Here, as in the silent woods of Canada, night comes at last. The restless city of pleasure settles to its short sleep.
_THE RETROACTIVE EXISTENCE OF MR. JUGGINS_
_The Retroactive Existence of Mr. Juggins_
I FIRST met Juggins,--really to notice him,--years and years ago as a boy out camping. Somebody was trying to nail up a board on a tree for a shelf and Juggins interfered to help him.
"Stop a minute," he said, "you need to saw the end of that board off before you put it up." Then Juggins looked round for a saw, and when he got it he had hardly made more than a stroke or two with it before he stopped. "This saw," he said, "needs to be filed up a bit." So he went and hunted up a file to sharpen the saw, but found that before he could use the file he needed to put a proper handle on it, and to make a handle he went to look for a sapling in the bush, but to cut the sapling he found that he needed to sharpen up the axe. To do this, of course, he had to fix the grindstone so as to make it run properly. This involved making wooden legs for the grindstone. To do this decently Juggins decided to make a carpenter"s bench. This was quite impossible without a better set of tools. Juggins went to the village to get the tools required, and, of course, he never came back.
He was re-discovered--weeks later--in the city, getting prices on wholesale tool machinery.
After that first episode I got to know Juggins very well. For some time we were students at college together. But Juggins somehow never got far with his studies. He always began with great enthusiasm and then something happened. For a time he studied French with tremendous eagerness. But he soon found that for a real knowledge of French you need first to get a thorough grasp of Old French and Provencal. But it proved impossible to do anything with these without an absolutely complete command of Latin. This Juggins discovered could only be obtained, in any thorough way, through Sanskrit, which of course lies at the base of it. So Juggins devoted himself to Sanskrit until he realised that for a proper understanding of Sanskrit one needs to study the ancient Iranian, the root-language underneath. This language however is lost.
So Juggins had to begin over again. He did, it is true, make some progress in natural science. He studied physics and rushed rapidly backwards from forces to molecules, and from molecules to atoms, and from atoms to electrons, and then his whole studies exploded backward into the infinities of s.p.a.ce, still searching a first cause.
Juggins, of course, never took a degree, so he made no practical use of his education. But it didn"t matter. He was very well off and was able to go straight into business with a capital of about a hundred thousand dollars. He put it at first into a gas plant, but found that he lost money at that because of the high price of the coal needed to make gas.
So he sold out for ninety thousand dollars and went into coal mining.
This was unsuccessful because of the awful cost of mining machinery. So Juggins sold his share in the mine for eighty thousand dollars and went in for manufacturing mining machinery. At this he would have undoubtedly made money but for the enormous cost of gas needed as motive-power for the plant. Juggins sold out of the manufacture for seventy thousand, and after that he went whirling in a circle, like skating backwards, through the different branches of allied industry.
He lost a certain amount of money each year, especially in good years when trade was brisk. In dull times when everything was unsalable he did fairly well.
Juggins" domestic life was very quiet.
Of course he never married. He did, it is true, fall in love several times; but each time it ended without result. I remember well his first love story for I was very intimate with him at the time. He had fallen in love with the girl in question utterly and immediately. It was literally love at first sight. There was no doubt of his intentions. As soon as he had met her he was quite frank about it. "I intend," he said, "to ask her to be my wife."
"When?" I asked; "right away?"
"No," he said, "I want first to fit myself to be worthy of her."
So he went into moral training to fit himself. He taught in a Sunday school for six weeks, till he realised that a man has no business in Divine work of that sort without first preparing himself by serious study of the history of Palestine. And he felt that a man was a cad to force his society on a girl while he is still only half acquainted with the history of the Israelites. So Juggins stayed away. It was nearly two years before he was fit to propose. By the time he _was_ fit, the girl had already married a brainless thing in patent leather boots who didn"t even know who Moses was.
Of course Juggins fell in love again. People always do. And at any rate by this time he was in a state of moral fitness that made it imperative.
So he fell in love--deeply in love this time--with a charming girl, commonly known as the eldest Miss Thorneycroft. She was only called eldest because she had five younger sisters; and she was very poor and awfully clever and trimmed all her own hats. Any man, if he"s worth the name, falls in love with that sort of thing at first sight. So, of course, Juggins would have proposed to her; only when he went to the house he met her next sister: and of course she was younger still; and, I suppose, poorer: and made not only her own hats but her own blouses.
So Juggins fell in love with her. But one night when he went to call, the door was opened by the sister younger still, who not only made her own blouses and trimmed her own hats, but even made her own tailor-made suits. After that Juggins backed up from sister to sister till he went through the whole family, and in the end got none of them.
Perhaps it was just as well that Juggins never married. It would have made things very difficult because, of course, he got poorer all the time. You see after he sold out his last share in his last business he bought with it a diminishing life annuity, so planned that he always got rather less next year than this year, and still less the year after.
Thus, if he lived long enough, he would starve to death.
Meantime he has become a quaint-looking elderly man, with coats a little too short and trousers a little above his boots--like a boy. His face too is like that of a boy, with wrinkles.
And his talk now has grown to be always reminiscent. He is perpetually telling long stories of amusing times that he has had with different people that he names.
He says for example--
"I remember a rather queer thing that happened to me in a train one day----"
And if you say--"When was that Juggins?"--he looks at you in a vague way as if calculating and says,--"in 1875, or 1876, I think, as near as I recall it--"
I notice, too, that his reminiscences are going further and further back. He used to base his stories on his recollections as a young man, now they are further back.
The other day he told me a story about himself and two people that he called the Harper brothers,--Ned and Joe. Ned, he said was a tremendously powerful fellow.
I asked how old Ned was and Juggins said that he was three. He added that there was another brother not so old, but a very clever fellow about,--here Juggins paused and calculated--about eighteen months.
So then I realised where Juggins retroactive existence is carrying him to. He has pa.s.sed back through childhood into infancy, and presently, just as his annuity runs to a point and vanishes, he will back up clear through the Curtain of Existence and die,--or be born, I don"t know which to call it.
Meantime he remains to me as one of the most illuminating allegories I have met.
[Ill.u.s.tration: Meanwhile he had become a quaint-looking elderly man.]
_MAKING A MAGAZINE_
(_The Dream of a Contributor_)
_Making a Magazine_
I DREAMT one night not long ago that I was the editor of a great ill.u.s.trated magazine. I offer no apology for this: I have often dreamt even worse of myself than that.
In any case I didn"t do it on purpose: very often, I admit, I try to dream that I am President Wilson, or Mr. Bryan, or the Ritz-Carlton Hotel, or a share of stock in the Standard Oil Co. for the sheer luxury and cheapness of it. But this was an accident. I had been sitting up late at night writing personal reminiscences of Abraham Lincoln. I was writing against time. The presidential election was drawing nearer every day and the market for reminiscences of Lincoln was extremely brisk, but, of course, might collapse any moment. Writers of my cla.s.s have to consider this sort of thing. For instance, in the middle of Lent, I find that I can do fairly well with "Recent Lights on the Scriptures." Then, of course, when the hot weather comes, the market for Christmas poetry opens and there"s a fairly good demand for voyages in the Polar Seas.
Later on, in the quiet of the autumn I generally write some "Unpublished Letters from Goethe to Balzac," and that sort of thing.
But it"s a wearing occupation, full of disappointments, and needing the very keenest business instinct to watch every turn of the market.
I am afraid that this is a digression. I only wanted to explain how a man"s mind could be so hara.s.sed and overwrought as to make him dream that he was an editor.
I knew at once in my dream where and what I was. As soon as I saw the luxury of the surroundings,--the s.p.a.cious room with its vaulted ceiling, lit with stained gla.s.s,--the beautiful mahogany table at which I sat writing with a ten-dollar fountain pen, the gift of the manufacturers,--on embossed stationery, the gift of the embossers,--on which I was setting down words at eight and a half cents a word and deliberately picking out short ones through sheer business acuteness;--as soon as I saw;--this I said to myself--
"I am an editor, and this is my editorial sanctum." Not that I have ever seen an editor or a sanctum. But I have sent so many ma.n.u.scripts to so many editors and received them back with such unfailing promptness, that the scene before me was as familiar to my eye as if I had been wide awake.
As I thus mused, revelling in the charm of my surroundings and admiring the luxurious black alpaca coat and the dainty d.i.c.kie which I wore, there was a knock at the door.
A beautiful creature entered. She evidently belonged to the premises, for she wore no hat and there were white cuffs upon her wrists. She has that indescribable beauty of effectiveness such as is given to hospital nurses.
This, I thought to myself, must be my private secretary.