When the banging stops, I look up, even though I can"t see anything since it"s pitch black under the blanket.
"You"re breaking my heart, Avery. Please," I hear him say. But I don"t move. "But if you want s.p.a.ce, I"ll give it to you. Lead by example, right? I guess, call me, if you want. I really hope you want to. After you"re done being mad at me. I won"t apologize, though, because I don"t need to. I never intended on breaking up with you. I just needed to think it all through. So if that"s a crime, I"m sorry. But f.u.c.k, Avery, don"t you realize how much you mean to me? How much I love you? f.u.c.k," he bellows, slamming something into the door, making us both jump.
When we hear nothing more, Mekena pulls the blanket off our heads and looks at me. "I don"t know the whole story, Av, but that doesn"t sound like someone who"s putting hockey above you."
My mouth trembles. "I know, but like you said, you don"t know the whole story," I say sadly, shaking my head before looking back at her. "It hurts knowing that he doubts our relationship, our love, me, believing that my dad would ruin his career. My dad has no pull like that. He can"t even get his own kid in the draft, but he can ruin careers? Jace went behind my back, contacted the douche who broke my heart, and believes him. It"s mind-blowing. Yeah, I held back that I tried to kill myself and all that s.h.i.t, but come on. I love him and he isn"t listening to that. He only cares about that d.a.m.n sport, his f.u.c.king career. Maybe I"m being a b.i.t.c.h, but when the h.e.l.l do I matter? How many times am I going to come up short next to it? Am I letting my past f.u.c.k with my future? Maybe. But I deserve the best. I"m tired of not being important enough to someone. Especially someone I love the way I love him."
Her eyes widen, and I immediately realize I said way more than I should have. "Whoa, lots to process there."
"Yeah," I say, getting up and pulling my shirt down. "Just ignore it. I"m insane."
"Avery, no, that"s good. In the last minute, you"ve shared more with me than you have in the six weeks I"ve known you."
Biting into my lip, I close my eyes. "Sorry. I know that was crazy, but I"m just so hurt." I fall onto my bed and let the tears go. "I trusted him. Depended on him. And yeah, it"s only been a month or so, but I thought this was real."
"Don"t give up yet," she says, getting up and coming over to me. "You"re mad and hurt. I"m sure once you cool off and really a.n.a.lyze everything that happened, you"ll..." She pauses and I glance at her.
"Realize that I"m overreacting?"
She shrugs, a forgiving smile on her face. "Just a tad bit."
"Yeah, but it"s such a sore spot for me."
"I understand that."
"He didn"t even try to comfort me as I was spilling my soul to him. I saw it in his eyes. All he cared about was that my dad could ruin him."
"Well, Avery, he"s been working years to get to the NHL. You can"t really blame him. When you want something so badly and something threatens that, you really don"t think straight," she says. I don"t want to get mad at her, but I"m pretty sure she"s taking Jace"s side. "I mean, look. He put a hole in our door because you wanted to remove yourself from the equation of you two. He freaked. Is that right? No, he could have done it a different way. But he was still honest with you. Like you would want any other time."
Okay, maybe she"s right in that respect, but what does that mean? Do I call and tell him I made a mistake? Do I apologize? Shaking my head, I get up and go to my closet. "I need time to think."
"Yeah, you do," she agrees and I look back at her.
I go to say more, but then I notice her eyes are bloodshot, her cheeks covered in dried tears. Raising my brows, I ask, "You weren"t crying over all this? This is my problem."
She shakes her head. "Nope, just like you, today has sucked for me too."
Coming to the bed, I lean my hip against my bedpost, wiping my face free of the tears that are drying to my face. "What happened?"
She sucks in a breath and soon tears are spilling over her cheeks. Surprised, I fall onto the bed, taking her hand with mine as she waves me off with the other. "It"s dumb."
"No, it can"t be if you"re crying. What happened?"
She bites into her lip and lets out a breath. "Markus and I were seeing each other, right?"
Oh s.h.i.t, she said, "were." d.a.m.n it, I thought things were good for them, but obviously, I was wrong. Just like I was with Jace, I guess. But, no, even I know that isn"t true. Ignoring my own issues, I say, "Yeah."
"Well, Tuesday night we went out and he put the moves on me. I told him I wasn"t ready to do that because I wanted to get to know him better. You know, I"m not that kind of girl-but I"m not saying you are," she says quickly and my lips curve. Not into a smile, because believe me, I will probably never smile again, but a smirk, nonetheless. "Anyway, he was cool with it, or so I thought, because he just texted me this morning and said he was really sorry, he couldn"t see me anymore. I asked why. And he said, "Because I slept with your sister last night.""
My jaw drops. "What?"
"Yeah."
"No, what? Markus slept with your sister?"
Bubbling with a sob, she nods. "Yeah, and when I asked Skylar about it, she said it was a mistake, they were drunk. But it really doesn"t matter "cause we weren"t together anyway." The hole in my chest widens as I wrap my arms around her. "It doesn"t matter that we weren"t together, I love him. I"ve always loved him."
Her sobs shake her body against mine and I just hold her, my own tears rushing down my face again and into her hair. "I"m so sorry."
Shaking her head, she cuddles into me. "But unlike Jace, neither Markus nor Skylar are trying to tear my door down to apologize or make things better. Instead, I"ve been in this room crying all day. So make sure you think that over. Realize that not everyone has a Jace chasing them. And yeah, he may choose his words wrong, but his actions speak louder. And there is nothing more important than you where his love is concerned."
Her words rock my soul as I gather her tighter into my arms. I feel horrible for her, and I, of course, wish Markus to the fiery depths of h.e.l.l, but I also feel horrible for Jace.
This whole time I was worried he"d break my heart. But really, I"m pretty darn sure I broke his instead.
The irony of it is suffocating.
But what a great melody it could become... Because as much as I think I walked away and let him go, I know our love song isn"t over.
It can"t be.
I didn"t sleep well last night.
Mainly because I kept replaying our conversation over and over again. I dissected each word. The way he looked at me. The way his body was so taut. He was nervous, scared. And I understand that, but I ripped myself open, letting him see everything. And it wasn"t enough. I see the conversation between him and Caleb, and the pain is just overwhelming.
Especially since he hasn"t texted me since he left my door.
I thought at the time I was making the right decision. I"m so tired of being second best, of being the afterthought. But now, maybe I"m going about this all wrong. He was visibly upset, and now that I"ve spent most of the night thinking about it, I know he was trying to talk to me. Trying to figure out where to go from where we were. And instead of moving with him, I just shut down. I a.s.sumed the worst, with good reason, and called it off.
He needed rea.s.surance, not me freaking the f.u.c.k out, but all I saw was him leaving me.
And that can"t happen.
Even though it kind of has.
Will he even talk to me?
I don"t know, but I feel like I"m dying and I haven"t even hurt myself. Nor do I want to. Which is huge for me. What I want is to know the truth, I want to have the facts, and the only way I can have those is by confronting my father, my brothers. I"m not sure what is going to happen and that scares me, but before I even try to apologize to Jace, rea.s.sure him that we are good, I need to get home and talk to my family.
But when I get home, no one is there.
"Welcome home, Ms. Haverbrooke," our butler-if that"s even what they are called now-says.
I roll my eyes, waving Julian off. He"s worked for my family since my dad became the commissioner. It"s a little ostentatious in my opinion, but my dad loves him. So, whatever. "I"ve asked you for years not to call me that. It"s Avery."
He smiles as he takes my bags. "Nonetheless, welcome home."
"Where is my mom? Dad?"
He grimaces as I walk beside him through our ma.s.sive house. I hate this house. It"s too big, too empty, but Dad wanted the best of the best. It"s never felt like a home-h.e.l.l, the first time I even felt like I was home was when Jace wrapped his arms around me. "They are out to dinner with your brothers."
"Couldn"t wait for me, I guess," I mutter and his arm comes over my shoulders as we enter the kitchen. Laying my bag down, he pats my back.
"No worries. I made you your favorite, rice and beans."
Which is a h.e.l.l of a lot better than dinner with people who don"t care to wait for me.
As I eat, I try to sound happy, raving about my life in Nashville. But I know it rings a little false. While, yes, things are going great, I miss Jace. I know that Julian notices me checking my phone every second on the second. I just wish Jace would text me, but then, why don"t I text him? I"m the one who lost my s.h.i.t; I"m the one who needs to apologize.
"Waiting on a call?" Julian asks and I shrug at his grin.
"I wish," I say, checking it once more. "But I"m not."
"No special man?" He grins, waggling his big, bushy black eyebrows at me and I shrug because, should I even say I do? Do I? Blah, I need to just text him. I"m worried about him, his knee, and also, I want to know if he"s playing tonight. I need to swallow my pride and text him. I"m going crazy without him. I don"t like how it ended, and I sure as h.e.l.l can"t shake the look of desperation he gave me.
Before I can answer Julian, though, the back door opens and in spills my family.
"Avery! You"re here!" Mom squeals, coming toward me, wrapping me up in a tight hug. "I thought your plane didn"t get in till late?"
Of course you didn"t, I think. But instead, I say, "No, I got in at five."
"Oh, how did you get home?"
"I called Reed."
"Oh, good. So he won"t get you later," she giggles, kissing my temple. "You okay? You look a little sick."
She moves her hand along my cheek, and I shrug. "Yeah, I"m fine."
She grins, kissing my nose once more before my dad"s booming voice fills the kitchen. "It"s so good to have everyone home."
Yeah. I bet.
When Mom moves out of my line of sight, I see my three older brothers standing side by side, on their phones. They are all the same height, huge, with big shoulders, Laurence the littlest one out of all of them. Like me, they all have dark hair and the same eyes, but that"s all we share. Which is pathetic. I grew up with these three, and they might as well be strangers.
When Seth looks up, his gaze meeting mine, I glare. "You a.s.shole."
My mom gasps as my dad"s brows pull together, and I slowly stand. I have been going through what I am going to say to him all day. I"m ready to pounce, but he catches me off guard when he laughs. "Guessing your little boyfriend didn"t know?"
"Know what?" Mom asks.
"Boyfriend? You"re dating someone? Is that smart?" Dad asks as Matty glares.
"Yeah, Dad. She"s dating Jace Sinclair."
"Sinclair, Sinclair, I know that name. The brothers, first-round picks, Jude and...Hayden?"
"Jayden," I correct and he nods.
"That"s right, and then Jace, the youngest, he was supposed to go in with Laurence," he says, pointing to my brother, who only raises his hand, completely bored with this conversation. "You"re dating the youngest? When did this happen?"
"About a month ago," I bite out, hating that no one knows me around here. I post picture upon picture of Jace and me, hoping for some kind of reaction from someone in this d.a.m.n house, but no one cares. It"s such bulls.h.i.t.
"Hm, okay," he says slowly, looking back at my mom. "Make sure you tell the doctor."
"I"m fine," I yell, and everyone"s gaze is on me.
"You don"t look fine," Seth says. "You look sick."
I glare as Matty says, "What, did he break up with you? You suicidal again?"
"Matthew Robert!" my mom shrieks and I just glare, staring into the face that is the male version of my own.
"Matthew, that is not okay," my dad barks at him, but Matty doesn"t care. He grins, his arms crossing over his chest.
"For your information, I"m fine."
"Yep, don"t care."
I want to hit him. So d.a.m.n badly. Tearing my gaze from him, I look at Seth and say, "But you couldn"t let it be. You had to tell his brother what I did, paint me out to be crazy, and then tell him that dad will ruin his career like he did Caleb"s? Which turns me into a liar "cause that never happened!"
"Yes, it did," Seth says, and he shrugs. "I told nothing but the truth. No need for you to ruin another guy"s life "cause you"re not stable."
"I am stable," I yell, my blood boiling and the hair on my arms standing at attention.
"Eh, I wouldn"t go that far," Seth says simply. "It isn"t normal to want to kill yourself over a guy."
That has Matty and Laurence laughing while my mom"s face twists in horror. My dad is glaring, but he doesn"t say anything as Matty goes, "s.h.i.t, let her. Maybe then I won"t have any compet.i.tion in the draft."
"Yeah, really," Laurence says, shaking his head. ""Cause you aren"t going first with that kid in."
"You guys are sick and pathetic and liars. Because Dad did not mess up Caleb"s career. Did you, Dad?" I ask, turning to him, and he shakes his head.
"Why would I? It isn"t his fault you did what you did."
"Yeah, Avery. It"s no one"s fault but yours," Matty retorts, and tears start to sting my eyes.
Looking over at him, I nod. "No, Caleb didn"t tell me to do it or anything. He didn"t write wh.o.r.e across my locker or even taunt me to the point of a mental breakdown. Nope, that wasn"t him, huh?"
Matty shrugs as my parents both look lost. Even Seth and Laurence are confused. "Guess not."
"Guess it wasn"t you who stood by and watched him ruin my life, beg me to leave this world because I was nothing, huh?"
His lips curve into a grin and he shrugs again. "Nope, guess not."
"Matty, is that true?" my mom asks, her eyes wide.
"She"s insane, Mom. I don"t know. You might want to up her meds."