"a.s.shole," I sneer as my family breaks out in gut-busting laughter.
Still smiling, Jude comes toward me, tears in his eyes from laughing so hard before he wraps his arms around me in a big bear hug. He then picks me up off the ground a good inch as he hugs me tightly. I don"t hug him back on the principle of the matter. But I don"t last, and soon, I"m hugging him back. I haven"t seen him since the beginning of summer when he came home for a weekend before he and Claire went back to Vegas so Claire could work at her burlesque club. I"ve missed him terribly and I hate that he couldn"t spend the summer with us, but he"s a married man.
But still, it"s hard growing up with a solid unit, a loving, close-knit family, and then not having it anymore.
First, it was my parents" divorce that rocked this family to the core. I don"t think anyone is over the betrayal and hurt my father caused us yet. I think I"m the only one who still speaks to him without lawyers. No one else wants anything to do with him and I don"t blame them, but I still yearn for my dad"s attention. I don"t know why, but I do, and that"s my own personal demon to deal with. I don"t understand my siblings. I don"t ever want to tell anyone my dad and I are still in touch or ask for guidance because I know it would upset my mom-and possibly p.i.s.s off my older siblings.
After the divorce, it seemed like everything was in fast-forward. Jude moved to California slash Vegas with Claire; they"re married and happy, and we only see them maybe five times a year. It"s been an adjustment and it sucks. Jude may get on my nerves, but I look up to him. h.e.l.l, I"ve wanted to be him for as long as I can remember. I"m more like him than Jayden. Jude always wanted to play first and think later, but Jayden wasn"t like that. He thinks everything out, and he is constantly worried about everyone. Don"t get me wrong, I worry about the people I love, but I"m not selfless like he is. He"s also always wanted that person to complete him. Jude didn"t, and I"m the same way. Well, Jude didn"t until Claire came along.
Make no mistake, I love my sisters-in-law, both of them, but I miss my family. Even though Jayden is still living in Nashville with Baylor, I hardly ever see him. He"s too busy being married and s.h.i.t, which is cool, I get it. I know it"s a part of life, but I miss my brothers. I love Lucy but there is a six-year difference between us, and I think she"s always been annoyed by me. She"s also way past my maturity level. She"s been married, divorced, and has a kid of her own. She doesn"t have time for drama or anything along those lines. She"s got too much to worry about, and I don"t want to add to that. Plus, she suffers from a serious case of resting b.i.t.c.h face, so it can be hard to talk to her. Thankfully though, I know she loves me or I would be worried.
It just sucks because I remember when everyone was happy and good-together. Now, Mom is lonely, Dad is marrying the chick he cheated on my mom with-which has everyone in an uproar-Lucy hates life, minus her daughter, Angie, Jude and Jayden have found happiness somewhere else... And then there is me. Trying to find my way and make my dreams come true.
But before I can fully dwell on the feeling of loss, Jude is laughing, stealing my attention.
"Do you need me to teach you game?" he teases as he puts me down, and I flip him off.
"I have game."
"And you lost your game-you"re married," Claire says from the side, but Jude doesn"t pay her any mind. His eyes are teasing as Jayden wraps his arm around my neck, squeezing me tight.
"Sure, you do, Jace. And why haven"t I heard from you?"
I roll my eyes at him. ""Cause you have a wife."
"Hey," Baylor complains, smacking my shoulder. "You love me."
"I do," I say as we hug tightly, and I can"t help thinking that I really lucked out on the sisterin-law gig. My former brother-in-law, Lucy"s ex-husband, was the biggest douche canoe I had ever met, and I was only ten when I met him. I knew then he wouldn"t last, but the moment I met Baylor, and even Claire, I knew they were the other halves to my brothers. I"m closer to Baylor, though, but that"s just because I haven"t been able to spend time with Claire the way I do with Baylor. I sometimes see her more than my brother.
Which is sad, actually.
"I"m just saying," I add, squeezing her once more as I make eye contact with Jayden. "She calls me for lunch. You do not."
"That"s only "cause she"s been training at the university with her dad."
I give him a speculative look at his accusation and shake my head. "Whatever, I don"t have guilt that I don"t see you, but apparently you do."
Jayden protests. "Please. No guilt here."
"Well, I have guilt. Come here, brother hug," Jude says, wrapping his arms around the both of us. "No sisters allowed!" he adds while Lucy flips us off, and everyone is laughing except me. I don"t think they understand how much I miss them, and I"m absorbing all the love my brothers are showering me with. I never thought I"d miss living in their shadows, but I do. I sort of miss them making fun of me, picking on me, and bossing me around. I don"t know; it"s just been a weird couple years.
"Losers." Lucy"s voice holds no trace of humor, but everyone laughs anyway. It"s common knowledge that my sister is a b.i.t.c.h, and after all that"s happened, I don"t blame her. She"s an interior designer trying to find her way and single mom with a deadbeat ex-husband. I just wish she could be happy. That maybe someone would come along to show her what real love is like. I doubt she"s looking for him, though. I"m pretty sure we are on the same page about love.
It"s dumb.
Soon, my mom is calling us all to the table and we head toward the dining room. I"m thankful because any more of the hugging and greeting s.h.i.t and I was going to scream. I hate the reminder that I don"t see these people daily like before. As I cut through the living room of my old family home, I notice my bags are packed and by the couch. "Mom, you packed my stuff?"
"You said you were leaving today, right?" she calls from the kitchen.
"Yeah, but I was gonna do it after dinner."
"I had time," she says, waving me off, but I know she didn"t. She did it because she is always moving. She"s never just chill; she won"t allow it. She works a full-time job as a teacher, she runs this household, and she worries constantly about all of us. Ever since the divorce, she has changed. She used to be this thick, fluffy, happy woman, but now she has lost all the fluff and thickness-and even the smile. She isn"t the woman I remember, and I wish I could bring my mom back. I just wish she"d take it easy. Find something other than her kids to make her happy.
"Well, thanks," I call out as my niece jumps on me, and I catch her easily. Looking every bit like her momma and nothing like that douche, Angie grins at me as she hugs me tightly.
"I don"t want you to leave."
I nod. "I know, but now we won"t be fighting over the TV."
Her eyes light up as she hugs me tightly. "Oh yeah, but I"m gonna miss you."
"I"ll miss you too." I kiss her cheek before putting her back down and taking her hand. "You like school?"
"Yeah, my teacher is nice and things are cool, but I want to play hockey, Jace. Like you guys. Talk to my mom; Jayden is already trying to convince her."
"I got you," I say with a wink and a little guilt weighs on my chest. This summer was the last summer I had at home with Angie. I"ll be leaving soon, just like everyone else. While it"s everything I want, it"s kind of a scary thought.
"Awesome! I"m gonna play like you, and I"m gonna be the best."
"Angie! You know I"m the best," Jude hollers and she grins sheepishly as Jayden snorts.
"Please, I"m the best."
But then Baylor holds up her hand. "If you want to base your play on anyone, it should be your awesome aunt who is the first girl in the NHL."
Angie"s grin falters a bit before she glances up at me and I nod. "It"s okay. We all know I am the best. They are all haters."
"Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate," she sings and I nod.
"Exactly."
"I don"t hate. I know I"m better than you," Jayden says. "Remember who"s in the NHL and who isn"t."
I give him a deadpan look, pointing at Baylor. "Only because I was protecting your girl when you couldn"t, and I got hurt."
"Whoa, don"t bring me into this." Baylor"s hands go up. "But, thanks."
"Anytime," I add with a grin. "You watch. I"ll be there soon, kicking all y"all"s a.s.ses."
"Bring it, bro." Jude laughs as he sets down a plate of steaks.
"Yeah, I"m ready to put you in your place." Jayden"s eyes are challenging as he sits down beside Baylor.
"Laugh it up, but I"m telling you, I"m gonna do some real damage."
They both scoff as Lucy sits down beside me and c.o.c.ks her head to me. "I got my money on the baby."
"Traitor."
"Suck-up, you"re just saying that "cause you still need a babysitter."
She laughs at Jayden"s accusation, but it doesn"t reach her eyes. I haven"t seen my sister really laugh or even smile in years unless it has something to do with Angie. She is my sister"s light. If it weren"t for her, I don"t know what my sister would do.
It"s kind of scary to think about.
Wrapping my arm around her small frame, I hug her tightly before kissing her cheek. "You will always be my favorite sister."
She leans her head to mine and nods. ""Cause I"m your only."
"Small details," I tease and she smirks as she leans back, taking a steak and cutting it up for Angie.
When Mom comes into the dining room, she lays down three more platters before sitting at the head of the table. When the chair at the other end is pulled out, I glance over to see my coach and my brow rises. It shouldn"t surprise me that Baylor"s dad would come to dinner, but then again, it kind of does.
"Coach Moore?"
He raises his chin to me as he lowers himself into the chair. "Jace, I see you"re late all the time."
That has Markus snickering as I glare. "It was Markus."
"It"s fine. Shh," Mom says before she reaches out and takes my hand. I reach for Lucy"s after she lays down the knife and fork she was using to cut up Angie"s food, and she squeezes my hand lovingly. After we bow our heads, my mom says grace and I can"t help but feel good. Sneaking a peek at my family, Markus, and Coach, who are all thanking the good Lord above for the blessings we have, I wish that this could happen every day.
Do I miss my dad? Sure, but this feels right, and I think it has a lot to do with the new additions: Claire, Baylor, and now Markus. Mom seems happy as she prays, her eyes squeezed tight as she holds Jude"s and my hands tightly. When Jude looks up, a grin pulling at his lips, I smile back. Guilt washes over me as Jude closes his eyes before bowing his head once more. Instead of wishing for things to be what they were, I should be thankful for what I have. A growing family and a support system that is there for me. That loves me.
We may be a broken family with issues, but at least we always have each other.
"Amen," my mom says, but she doesn"t let go of my hand or even Jude"s. Instead, she looks up, tears in her eyes and a grin on her lips. "I"m so glad everyone is here."
She is gazing across the table at Coach, and I"m sure I"m not the only one who catches the way she is looking at him. Glancing from my brothers to my sister, I notice they are looking at her funny too, while a grin pulls at Coach"s lips.
What the h.e.l.l?
When Jude glances over at me, I shrug before looking over at Jayden, who appears as confused as we do.
"What the h.e.l.l is he doing here?" I mouth and he shrugs. I then b.u.mp Lucy with my toe and she shrugs too. I nod my chin to Baylor, but Jayden shakes his head.
"Later," he mouths but I want to know now.
So does Lucy, apparently. "So nice to have you over for dinner, Coach Moore."
"Good to be here," he says simply, but Lucy isn"t done.
With my fork in my hand, I watch as she stares him down. "You know, it"s kinda weird that Jayden and Baylor have been married, what, three months now, and this is the first time you"ve been to dinner?"
He looks up from his dish, and I notice that Jayden and Jude haven"t started eating either. They are waiting for an answer too. We must be the only ones worried about this, or thinking things about it, because everyone else is eating, not curious as to why our coach is here.
"Yeah, Autumn invited me after the parents" meeting a couple weeks ago."
Autumn? When the h.e.l.l did he start calling my mom Autumn?
Her name is Mrs. Sinclair, and she is my mom!
And a couple weeks ago?
What? What the h.e.l.l?
Glancing at my mom, she is grinning. Like, really grinning.
"I"ve always invited him, but he accepted this time."
"Figured it was time," he says then, sending her a grin. "I haven"t really gotten to know Jude and his wife yet, and Baylor"s been asking me to come. Plus, it"s hard to say no to such a beautiful woman."
Beautiful woman?
What in the ever-loving f.u.c.k is going on?
His last comment has Baylor and Claire glancing up as my mouth drops open, and I swear we all look like dogs playing fetch, our heads going from my mom to Coach. They apparently hadn"t noticed we were scrutinizing them.
Finally though, my mom glances over at me and glares. "Eat your food, Jace Ryan."
Unable to speak, I look down at my plate and consider what I am suspecting.
Is my mom hooking up with my coach?
Chancing a glance back at my mom-I mean, she is beautiful. She"s my mom, and she made four hot kids-I wonder if Coach thinks my mom is hot? Wait, she"s wearing makeup, and f.u.c.k, she is still staring at my coach.
Unable to keep my mouth shut, I ask, "Mom, are you wearing makeup?"
Her eyes throw daggers when she tears them away from Coach and on to me. "Yes, Jace, I wear makeup. I am a woman."
"No, you don"t," Lucy says.
"Like, ever," Jayden adds, and his gaze cuts to Coach.
"This is weird." Jude shakes his head.
"Agreed. I think I lost my appet.i.te," Lucy comments.
"What"s weird, and why?" Mom asks, glaring at all of us. "We are having dinner. As a family. Don"t be silly."
"It is weird that you"re here, Dad," Baylor says.
"I mean, did you want me to come or not?" he snaps back at her, and she glares.
"I want you here. But I"m just saying, I don"t think you are here for me," she says. When he doesn"t say anything, everyone looks back at my mom.
"I mean, should I just say it?" Lucy asks, holding out her hands. But I don"t think any of us really wants this confirmed, because I"m already shaking my head along with Jude.
"No, just eat," Jayden says, rubbing his temples as he starts to eat.