If only someone would put out a manual on how to do that, she"d be just fine.
After two tortured days, she dusted off her holiday brochures in desperation. She needed something to distract her, something to look forward to. Stabbing a finger blindly at the brochures, she went online and booked herself a week in tropical Bali, departing in just two days" time. She chose a deluxe ocean view room at the Sofitel Seminyak, and she promised herself a shopping expedition for new bathing suits and other resort wear.
All of which chewed up about an hour. Leaving her thoughts free to roam back to the topic du jour, Marc Lewis.
If anything, her obsessive thoughts only proved how right her decision was, she told herself. Despite Danny"s rules, she"d let her guard slip and had started to get involved with Marc. Every time she saw a dark green Jag in traffic and her stomach lurched, every time she saw a tall, dark-haired man on the city streets and her pulse picked up, she reminded herself that she"d broken her own rules and gotten involved, and so it had had to end. She"d made the right decision. The smart decision. Absolutely.
Which was why it was so ridiculously unfair that she should find herself unable to breathe when she arrived home from work on Thursday night to find Marc"s Jaguar parked out front of her apartment. She seriously considered driving on, but he"d seen her and she didn"t want him to think she had any reason to avoid him.
And, deep down inside, maybe she didn"t want to avoid him. What did that mean?
Her heart was pounding in her ears as she got out of the car. Not even glancing his way, she pulled off her cap and threw it onto the pa.s.senger seat, then ran her hand through her hair. Not that she cared if it looked wonky. It was just habit, that was all. She was not for even a second worried about whether her lipstick had worn off, or if any of her perfume had survived the day.
She could see him getting out of his car in her peripheral vision. She"d forgotten how tall he was. How dangerously attractive. How much she craved his touch.
Wrapping her fingers around her house keys, Anna dug her nails into the palm of her hand. Anything to keep her focused and strong. It was over. It had become too dangerous, and it was over.
She forced a neutral expression onto her face as she approached him-inevitable, because he was standing by the entrance to the apartment block.
Her legs slowed of their own accord when she was just a few feet away, even though she knew she should just breeze right past him. That would be the sensible thing to do, right? The noninvolved thing.
They stared at each other for a loaded moment. Then he spoke. "I"m sorry. I was a s.h.i.t. It won"t happen again," he said, voice low and sincere.
His eyes were dark and intense as they held hers. Something inside her shifted, melted. It shouldn"t be this easy. She needed to hold true to her decision. Because...because...He stepped forward, and she just stood there, unmoving, as his aftershave swamped her.
"I"ve missed you," he said, pressing his lips to hers in a gentle, searching kiss. He peppered kisses across her cheekbone, then nuzzled her ear. Someone made a faint, strangled noise, and she realized it was her, and that she was turning her head to give him access to her neck. Infinitely gentle and tender, he nipped and kissed his way down to her collarbone.
Just as her insides were turning to liquid, he stepped away.
"Go and get changed. I"m taking you out for dinner," he said.
She stared at him stupidly, her brain fogged with l.u.s.t. "You don"t want to come up?" she asked.
"Not yet," he said. The smile he flashed her was faintly tortured, and she saw he wanted her as much as she wanted him. But he wanted to prove something to her, too.
She found herself smiling. "Give me five minutes," she promised.
She didn"t allow herself to think about what it was she was doing as she raced through the shower and dragged on a dress. There was no reason why they couldn"t resume things where they"d left off, was there? As long as he understood that she demanded his respect. Right? And as long as she remembered the rules. If she was very careful, if she guarded against letting things get beyond what they had already, she could have this. Couldn"t she?
He took her to Cafe Sydney, high in the old Customs Building above Circular Quay. They had an intimate table on the balcony, and she felt cosseted and seduced by the candlelight and the dark wood and the excellent service.
"I want to explain," Marc said as the waiter removed the dishes after their main course.
She sat up a little straighter, holding up a hand to stay his words.
"You don"t have to say anything. I don"t need details. That was the deal, wasn"t it? I just need to know it won"t happen again," she said.
"I want to tell you. You deserve an explanation," Marc said simply.
His dark eyes were warm as he scanned her face, and she felt the rush of desire between her legs as his gaze dropped to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s hungrily. She would listen, because she needed him. But it didn"t mean anything.
"I"d had a meeting that afternoon with Tara, my ex-wife. She...had an affair. I thought I was over the anger. But I guess I wasn"t," he said slowly.
"I understand. I should have gone home when I sensed something was up. But...I didn"t," she said, unable to admit that she"d been unable to forgo her nightly fix.
"I found the things you brought," Marc said.
Anna felt herself flush. "Just some things for the cupboard. Since you always seem to be the one who cooks."
"Because I"m the one who can," he teased, eyes flashing.
They were silent for a moment, then he reached for her hand. His thumb smoothed circles around her palm, and she shivered at the shafts of desire that went rocketing through her body. She"d missed him so much. Her body craved him.
"I"m sorry if I hurt you, Anna," he said.
It was too much. She didn"t understand this new game they were playing. s.e.x was one thing. Fish and chips on her rug another. But she didn"t need him taking her out to fancy restaurants. And she definitely didn"t need him staring into her eyes like this. This was about s.e.x. It had always been about s.e.x.
"Let"s go home," she whispered, desperate to return to the rhythm she knew.
His eyes smoked over, and he nodded once. "Yes."
His car shot through the streets, and she admired the burled walnut dash and soft leather seats.
"Not quite a Mercedes, but nice," she judged cheekily, keeping things light, doing everything she could to shift things back to what they"d once had.
He shot her a slow smile, knowing she was goading him. At her apartment, she led him up the stairs and straight into the bedroom. The feel of his body against hers was the sweetest torture in the world. She"d missed his touch so much. She was almost sobbing by the time she"d dragged his shirt from his shoulders. They fell onto the bed and came together frantically, bodies straining for closeness, their faces tight. Afterward, she felt a hazy contentment. She told herself it was the absence of need.
He traced circles across her back, his breath warm on her nape. Occasionally he pressed kisses there, and she smiled to herself. Soon they would make love again.
Her eyes drifted closed, then sprang open again as she remembered something.
Her body must have stiffened, because he put a hand on her hip.
"What"s wrong?"
Anna let out a little laugh, then shook her head. "Nothing. I just remembered-I"m going to Bali the day after tomorrow."
She could feel him tense, knew what he was thinking. They"d just gone a week without each other. It had been unbearable. But there was nothing they could do about it. Unless...
She turned to him, impulsive, letting her desire lead her. "You could come with me," she said.
He stared down at her for a beat, and she suddenly felt very, very foolish. She"d just stepped over the line again, hadn"t she?
Then he smiled. "Give me the details. I"ll get my a.s.sistant on it tomorrow," he said.
She found herself smiling back at him. He was coming to Bali with her. They could make love whenever they felt like it. It would be the holiday of a lifetime.
She sighed as he ducked his head and took her nipple into his mouth. Desire ripped through her, and her hips rocked instinctively.
"Yes," she moaned.
A week in Bali with Marc. Right at this minute, she couldn"t think of anything she wanted more.
10.
A WEEK IN BALI with Marc. Had she been insane last night? Anna woke to the perfectly formed realization that she had just made a very big mistake. The pillow next to her still bore the indentation of Marc"s head where he had lain beside her talking and laughing last night. The sheets still smelled of his aftershave. And she had just agreed to spend a whole week in his company.
They were supposed to be having a fling. It was about s.e.x. Wasn"t it? So why had she felt so relieved when she saw him on her doorstep last night? Why had she turned to goo when he"d taken her out for dinner and said sorry? And why had she lost her head and invited him on vacation with her? She could imagine Danny"s face when she told him-she"d broken two of the three golden rules of having a fling without even blinking.
What was she doing? She asked herself the question over and over. Was she trying to have a relationship-by-stealth with Marc? She shook her head at the very idea. She didn"t want to be tied down. But she didn"t want to be without him, either. She told herself it was simply because he"d awakened her, found some new, exciting, s.e.xy woman inside the old Anna and set her free. She was addicted to his lovemaking, that was all.
Somehow, it all rang a little false, however, and she found herself creating interesting and believable excuses for why she"d changed her mind about the invitation. But even though she reached for the phone to call Marc more than once, something stopped her every time. She was so confused, so messed up, that she gave up valuable swimsuit-shopping time to stop by Danny"s office and seek counsel.
A chirpy young a.s.sistant showed her to her brother"s office, and she saw immediately that he was with someone. Ben, to be specific. They were seated at the table, mock-ups for a print advertising campaign laid out in front of them. Their heads were bent toward each other, Danny"s brown hair offset nicely by Ben"s golden blond. Their expressions were very intent, very professional, but Anna couldn"t help noticing the way Ben reached out to touch her brother"s arm to draw his attention to something. And the way her brother"s thigh was pressed up alongside Ben"s, even though there was plenty of room for both of them to have their own s.p.a.ce.
It was abundantly clear to her that Ben was really into her brother. The awards ceremony had been enough to deduce that. Added to Danny"s report of what Ben had said to him afterward, Anna didn"t think she was too far off base in guessing that Ben might even have a crush on her brother. And her brother wasn"t immune to him, either, if she was any judge. Hence his agitation at being rejected. Hence the way he was sitting right now. Studying them unnoticed for a few seconds, she got the distinct impression there was a battle going on: on one side, her brother, bent on seduction; on the other, Ben, with a far more committed, long-term game plan in mind.
Interesting.
As loath as she was to break up her brother"s love-in, she needed help, so she tapped lightly on his open door. Both men"s heads shot up, and she was amused to see they shared the same look of chagrin at being interrupted.
"Sorry," she said. She smiled a welcome at Ben. "Hey."
"Hey, Anna. Good to see you," he said.
She smiled again and turned her attention to Danny. "I need five minutes."
He must have read the desperation in her eyes. "Vixen crisis?"
"Vixen disaster," she clarified.
Danny"s eyebrows shot up and he turned to Ben. "Can we do this later? After two?"
"Sure, not a problem. See you around, Anna," Ben said as he exited.
Anna tried not to be amused by the way her brother followed Ben hungrily with his eyes.
"Careful, you"re drooling," she said as he closed his office door to give them some privacy.
Danny groaned and scrubbed his face with his hands. "I swear, he"s going to push me into an early grave. We played racquetball last night, and he wore these teeny-tiny little shorts. And he has these legs...I can"t even talk about it," Danny said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"You guys played racquetball?" Anna asked, surprised.
"Sure. Why not? Got to do something to stay in shape." Danny shrugged, supercasual.
"I thought you didn"t need any more friends?"
Danny shrugged again, but when she just raised an eyebrow he rolled his eyes and caved in. "Okay, you got me. I"m working on him. If it kills me, I am getting him into my bed."
"Hmm. Has it occurred to you that perhaps Ben might be working on you, too?"
Danny frowned. "What do you mean?"
"He likes you, Danny. I think he wants to have a relationship with you."
Danny fidgeted uncomfortably. "He wants to sleep with me. He just has to wrap it up for himself so it"s acceptable. I"ll help him get over that, don"t worry."
Anna opened her mouth to comment further, but then it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps the same thing could be said of her brother-he was wrapping up his growing relationship with Ben as a seduction, when in fact he was genuinely growing to care for the other man. Maybe the only way for her brother to face the idea of a potential relationship was to sneak up on it. Or, more accurately, for the relationship to sneak up on him.
"So, what"s up? What have you done now?" Danny asked, throwing himself back into his chair.
"Why do you think I"ve done something wrong?"
"You"ve got that frightened rabbit look in your eye. Come on, spit it out."
"I invited him on holiday to Bali with me," she admitted meekly.
Danny whistled. "Nice. Staying the night, and making plans." He enumerated the rules she"d broken on the fingers of one hand. "Next you"ll be lying in each others arms naming the kids and working out which schools they"ll go to."
Anna stiffened, a panicky feeling invading her stomach. "I know I made a mistake. I just need help to undo it. Please."
He blinked. "I don"t see how you can. You can"t uninvite someone. Didn"t Mom teach you anything about manners?"
Anna sighed. "Why do I always have to make things so messy?"
Danny studied her for a beat. "Why"d you ask him?"
"I wasn"t thinking. It just popped out of my mouth."
"You must have wanted him to come or you wouldn"t have asked."
"I honestly didn"t give it too much thought."
"Hmm."
"What"s that supposed to mean?"
"Well...You sure you"re not falling for this guy?"
Her denial was instant. "No. I"m attracted to him, that"s all. And he"s a nice guy, I like being with him. But it"s just about s.e.x, really. I mean, we have really, really, really good s.e.x," she said, almost convincing herself.
"Yeah, all right, I get the message," Danny said, frustration showing in his voice. "Your love life is stellar. Have a little consideration for those of us in the cheap seats."