"I have spoken with her sister," he said. "Another aunt."
During the past week Lily had discovered certain facts about her parents" roots. And she had just discovered that both had surviving family. She was not quite as alone in the world as she had thought. But instead of exulting, her mind was churning with unease-worse than unease. She could get no grip on the feeling, though. Of what exactly-or of whom exactly-was she afraid?
"I believe," his grace said, "it is time we returned to the box, Lily. The second act will be beginning soon."
Lily was extremely fond of Elizabeth, who exemplified for her all the finer qualities of a true lady. Lily respected and admired her. She was also aware of the fact that she was Elizabeth"s employee, who did almost no work for her very generous salary. All Elizabeth required by way of service was that Lily apply herself to the lessons she herself had dreamed of and that she display as much as possible of her newly acquired knowledge and skills by attending certain social functions with her employer.
Lily had worked very hard, both for her own sake and for that of her employer. And she was pleased with the results, if a little impatient with the slowness by which some of them were being achieved. But sometimes a nostalgia for the old way of life became almost overwhelming. Sometimes the need to be outdoors, to be in communion with nature, to disappear into her own world of inner tranquility could not be denied. Hyde Park was no real subst.i.tute for the countryside, surrounded as it was by the largest, busiest city in the world. And through most of the day it was a fashionable resort for the beau monde, who liked to parade there to see and be seen, to exchange the latest on dits of gossip. But Lily had rarely known idyllic conditions in which to enjoy the natural world. She was accustomed to seeing what she wished to see while shutting out the world around her for precious moments of time. And Hyde Park in the early mornings came close to being idyllic.
A few times since her arrival in London Lily had stolen out of the house alone soon after dawn in order to enjoy a quiet hour by herself before the lessons and the busy round of activities began. She never told Elizabeth, and if Elizabeth knew, she gave no indication. If she had admitted to knowing, of course, she would have felt obliged to insist that Lily take a maid or a footman with her. And that would have ruined the whole thing.
Lily went to the park the morning after the play. It was a cool morning, a little misty, but with the promise of another lovely day ahead. There was scarcely anyone about. Lily avoided the paths and walked on the dew-wet gra.s.s. She was tempted to remove her shoes and stockings, but she did not do so. There were, alas, proprieties to be observed. The park was not quite deserted, after all. There were a few tradesmen hurrying about their early-morning business, and the occasional rider cantered along the paths.
Lily tipped back her head to gaze at the treetops while she drew in deep lungfuls of air. She tried to clear her mind, in which unease and exhilaration mingled to such a disturbing degree that she had been waking and sleeping and waking and sleeping all night long-and there had been the old nightmare again.
She could not understand quite why she had been frightened by what she had learned last evening. Perhaps it was just that she was accustomed to believing that she was without close connections. Since she was seven there had been only her father-a rock of security while he lived, but the only rock. Yet now suddenly there was a whole crowding of connections-two aunts, two cousins, and two acquaintances who had close ties with the place where her mother had been a maid. Lily had not even known that her mother had been in service. But she had been a personal maid to Mr. Dorsey"s cousin, the Duke of Portfrey"s wife.
What made her vaguely uneasy about those facts? Lily could still not find an answer this morning. She tried to shake off the feeling.
She knew very well why she was exhilarated. Neville had indeed got together a party to go to Vauxhall Gardens three evenings hence. She would have been excited just at the prospect of going to the famous pleasure gardens, Lily thought. But ... Well, it was not just the idea of going there that had her so excited she could hardly sleep. Vauxhall Gardens was the place for romance, she had heard, with its tree-lined, lantern-lighted avenues and more private paths, with its private boxes and concerts and dances and fireworks displays.
And she would be going there within a few evenings with Neville. The party was to consist of eight persons, but that fact meant nothing to Lily. She knew that he had invited the other six only because he could not invite her alone.
She wondered if he planned an evening of romance-and if she would allow it. She still had not quite made up her mind.
She tried not to mull over the old arguments as she walked in the park. She kept her face lifted and listened to the birds, which were singing in full chorus. She tried to focus her mind on the precious present moment.
She would wear her locket to Vauxhall, she decided. He would notice and remember her telling him that she would wear it for some special occasion.
But was she prepared to give him such a signal?
She breathed in the slightly damp air with its strong smell of vegetation and listened to the distant sounds of a horse"s cantering hooves.
If the Duke of Portfrey had talked with her mother"s sister, he too must have been in Leicestershire recently. But why not? He had been married to a woman who had grown up there. Perhaps he was still on terms of intimacy with her family.
The horse was coming closer from behind her. Its pace had quickened almost to a gallop. The few times Lily had been on horseback, she had found riding a most wonderful sensation. She thought she would rather like to fly along the paths of Hyde Park on a horse"s back.
And then three things happened simultaneously-the sound of the horse"s hooves became m.u.f.fled, as if they were riding now on gra.s.s; someone screamed; and Lily had that feeling again-that feeling of bone-chilling, mind-numbing terror. When she turned her head, horse and rider were almost upon her. By sheer instinct she twisted away and fell heavily to the gra.s.s. The horse thundered past and continued on its way at full gallop.
The scream was repeated and a young serving girl came rushing across the gra.s.s, dropping a large basket as she did so. Two men, one in the dress of a laborer, the other looking more like a prosperous merchant, also appeared as if from nowhere. Lily lay dazed on the wet gra.s.s, gazing up at them.
"Oh, miss." The girl came down on her knees beside Lily. "Oh, miss, are you dead?"
"She"s shocked, not dead, you daft girl," the laborer said. "Are you "urt, miss?"
"No," Lily said. "I think not. I do not know."
"Best not to move, ma"am," the merchant said briskly, "until you are sure. Get your breath back and then see how your legs feel."
"The brute!" the maid exclaimed, glaring after the fast-disappearing horse and rider. " "E did not even look where "e was going, "e didn"t. Prob"ly don"t even know "e almost killed someone."
" "E wouldn"t care," the laborer added cynically. "The quality don"t care about "urting a bloke or a wench provided they don"t damage the "orseflesh under "em. "Ere, miss, do you want an "and up?"
"Leave her for a moment," the merchant said. "You do not have your maid with you, ma"am?"
Lily"s mind was just beginning to inform her that she had escaped death by a whisker-again. It had not yet drawn her attention to the various bruises she had sustained in her awkward fall.
"I am quite all right," she said. "Thank you."
" "E looked like the devil from "ell, "e did," the maid was informing them all, "with that black cloak flying out be"ind "im. I didn"t see "is face. P"raps there was no face. Oooh, p"raps "e really were the devil."
"Don"t be daft, girl," the laborer told her. "Though why "e were wearing an "ood over "is "ead on a morning like this, I don"t know-unless "e were a woman, that is, and she didn"t want anyone seeing "er riding astride and recognizing "er. The quality is all queer in the upper works if you arsk me."
The merchant was more practically engaged in helping Lily to her feet and allowing her to cling to his arm for a few moments until she could be sure that her legs would hold her upright.
"Will you allow me to see you home, ma"am?" he asked her.
"Oh, thank you," she said. "But no. I am quite all right, if a little damp. Thank you all. I am very grateful to you."
"Well, if you are sure," the merchant said, ruining his gesture of gallantry by withdrawing a watch from an upper pocket, frowning, and remarking that it was just as well as he was late for an appointment.
Lily walked home alone and succeeded in getting into the house and up to her room without being seen by either Elizabeth or any of the servants. She stripped off her wet clothes before ringing for Dolly and then smiled beguilingly at her maid and told her that she had been to the park and slipped on the gra.s.s-but she would prefer that her escapade not be discovered by anyone else. Dolly entered gleefully into the conspiracy and promised that her lips would be tightly sealed-and then she proceeded, as she tended to Lily, to give an enthusiastic progress report on her budding relationship with Elizabeth"s handsome coachman.
It had been an accident, Lily told herself, beginning to feel the painful effects of her bruises. A careless rider had strayed from the path and had not even noticed her.
He had been wearing a dark cloak-with the hood up.
Probably every gentleman in the nation owned at least one dark cloak. And the morning had been cool, even if not exactly cold.
And it was certainly possible that the he really had been a she.
It had been an accident.
But she feared it had not been.
Any more than the rock falling from the top of the cliff at Newbury had been.
Matters were progressing slowly-if at all. Neville had not even seen Lily every day since his arrival in town. And when he did see her, it was usually at some entertainment when she stayed close to Elizabeth"s side and good manners kept him from trying to spend too much time with her.
They were still watched avidly wherever they appeared together. Joseph had told him that drawing room conversation was thriving on the topic. There were even said to be two items relating to them recorded in the betting book at White"s Club. There were gentlemen who had placed their bets on the likelihood or otherwise of his marrying Lily again within the year. And there were others-or possibly the same ones-who had bet on the possibility of his marrying Lauren within the same time frame.
Joseph was privately amused by the whole business. Publicly he considered it all a crashing bore-there was no one better able to show ennui than the Marquess of Attingsborough.
But Neville intended to throw caution to the wind during the Vauxhall evening. He intended to take full advantage of the setting. While he had reserved a private box and invited guests and made it his own party, he nevertheless planned to spend some time alone with Lily. He had been wooing her very gently and cautiously for almost two weeks. He intended to woo her in earnest at Vauxhall. He was not without hope of success. He remembered the afternoon at the jeweler"s and Gunter"s almost with bated breath. She had been relaxed and happy on that afternoon-happy to be with him.
He prayed for good weather.
And his prayers were granted. The day had been hot and sunny, if a little windy. The wind dropped as evening fell to create conditions that could not have been more favorable for Vauxhall if Neville had had the ordering of them.
They crossed the River Thames by boat-the slower but by far more picturesque way of approaching Vauxhall Gardens. Neville took a seat in the boat beside Lily while Elizabeth sat in front of them-Portfrey, who had been out of town for a few days, had been expected back today but had not yet put in an appearance. Joseph was sitting behind, flirting discreetly with Lady Selina Rawlings, his current lady love and present for the evening under Elizabeth"s chaperonage. Captain Harris and his wife were seated in the stern of the boat. Colored lights from the gardens shivered across the water. Darkness had all but fallen.
"Well, Lily?" Neville bent his head closer to hers so that he could see her expression.
"It is magic," she said.
And it was too-magic to weave its spell about the two of them and not release them until the night was over, and perhaps not even then.
He took Lily on one arm, Elizabeth on the other as they entered Vauxhall Gardens and made their way to the box he had reserved, in an area with all the other boxes and the place where the orchestra members were tuning their instruments. It was one of the nights when there was to be dancing.
"Have you danced beneath the stars before, Lily?" he asked her after he had seated everyone in the box and ordered food and drinks.
"Of course I have," she said. "Do you not remember all the dancing we used to do?"
In the army? Yes, there had been a great deal of it. The officers had had dances of their own, better organized, more formal, not nearly as enjoyable, Neville had always thought, as the ones that took place about the campfires or in some rude barn. He had used to stand and watch sometimes. He had never dampened the spirits of his men by trying to join in and claim a partner when there were not nearly enough women to go around.
"Yes, I do." He smiled at her. "But have you waltzed beneath the stars? Do you know the steps of the waltz?"
"I am not allowed to dance it," she told him. "I have to be approved by one of the patronesses of Almack"s first-though I daresay that will never happen."
He moved his head a little closer and spoke for her ears only. "But this is not a formal ball, Lily. The rules do not apply here. Tonight you will waltz-with me."
Her eyes told him that she wanted to do so. And her eyes told him other things too. There was a certain depth of yearning in them-he was sure he did not mistake the expression.
And then he noticed her locket.
"Is this the first time you have worn it?" he asked, touching it briefly.
"Yes," she said.
"Is this the special occasion, then, Lily?" He looked up into her eyes.
"Yes, Neville."
Strange, he thought, how his name on her lips became the most intimate of endearments.
There was no more chance for personal discourse for a while. The food and drink had arrived, the orchestra had begun playing, and conversation became general.
When the dancing began, Neville led Elizabeth out onto the dancing area and then Mrs. Harris. But the third dance was a waltz, and the time for general socializing was at an end. The time for romance had begun.
"You cannot know," Lily said, placing one hand on his shoulder and the other in his as the orchestra started to play, "how I have longed to waltz-perhaps because I thought I never would."
"With me, Lily?" he murmured. "Have you dreamed of waltzing with me?"
Her eyes widened. "Yes," she said. "Oh, yes. With you."
He did not attempt to converse after that. There was a time for words and there was a time for simply experiencing. The air was cool and the moon and stars above them were bright. But nature at Vauxhall was in happy communion with the man-made beauty of the sounds of the orchestra and the colors of the lanterns nodding gently in the trees.
And there was the woman in his arms, small and shapely and dainty, and smiling into his eyes through the whole dance without embarra.s.sment and without any pretense of indifference.
"Well?" he asked when the waltz was almost at an end. "Is it as wicked a dance as it is said to be, Lily?"
"Oh," she said. "Wickeder."
He laughed softly and she joined him.
"Come walking?" he asked.
She nodded.
"We must take everyone with us," he said, leading her back to the box. "But with a little ingenuity, Lily, I believe we can lose them before we have gone too far."
She did not voice any objection.
She had not been mistaken. Oh, she had not. He had married her out of a sense of obligation. He had treated her with kindness after her arrival in England because he was a kind man. He had made love to her because he would make the best of any situation in which he found himself. He had offered for her again even after he knew they were not legally married because he had felt obligated, honor-bound to do so. There had been some love too, of course-he had said so, and she had not doubted him.
But now it was love pure and simple. There was no obligation left. She had freed him, and since then she had made a life for herself and learned the skills that would help her to live independently of anyone"s charity and earn her own living.
He was wooing her now-simply because he loved her.
She would no longer entertain even a vestige of doubt. And she would no longer erect obstacles between them that just did not need to be there. She might never be his equal in the eyes of the world, but she knew now that she could live in his world with some comfort and with a good deal of self-respect. The thought of Newbury Abbey no longer filled her with despair.
She was going to allow it to happen.
And so when they strolled along the tree-lined, lantern-lighted avenue with the marquess and Lady Selina, she made no protest at the almost comical maneuverings of both gentlemen to arrange matters that the two couples part company. Neither did Lady Selina.
"You see, Lily," Neville said after the two of them had turned down one of the narrower, darker, quieter paths, "there are these areas that were made for lovers."
"Yes," she said. "How wonderfully convenient."
"And they were made narrow enough," he said, "that two people must walk single file or else with their arms about each other."
"We cannot talk if we walk single file," she said, smiling at the darkness ahead.
"Precisely." He set an arm about her shoulders and drew her close to his side. There was nowhere to put her arm then except about his waist. And then she found that her head was most comfortable against his shoulder.
There was a strange feeling of seclusion even while the sounds of the orchestra and of voices shouting and laughing were still quite audible. There was an occasional lantern in a tree, but in the main the path was lighted by moonlight. If it was romance she had been hoping for, Lily thought, then she had surely found it in abundance.
Their footsteps inevitably lagged when they had walked a distance along the path, and then they stopped altogether. He turned her, and she found her back resting comfortably against the broad trunk of a tree.
"Lily," he said, bracketing her head with his hands pressed against the trunk, "you must say no now, my dear, if you want this to go no farther."
She reached up one hand and traced his facial scar with one fingertip. "I am not saying no," she whispered to him.
He kissed her, touching her at first only with his mouth. It was a kiss of love, she thought before setting her hands on his shoulders and then sliding her arms about his neck. There could be no other motive on either side. Just love. She parted her lips and kissed him back with love.
He lifted his head as his arms came about her and arched her in against him. She could scarcely see his face with the moonlight behind him, but she thought he was smiling.
"This," he said, his lips brushing hers as he spoke, "was meant to be, Lily, from the very first moment."