6. Being thus continually employ"d in serving both Parties, Printers naturally acquire a vast Unconcernedness as to the right or wrong Opinions contain"d in what they print; regarding it only as the Matter of their daily labour: They print things full of Spleen and Animosity, with the utmost Calmness and Indifference, and without the least Ill-will to the Persons reflected on; who nevertheless unjustly think the Printer as much their Enemy as the Author, and join both together in their Resentment.
7. That it is unreasonable to imagine Printers approve of every thing they print, and to censure them on any particular thing accordingly; since in the way of their Business they print such great variety of things opposite and contradictory. It is likewise as unreasonable what some a.s.sert, "That Printers ought not to print any Thing but what they approve;" since if all of that Business should make such a Resolution, and abide by it, an End would thereby be put to Free Writing, and the World would afterwards have nothing to read but what happen"d to be the Opinions of Printers.
8. That if all Printers were determin"d not to print any thing till they were sure it would offend no body, there would be very little printed.
9. That if they sometimes print vicious or silly things not worth reading, it may not be because they approve such things themselves, but because the People are so viciously and corruptly educated that good things are not encouraged. I have known a very numerous Impression of Robin Hood"s Songs go off in this Province at 2s. per Book, in less than a Twelvemonth; when a small Quant.i.ty of David"s Psalms (an excellent Version) have lain upon my Hands above twice the Time.
10. That notwithstanding what might be urg"d in behalf of a Man"s being allow"d to do in the Way of his Business whatever he is paid for, yet Printers do continually discourage the Printing of great Numbers of bad things, and stifle them in the Birth. I my self have constantly refused to print anything that might countenance Vice, or promote Immorality; tho" by complying in such Cases with the corrupt Taste of the Majority I might have got much Money. I have also always refus"d to print such things as might do real Injury to any Person, how much soever I have been solicited, and tempted with Offers of Great Pay; and how much soever I have by refusing got the Ill-will of those who would have employ"d me. I have hitherto fallen under the Resentment of large Bodies of Men, for refusing absolutely to print any of their Party or Personal Reflections. In this Manner I have made my self many Enemies, and the constant Fatigue of denying is almost insupportable. But the Publick being unacquainted with all this, whenever the poor Printer happens either through Ignorance or much Persuasion, to do any thing that is generally thought worthy of Blame, he meets with no more Friendship or Favour on the above Account, than if there were no Merit in"t at all.
Thus, as Waller says,
Poets lose half the Praise they would have got Were it but known what they discreetly blot;
Yet are censur"d for every bad Line found in their Works with the utmost Severity.
I come now to the Particular Case of the N. B. above mention"d, about which there has been more Clamour against me, than ever before on any other Account.--In the Hurry of other Business an Advertis.e.m.e.nt was brought to me to be printed; it signified that such a Ship lying at such a Wharff, would sail for Barbadoes in such a Time, and that Freighters and Pa.s.sengers might agree with the Captain at such a Place; so far is what"s common: But at the Bottom this odd Thing was added, "N. B. No Sea Hens nor Black Gowns will be admitted on any Terms." I printed it, and receiv"d my Money; and the Advertis.e.m.e.nt was stuck up round the Town as usual. I had not so much Curiosity at that time as to enquire the Meaning of it, nor did I in the least imagine it would give so much Offence. Several good Men are very angry with me on this Occasion; they are pleas"d to say I have too much Sense to do such things ignorantly; that if they were Printers they would not have done such a thing on any Consideration; that it could proceed from nothing but my abundant Malice against Religion and the Clergy. They therefore declare they will not take any more of my Papers, nor have any farther Dealings with me; but will hinder me of all the Custom they can. All this is very hard!
I believe it had been better if I had refused to print the said Advertis.e.m.e.nt. However, "tis done, and cannot be revok"d. I have only the following few Particulars to offer, some of them in my behalf, by way of Mitigation, and some not much to the Purpose; but I desire none of them may be read when the Reader is not in a very good Humour.
1. That I really did it without the least Malice, and imagin"d the N. B.
was plac"d there only to make the Advertis.e.m.e.nt star"d at, and more generally read.
2. That I never saw the Word Sea-Hens before in my Life; nor have I yet ask"d the meaning of it; and tho" I had certainly known that Black Gowns in that place signified the Clergy of the Church of England, yet I have that confidence in the generous good Temper of such of them as I know, as to be well satisfied such a trifling mention of their Habit gives them no Disturbance.
3. That most of the Clergy in this and the neighbouring Provinces, are my Customers, and some of them my very good Friends; and I must be very malicious indeed, or very stupid, to print this thing for a small Profit, if I had thought it would have given them just Cause of Offence.
4. That if I had much Malice against the Clergy, and withal much Sense; "tis strange I never write or talk against the Clergy myself. Some have observed that "tis a fruitful Topic, and the easiest to be witty upon of all others; yet I appeal to the Publick that I am never guilty this way, and to all my Acquaintances as to my Conversation.
5. That if a Man of Sense had Malice enough to desire to injure the Clergy, this is the foolishest Thing he could possibly contrive for that Purpose.
6. That I got Five Shillings by it.
7. That none who are angry with me would have given me so much to let it alone.
8. That if all the People of different Opinions in this Province would engage to give me as much for not printing things they don"t like, as I can get by printing them, I should probably live a very easy Life; and if all Printers were everywhere so dealt by, there would be very little printed.
9. That I am oblig"d to all who take my Paper, and am willing to think they do it out of meer Friendship. I only desire they would think the same when I deal with them. I thank those who leave off, that they have taken it so long. But I beg they would not endeavour to dissuade others, for that will look like Malice.
10. That "tis impossible any Man should know what he would do if he was a Printer.
11. That notwithstanding the Rashness and Inexperience of Youth, which is most likely to be prevail"d with to do things that ought not to be done; yet I have avoided printing such Things as usually give Offence either to Church or State, more than any Printer that has followed the Business in this Province before.
12. And lastly, That I have printed above a Thousand Advertis.e.m.e.nts which made not the least mention of _Sea-Hens_ or _Black Gowns_, and this being the first Offence, I have the more Reason to expect Forgiveness.
I take leave to conclude with an old Fable, which some of my Readers have heard before, and some have not.
"A certain well-meaning Man and his Son, were travelling towards a Market Town, with an a.s.s which they had to sell.
The Road was bad; and the old Man therefore rid, but the Son went a-foot. The first Pa.s.senger they met, asked the Father if he was not ashamed to ride by himself, and suffer the poor Lad to wade along thro" the Mire; this induced him to take up his Son behind him: He had not travelled far, when he met others, who said, they are two unmerciful Lubbers to get both on the Back of that poor a.s.s, in such a deep Road.
Upon this the old Man gets off, and let his Son ride alone.
The next they met called the Lad a graceless, rascally young Jackanapes, to ride in that Manner thro" the Dirt, while his aged Father trudged along on Foot; and they said the old Man was a Fool, for suffering it. He then bid his Son come down, and walk with him, and they travell"d on leading the a.s.s by the Halter; "till they met another Company, who called them a Couple of senseless Blockheads, for going both on Foot in such a dirty Way, when they had an empty a.s.s with them, which they might ride upon. The old Man could bear no longer; My Son, said he, it grieves me much that we cannot please all these People. Let me throw the a.s.s over the next Bridge, and be no further troubled with him."
Had the old Man been seen acting this last Resolution, he would probably have been called a Fool for troubling himself about the different Opinions of all that were pleas"d to find Fault with him: Therefore, tho" I have a Temper almost as complying as his, I intend not to imitate him in this last Particular. I consider the Variety of Humors among Men, and despair of pleasing every Body; yet I shall not therefore leave off Printing. I shall continue my Business. I shall not burn my Press and melt my Letters.
PREFACE TO POOR RICHARD, 1733
COURTEOUS READER,
I might in this place attempt to gain thy Favour, by declaring that I write Almanacks with no other View than that of the publick Good; but in this I should not be sincere; and Men are now adays too wise to be deceiv"d by Pretences how specious soever. The plain Truth of the Matter is, I am excessive poor, and my Wife, good Woman, is, I tell her, excessive proud; she cannot bear, she says, to sit spinning in her Shift of Tow, while I do nothing but gaze at the Stars; and has threatned more than once to burn all my Books and Rattling-Traps (as she calls my Instruments) if I do not make some profitable Use of them for the Good of my Family. The Printer has offer"d me some considerable share of the Profits, and I have thus begun to comply with my Dame"s Desire.
Indeed this Motive would have had Force enough to have made me publish an Almanack many Years since, had it not been overpowered by my Regard for my good Friend and Fellow Student Mr. _t.i.tan Leeds_, whose Interest I was extreamly unwilling to hurt: But this Obstacle (I am far from speaking it with Pleasure) is soon to be removed, since inexorable Death, who was never known to respect Merit, has already prepared the mortal Dart, the fatal Sister has already extended her destroying Shears, and that ingenious Man must soon be taken from us. He dies, by my Calculation made at his Request, on Oct. 17. 1733. 3 h. 29 m. P. M.
at the very instant of the ? of ? and ?: By his own Calculation he will survive till the 26th of the same Month.[26] This small Difference between us we have disputed whenever we have met these 9 Years past; but at length he is inclinable to agree with my Judgment: Which of us is most exact, a little Time will now determine. As therefore these Provinces may not longer expect to see any of his Performances after this Year, I think my self free to take up the Task, and request a share of the publick Encouragement; which I am the more apt to hope for on this Account, that the Buyer of my Almanack may consider himself, not only as purchasing an useful Utensil, but as performing an Act of Charity, to his poor _Friend and Servant_
R. SAUNDERS.
A MEDITATION ON A QUART MUGG[27]
[From the _Pennsylvania Gazette_, July 19, 1733.]
Wretched, miserable, and unhappy Mug! I pity thy luckless Lot, I commiserate thy Misfortunes, thy Griefs fill me with Compa.s.sion, and because of thee are Tears made frequently to burst from my Eyes.
How often have I seen him compell"d to hold up his Handle at the Bar, for no other Crime than that of being empty; then s.n.a.t.c.h"d away by a surly Officer, and plung"d suddenly into a Tub of cold Water: Sad Spectacle, and Emblem of human Penury, oppress"d by arbitrary Power! How often is he hurry"d down into a dismal Vault, sent up fully laden in a cold Sweat, and by a rude Hand thrust into the Fire! How often have I seen it obliged to undergo the Indignities of a dirty Wench; to have melting Candles dropt on its naked Sides, and sometimes in its Mouth, to risque being broken into a thousand Pieces, for Actions which itself was not guilty of! How often is he forced into the Company of boisterous Sots, who lay all their nonsence, Noise, profane Swearing, Cursing, and Quarreling, on the harmless Mug, which speaks not a Word! They overset him, maim him, and sometimes turn him to Arms offensive or defensive, as they please; when of himself he would not be of either Party, but would as willingly stand still. Alas! what Power, or Place, is provided, where this poor Mug, this unpitied Slave, can have Redress of his Wrongs and Sufferings? Or where shall he have a Word of Praise bestow"d on him for his Well doings, and faithful Services? If he prove of a large size, his Owner curses him, and says he will devour more than he"ll earn: If his Size be small, those whom his Master appoints him to serve will curse him as much, and perhaps threaten him with the Inquisition of the Standard. Poor Mug, unfortunate is thy Condition! Of thy self thou wouldst do no Harm, but much Harm is done with thee! Thou art accused of many Mischiefs; thou art said to administer Drunkenness, Poison, and broken Heads: But none praise thee for the good Things thou yieldest!
Shouldest thou produce double Beer, nappy Ale, stallcop Cyder, or Cyder mull"d, fine Punch, or cordial Tiff; yet for all these shouldst thou not be prais"d, but the rich Liquors themselves, which tho" within thee, will be said to be foreign to thee! And yet, so unhappy is thy Destiny, thou must bear all their Faults and Abominations! Hast thou been industriously serving thy Employers with Tiff or Punch, and instantly they dispatch thee for Cyder, then must thou be abused for smelling of Rum. Hast thou been steaming their Noses gratefully, with mull"d Cyder or b.u.t.ter"d Ale, and then offerest to refresh their Palates with the best of Beer, they will curse thee for thy Greasiness. And how, alas!
can thy Service be rendered more tolerable to thee? If thou submittest thyself to a Scouring in the Kitchen, what must thou undergo from sharp Sand, hot Ashes, and a coa.r.s.e Dishclout; besides the Danger of having thy Lips rudely torn, thy Countenance disfigured, thy Arms dismantled, and thy whole Frame shatter"d, with violent Concussions in an Iron Pot or Bra.s.s Kettle! And yet, O Mug! if these Dangers thou escapest, with little Injury, thou must at last untimely fall, be broken to Pieces, and cast away, never more to be recollected and form"d into a Quart Mug.
Whether by the Fire, or in a Battle, or choak"d with a Dishclout, or by a Stroke against a Stone, thy Dissolution happens; "tis all alike to thy avaritious Owner; he grieves not for thee, but for the Shilling with which he purchased thee! If thy Bottom Part should chance to survive, it may be preserv"d to hold bits of Candles, or Blacking for Shoes, or Salve for kibed Heels; but all thy other Members will be for ever buried in some miry Hole; or less carefully disposed of, so that little Children, who have not yet arrived to Acts of Cruelty, may gather them up to furnish out their Baby Houses: Or, being cast upon the Dunghill, they will therewith be carted into Meadow Grounds; where, being spread abroad and discovered, they must be thrown to the Heap of Stones, Bones and Rubbish; or being left until the Mower finds them with his Scythe, they will with bitter Curses be tossed over the Hedge; and so serve for unlucky Boys to throw at Birds and Dogs; until by Length of Time and numerous Casualties, they shall be press"d into their Mother Earth, and be converted to their original Principles.
PREFACE TO POOR RICHARD, 1734
COURTEOUS READERS,
Your kind and charitable a.s.sistance last Year, in purchasing so large an Impression of my Almanacks, has made my Circ.u.mstances much more easy in the World, and requires my grateful Acknowledgment. My Wife has been enabled to get a Pot of her own, and is no longer oblig"d to borrow one from a Neighbour; nor have we ever since been without something of our own to put in it. She has also got a pair of Shoes, two new Shifts, and a new warm Petticoat; and for my part, I have bought a second-hand Coat, so good, that I am now not asham"d to go to Town or be seen there. These Things have render"d her Temper so much more pacifick than it us"d to be, that I may say, I have slept more, and more quietly within this last Year, than in the three foregoing Years put together. Accept my hearty Thanks therefor, and my sincere Wishes for your Health and Prosperity.
In the Preface to my last Almanack, I foretold the Death of my dear old Friend and Fellow-Student, the learned and ingenious Mr. _t.i.tan Leeds_, which was to be on the 17th of _October_, 1733, 3 h. 29 m. P. M. at the very Instant of the ? of ? and ?. By his own Calculation he was to survive till the 26th of the same Month, and expire in the Time of the Eclipse, near 11 o"clock A. M. At which of these Times he died, or whether he be really yet dead, I cannot at this present Writing positively a.s.sure my Readers; forasmuch as a Disorder in my own Family demanded my Presence, and would not permit me as I had intended, to be with him in his last Moments, to receive his last Embrace, to close his Eyes, and do the Duty of a Friend in performing the last Offices to the Departed. Therefore it is that I cannot positively affirm whether he be dead or not; for the Stars only show to the Skilful, what will happen in the natural and universal Chain of Causes and Effects; but "tis well known, that the Events which would otherwise certainly happen at certain Times in the Course of Nature are sometimes set aside or postpon"d for wise and good Reasons by the immediate particular Dispositions of Providence; which particular Dispositions the Stars can by no Means discover or foreshow. There is however (and I cannot speak it without Sorrow) there is the strongest Probability that my dear Friend is _no more_; for there appears in his Name, as I am a.s.sured, an Almanack for the Year 1734, in which I am treated in a very gross and unhandsome Manner; in which I am called _a false Predicter_, _an Ignorant_, _a conceited Scribler_, _a Fool_, _and a Lyar_. Mr. _Leeds_ was too well bred to use any Man so indecently and so scurrilously, and moreover his Esteem and Affection for me was extraordinary: So that it is to be feared that Pamphlet may be only a Contrivance of somebody or other, who hopes perhaps to sell two or three Year"s Almanacks still, by the sole Force and Virtue of Mr. _Leeds"s_ Name; but certainly, to put Words into the Mouth of a Gentleman and a Man of Letters, against his Friend, which the meanest and most scandalous of the People might be asham"d to utter even in a drunken Quarrel, is an unpardonable Injury to his Memory, and an Imposition upon the Publick.
Mr. _Leeds_ was not only profoundly skilful in the useful Science he profess"d, but he was a Man of _exemplary Sobriety_, a most _sincere Friend_, and an _exact Performer of his Word_. These valuable Qualifications, with many others so much endear"d him to me, that although it should be so, that, contrary to all Probability, contrary to my Prediction and his own, he might possibly be yet alive, yet my Loss of Honour as a Prognosticator, cannot afford me so much Mortification, as his Life, Health and Safety would give me Joy and Satisfaction.
I am, _Courteous and Kind Reader
Your poor Friend and Servant,_ Octob. 30. 1733. R. SAUNDERS.
PREFACE TO POOR RICHARD, 1735
COURTEOUS READER,