"What could you do? You"d maybe slip a five-pound note into my hand, and say, "Darby my man, settle this little matter for me; you know the ways of the place.""
"I "ll not risk such an annoyance, at all events; that I "m determined on."
Darby began now to perceive that he had misconceived his brief, and must alter his pleadings as quickly as possible; in fact, he saw he was "stopping an earth" he had meant merely to mask. "Just leave it all to me, your honor,--leave it all to me, and I "ll have your bill for you every morning on the breakfast-table. And why would n"t you? Why would a gentleman like your honor be behouldin" to any one for his meat and drink?" burst he in, with an eager rapidity. "Why would n"t you say, "Darby, bring me this, get me that, fetch me the other; expinse is no object in life tome"?"
There was a faint twinkle of humor in the eye of Conyers, and Darby stopped short, and with that half-lisping simplicity which a few Irishmen understand to perfection, and can exercise whenever the occasion requires, he said: "But sure is n"t your honor laughing at me, is n"t it just making fun of me you are? All because I"m a poor ignorant crayture that knows no better!"
"Nothing of that kind," said Conyers, frankly. "I was only smiling at thoughts that went through my head at the moment."
"Well, faix! there"s one coming up the path now won"t make you laugh,"
said Darby, as he whispered, "It"s Dr. Dill."
The doctor was early with his patient; if the case was not one of urgency, the sufferer was in a more elevated rank than usually fell to the chances of Dispensary practice. Then, it promised to be one of the nice chronic cases, in which tact and personal agreeability--the two great strongholds of Dr. Dill in his own estimation--were of far more importance than the materia medica. Now, if Dill"s world was not a very big one, he knew it thoroughly. He was a chronicle of all the family incidents of the county, and could recount every disaster of every house for thirty miles round.
When the sprain had, therefore, been duly examined, and all the pangs of the patient sufficiently condoled with to establish the physician as a man of feeling, Dill proceeded to his task as a man of the world.
Conyers, however, abruptly stopped him, by saying, "Tell me how I"m to get out of this place; some other inn, I mean."
"You are not comfortable here, then?" asked Dill.
"In one sense, perfectly so. I like the quietness, the delightful tranquillity, the scenery,--everything, in short, but one circ.u.mstance.
I "m afraid these worthy people--whoever they are--want to regard me as a guest. Now I don"t know them,--never saw them,--don"t care to see them. My Colonel has a liking for all this sort of thing. It has to his mind a character of adventure that amuses him. It would n"t in the least amuse me, and so I want to get away."
"Yes," repeated Dill, blandly, after him, "wants to get away; desires to change the air."
"Not at all," broke in Conyers, peevishly; "no question of air whatever.
I don"t want to be on a visit. I want an inn. What is this place they tell me of up the river,--Inis--something?"
"Inistioge. M"Cabe"s house; the "Spotted Duck;" very small, very poor, far from clean, besides."
"Is there nothing else? Can"t you think of some other place? For I can"t have my servant here, circ.u.mstanced as I am now."
The doctor paused to reply. The medical mind is eminently ready-witted, and Dill at a glance took in all the dangers of removing his patient.
Should he transfer him to his own village, the visit which now had to be requited as a journey of three miles and upwards, would then be an affair of next door. Should he send him to Thomastown, it would be worse again, for then he would be within the precincts of a greater than Dill himself,--a pract.i.tioner who had a one-horse phaeton, and whose name was written on bra.s.s. "Would you dislike a comfortable lodging in a private family,--one of the first respectability, I may make bold to call it?"
"Abhor it!--couldn"t endure it! I"m not essentially troublesome or exacting, but I like to be able to be either, whenever the humor takes me."
"I was thinking of a house where you might freely take these liberties--"
"Liberties! I call them rights, doctor, not liberties! Can"t you imagine a man, not very wilful, not very capricious, but who, if the whim took him, would n"t stand being thwarted by any habits of a so-called respectable family? There, don"t throw up your eyes, and misunderstand me. All I mean is, that my hours of eating and sleeping have no rule.
I smoke everywhere; I make as much noise as I please; and I never brook any impertinent curiosity about what I do, or what I leave undone."
"Under all the circ.u.mstances, you had, perhaps, better remain where you are," said Dill, thoughtfully.
"Of course, if these people will permit me to pay for my board and lodging. If they "ll condescend to let me be a stranger, I ask for nothing better than this place."
"Might I offer myself as a negotiator?" said Dill, insinuatingly; "for I opine that the case is not of the difficulty you suppose. Will you confide it to my hands?"
"With all my heart. I don"t exactly see why there should be a negotiation at all; but if there must, pray be the special envoy."
When Dill arose and set out on his mission, the young fellow looked after him with an expression that seemed to say, "How you all imagine you are humbugging me, while I read every one of you like a book!"
Let us follow the doctor, and see how he acquitted himself in his diplomacy.
CHAPTER V. DILL AS A DIPLOMATIST
Dr. Dill had knocked twice at the door of Miss Barrington"s little sitting-room, and no answer was returned to his summons.
"Is the dear lady at home?" asked he, blandly. But, though he waited for some seconds, no reply came.
"Might Dr. Dill be permitted to make his compliments?"
"Yes, come in," said a sharp voice, very much with the expression of one wearied out by importunity. Miss Barrington gave a brief nod in return for the profound obeisance of her visitor, and then turned again to a large map which covered the table before her.
"I took the opportunity of my professional call here this morning--"
"How is that young man,--is anything broken?"
"I incline to say there is no fracture. The flexors, and perhaps, indeed, the annular ligament, are the seat of all the mischief."
"A common sprain, in fact; a thing to rest for one day, and hold under the pump the day after."
"The dear lady is always prompt, always energetic; but these sort of cases are often complicated, and require nice management."
"And frequent visits," said she, with a dry gravity.
"All the world must live, dear lady,--all the world must live."
"Your profession does not always sustain your theory, sir; at least, popular scandal says you kill as many as you cure." "I know the dear lady has little faith in physic."
"Say none, sir, and you will be nearer the mark; but, remember, I seek no converts; I ask n.o.body to deny himself the luxuries of senna and gamboge because I prefer beef and mutton. You wanted to see my brother, I presume," added she, sharply, "but he started early this morning for Kilkenny. The Solicitor-General wanted to say a few words to him on his way down to Cork."
"That weary law! that weary law!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed Dill, fervently; for he well knew with what little favor Miss Barrington regarded litigation.
"And why so, sir?" retorted she, sharply. "What greater absurdity is there in being hypochondriac about your property than your person? My brother"s taste inclines to depletion by law; others prefer the lancet."
"Always witty, always smart, the dear lady," said Dill, with a sad attempt at a smile. The flattery pa.s.sed without acknowledgment of any kind, and he resumed: "I dropped in this morning to you, dear lady, on a matter which, perhaps, might not be altogether pleasing to you."
"Then don"t do it, sir."
"If the dear lady would let me finish--"
"I was warning you, sir, not even to begin."
"Yes, madam," said he, stung into something like resistance; "but I would have added, had I been permitted, without any due reason for displeasure on your part."
"And are _you_ the fitting judge of that, sir? If you know, as you say you know, that you are about to give me pain, by what presumption do you a.s.sert that it must be for my benefit? What"s it all about?"