Put on your big girl shoes and stop whining, she told herself. She had a ton of notes to type up for the magazine, so she got out her laptop and notepads and set to work. That helped.
She called Jason again. He was working all day on a deck. She called Carrie and took lunch over to her house and then, on the spur of the moment, she offered to take the baby for a walk for an hour or so, to give Carrie time for a nap. Carrie was thrilled and grateful, and as Lily pushed the stroller along the sidewalk, she felt helpful and generous and quite pleased with herself.
The house was still silent when she returned home. She had time for a good long soak in the bathtub and plenty of time to set and arrange her hair in the smashingly attractive sleek do that made her feel like a movie star.
At the fund-raiser, she snapped photos and jotted down names. Now, at the end of the summer, lots of people knew her. Important people. They smiled at her, and air-kissed her, and chatted with her. Her dark mood lifted. She actually felt rather glamorous. She went to Jason"s to spend the night, still on an emotional high.
Sunday she and Jason slept late, then spent a lazy afternoon at the beach. Sunday evening, for the first time in weeks, she had nothing scheduled for work. Jason ordered a pizza and suggested she kick back, watch TV, and relax.
But the bas.e.m.e.nt was dank and mildewy with the worst of the summer"s humidity, and she got cranky again. Her shorts and baggy tee shirt seemed hideous. She kept checking her cell phone, and no one had called her, not Emma, not Abbie, not Eartha. It made her feel so unwanted.
"Stop checking for calls," Jason told her. He padded barefoot to the refrigerator, got out two cold beers, and levered off the caps. He took a long cool drink, then returned to hand her a beer. "You deserve a little time off."
"I wish I could get time off from my thoughts." Lily yanked her long hair up off her neck with a rubber band.
"Emma will forgive you," Jason a.s.sured her. "You know she will. You"re sisters. And Marina"s lease on the cottage is up in December, right?"
Lily snorted. "That doesn"t mean she"ll leave in September. I"m afraid she"s never going to leave."
"All right, then, is that such a bad thing? Think about it rationally, Lily. It might be nice for your dad to have someone in his life. Someone serious, to live with him."
"I live with him," Lily reminded Jason.
Jason laughed. "Honey, you don"t want to live with your daddy all your life. That"s just sad."
Why did his words. .h.i.t her like a blow? Lily couldn"t understand her own emotions. "I know that. I just--it"s like I don"t belong anywhere, Jason." She felt tears well in her eyes. "Oh, G.o.d, I am so sick of myself."
Jason contemplated her for a moment, then rose and went into the bedroom. She heard the dresser drawer open and close. Jason returned to sit next to her.
"I was going to wait until some romantic occasion," he said. "But we don"t have to do that cliched stuff, do we? You don"t have to worry about where you belong, Lily. You belong with me." He held out a small black velvet box. "Let"s make it official."
Lily took the box, opened it, and saw, ensconced in black velvet, the smallest diamond ring on the planet. She stared at it as the world closed in on her, and this moment engraved itself in her memory. This was how she would always remember Jason asking her to marry him. Sitting here, in a rented bas.e.m.e.nt apartment, wearing old baggy clothes, her hair straggling around her face, no makeup, a box of pizza and a bottle of beer on the coffee table.
"I know the diamond"s small," Jason explained. "But I want to save as much as possible so we can make a down payment on a house here someday. I was even thinking that if Marina does move in with your father, you and I could move into the cottage, and we"d save on rent and have more money piled up sooner."
Jason was so earnest, his eyes so full of love. "We"ve only known each other three months, Jason," she said softly.
"We"ve really known each other our whole lives," he said. "We"ve been in love for three months. We"re not kids anymore. We"re old enough to know what we want. Who we want. I want you, Lily."
"And I want you, Jason. But--"
Jason"s face lit up. "Then marry me."
She thought out loud. "I"ve always wanted a big wedding."
"Well, we can have a big wedding." He took her hands in his. "Lily, we can have any kind of wedding you want, any time you want. A Christmas wedding? A June wedding? Yeah, how about a summer wedding, on the beach, barefoot in the sand, with the ocean all around us." He studied her face. "Lily, we don"t have to decide all that now. We can take the time to plan just what you want. But I want you to feel secure. I want you to know you have a place, and it"s with me, wherever I am. And I know I don"t have a lot of money right now, but we"re young, Lily. We"re young and strong, we"re hard workers. I love you, Lily. I want to marry you. I want to protect you. I want to take care of you."
"Oh, Jason," Lily said helplessly. "You"re so sweet. You"re the sweetest man on the planet."
"Then will you marry me, Lily?"
She smiled, and she was crying now, too. "Of course I"ll marry you, Jason."
"Then let"s seal the deal." He slid the ring on her finger.
She held her hand up. If she wiggled her hand just right, the tiny diamond caught the light and sparkled.
45.
Marina Sunday evening, Marina took the pie from the oven, feeling quite pleased with the way the tips of the meringue were toasted to a caramel gloss, the crust a perfect golden brown. She was coming to cooking late in life, and she found it engaged many of the creative energies and attention she had once paid to her work. She was gaining weight, she noticed, but she didn"t mind. Jim didn"t, either.
She smiled, thinking of Jim. He had a talent for enjoying the day, and she was learning from him. And with each day she came to understand how right Jim had been when he talked with her about his daughters. It would be almost impossible, Marina thought, not to favor one woman more, and one woman less.
Earlier today, Marina had gone through the empty house, organizing it after the weekend. She carried gla.s.ses and plates back to the kitchen, newspapers out to the recycle bin, and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. She started a load of wash, emptied a load of laundry from the dryer and carried it up to Abbie"s room. She took a couple of towels out of the hamper in the bathroom, wondered where the others were, and guessed where they were at once. She didn"t want to intrude uninvited, but with one quick glance, she found most of the towels in Lily"s room, some still damp, tossed on a chair or the end of her bed or on the floor, mixed in with the mounds of discarded clothing. She gathered them up, washed and dried two loads of towels, and folded and put them away. She liked thinking of what a luxury it was to come home from landscaping or taking care of a child on the beach, to have a shower and step out to find a fluffy clean towel waiting. She tried not to think judgmental thoughts about Lily, but it was hard.
It was almost six o"clock, so everyone would be arriving any moment. At least Jim would be. Marina sliced cuc.u.mbers, carrots, and zucchini and set them out with a light yogurt dip. She"d start the bluefish baking when they were here--this recipe would take exactly twenty minutes. She"d gotten pretty good at cooking fish.
She popped into the downstairs bathroom to check her reflection in the mirror. She looked great, tanned and relaxed and happy. If she could run a business, she could run a family!
The back screen door slammed, and Jim called h.e.l.lo. She went out to greet him with a kiss and a hug. He grabbed a beer and sat at the table, and then Abbie came in.
"Hi, Abbie. I"m about to open a bottle of wine. Want a gla.s.s?" Marina held up a bottle of chilled Vino Verde.
Abbie shrugged and collapsed in a chair. "That would be great. Thanks."
Marina had heard about the frightful fall the child Abbie was caring for had taken on the carousel, but Abbie had not asked her advice about it, and Marina was restraining herself from offering advice. After all, she"d never had a child. But it made her sad to see how the sparkle had gone out of Abbie.
Emma came in just then, and she seemed even sadder than Abbie.
"Do I have time for a quick shower before dinner?" Emma asked as she kicked off her gardening clogs. She"d spent the day working with Marcia on landscaping jobs and her skin was plastered with dirt. She even had leaves in her hair.
"Sure." Marina loved it, how Emma just a.s.sumed Marina was there. "Want to take a gla.s.s of wine up with you?"
"Thanks, Marina." Emma took the gla.s.s and padded barefoot out of the room.
Marina put the fish into the preheated oven and began to set the table. Jim sat relaxed in his chair, telling Abbie about a friend of theirs who"d gotten so thoroughly covered with poison ivy he"d had to be hospitalized. Marina checked the lobster pot--the water was simmering--so she sat down next to Abbie, handed her an ear of corn, and they stripped the husks off a dozen ears of sweet Nantucket corn as they talked.
"How was your day?" Marina asked Abbie.
Abbie shrugged. "I spent the day helping the Fitzhughs pack up and close up their house. What did you do?"
"I finished my lightship basket," Marina announced. "It"s quite handsome, if I do say so myself."
"Did you enjoy making it?" Jim asked.
Marina considered. "It requires a lot of patience and repet.i.tion, you know. Let"s just say I"m glad I made one but I don"t think I want to make another one."
"Gee," Abbie said, "I was hoping you"d make one for me."
Marina was surprised at how pleased she felt to hear Abbie joke like that in spite of whatever crisis was going on with her. "Honey, if you want one, I"ll make you one," she said.
Emma returned to the room, dressed in a clean tee shirt and shorts, her hair wet and curling.
"Perfect timing," Marina told her. She dropped the corn into the boiling water, took the fish out of the oven, and set it on a hot pad in the middle of the table. She tossed the salad with a vinegar and oil dressing she"d made herself, dumped the rice into a bowl, and set out b.u.t.ter dishes for the corn. By then the corn was ready. She"d organized it perfectly!
"Shall we wait for Lily?" Marina asked.
"Are you kidding?" Emma answered.
"We don"t even know if she"s coming to dinner," Abbie said, sensibly.
They sat around the table, eating the hot juicy corn and the flaky white fish, hardly talking except to murmur appreciatively. Marina felt as proud of herself as she had when she"d done a great ad campaign presentation for a client. She couldn"t make life easier for the girls, but at least she could nourish them, and their pleasure nourished her.
"Hi, guys!" Lily exploded in the back door, so exuberant she seemed to throw off beams of light. Jason came in after her, grinning like a kid.
"Hi, Lily. Sorry we started without you," Marina began.
"Oh, never mind about that!" Lily waved her left hand at them. "Jason asked me to marry him! We"re engaged!"
"Oh, Lily!" Abbie jumped up from the table and hugged her sister. "Hold still and let me see the ring! Oh, Lily, it"s stunning."
While Abbie hugged Jason, Lily approached Emma. Only two days had pa.s.sed since the disastrous night at the police station and Abbie had told Marina how angry Emma was at Lily. Marina glanced at Jim to see if he was concerned.
But Emma took Lily"s hand and scrutinized the ring, turning Lily"s hand this way and that. She stood up and hugged her sister tightly. "This is spectacular news, Lily. Congratulations." She turned to Jason and kissed his cheek. "Welcome to our crazy family!"
This sister thing, Marina thought, is as complicated and incomprehensible as particle physics.
"Thanks, Emma." Lily did a little jiggling dance of happiness. She turned to show her father the ring.
Jim stood up and hugged his daughter. "Congratulations, Lily." Reaching out, he shook Jason"s hand. "Congratulations, Jason."
"Oh, Dad, I"m so happy!" She linked her arm through Jason"s, smiling up at him. "We"ve got to go tell his parents! And Carrie. And--"
"Wait, Lily," Emma said. "When is the wedding?"
"Oh, I don"t know, we just got engaged." Lily held out her hand and turned it, making the diamond flash.
"Oh my G.o.d!" Abbie said. "Do you realize this means Lily will be the first sister to get married?"
Lily laughed a theatrical, triumphant laugh. Everyone talked at once about which church they"d go to, would it be a beach wedding, who would officiate. Marina sat at the table, smiling and watching and thinking how odd it was that no one noticed that Lily had not deigned to show Marina her engagement ring.
46.
Abbie Monday afternoon, Abbie let herself into the Parker house, walked straight through into the kitchen, and found Harry and Howell there, finishing their lunch. They were dressed alike in white tee shirts and khaki shorts. When Howell saw her, the connection between them sparked like a Roman candle.
"Hi, Nanny Abbie!" Harry"s piping high voice was full of excitement. "Daddy came home last night and he brought me a giant octopus!"
Abbie pretended to shiver. "A live one?"
"No, silly Nanny Abbie!" Harry giggled. "A rubber one." He wriggled in his chair. "I"ll show you--"
"Finish your lunch first, Harry." Howell tapped the side of his son"s plate.
"How"s the noggin, Harry?" Abbie slid into a chair next to the little boy"s and checked out his head. The b.u.mp had disappeared. Only a bruise-colored mark remained.
"He"s right as rain," Howell told her. He moved his leg under the table so that his bare foot touched her ankle.
The touch took her breath away.
"Mommy took me to Victoria"s house!" Harry announced. "Victoria has a kitten! We might get a kitten."
"That would be terrific, Harry," Abbie told him. She smiled a friendly kind of smile at Howell and moved her leg away. She was determined to carry through with her decision, her logical, responsible decision, even though her heart and her soul and her senses all flowed toward Howell, craving his touch, the sound of his voice, the flesh of his body. She clenched her fists beneath the table, digging her nails into her palms. "How did your conference go?"
"Very well. I didn"t trip over my own feet to or from the podium, a respectably large audience attended my talk, and no one fell asleep or stormed out of the auditorium while I was reading my paper."
Abbie forced a laugh and winked at Harry, who was watching her face. "As if you were really worried."
"Hey," Howell retorted playfully, "have you ever spoken before three hundred of your peers, most of whom are praying for the opportunity to discredit you?"
Harry slid halfway out of his chair. "Daddy, Nanny Abbie, I"m through with lunch!"
"You can get down," Abbie told him. She stood. "Let"s get you ready for the beach, kiddo."
Howell rose, too. "I"d love to go with you, but I"ve got piles of email to deal with."
Abbie flashed him another fake smile. "We"ll be fine."
Because the wind was whipping in from the northeast, Abbie tucked Harry into the SUV and drove to Miacomet Pond. The pond side was sheltered, and most people went up over the dune to the ocean side, so Harry had a large plot of sand to himself. He brought his rubber octopus and Abbie stationed it in the shallow water, weighting its middle down with sand, its eight legs floating free.
At three she called him up to their little nest beneath the beach umbrella. He had his snack of fruit juice and crackers, then curled up for a nap with a beach towel over him. Abbie lay next to him, on her side, just looking at him. He was the most captivating child she"d ever seen and she loved him with a love she couldn"t comprehend, but after his fall from the carousel horse, she knew she"d been absolutely wrong to think she could ever be more to him than a nanny. He already had a mother. And he was a child who needed his family intact. What child didn"t?
Then it was time to gather up all the beach things and head back home. At the Parkers" house, Abbie gave Harry a quick rinse in the outside shower, then brought him inside.
Howell came into the hall and squatted down to hug his son. "Hi, guys, how was the beach?"
"Nanny Abbie made the octopus swim!" Harry told his father.