong with being in business," he said. "As long as you"re fair to other people you can still be fair to yourself. I"m thinking of going into business, Pete."
"We"ll talk about it," Pete said. "So, that"s the story? There isn"t any more to it than that?"
"What did they tell you?" Donald asked.
"Nothing."
"They must have told you something."
Pete shook his head.
"They didn"t tell you about the fire?" When Pete shook his head again Donald regarded him for a time, then folded his arms across his chest and slumped back into the corner. "Everybody had to take turns cooking dinner. I usually did tuna ca.s.serole or spaghetti with garlic bread. But this one night I thought I"d do something different, something really interesting." Donald looked sharply at Pete. "It"s all a big laugh to you, isn"t it?"
"I"m sorry," Pete said.
"You don"t know when to quit. You just keep hitting away."
"Tell me about the fire, Donald."
Donald kept watching him. "You have this compulsion to make me look foolish."
"Come off it, Donald. Don"t make a big thing out of this."
"I know why you do it. It"s because you don"t have any purpose in life. You"re afraid to relate to people who do, so you make fun of them."
"Relate," Pete said.
"You"re basically a very frightened individual," Donald said. "Very threatened. You"ve always been like that. Do you remember when you used to try to kill me?"
"I don"t have any compulsion to make you look foolish, Donald-you do it yourself. You"re doing it right now."
"You can"t tell me you don"t remember," Donald said. "It was after my operation. You remember that."
"Sort of." Pete shrugged. "Not really."
"Oh yes," Donald said. "Do you want to see the scar?"
"I remember you had an operation. I don"t remember the specifics, that"s all. And I sure as h.e.l.l don"t remember trying to kill you."
"Oh yes," Donald repeated, maddeningly. "You bet your life you did. All the time. The thing was, I couldn"t have anything happen to me where they sewed me up because then my intestines would come apart again and poison me. That was a big issue, Pete. Mom was always in a state about me climbing trees and so on. And you used to hit me there every chance you got."
"Mom was in a state every time you burped," Pete said. "I don"t know. Maybe I b.u.mped into you accidentally once or twice. I never did it deliberately."
"Every chance you got," Donald said. "Like when the folks went out at night and left you to baby-sit. I"d hear them say good night, and then I"d hear the car start up, and when they were gone I"d lie there and listen. After a while I would hear you coming down the hall, and I would close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. There were nights when you would stand outside the door, just stand there, and then go away again. But most nights you"d open the door and I would hear you in the room with me, breathing. You"d come over and sit next to me on the bed-you remember, Pete, you have to-you"d sit next to me on the bed and pull the sheets back. If I was on my stomach you"d roll me over. Then you would lift up my pajama shirt and start hitting me on my st.i.tches. You"d hit me as hard as you could, over and over. I was afraid that you"d get mad if you knew I was awake. Is that strange or what? I was afraid that you"d get mad if you found out that I knew you were trying to kill me." Donald laughed. "Come on, you can"t tell me you don"t remember that."
"It might have happened once or twice. Kids do those things. I can"t get all excited about something I maybe did twenty-five years ago.
"No maybe about it. You did it."
Pete said, "You"re wearing me out with this stuff. We"ve got a long drive ahead of us and if you don"t back off pretty soon we aren"t going to make it. You aren"t, anyway."
Donald turned away.
"I"m doing my best," Pete said. The self-pity in his own voice made the words sound like a lie. But they weren"t a lie! He was doing his best.
The car topped a rise. In the distance Pete saw a cl.u.s.ter of lights that blinked out when he started downhill. There was no moon. The sky was low and black.
"Come to think of it," Pete said, "I did have a dream about you the other night." Then he added, impatiently, as if Donald were badgering him, "A couple of other nights, too. I"m getting hungry," he said.
"The same dream?"
"Different dreams. I only remember one of them. There was something wrong with me, and you were helping out. Taking care of me. Just the two of us. I don"t know where everyone else was supposed to be."
Pete left it at that. He didn"t tell Donald that in this dream he was blind.
"I wonder if that was when I woke up," Donald said. He added, "I"m sorry I got into that thing about my scar. I keep trying to forget it but I guess I never will. Not really. It was pretty strange, having someone around all the time who wanted to get rid of me."
"Kid stuff," Pete said. "Ancient history."
They ate dinner at a Denny"s on the other side of King City. As Pete was paying the check he heard a man behind him say, "Excuse me, but I wonder if I might ask which way you"re going?" and Donald answer, "Santa Cruz."
"Perfect," the man said.
Pete could see him in the fish-eye mirror above the cash register: a red blazer with some kind of crest on the pocket, little black moustache, glossy black hair combed down on his forehead like a Roman emperor"s. A rug, Pete thought. Definitely a rug.
Pete got his change and turned. "Why is that perfect?" he asked.
The man looked at Pete. He had a soft, ruddy face that was doing its best to express pleasant surprise, as if this new wrinkle were all he could have wished for, but the eyes behind the aviator gla.s.ses showed signs of regret. His lips were moist and shiny. "I take it you"re together," he said.
"You got it," Pete told him.
"All the better, then," the man went on. "It so happens I"m going to Santa Cruz myself. Had a spot of car trouble down the road. The old Caddy let me down."
"What kind of trouble?" Pete asked.
"Engine trouble," the man said. "I"m afraid it"s a bit urgent. My daughter is sick. Urgently sick. I"ve got a telegram here." He patted the breast pocket of his blazer.
Before Pete could say anything Donald got into the act again. "No problem," Donald said. "We"ve got tons of room."
"Not that much room," Pete said.
Donald nodded. "I"ll put my things in the trunk."
"The trunk"s full," Pete told him.
"It so happens I"m traveling light," the man said. "This leg of the trip anyway. In fact, I don"t have any luggage at this particular time."
Pete said, "Left it in the old Caddy, did you?"
"Exactly," the man said.
"No problem," Donald repeated. He walked outside and the man went with him. Together they strolled across the parking lot, Pete following at a distance. When they reached Pete"s car Donald raised his face to the sky, and the man did the same. They stood there looking up. "Dark night," Donald said.
"Stygian," the man said.
Pete still had it in his mind to brush him off, but he didn"t do that. Instead he unlocked the door for him. He wanted to see what would happen. It was an adventure, but not a dangerous adventure. The man might steal Pete"s ashtrays but he wouldn"t kill him. If Pete got killed on the road it would be by some spiritual person in a sweatsuit, someone with his eyes on the far horizon and a wet Try G.o.d T-shirt in his duffel bag.
As soon as they left the parking lot the man lit a cigar. He blew a cloud of smoke over Pete"s shoulder and sighed with pleasure. "Put it out," Pete told him.
"Of course," the man said. Pete looked in the rearview mirror and saw the man take another long puff before dropping the cigar out the window. "Forgive me," he said. "I should have asked. Name"s Webster, by the way."
Donald turned and looked back at him. "First name or last?"
The man hesitated. "Last," he said finally.
"I know a Webster," Donald said. "Mick Webster."
"There are many of us," Webster said.
"Big fellow, wooden leg," Pete said.
Donald gave Pete a look.
Webster shook his head. "Doesn"t ring a bell. Still, I wouldn"t deny the connection. Might be one of the cousinry."
"What"s your daughter got?" Pete asked.
"That isn"t clear," Webster answered. "It appears to be a female complaint of some nature. Then again it may be tropical." He was quiet for a moment, and added: "If indeed it is tropical, I will have to a.s.sume some of the blame myself. It was my own vaulting ambition that first led us to the tropics and kept us in the tropics all those many years, exposed to every evil. Truly I have much to answer for. I left my wife there."
Donald said quietly, "You mean she died?"
"I buried her with these hands. The earth will be repaid, gold for gold."
"Which tropics?" Pete asked.
"The tropics of Peru."
"What part of Peru are they in?"
"The lowlands," Webster said.
"What"s it like down there? In the lowlands."
"Another world," Webster said. His tone was sepulchral. "A world better imagined than described."
"Far out," Pete said.
The three men rode in silence for a time. A line of trucks went past in the other direction, trailers festooned with running lights, engines roaring.
"Yes," Webster said at last, "I have much to answer for."