R18
5 Shacho’s Apartment
Shachohad the corner apartment on the seventh floor of a modern high rise.
His living room was large, but Ididn’t get the chance to browse because I was dragged through into the largebedroom where a large fluffy bed sat.
I was surprised that he was able toafford such a place on the earnings in our company.
He seemed to read my mind and toldme, ‘I bought it when I was working for another company.’
I surveyed the room in surprise.The dim light of the evening shone through the curtains covering the largewindows.
‘I am not being forward, am I?’ heasked suddenly.
‘About what?’ I asked confused byhis question.
‘Bringing you here,’ he said hishand sweeping the room. ‘I will be troubled if you change your mind,Sakamoto-san.’
‘No, I will not change my mind.’(Zuben: The sista is ready.)
He walked forward I walked backwards.
‘I’m never sure of a person’sfeelings. But before you change your mind, I have to make sure I imprint myselfon you thoroughly.’ He said as his expression changed.
I felt like prey before Shacho; as I backed away and heapproached. Soon I was stopped by a solid object behind me, and I could not goback further.
Shacho’shand stroked my cheek gently and I leaned into his touch, unconsciously closingmy eyes. He drew me closer and kissed me.
Because my eyes were closed, it felt like allmy senses were concentrated on the entwining of his tongue with mine. It mademe aroused in the blink of an eye. My knees felt weak and I slipped. Shacho held me and lay me back onto hislarge bed.
‘Did that feel good?’ He asked witha wolfish grin.
This person has a splitpersonality!
‘Sakamoto was saved for me becauseyour ex-boyfriend had little experience,’
‘Why?’
‘Because now, I can train you sothat your body so that you will never be able to live without me.’ (Zuben: Do j.a.panese women find this kind of line a turn on?)
Why are you telling me something soscary?!
He pulled up my top and un-hookedmy bra. And he held my breast in his large hand.
I cried out as my hardened nippedbrushed against his palm.
Shacho’sfinger traced around my areola and I arched my back.
‘Do you feel good?’ he asked.
My face burned when he asked me inthat tone.
Why was it that I felt like I wasthe only one happy we were mutually expressing our love?
Round and round his finger went. Mys.e.x was feeling thrilled with the pleasant sensation, but his finger did notreach the centre.
I wanted him to touch my nipple, butwhen I moved, he took his hand away in a flash.
‘It’s dangerous,’ he said in thatteasing tone he had adopted, ‘I will not touch there…yet.’ And he started thattorturous circle again. Gradually my breathing became short as pleasure beganto grow.
Quickly…I want you to touch itsoon.
I felt myself take damage as thatdisturbing finger approached again. It was probably because my body knew thepleasure only halfway. I felt like crying because I was unsatisfied.
Even if I begged, that finger wouldgo away again.
Even though I was aroused, my bodywas getting impatient without the pleasant feelings.
I…I wanted satisfaction…even if Iwas going to do it myself.
Shachocaught my hand as I raised it,
‘Do you want to touch yourself?You’re surprisingly h.o.r.n.y,’
‘That’s because Shacho…’ because Shacho won’t touch it!
I looked up at him and he laughedand said, ‘I was thinking about touching it sooner or later. It seems it’s timeto take care of it.’
If you would…If I could getanything beyond that maddening thing he had been doing.
He totally took of my top and bracompletely; he took of his black shirt and bound my wrists with it.
He had a well toned body which wascovered with a fine sheen of sweat and it gleamed in the low light of theevening. (Zuben: Bow chika wow wow)
‘Ya~a yya…touch me,’ I cried.
Even though he had not touched meanywhere but my areolas, my lower body was getting wet in antic.i.p.ation. When Imoved my legs, I could hear the sound and feel the mucous seeping out.
Please touch me soon.
Even as I watched him, panting, Shacho just looked down at me with asatisfied smile on his face. My skin was flushed and love juices dripped frombetween my legs, he just watched.
‘You look good enough to eat, I’mthrilled.’
Shachoseemed to be smiling in the dim light. I’ve never seen this type ofpredatory expression on a man before.
‘Please…’I cried.
‘Here?’ he asked teasingly as hefinally touched my nipples.
My back arched at the suddenstimulus. He tightly pinched and crushed the hardened protrusions.
‘Oh…ah…ah…’
‘Did you come because of such athing? You’re the h.o.r.n.i.e.s.t woman I’ve ever met.’
I wanted to deny it, but myunderwear was soaked and sticking uncomfortably to my skin. It was proof that Ihad come.
It looked like the president had such ahabit…
The pleasure given after coming wasnot gentle. Even though he touched my nipples as I wished, he was pinching andcrushing them painfully.
‘It hurts, Shacho…it hurts.’
‘Masaya,’
‘Ma…saya?’
‘My name is Masaya. Call me thatfrom now on.’
(Zuben: Babe, you’ve been in lovewith a bloke whose name you don’t even know?)
‘Ah Masaya-san…it hurts…oh…oh…’
‘That’s a lie, it feels good’
‘Ah…different. Yes.’
I could feel pleasure within thepain. It was gradually developing from his merciless onslaught on my nipples.
Yes, it was such a fierce feeling.
‘Do you want me to stop?’
No! Don’t stop!
While moaning, I desperately shookmy head.
I was starting to fall into a deeppleasure that I had never tasted before.
‘Which is good? Would you ratherrush? Does it hurt you too much?’
No! I won’t be impatient anymore!
‘Do more! It’s okay if it hurts.’(Zuben: Gurrl ¬.¬)
I could not keep myself from sayingit, though it was embarra.s.sing. Just tasting the pleasure demonic Masaya wasgiving me this last few minutes, I wanted him to touch me more, to be as fierceas he could. (Zuben: We would be graduating to whips and chains, soon)
‘Saying such a thing? Are yousaying you are a lewd woman?’
‘Do it, because oh…oh…’ Because Icould not take it anymore, I felt so good I thought I was going crazy.
‘What would happen if I insert thisinto your mouth?’ he asked, his lips parted a little and there was a glimpse ofhis tongue. Just imagining the tangled kiss made my core clench,
‘Too erotic to imagine,’
Masaya laughed. This level was too different.Of course, experience was too different as well. He was a devilish pervert.
I felt like I should be disappointed…
‘It’s alright. Maki seems to havethe quality.’ (Zuben: Of Masochism? We know)
I do not need such a characteristicthough, I thought, but my body was throbbing regardless of my logic.
‘Oh…ah…ah!’
My head could not keep up with thestrong stimulus. Pain and pleasure are mixed and my core constricted manytimes.
More…I wanted more. I wanted biggerpleasures.
It was sometimes cruel to have experience.I knew the feeling of something thick thrusting in and out of my s.e.x. The sweetparalysis that overcomes me as it rubbed the v.a.g.i.n.al walls. So easy to get whenyou have a partner.
‘Don’t make such an unsatisfiedexpression,’ Masaya teased as he licked an engorged and reddened bud.
I moaned loudly; intoxicatingpleasure without pain.
He pinched one nipple and sucked onthe other one. Even though the stimulation was not stronger than the finger,the pleasure I felt was intense.
My body trembled with pleasure ashe sucked on my nipple. His hot wet tongue was suddenly pushed against the budand my consciousness was stunned.
‘Do you want it?’ He asked
I knew what he referred to. Yes,soon. Immediately. I nodded, but it was very likely devilish Masaya would notgive it to me right there and then.
He just smiled and sucked on mynipples, sending delicious waves of pleasure around my body.
‘Oh…ah…ahn!’
There was a pleasant sensationborne from my slit and the sensitive bud which could be rubbed faintly as Isqueezed my thighs together.
Ahn…it felt so good.
I rubbed my legs together cravingeven a bit of pleasure from there. It certainly could not be helped if hecalled me lewd. Although I was ashamed, I still could not stop.
‘Maki, raise your hips.’ He commanded,I obeyed and my jeans and underwear were taken off. The cool air settled on myflushed sensitised skin.
‘You’re already drenched.’
I could not see it, but it was as Iexpected. Love juice was spread around the bushes. The lascivious mouth that wantedgifts opened up; it was drooling without stopping.
Masaya told me to hold my knees up.My wet slit was exposed.
I wanted him to touch me.
My body that wanted stimulation, wantedpleasure. Even though I came lightly a while ago, it was far from a trueculmination. It was possible to touch myself but I knew it was not what Iwanted.
‘Are you excited from being seen?You have a l.u.s.ty body, Maki.’
‘Ah, that is…’was all I couldreply.
‘Though, I’ve been mean, you’redrooling? You’re so easily excited.’ Masaya said laughing like he was amazed.
I wanted to say, you did this tome, but I wasn’t so sure. Even though his eyes were cold, I was so aroused. I realised I could not go back anymore.
Masaya’s finger caressed my thighsand slowly they ended up at the centre and traced the hair on my mound.
‘Ah…’
My body throbbed in expectation ashis fingers gradually moved closer to where I wanted them,
‘Ah…!’ My body trembled in raptureas a finger stroked the entrance of my slit. As it traced me shallowly, I couldhear obscene sounds.
Quickly…push further inside, Ipleaded in my head.
A faint pleasure was all I had; Iwanted him to get deep inside and stroke the inner wall more and reach thatplace deep inside,
‘It will be fun to stop here,’ hesaid retrieving his fingers and licking the juice on them.
No, no. I shook my head.
‘Maki, what do you want to do? Doyou want to stop?’ he asked. Why was he asking this? I did not understand.
‘You understand my proclivities; I get excited making you scream. Do you like it?’
I hesitated. It was painful to beteased in such a way, but I still wanted to be loved by this person.
‘I like it,’
He grinned first. And then he waslaughing with a pained expression. However, it changed to an expression ofrelief, I realised that Masaya-san may have been uneasy about me.
Then he said, ‘Here’s your reward,’and pushed two fingers into me. My love hole tightened around his fingers. Idid not want to let go of the fingers that were giving me pleasure.
I moaned loudly as his long fingerspenetrated me many times and my body became numb. A sweet pleasant feelingspread every time his fingers rubbed my v.a.g.i.n.al wall. I enjoyed the pleasurewithout pretence.
‘Do you dislike it? Shall I stop?’he asked
‘No…oh. No, you can’t stop, ah!’ Icried
‘What? I didn’t hear you.’
‘I feel good. It feels so good.Please don’t stop.’
‘The way your hips are shaking iscertainly appealing. Is my finger so good?’
He was stimulating my insidesstrongly with his finger. My v.a.g.i.n.a was drooling and contracting. While hepulled out, he didn’t forget to run his finger along the walls. I wasenraptured.
I became drunk from the pleasureacc.u.mulating. I was going to peak soon.
Just a little more…I thought.
But that finger was pulled out justbefore I was swallowed by deep pleasure.
‘Ah…!’ I cried in protest.
The walls of my v.a.g.i.n.a contractedlooking for that foreign object. All that mucous gave out a strange sound as itfilled the hollows. (Zuben: Is there like a fountain up in there?)
I looked at him indignantly.
He was taking off his jeans andunderwear.
My body got excited when I realisedsomething thicker than a finger was coming.
‘Don’t make such a happy face,’ hesaid with a grin, ‘I want to chase you.’ And he put on a condom.
He was more masculine than any manI had ever met.
‘Is this the first time you’ve seenone?’
It’s the first time I have seen itso thick and big. But, I could not say that out loud.
My thighs were opened wide and hepositioned himself at my entrance. He rubbed the head along my slit to coat itin love juices, and then he advanced inwards.
I moaned as the tip entered slowly,spreading the meat. Although, I wanted this, an oppressive feeling that I hadnever experienced before overcame me.
‘Ah…you’re so tight.’
I moaned. He slowly drew back,unlike his fingers; his c.o.c.k rubbed different places as it came out from whenhe entered.
‘Does it hurt?’ he asked
‘It…doesn’t hurt…’
‘I won’t hesitate then,’
Holding my knees, he thrust in withvigour.
‘Ah!’
The pleasure that was borne from fleshmeeting flesh in this way was more then I imagined. The sense of pressurequickly blew away. His violent thrusts warped upward, flicked the v.a.g.i.n.almucosa. Every time he stabbed it into me, pleasure melted my body.
The more I melted the more pleasureacc.u.mulated than I could withstand.
‘Ah..a m-Masaya-sa~an…’
‘Calling my name with such a sweetvoice, I will not be able to hold back.’
‘Ahh…nn…ah…ah…ah!’
‘Would you like to taste it morethoroughly?’
I couldn’t possibly…
The same feeling of culmination Ihad at the company this morning was rising. It was the first time I had feltsuch pleasure in my p.u.s.s.y. However, it was merely a sign of greater pleasuresto invade me.
Grabbing my thighs and furtheropening my legs, Masaya thrust accurately at the upper side of my v.a.g.i.n.a givingme even more pleasure.
I had sensed that he knew the bodyof a woman. I do not know how many lovers he had had but I suspected therewould be many.
The glans penetrated to the placeinside where the pleasure resided a.s.suredly. Every time he pulled out, thewalls were caught in his wake.
Masaya-san did not reach as easilyas he threatened. Even my former boyfriend came quickly after a bit of vigorousthrusting.
He slowed down when he got excitedand thrust hard when he calmed down. I felt like I was being tempered.
The temperature, the shape, themucous was being tuned to fit Masaya’s hardened maleness.
But it was a deep pleasure inexchange for this.
‘Ahn..oh…Ahh!’
My soft and wet walls wereshrinking around Masaya. It increased in intensity when he thrust the deepest,
‘I about to reach my limit, Maki’
I opened my eyes to look at him.His expression was gentle yet he was grimacing.
‘Looking at me like that…ah I’mcoming…’ His expression has different from what it had been. It wasembarra.s.sing and hard to look him directly. Such a sweet expression that lookedclumsy, but it was so charming it drove me to the limit.
‘Ah…no more, oh…oh a~a~an!’
While we looked into each other’seyes, my v.a.g.i.n.al walls wriggled and convulsed (Zuben: This woman is verysensitive to her v.a.g.i.n.a’s movements, chai!)
Masaya groaned as he came, and thenhe pulled out.
I was sweaty and sticky. I reallywanted a shower. While I was thinking this, I was suddenly lifted from the bedin a princess hold.
‘Ah Masaya-san?!’
‘You will be uncomfortable; thereis no need to push yourself.’
Where are we going? I wondered as Iclung to him.
He took me to the bathroom and putme in the bath tub.
‘Sit put while I wash you,’
‘No, I will wash myself.’
‘Do you hate me washing you…?’
Hmm?
‘No…’
‘Are you dissatisfied with the kindof body wash I have?’
‘It is different…’
‘Is my sponge distasteful to you?’
Listen to what someone is trying tosay! How could we hold a proper conversation? I wondered as I held my head indismay. His large hands came from behind washing me. Soap suds flourished as heran his hands around my tummy.
There was a sense of foreboding.
‘Um…’
‘Since you don’t like my bathingsponge, I can only wash you by hand.’ He said as a matter-of-factly.
Is that so?
This bathroom is totally differentto the one I had in my apartment. There was so much s.p.a.ce.
‘Stop that tickles,’ I cried asMasaya’s hands caressed my flank.
‘You have no choice but to endure…’he replied softly. Bubbles were now covering my upper body. I cried out as hishands rubbed my bulges and touched the rosy tips.
‘You’re still hard here, are youwanting more?’ he asked as his slippery hands smoothly kneaded my b.r.e.a.s.t.s andteased my nipples.
My body which hadn’t recovered fromthe last affair was awoken again. His fingers gently traced my areolas, and occasionallyplayed with the nipples.
‘How tantalising…it would be fun tocontinue the rest of the night.’ He said chuckling behind me. Masaya-san looked like he could really do it. I was a bit afraid I would not beable to keep up with him. .
‘Do you want to try?’ he whisperedin my ear then he bit my earlobe. It created goose pimples down my spine.
‘Ah…yes….oh~’ I moaned contrary to my fears.
He supported my body as he pinchedmy nipples.
Because, I was resting on him, I couldfeel Masaya’s c.o.c.k stiffening behind me.
Was Masaya-san also as l.u.s.ty as Iwas…?
Did I excite him?
With that thought in mind, the achein my body got stronger and I wanted it a.s.suaged.
‘Ah~ Masaya…put it in…’
‘Where?’ he teased as he kissed myneck.
You know…
I knew he was only teasing me, butI still felt frustrated. I really wanted him inside me.
I rose, bent over and pointed at myslit,
‘Here…here.’
‘Your a.s.s?’
‘No. Here. I want you to put ithere.’ I replied as I put my fingers inside myself. It felt different when Idid it. It seems my s.e.x was protesting that it wasn’t enough with my fingers.
‘I don’t have a condom. Are youprepared to marry me if we get pregnant?’
‘…Ah?’
‘I will come out but it doesn’tguarantee that you will not get pregnant. Are you prepared for that?’ he asked.
‘Masaya-san, what are you asking?’
‘This is probably not the best timeto ask this question, is it?’ His warm voice made my heart melt. I had notthought that far to marriage. I was worried about how far I could follow thatdelusion.
Despite his warning me, my replywas, ‘Please put it in me – please.’
‘Are you prepared to go all night?’he asked. (Zuben: Dude! Stop asking questions and get on with it!)
His delightful voice sent tinglesdown my spine. Was it okay to be this happy about it? And a slight bitperplexed?
He told me to brace my handsagainst the wall, and put my a.r.s.e outwards.
My knees almost collapsed inpleasure when the head of his p.e.n.i.s touched my s.e.x directly. Masaya gripped myhips to keep me from falling,
‘It has just entered,’ he said inhis teasing voice. Even then he hadn’t put it in completely. He entered meslowly. I moaned.
While supporting my waist, Masayastarted pulling in and out. It seemed that I have gotten used to his sizequickly, for there was no discomfort as my wet cavern swallowed him completely.
‘This is dangerous as I thought…ah’he said through gritted teeth. The feeling of flesh to flesh, not separated byanything, amplified the pleasure. Each thrust sent waves of pleasure throughme.
‘Ah…there…yeah…ah.’
I was about to collapse. My kneeswere weak from the strong stimulus.
‘I’ll take you back to bed.’ Hesaid. He rinsed the soap suds off both our bodies and carried me back into bed.
He turned me unto my stomach andpulled me up by my hips and carried on.
My pleasured cries filled the roomas his violent manhood invaded me. My wet cavern raised a sound of joy.
Even though I wished for it, I wasstill surprised I was climbing quickly. I seemed that my v.a.g.i.n.al meat respondedsensitively to the feeling of raw manhood. Love juice splashed about, as werubbed against each other, our limbs entangled.
‘Wa…ah…ahn…I’m…I’m coming,’ Igripped the soft quilt on his bed tightly as I began to tremble. I could barelylook at Masaya-san’s room; I was coming for the second time.
I cried out as I reached the peak.
Masaya pulled out vigorously as myv.a.g.i.n.a clamped down around him. I could feel the warm turbid fluid spill overmy back.
Ah…it felt too good.
Masaya-san had been sayingsomething about tying me up. I don’t know about that, but it certainly feltlike I could not leave even if I wanted to.
‘How was it? Unsatisfactory?’
‘It is weird! How can it feel sogood?! Why?’ I cried as I collapsed onto the bed.
‘I am kind of concerned about thekind of men you dated in the past’
Well, I guess so…but I wasbeginning to think this was not just about experience.
Masaya-san carefully wiped my back,while I was lost in thought.
‘Well…it isn’t an interestingstory, though. I wouldn’t say it was impossible. Honestly I don’t know what tosay,’ (Zuben: Neither do I. I kinda lost the plot here)
Masaya-san came to lie down besideme.
Was there anyone who didn’t like tobe touched?
I had too many embarra.s.sing thingsin my past.
‘Maki is a good child,’ he saidstroking my head.
‘A good child?! I’m not a child!’
‘That is true, because childrencan’t do this,’ he said as he pulled me on top of him.
‘Sit up,’ he said. He was gettinghard again, and he pushed his erection into me as I sank down on him.
It was too embarra.s.sing to look atMasaya’s face, and the pleasant sensations came over me again and I tried tohide my face.
But his large hand kept me fromhiding, ‘I want to see more of Maki’s face,’ he said.
‘A~aann~ no~ahn…’
He grabbed my b.u.t.tocks with hisother hand as he thrust up into me.
Masaya san would not allow me toturn my face; he gently stroked my cheek while f.u.c.king me. I could not turnfrom his warm hand; I had no choice but to expose my l.u.s.tful face,
‘That erotic face, because ofMaki…he’s going to get bigger,’ (Zuben: Dude who says that?!)
‘What are you saying – OH!’
‘I’ll tell you about my pastlater,’ (Zuben: Okay...?)
Masaya’s voice was heard through ahaze of pleasure. I could not understand him properly. I was coming again. Igradually became aware of the o.r.g.a.s.mic sensation growing inside of me; soon myhead was filled with it.
Masaya’s expressions were also acatalyst as I rushed to the top.
I felt drained, and I collapsed ontop of him.
‘Maki…ah…Maki…get off!’
I got off quickly at the sound ofMasaya’s fl.u.s.tered voice. If I had been any later, he would have dischargedinside me.
‘I do not mind coming inside, ifyou don’t want let me out.’ He said with a teasing smile. I smiled back at him.
‘Anytime, please?’ I teased
‘If you say that, are you going to do me threetimes again later?’ I asked. His expression became heated. I got the last word,this time.
We went to have a quick showertogether, and then Masaya-san borrowed me a shirt. We went to the living room,where he made coffee for us in the adjoining kitchen.
6 Past and Experience
We sat quietly together for awhile, then Shacho began to tell me of his past,
‘I have two older sisters; myeldest sister is Saori who is eight years older and my second sister is Marida,she is six years older.’
‘I get along well with them. Saori hasa quiet and reserved personality while Marida is more vivacious and outgoing.’
‘When I was in my third year ofMiddle School, Mari-nee invited her girl friends over to the house. At thattime, I hadn’t fully matured yet, so I could be seen as cute. I encountered oneof my sister’s friends out of her room…’
“Miyabi-kun, h.e.l.lo”
“h.e.l.lo,”
“Miyabi kun is cute as always.” (Zuben: Said the spider to the fly)
“Thank you,”
‘There aren’t many guys who likebeing told they are cute, not at that age anyway, but after a while you justcarefully say “thank you”’
“So where is Masa-kun’s room?”
“Eh? My room? It’s here…”
“Alright. Is it okay if I come andbother you later?”
“Feel free…?”
‘I had thought she was just jokingabout, like people do. But Kana-san really did come to my room later.’
‘So was that person…?’ I asked.
‘Kana-san was my first partner. Ididn’t have a girl I liked at the time and really wasn’t interested. ButKana-san…she didn’t force me into it. She respected my will. However I wonderif it was right. Anyway Kana-san was the kind of person who really liked tofeel good. I was taught to do various things, so compared to my cla.s.smates, mys.e.xual knowledge was a lot more.’
‘Are you still in contact?’ Iasked.
‘No, she got married when I was inmy second year of high school. We lost contact.’
‘Do you know who she married?’
‘I don’t know what kind of guy shemarried, but Mari-nee was invited to the wedding.’
It was kind of different from afirst love. More like first s.e.xual partner, more or less.
‘Wasn’t it surprising when she gotmarried?’
‘Well, I was more concerned abouthow to handle s.e.x than that.’
‘Is that so?’
Was it because he had been tooexperienced for his age? (Zuben: Really?) He must have had a lot of delusions.
‘I knew that Kana-san was a bitspecial. I never tried to make subsequent girlfriends to be like her, but Iguess could not help but compare. In the end, we usually broke up.’
I wondered if I had been comparedto Kana-san as well.
‘In the end, I couldn’t connectwith anyone and just did it with women superficially.’
Masaya-san lifted his mug and tooka sip of his coffee. I followed him and took a sip of mine.
‘Delicious…’ I said
‘Really? I learnt how to brew itthat way a long time ago with Kana-san…’ he began to say - then suddenlystopped. He sighed and had a faraway look in his eyes. (Zuben: Dude, don’t pine for what is lost, itwill never be the same again)
‘I’m alright…’ he said, ‘I just getlost in memories my time with Kana-san on occasion.’ (Zuben: Masa-kun are you overKana-san yet?)
The more I heard the name‘Kana-san’ the more I did not feel good. It was not amusing to feel like I wasbeing compared.
I felt like I was cursed.
So I said, trying to lighten themood, ‘Why not just make lots of fun memories with me?’
Masaya-san smiled at that.
‘You don’t have to work too hard.Overdoing things will just make you unhappy.’
I wondered if she told him thosewords as well. Even though everyone tried their best, they had to part. No onewas bad or wrong.
I could not even hate her.
‘I understand; I will try not totry too hard.’ I replied brightly. Masaya-san smiled softly and stroked myhead.
He seemed to be a good and kindperson, but my mood was somewhat complicated.
‘I will also try to be careful. Iwant to be with you for a long time.’ He said. The words made me ticklish.There were too many things and my head could not keep up. But, I wanted tocherish this relationship with Masaya-san. I did not want to hear him say ‘itis impossible’ to me.
I decided on something there andthen. I think it was hard for me to do, but I was patient. I think this wasbecause I had been waiting for a long time. I was keenly aware that we humanswere greedy creatures, and I wanted all of him.
‘Kana-san is…’
‘With Kana-san…’
‘To Kana-san…’
It had been one week from that day.We hadn’t done it again since then.
I wasn’t studying the j.a.paneseLanguage, particularly.
Masaya-san had a terribleexpression every time I said that name. It made things somewhat awkward. Iwonder if he was really unaware. I gradually became less talkative.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’tworry about it. He was behaving like an ex-boyfriend of mine did when we werestill together. So I didn’t need tooverreact.
That being said, ‘Does he not careabout me anymore?!’ I couldn’t help feeling this way.
Perhaps the severity of his variousdelusions may have come about like this; trying defending oneself by imaginingall the bad things that could happen. If you do that, you think the degree ofhurt may be lessened.
‘Masaya-san, tomorrow’s Sat.u.r.day,do you have any plans?
‘Tomorrow?’
‘How about a change of pace?’ Iasked with a laugh. Masaya-san returned my smile, his smile seemed troubled.This past week, I have only seen Masaya-san smile like this. Even though hisdamage delusions were troublesome, at least he laughed properly. It seemed thathe had become distant.
‘Maki is an adult,’ he said.(Zuben: Whatever that means)
‘Masaya-san is too childish. Eventhough I have ex-boyfriends; things of the past should remain in the past,right?’
‘That…that’s right.’ He replied.
‘Kana-san is like me, I like tofinish things off cleanly and properly.’ While talking, I noticed something.And I had a bad feeling.
‘But Kana-san is…’
I did not want him to say thosewords, for it would be like putting salt in my wounds. This person… willprobably not be able to move on with his life.
‘Truly, what would you know aboutKana-san?’ Masaya-san said harshly. Tears pooled in my eyes. (Zuben: Well youwere poking the hornets’ nest)
‘I was originally Kana-san’s…’
I was surprised at how calm I was.Was it because it had only been a week? I asked myself. At that moment, itseemed like only a daydream.
‘Masaya-san,’ I began, ‘Do you knowwhere Kana-san is right now?’
‘Um…’
‘I knew it…’
‘But she hasn’t contacted me,’
‘You should go and see her anyway.’I said, rising from my desk and going over to him. I picked up his car keys andhanded them to him.
Masaya-san sat shock-still in hischair, staring at the keys.
‘Have you never gone to see herbefore now?’ I asked.
‘No,’ he replied.
I picked up Masaya’s coat and madehim wear it. I put the keys in his hands.
‘Is it far from here?’
‘Two hours by car.’
I looked at the clock; it wasthree-thirty in the afternoon.
‘Go. I will deal with whatevercomes up today.’
‘Maki…Kana-san is now single.’
I had thought so. Masaya’sconflict, as to whether to go and see her or not, must have existed for years.
‘Do you still want me to go?’ Heasked.
‘Yes. Please go.’
Because Masaya-san could not moveforward as he was. I couldn’t watch him lie to himself about how he felt.
‘Does this mean that you trust me?’
‘If you get along well again withKana-san, please tell me properly and let’s break up properly.’
‘Maki!’
‘How long do you think I have hadyou in my heart? If Shacho is happy,that is best for me, isn’t it?
Shacho’shand trembled on the desk.
Actually, I am a liar.
I had thought that I would be okayliving in Kana-san’s shadow. I could have pretended to be unaware of it, andstayed next to him. That would have been fine.
But, I wanted him to see only me. Ihave become such a selfish girl. So because of that, I decided to return him toKana-san. I don’t need a Shacho thatwas pining for another woman.
‘Maki, I’m sorry.’ He said, overthe sound of my crying I heard him walk out and close the door behind him.
Shachodid not return to the office that day.
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