"f.u.c.k you," I scream, taking a step toward him. "You are a worthless piece of s.h.i.t who will never amount to anything "cause you take pride in hurting other people."
He scoffs. "You are the only one I don"t care about, Avery. I mean, how could I? When all you do is beg for attention instead of shutting your f.u.c.king mouth."
Turning to my parents, I hold my hand out to my brothers. "Do you see this? Do you see how they treat me, and yet you do nothing," I yell and Matty laughs.
"Why would they? All you do is b.i.t.c.h and moan. "No one loves me." "All you care about is hockey." Me, me, me. All you care about is yourself. You"re the selfish, poor excuse for a human."
I glare, my heart pounding in my ears. I swear to G.o.d, I have no clue who this person is. Family isn"t supposed to do this to you. Especially the person you shared a womb with. "Why do you even talk to me, Matty?"
"Believe me, I don"t want to."
"Then I"m gone. All of you, I"m gone. You"ll never ever have to deal with me again," I sneer as I back away, looking at each of the faces of the people who are my so-called family.
"Now, Avery, calm down. There is no reason to act like this," my dad says, but I shake my head.
"Are you coming to my showcase in March?"
He pauses and looks to my mom for help, but she shrugs. "Now, Avery, you know that I can"t get away easily..."
"So that"s a no."
"Well, let me see what I can do-"
"But you got time off for Matty"s and Laurence"s first games. For Seth"s game in Jersey. But you can"t get off for something that"s in five months? Can"t move your schedule around?"
"Avery, that"s different. I have to know the talent coming up."
"No, it"s "cause I don"t matter to anyone in this house. I"m just a f.u.c.king problem. Someone who is always in the way."
"That"s not true," my mom says, taking a step toward me. "Honey, we love you."
"Yeah, maybe you love me, but you sure as h.e.l.l don"t care about me. That"s fine. I"m done with this family."
With that, I turn to walk away, just as Matty says, "Oh, there she goes, attention-seeking Avery throwing a fit "cause no one is up her a.s.s."
Turning around, I bite out, "f.u.c.k off."
"Don"t you see why you are treated the way you are? Because you"re pathetic. No one cares. h.e.l.l, half of us don"t even love you."
"Matthew," my parents exclaim, but Matty doesn"t care, he just glares.
"So please, don"t lie to us. Keep your promise."
"Why don"t you just shut the f.u.c.k up?"
"Make me."
I really don"t know what gets into me. I don"t even know what is happening, but then I"m across the room, slamming my fist into his chest. But he"s so much bigger than me and he just swats me away. Hard. I lose my footing, slamming my face into the counter. Then I"m on the floor, and his laughter is filling the room as my mom rushes to me.
"Honey!"
Smacking her hands away, I sit up, the tears burning my eyes, pain throbbing along my nose, and blood dripping down my lips. Narrowing my eyes at Matty, I say, "I hate you."
"Same here, sweetheart," he says with a wink.
My body is shaking with anger as I get up slowly, ignoring the help my mother is trying to give me. I refuse to be weak. I refuse to let him know he hurt me. So I hold my head high, covering my injured nose as I walk out of the kitchen.
And no one stops me.
Because I don"t f.u.c.king matter.
Reaching my room, I push the door open and go straight to my bathroom to clean up. Holding on to the sink, I suck in a sob as my blood drips into my sink. The last time blood was on this sink, I caused it. I sat here and dragged the knife so far into my skin that my wrists still burn to this day. I can still see the blood pouring from them and the feeling of weakness spilling from my body. I can"t do this anymore. I can"t be around these people.
They only hurt me.
When a towel appears in front of my face, I look up to see Julian. Taking it from him, I sniff before holding it to my face. "Don"t cry, Avery," he says, cupping my shoulder. "They aren"t worth your tears." My head jerks in a nod as he smiles. "Anything you need?"
Jace. I need Jace.
Shaking my head, my voice is m.u.f.fled as I say, "No, I"m fine. I"m just gonna go to bed."
"Okay, call for me if you do."
"Thank you," I say as he turns and leaves the room, shutting my door in the process. Closing my eyes, I lean back into the sink and then slide down it, welcoming the pain of the k.n.o.bs digging into my back. When my b.u.t.t hits the floor, I shake my head, unsure why this is the family G.o.d chose for me. Why couldn"t I get a supportive, loving family like Jace? Yeah, it"s a little damaged, but aren"t we all? I know I am.
That shouldn"t matter. My mom should love me-they all should-but yet no one hasn"t even come to check on me. Nope. Nothing. I just don"t understand, but it"s starting to make me realize that maybe it wasn"t me who wasn"t enough. Maybe it was they who weren"t enough for me. Maybe I"m not the problem, or it isn"t even hockey that"s the problem.
It"s them.
Because Jace wouldn"t ever let that happen, neither would his momma. h.e.l.l, his whole family. They would never speak to each other like that. They would be there for each other, lifting each other up. h.e.l.l, they do the same for me, and they don"t even know me. Yeah, they may wrestle and be silly, but they would never push someone with the intent to hurt them. No, only the people who are my blood do this to me. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Closing my eyes, the tears come fast down my throbbing face. Everything hurts. My face, my body, my heart. G.o.d, my heart hurts most of all. I just want Jace. I want Nashville. I want to never see these people again. I don"t ever want to feel like I"m not even home, when that"s exactly where I"m supposed to be. No one should feel like this. Like the walls are closing in and you are alone. It just isn"t fair.
When my phone sounds with a notification, I think it"s a text. I pull my phone out, still holding my head up to keep the blood at bay. When I see that it"s a notification from Facebook, I plan to ignore it, but then I see that Jace has been tagged in a photo by Delanie Collins. I swallow hard, blinking away my tears as I slide the notification over and wait for my Facebook to load.
Then I wish I hadn"t.
Because staring back at me is a picture of the man I love, grinning, while his so-called ex-girlfriend kisses the side of his mouth.
Delanie Collins with Jace Sinclair: So good to be with this guy tonight. I"ve missed him more than I care to admit. Let the good times roll! #backtogether #timeapartisnothing #justlikebefore #boyfriendmaterial As a new round of sobs burns in my chest, I can only shake my head.
Apparently, I don"t matter to anyone.
I don"t exist.
Because the love of my life looks pretty happy without me, while I"m sitting on my bathroom floor, sobbing and bleeding, not only from my nose but my heart.
All I can feel is empty.
Completely empty.
I didn"t want to come out.
I really didn"t.
But after being told to skip the game by Justin and then my mom fussing over me on the phone, I really had no choice but to get out of the house. Especially after watching my boys lose. It was a tough game, close one, one we should have won. But we didn"t and I blame it on Markus. He was sucking tonight, and he was another reason I came out. I"m worried about him, but instead of kicking it with my boy and my brother, Delanie is on me like white on rice.
Before, I wouldn"t have minded. h.e.l.l, I would have eaten it up, but I"m still torn up about Avery. I didn"t want to break up with her. That wasn"t my plan, not even kind of, but after the overload of information, I needed a minute to think how to proceed because I knew I couldn"t walk away. Not after all she admitted or how she cried. She didn"t want to lose me, but she threw me away.
It just doesn"t make sense.
I"ve checked my phone probably a billion times. I"ve started texts and deleted them. I"ve typed in her number but didn"t hit call. I just want her to talk to me, but I know she won"t. She truly believes I chose hockey over her, and I couldn"t be any madder at her family if I tried. They did this. They created this girl with the monster lack self-worth and sent her out into the world. I"m just happy I found her, because there"s no telling what some douche could have done to her if I hadn"t taken her for my own.
That"s right. She"s still mine.
I just need her to get her head out of her a.s.s and realize that. Leaning on the bar, I take a pull of my beer, watching as Baylor and Jayden move on the dance floor. She"s drunk, like superdrunk, but then so am I. Which is what I came out for. To get lost in the bottle and not worry about what"s going on in my relationship. Not now at least. Later, I"ll face the music, and I just pray that our song isn"t over. Because I can"t go on without this girl.
I need her.
When a hand comes hard against my shoulder, I look over to see Markus. "You okay?" he asks and I shake my head, looking back at my phone. I told him everything last night when I came wobbling into the house, my leg aching from kicking the s.h.i.t out of Avery"s door. He told me I should let her go, but no. I don"t care what anyone says. I love her and I"m going to be with her. She just has to get past her issues. When she does, I"ll be there. Or, I"ll break tomorrow and pester her until she talks to me. h.e.l.l, I might even fly to New Jersey.
Okay, wait, I need to tuck that crazy back in.
"Has she texted you?"
I shake my head once more. "Still radio silence."
"Dude, really? That blows."
"Yeah, it does. Probably as much as not hearing from Mekena does for you," I say and he looks away, shaking his head. "Dude, I still can"t believe you slept with her sister. Did you get confused on who was who?"
He doesn"t even laugh, and I know he regrets it. h.e.l.l, he was just as torn up as I was this morning. He didn"t even eat...which is crazy. I know he likes to drink, but that"s so unlike him. He isn"t the kind to hurt someone. It"s weird, but when I asked why, all he could do was repeat the same thing, "It was a mistake. I said I was sorry, but she deserves better than that. Hence, why I"m staying far away."
"Blows," I say, holding my bottle up to his and he taps it.
"Another round of shots?"
I nod and we do three more. Leaning back in my seat, I suck in a deep breath as Markus leans against the bar, his eyes focused on where Delanie is dancing on the bar.
"Well, you"re a single man, and the way Delanie is checking you out, I think it means you"re getting laid tonight."
"No way," I slur, and h.e.l.l, I hadn"t realized I was this drunk. I shake my head before taking a pull of my drink. "I think I"m gonna head home."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I"m drunk."
"Lightweight," he calls and I laugh, flipping him off before heading to where Baylor and Jayden are.
"I"m out," I yell and Jayden nods.
"You good?"
"Yeah, I"ll text you when I get to the house."
"Cool," he says as Baylor kisses me on the cheek. Flashing her a winning grin, I walk away. The grin on my face is gone within seconds. I"ve been acting as if everything is okay. I didn"t tell Jayden about Avery. I haven"t told anyone, and I won"t until I know for sure what is going on. As I head out the door, the cold air slices into my face and I shut my eyes. It feels so good.
Starting for the Bullies" house, I drag my leg behind me, wobbling a little more than I was earlier because of the alcohol in my system. It doesn"t hurt, which is a plus, but my heart... Yeah, that hurts. f.u.c.king girls. Breaking hearts and s.h.i.t.
When someone falls into step beside me, I look over to see Delanie grinning at me. "What the h.e.l.l? Leaving without me?"
I shake my head, stopping. "No, you stay here."
"What? Really? I was hoping we"d hook up," she says, taking a step toward me, but I stop her.
"I have a girlfriend, Delanie. I told you that. Like ten times already."
"I don"t see her," she challenges, holding her hand out. "If she was really with you, wouldn"t she be out, making sure you aren"t hooking up with the girl who gave you the best b.l.o.w. .j.o.b of your life?"
"She"s out of town."
She steps toward me again, wrapping her arms around my waist. It"s so familiar but feels so wrong. I don"t love this girl. "Come on. Don"t you miss me?"
"As a friend, nothing more," I say, unwrapping her arms from me.
"Come on, Jace. You know you"re still into me. Let"s go back to your place."
But I shake my head. I may be drunk, but I"m not stupid. "No, I"m not. I love my girlfriend. Now, stop."
She gives me a pout. "I thought you"d want me back."
"Well, you thought wrong. Peace," I say, holding up two fingers like a nerd before turning around and hobbling away.
"You"re gonna regret it, Jace," she sings to me and I wave her off.
"I don"t regret anything," I call over my shoulder, but that"s a lie. I regret not kicking down Avery"s door and making her listen. I regret not sleeping on her car so she couldn"t drive to the airport. I regret letting her go. d.a.m.n it, I regret that more than anything. Shaking my head, I see my house and I"m thankful. I"m ready to fall face first into my bed and sleep this off. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, it will all be a dream and she"ll be beside me.
Maybe I"ll be in the NHL.
Eating cereal out of the Stanley Cup I won.
Eh, a guy can dream.
I"m almost to the door when my phone signals a text. Coming to a halt, I rush to get my phone out of my pocket and almost yelp in excitement when I see it"s her. She sent me a picture? Maybe she"s naked with I"m sorry written across her belly? Hitting the message, it opens to the picture that Delanie took earlier that night. We look silly, happy, but I sure as h.e.l.l didn"t want Avery seeing that. Especially when I see what she has to say about it.
Avery: Wow, you move on fast.
Typing back vigorously, I fall onto my a.s.s in the wet gra.s.s.