I had my head down, trying to cover my face. Allison moved away from me and someone else came over, hugging me tightly in their arms. I looked and saw the tan, muscular arms of Salvatore. They were wrapped around me and he instantly began whispering to me, telling me to calm down and that everything would be alright. His embrace was so warm, so comforting. I finally was able to stop the sobbing and I just remained still, not wanting to move and be ripped out of the warmth of his kind embrace. I could feel Salvatore"s heart beating because my head was pressed gently against his chest and it was so nice...so rhythmic and soothing.
Chapter 11.
All the painful, agonizing thoughts that were flooding my mind faded away in that moment despite the tears remaining. Everything else stopped mattering the moment Salvatore held me so tightly. It was so warm, so rea.s.suring to my psyche. I felt so secure, like no one or anything could ever hurt me again. He"d picked me up and set me on his lap, hugging me more tightly. His one hand brushed my long hair slowly, comforting me as if I was a small child.
"It"s okay my sweet princess, don"t cry. Don"t cry," Salvatore cooed. His body was so warm and his strength consoled me.
My body trembled and he kept talking.
"I can"t stand to see you so sad; it breaks my heart. What"s happened, sweet Taylor? Who could take your sunshine and your joy like that? You"re not meant to be sad; you"re meant to radiate the beautiful warmth, just like that first day I met you."
His words were therapeutic to me, taking away the sting and embarra.s.sment of the entire situation that I"d been forced to face so unexpectedly that morning. All I had wanted was to hang out with my best friend, but instead I received news that shattered my perception of reality and what my relationship with Chase was truly about. Perhaps I was long overdue to go through the experience and the time to just release everything had come, but I never would have thought it would be so painful. Somehow, beautiful and compa.s.sionate Salvatore, had taken the sting away from inside of me and had turned it into a glue that strengthened our bond. It was inexplicable and it was amazing.
Then my thoughts drifted to the intimacy of the comforting moment. Feeling his body pressed against mine was so arousing in the tender, unexpected closeness we were sharing. His muscles were so firm, giving me a security that I"d never felt before. Then again, I"d never been so vulnerable and exposed in the past as I was at that moment. His soft breath tickled my neck, but seemed to whisper promises that I would be okay-that he would protect me.
I"d just been through a lot, but I found that it was no longer on my mind. It had evaporated just like steam evaporates into the air. I couldn"t even bring myself to look at Salvatore for fear that my eyes would betray what I was thinking at that moment. His cheek was pressed against mine and I could almost feel the brush of his lips against it, which sent shivers surging through my body.
Salvatore"s hands slowly traveled up my arms and his one finger slowly moved toward my chin, landing just underneath it. He gently tilted my head so I had to look at him and could no longer avoid the intense gaze of his beautiful brown eyes. It was in that moment that I saw his emotions for me were worn pa.s.sionately on his face. His desire was apparent in his eyes and every bit of his body language demonstrated that he longed for more. He wanted me like I wanted him, causing my body to instantly heat up with thoughts of what it would feel like for him to consume me.
We were inches apart and he slowly moved forward until I could feel his hot breath caressing my lips. What would his full, s.e.xy lips feel like brushing against mine? Would it send the same sensations through my body that his touch had? I"d never experienced anything like it before and I didn"t want anything more at that moment than to feel a more intimate connection with Salvatore.
"I want to kiss you so much right now, Taylor." I saw how his eyes were showing that he was in pain from being denied what he"d wanted.
"Then why don"t you?" I plead, not caring about anything except gratification from Salvatore at that moment. He looked so innocent, as vulnerable as me in the situation, and it was so arousing.
I closed my eyes and waited to feel his lips press against mine, antic.i.p.ating the moment. It didn"t come. Instead, he professed more from his heart. "It would change everything between us," he said. "I can"t risk that."
"Why?" I asked. "I can see that we both feel the same way...we both want this, Salvatore."
"Yes, but we are from different worlds, Taylor. In one month I"ll be back in Italy and won"t see you any longer. I can"t bear the thought of knowing that you are out there for me and that I want you, but cannot have you. I just can"t risk a broken heart that way."
My heart melted at his confession and it made me long to kiss him even more, but I knew it would be wrong. I grabbed his hands and said, "Oh Salvatore, I"m so sorry. I didn"t mean to lead you on or to have anything happen between us. I"m tutoring you and you"re my father"s client...I was just so wrapped up in the..."
Salvatore cut my words off, deciding that he wanted to pursue the kiss. My lips came alive and I responded without hesitation. No, I didn"t have the desire to pull away because I just wanted to consume every bit of him I could. The kiss was so hungry, showing that he"d held back from what he longed for way too long. I had too, but I wasn"t going to hold back anymore. I had no reason to and I was free to do what I wished now. There was no boyfriend between Salvatore and me to make me remain aloof to my intimate fantasies about him.
Knowing that it was something we both wanted, as well as something that could not be denied, Salvatore stood up, still carrying me in his arms, and we made our way to my bedroom, where he set me down. I shut the door and locked it, staring at him and we walked over to my bed, where we both flopped down and started to kiss aggressively and pa.s.sionately, each eager to explore the other"s body with our hands and see firsthand what each other felt like.
"Taylor, I"ve wanted to do this since I first met you," Salvatore said. "I"ve never wanted something so badly as I did the first time I laid eyes on you."
I confessed that I"d wanted him, too, and had struggled to resist thoughts of him constantly.
"No more resisting," Salvatore murmured.
"No more," I said, pressing in tighter to him, feeling my chest against his, our hearts pounding in rhythm.
He looked at me with a smile on his face that was so s.e.xy. "Then Lord have mercy on us. I know I can"t hold back my feelings for you any longer; especially now that I know you also want me."
Salvatore began unb.u.t.toning my cover-up that was over my swimsuit and then slid it off. He paused, staring at my body appreciatively, like I was a work of art he was observing in a museum, and then he took his finger and traced it down my stomach. "You are the most exquisite woman I"ve ever seen."
I stared at him the entire time, mesmerized by his every word and movement. He slid his hand behind my neck and released the swimsuit tie of my bikini top. Then he lowered it and exposed my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to him, which he gently touched with his finger. Then he leaned over and began to kiss them, lick them, tweak my nipples, and bring my entire body to life from his intensity. His tongue was like a paintbrush on them, moving lovingly over them and taking me to a divine place. My loins instantly ached from the way he touched me so carefully and thoroughly, yet so demandingly. He knew what he wanted and showed no hesitation to take it. He was so confident, so a.s.sured, but he also looked like his greatest joy would be pleasing me. I was absolutely captivated by it.
Not able to resist the growing desires I had any longer, I reached my hands down and unzipped and unb.u.t.toned Salvatore"s shorts. As I slid them off his sleek, muscular frame his manhood sprung out, showing me the largest, most inviting c.o.c.k I"d ever seen. It was so hard because it wanted me. It was as eager to please as I was and definitely so much bigger than the womanizing cheater, Chase"s. If it came down to the pure act of enjoying s.e.x, I"d been missing out big time. Well, I wasn"t going to miss out on my opportunities any longer.
"You"re the most gorgeous man I"ve ever seen, Salvatore. So s.e.xy, so smart, and so desirable. I want to experience you so badly. I can"t wait to feel you inside of me."
Salvatore just groaned and I slowly started to kiss his chest, traveling downward to his package. I wanted to feel it in my mouth, to absorb it so badly and just as my lips reached there I felt Salvatore"s hand gently go on my shoulder, stopping me from going down on his glory.
I looked up and he smiled at me, suddenly seeming bashful for the intensity of the moment. "I have a confession before we do this," he said.
What type of confession could he have? I wanted him and was willing to put it all out there for him and now he was confessing something. I was so confused, not to mention so built up with tension.
I couldn"t even talk and Salvatore just blurted it out. "I"m a virgin."
Although I"d only been with one other person, his words absolutely shocked me and I know my jaw dropped. My face certainly revealed how surprised I was by the revelation. Out of all the things I could have imagined him saying, that was not one of them. What came out of my mouth was less than eloquent. "Holy c.r.a.p. How could that be?"
Salvatore smiled weakly, giving me a reprieve from the embarra.s.sment of my bluntness. "I have been waiting for the right woman to come along. I"ve dated around before and have come very close to losing it, but I never have. I wanted it to be with someone special; someone who had real meaning in my life."
I was so touched by what he said. It was utterly romantic, movie material, and here it was happening to me as I was trying to get intimate with this amazing Italian man, smart and beautiful, in my bedroom. "Am I that person?" I asked. My voice was soft, liking the thought of being the one, yet suddenly nervous about it.
"Yes, you are that person," Salvatore said. He sighed and looked into my eyes, trying to gauge my response. My heart was racing and I honestly couldn"t tell what my eyes were saying. I didn"t know what to make of it. This was unchartered territory for me. And, I sure couldn"t call Allison up to get some friendly advice.
Chapter 12.
My desire for Salvatore was increased by his confession of virginity to me. It made me feel so special that he"d consider me the one that he was connected with enough to surrender it to. I kissed him softly, feeling the need to be tenderer and less aggressive. Then, something I"d tried to shove to the back of my mind took over inside of me and I stopped.
Salvatore was a s.e.xy, intelligent eighteen year old virgin. He certainly had options for losing his virginity to someone long before he"d met me and would after I was long gone. What was I doing? Was that fair to give him that gift if we had no chance of being together? Guilt for my greediness to feel him inside of me began sweltering and I knew that I couldn"t do it. It wouldn"t be right. Honestly, my sense of doing what was right was so frustrating at times. Why couldn"t I, just for once, go with my desires and shut my brain down?
I couldn"t talk and so much was processing through my mind. It felt like minutes, but it was only seconds. I had been hesitant to commit to Chase even before I knew that he was a cheater. Could I really go from a four year relationship right into another one with a man who had equally strong feelings for me? Sure, I liked Salvatore and definitely l.u.s.ted for him, but could that lead to something more permanent? I didn"t know and I couldn"t be selfish. That would be wrong and more importantly it would be selfish. I"d likely kick myself down the road for not taking advantage of the opportunity, but I had to think about more than my raging desires at that moment. And then there was Dad. I couldn"t ruin his professional relationship with Salvatore"s family just because I"d had a h.o.r.n.y streak. What had I been thinking! Thankfully I"d stopped just in time.
"Taylor, is there something wrong?" Now Salvatore was sitting up, leaning to his side and staring at me, trying to calculate what I might be thinking.
I sprung up, talking as I got distance from the hot, s.e.xy man that was lying there on my bed. "I"m sorry, Salvatore. I want to so badly, but...." I couldn"t even say the words.
"You don"t feel the same way about me as I do for you," he said.
I didn"t know what to say. I wasn"t sure that I did, but it was all because it was so new, so unexpected. I"d only been single for about an hour. What a busy hour it had been. I could barely look at him.
"I"m sorry...I thought...I"ve mistaken everything. I"m so sorry. I just hoped there would be..." Salvatore kept rambling on, trying to find the words to explain what he was feeling. Truth be told, no words could explain what either of us were feeling. It had been so intense and demanding, yet yanked away by Salvatore"s desire to confess and my desire to remain the good girl, the responsible girl. Well, being responsible really sucked sometimes.
After he was dressed, Salvatore walked up to me and looked me in the eyes, showing that he was more mature and composed than I could hope to be at that moment in that situation. "I"m sorry for what I"ve done. I know you are still with Chase. As much as I despise him, if he makes you happy I shall respect that and not interfere."
"It"s not that," I said quietly, wondering if my voice sounded as shaky out loud as it did in my head. I hadn"t told Salvatore that we"d broken up or even what had happened. He"d just seen my pain and tried to help. Suddenly, it led to this moment.
Salvatore walked to the door and said, "I have to go, Taylor."
He walked out the door and I followed. "Where are you going?"
"Out. I need to take a run or something; get rid of this feeling in my heart," he said. Then he walked away quickly, making his way out of the kitchen and through the back doors. I saw his hand go up to his eyes and it broke my heart. I didn"t know if he was crying, but if I was the thought of his tears I couldn"t stand it. He"d comforted me so sweetly just a short while ago and in turn, I had caused him such anguish.
I was such an idiot. I did want Salvatore as badly as he wanted me, but I was scared. Why had I done that? People have always thought I was smart, but right now I could clearly see that book smarts and emotional smarts were two different things completely. I was as dumb as it came when it got down to the heart and everything in life that made it such a complicated thing.
Just like Salvatore, I realized that I had to get out of the house and release some of my anxiety and sorrow. My pressing concern was what I"d done to Salvatore, not what Chase may be going through. For a flash, I felt like I"d done something wrong to Chase by dumping him so abruptly, but that was ridiculous. I had to remember that he was the one who cheated and messed things up-not me. I"d have plenty of time to commiserate over his indiscretions at a later time.
"I"m going to run after him," I exclaimed, feeling a burst of confidence to go out and claim what I wanted.
I swung open the front door and almost ran right into...Chase. What was he doing on my doorstep at that moment? If there was one thing that had always worked in his favor, it was timing. He was standing there at the door, holding flowers, and hanging his head down low like he was a scolded puppy dog.
"Taylor," he cried. He stepped toward me and I stepped back, holding out my arm. I didn"t want him to touch me.
He was crying, something I"d never seen before and through a choked voice he told me what he had to say. "I"ve messed up badly and I"m so sorry. I can"t believe I hurt the one person that I love; the one person I"d never want to hurt-you. Please forgive me. You have to. This is eating me up inside."
"Stop," I said. I had to remain strong and I knew that I didn"t want to hear his sob story at that moment. "I don"t have to do anything, Chase."
"I"m so sorry. I was such a d.a.m.n fool. I really thought that being a player was a way to gain respect and all the things I wanted. I was wrong. I should have ignored all those girls coming my way, vying for my attention. And the guys, encouraging me to go get laid, I should have never listened. I always thought about you...I swear."
Ouch! Those words stung because if I were to be honest, which I was forced to be, I knew that I"d thought about Salvatore a great deal during a few of the times I"d been with Chase since he"d come back from college.
Then I snapped back to reality. "You cheated on me. I can"t overlook that. I won"t overlook that!"
A new set of tears began falling from Chase"s eyes. "I need you, Taylor. You have always believed in me. It"s given me so much strength and confidence. With you I can be that n.o.ble character you thought I was. I can"t bear the thought of not having you in my life-forever."
"You"ll recover," I said. This time my voice was a bit softer because I suddenly felt overwhelmed by his emotional state of mind as he stood there on my front steps.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
My heart said no because I wanted to chase after Salvatore, but I found myself stating that he could come in. Chase was clearly an emotional wreck and while I was mad, I didn"t want to see him so unstable. It kind of freaked me out.
Chase and I sat down in the living room. He kept trying to explain himself and I didn"t say much. I"d been hurt, but I wasn"t the sort of person to kick a guy when he was down. In my mind, I was still debating his sincerity and even if he was sincere, could I ever trust him again? I had no idea. Perhaps if we talked things through right now we could walk away as friends, if nothing else. I supposed I owed it to him to see.
I excused myself to get Chase a gla.s.s of water and when I came back he was standing. He walked over to me and grabbed the gla.s.s, setting it down on the coffee table, and then reached out to hug me.
"Taylor," he whispered, squeezing me tightly. "It feels so good to hold you in my arms. The thought of not being able to do that anymore is too much. I promise I"ll never mess up again if you give me a second chance."
I began to state that I wasn"t sure I was ready for that when I heard the front door. Salvatore came in, sweating from his run, and turned to stare at me. All the tenderness in his eyes earlier was gone and he looked at me like I was the plague. He just put his head down and charged through the kitchen and out to the guest house.
Every bit of me wanted to run after him, but I didn"t. I let Chase keep hugging me and confessing everything, listening to him truly believe that everything was going to be okay; that what we"d just experienced was nothing more than a little hurdle to conquer in our relationship. He thought by releasing all the c.r.a.p that he"d done to me behind my back-which was a lot-would make it better. He may have felt better, but I didn"t. However, I was concerned for Salvatore more than anything else.
Still frozen, not even listening to Chase any longer, I watched Salvatore walk back into the house. He had a suitcase in his hand. That"s when I pulled away from Chase.
"Where are you going?" I asked. I ran over to Salvatore.
"I"m staying somewhere else-not here, where I can see...this!" He pointed toward Chase. I felt a lump in my throat. "Please thank your parents for their hospitality. My father would be pleased to know how well I have been treated by them. I shall personally write a thank you note later, but now is not the best time to do that. I must go."
His words were like venom and I was taken aback, horrified that he was going to be leaving. I didn"t want him to leave. "Where are you going? I can"t just let you leave like this."
Salvatore didn"t answer. He started walking again and headed right to the front door, where he walked out and shut it behind him. I felt an instant void, something that was so startling. The entire day couldn"t have been quirkier, more unpredictable than what it had been. I despised it all.
"Taylor?" Chase asked. "What"s going on? Why would you care if he left? You have the craziest look on your face."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I looked back at Chase and he had his hands on his hips, scrutinizing me.
"You look like the world just ended and it"s not about what happened between us. It"s about him leaving. Are you two?" In a flash, Chase"s forlorn look turned into that c.o.c.ky att.i.tude that he"d always sported so well. "You were with him when you and I were still together. I can tell. How dare you act all prim and proper. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."
"No, we never..." I began.
Well, the old Chase was back and he was ready to roll with his silver tongue and manipulative ways to phrase things and twist them for his own benefit. I couldn"t stand it.
"You clearly have feelings for him. It"s written all over your face. He has them for you, too. Of course, I"ve always been able to tell that, but you...you"re good. Acting like the victim when you"ve been cheating yourself."
"That"s not true and it"s not what you think, Chase. I can"t be with him."
"But you want to and that"s just the same as cheating. If you"ve mentally checked out with him it"s just because you"re too much of a coward to go for what you really want." Then he turned victim and added, "How could you be with me when you wanted him?"
"Chase, that"s why I can"t be with you now. I"m sorry. It"s just not possible."
Those words stung Chase, ruining whatever it was he had going on with his devious plan. He turned angrier. "Because of that guy? That kid? Do you think that"s reason enough to keep me from trying to win you back? I"m the better man for you and I know that. You know it, too, but you won"t admit it."
"I don"t know that, Chase. Don"t make this worse than it already is. We don"t have to fight about it. We were together a long time. I think you know it"s time to move on, just like I know it"s time to move on." His words cemented that my decision was the right one.
Chase ignored my statement and came at me aggressively, grabbing my face in his hands and kissing me hard. I could feel his razor stubble and the kiss hurt, making me shove him away with all the power I had.
He ignored me and began to try and slide off my shirt, but I refused to let him, placing my hand out again and raising my voice. "Stop! I don"t want that, Chase. We"re not going to do that."
"But..."
"But nothing. I said no. Try it again and I"ll slug you one," I said, making a fist. I"d never slugged anything in my life, but if he tried to pressure me to have s.e.x with him or let him grope me like he was a caveman I was going to make him the first person I"d ever slugged.
Going over to the flowers on the table that he"d brought for me, Chase smacked them so they fell all over the carpeting. Then he began grumbling and stormed toward the door. With his hand on the k.n.o.b, he turned around and looked at me. His face was contorted and full of rage.
"I"m still going to be around, Tay. Like it or not, we live in the same neighborhood, go to the same church, have the same friends, and hang out at the same places. You can"t escape me."
"I know," I said. "However, I"m not going to just be your girlfriend because of that. It doesn"t work for me any longer. I"m ready to move on and I think you should do the same. We can walk away from this as friends if you relax a bit."
I saw that the friend"s idea was like salt in a wound to Chase. A sneer crept up on his face. "Well, your family"s business relies on having a good reputation in the community. It"s what I want, too, so I"m willing to overlook your little indiscretion this once. We can start fresh, you and me, and we"ll be on even playing ground."
Then Chase opened the door and left, leaving it open behind him. I walked over to the door and pressed my cheek against its side, watching him leave. I was glad he was going and knew that he was trying to threaten me into submission, but it wasn"t my primary concern. Salvatore and the look on his face when he left was. Was it too late for me to go after him? I didn"t know. If I did go after him, was I doing the right thing? I couldn"t detect right from wrong at that moment, but I knew that I didn"t want to cause him any more problems or emotional distress. He was too good of a guy and didn"t deserve that. I began questioning what had happened and wondered if it was more the heat of the moment or genuine emotions that had been building over the past two weeks. Ugh! I was so confused and my head was spinning.